Ugh. That's awful. My mom does this, too, but in a more subtle way. Like "Well, I doubt you'll have any issues with giving birth considering your hips." or "Wow, sweetie, have you noticed that your acne has gotten worse lately?". Mostly it's the hips thing - she's weirdly focused on how large she considers my hips to be. "Birthing hips" as she calls them.
WHOA. That's uncalled for. I wouldn't respond, because I'd probably end up saying something just to be hurtful. Don't engage. Take the high road, as hard as that may be!
when I read this subject line I was all "Oh Cab's been on ML today" because it's a lot of bitchy mom talk. But then I was all "oh, not everyone lurks there like me..."
Post by Alwaysabridesmaidf on Jun 19, 2012 12:37:08 GMT -5
You're not going to like what I have to say, and I thought a lot about sending this to you, but you've gotten BITCHY. Take this in a good way, I only want you to be happy
The end.
You're gorgeous and your mom is being a jealous douchehole. Honestly though, just ignore her and when she asks why you are ignoring her, just tell her you're not. Be sweet as pie. Kill her with kindness. It will piss her off more.
I'm so sorry. I also have very, very critical parents. I know their heart is in the right place and they are that way because they just want the best for me, but it was hard growing up, and is still hard. My mom especially has always been onto me about my weight. I was a chubby kid, and then slimmed down in high school. I got down to 125 lbs and a size 8 from a size 14. I'm 5'5". I remember going bathing suit shopping with my mom and trying on a two piece. She said that I needed to lose another 5 to 10 pounds to pull it off. Looking back, I bet anything that I looked pretty cute in that bathing suit. What my 15 year old self heard was, "It doesn't matter how hard you try, you will never be thin enough." I couldn't get any more weight off, and eventually I completely gave up on myself. I felt like if I was never going to be able to measure up, why bother trying. Then I packed on the weight over the next 10 years during college and law school.
I remember one other time in high school, when I was still chubby, I was opening Christmas gifts with my parents. I opened a gift from my grandma, which was a nice cardigan. I noted that it was size Medium, and that it may not fit because I needed a L. My mom got all upset looking and begged me to lose weight. I felt like a huge fucking disappointment, and started bawling. On Christmas. WTF.
It makes me really sad now, because I think if I had valued myself in the first place, I wouldn't have let myself get to where I am now. I love my mom and know that she just didn't want me to be overweight like her, but saying negative things to a daughter (of any age) doesn't achieve anything other than making her feel like shit.
I eventually blew up at her when I was in my late 20's. I don't even remember exactly what I said, but it was something about my weight not being my identity, that I am well aware of my need to lose weight, and that she needs to STFU. I told her that she makes me feel like the only thing that matters is my dress size, and that I am worthless and don't measure up because I'm not thin. She has kept her mouth shut ever since.
I totally went of on a long personal tangent there, but I understand how hurtful and infuriating the criticism is, and it's also completely ridiculous when you are at a healthy weight. You are beautiful and healthy, and I would kill to be your size. I also think that a curvy size 7 is sexy and if I could pick any size to be, that would be it.
Post by treedimensional on Jun 19, 2012 12:54:26 GMT -5
WTF! If you KNOW I'm not going to like it and you want me to be happy, why make such a shitty comment? Of course I don't like my mother calling me hateful names. And since so much careful thought went into it, please explain how to take such a malicious, premeditated personal attack in a good way.
Thanks for the support, guys. Honestly, this stung more than anything because on our trip, everyone was really fit and pretty, and I was feeling pretty ugly and down about my weight. I love my curves, but I would also love to be toned. I had already planned on dieting a few days ago, but hearing this from her made me feel even worse than I already did. Kicking me when I'm down, I guess. UGH. I hate that she gets to me like this.
I feel like she thinks I look like alwaysabride's sig LOL!
Talking about this with you guys makes me feel better, though. Really.
NOOOOOOO Seriously I would kill to look like you! I was thinking about posting that picture on my fridge. Dont be down. If you truly want to loose a little weight for yourself, do it! A few years ago my SIL (who was bigger than me but losing weight) made a comment like "Now I can shop in the skinny girls section and you can shop in the fat girls section". I promptly joined WW and used her words for motivation to lose 30 lbs. I think you're perfect just the way you are!
So sorry about your mom. I hope you can talk it out, otherwise I hope you remain strong enough to hold your tongue! You look great, don't let her or anyone else say you don't.
Ugh I know how your feeling! My family tends to fight dirty so mom says things that are totally inappropriate and that no one, especially a mom, should say.
I used to think that what she said must be true bc why would a mom say hurtful things that aren't true? Now I've learned that sometimes they do bc they have no filter or are not happy in their own lives/skin.
It still burns when she says things but I remind myself that she's full of shit and she doesn't run my life. Fuck it.
And your gorgeous. If anyone would flame you a style group of random internet people would and we all think your fab.
reply back - 'thanks mom, I can always count on you'. Snarky yet responsive. Done and done.
I have 3 daughters and I would NEVER, EVER, NEVER tell any of them ONE single thing about weight and NEVER have! My middle daughter is an athlete and is very tone and bigger than the other two but she is still JUST as beautiful as the others!
Cab, you are a beautiful young woman and not in the least bit fat. I'm sorry your mom hurt you with those words.
I would go Mean Girls on your mom's ass and make her a cake choc full of those bars that made her get fat. I've had my share of bitchy comments from my mom so I know how you feel. Moms suck sometimes (ALOT of times). ((((HUGS)))
Post by shopgirl07 on Jun 19, 2012 14:37:53 GMT -5
She's jealous, bottom line. Unfortunately, some mothers mentally compete with their daughters and just all around suck at being good mothers to daughters. I'm so sorry she's like this.
My stepsister's mother was like this to her, my stepsister was thin and her mother was not. It killed her self-esteem and resulted in a lifetime of eating disorders and substance abuse. I know it's tough, but try not to let her get under your skin. You're beautiful.
Wow. My mother-in-law does this with my sister-in-law quite a bit, but more passively. Funny thing, my SIL is in fine shape (as it sounds you are!) I honestly can't figure out where such lack of support comes from, esp. from a mom. My heart breaks at the thought of causing this kind of hurt and pain in my own girls. I'm sorry you're not getting the love from your mom, but take it from here- they're the ones who know where it's at!
Post by littlemissladybug on Jun 19, 2012 14:55:37 GMT -5
I'm sorry that was horrible.
Both of my parents do this. My dad has gotten much worse than my mom. He made a comment about how a friend of my brothers died from being too fat (it was because of weight AND other medical problems) and he looked at me and said HINT HINT. Yet I just went from a size 14/16 to a 10/12 after losing 40+ lbs.
I would go Mean Girls on your mom's ass and make her a cake choc full of those bars that made her get fat. I've had my share of bitchy comments from my mom so I know how you feel. Moms suck sometimes (ALOT of times). ((((HUGS)))
I was thinking more along the lines of Dumb and Dumber. Make it with some exlax
Nah, that really wasn't accurate AND really not nice. I can say, "Don't let it get you down." But I know that it can sting.
Alas, I know how you feel. I was recently asked if I was PG because I looked "a little round in the middle." Nope, just a little bloated but thanks co-irker!