IL visits

[carawestt]

If your ILs live local, when do you see them and what do you do?

My ILs sent me an email asking if they can come over next Friday. They want to bring pizza and play games for a "couple hours". That's not how I want to spend my Friday night!

[TrudyCampbell]

You should have them come over and play games while you and your husband go out on a date!

[eav2c]

Go to lunch or dinner. Go to their house and spend about an hour just sitting around talking. Nothing big but there has also been a huge disconnect between us lately.

[rjamz]

We see them a couple times a month or more. Now that Jamie is around, it revolves around him. We never just hang out the 4 of us unless we're going out to a nice dinner for someone's birthday, graduation, etc

[Deleted]

Sounds like fun to me!' But a homebody and love game nights! We see them at least once a week and usually eat and just chat.

You guys shouldgo on a date!!!!! And let them watch L!

[carawestt]

Aug 23, 2013 18:39:55 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

You should have them come over and play games while you and your husband go out on a date!

They want to come over and see US, not Lincoln. They're so weird!

rjamz that's how it should be, right? They should come over to see Lincoln but nope, they'll go a month or 2 without seeing him and just send random emails like "Hope you're all doing well. Can we have a pic of Lincoln?"

[carawestt]

Aug 23, 2013 18:46:54 GMT -5 ladybug said:

Sounds like fun to me!' But a homebody and love game nights! We see them at least once a week and usually eat and just chat.

You guys shouldgo on a date!!!!! And let them watch L!

Your ILs probably aren't annoying and Lincoln has been crying when they come near him lately, so they would call us 5 min later to come home. So not worth it!

[katie]

Every weekend or every other but this is stopping. I can't handle them, we have issues. But usually we'd just go to their house, they play with Lillian, cook food...nothing exciting. With my parents we go out to eat more with the 4 of us but also hang out at their house.

[rjamz]

Aug 23, 2013 18:48:47 GMT -5 carawestt said:

Aug 23, 2013 18:39:55 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

You should have them come over and play games while you and your husband go out on a date!

They want to come over and see US, not Lincoln. They're so weird!

rjamz that's how it should be, right? They should come over to see Lincoln but nope, they'll go a month or 2 without seeing him and just send random emails like "Hope you're all doing well. Can we have a pic of Lincoln?"

That is really weird. I mean, my ILs are very fond of us, but it's all Jamie all the time now. Sorry they aren't more involved with Lincoln, that sucks.

[carawestt]

Aug 23, 2013 19:03:03 GMT -5 rjamz said:

Aug 23, 2013 18:48:47 GMT -5 carawestt said:

They want to come over and see US, not Lincoln. They're so weird!

rjamz that's how it should be, right? They should come over to see Lincoln but nope, they'll go a month or 2 without seeing him and just send random emails like "Hope you're all doing well. Can we have a pic of Lincoln?"

That is really weird. I mean, my ILs are very fond of us, but it's all Jamie all the time now. Sorry they aren't more involved with Lincoln, that sucks.

Yeah, it bums me out. And then they get all sad when he doesn't want to be around them because he hardly knows them. Not my fault! If my mom lived here, she'd spend so much time with him; I wish she was local and they were out of state.

[livinreality]

Aug 23, 2013 18:48:47 GMT -5 carawestt said:

Aug 23, 2013 18:39:55 GMT -5 TrudyCampbell said:

You should have them come over and play games while you and your husband go out on a date!

They want to come over and see US, not Lincoln. They're so weird!

rjamz that's how it should be, right? They should come over to see Lincoln but nope, they'll go a month or 2 without seeing him and just send random emails like "Hope you're all doing well. Can we have a pic of Lincoln?"

It would be nice if our in laws were interested in us as people, ok at least my husband? 

They live about 20 minutes away and we see them once a month plus holidays/birthdays. It is usually food (in or out, preferably out) and then talk for an hour (park or someone's house). Two hours seems to be my non holiday tolerance at there house and my kids tolerance out. 

[lolaburns]

I wish mine visited us more and was in better health. It makes me sad that L doesn't have that bond. I think games and dinner sound fun.

[browneyedhunni85]

They live about 15 minutes away and MIL comes over every weekend. It gets annoying and I just want to stay jayden home and not worry about people coming over. I want to.lounge on pajamas and not brush my hair. Is that too much to ask? FIL rarely comes over. He's not very "grandfatherly".

[carawestt]

livinreality your relationship sounds very similar to the one we have with my ILs.

lolaburns I'm sorry my ILs want to come over after Lincoln has already gone to bed, so I guess I just don't see the point? I'd be more than happy if they wanted to come see Lincoln but they really don't care.

[juliamastro]

We just go out to dinner a lot. Sometimes my MIL will want to take me shopping or have a girls day and form a "bond." sometimes I go for the sake of DH. I have to get along with her because she really does a lot for us. 

My family gets together for volleyball or game night at least once a week though, we are really close. DH acts happy, but I am sure he is a little annoyed by it. 

[browneyedhunni85]

Aug 23, 2013 19:14:12 GMT -5 browneyedhunni85 said:

They live about 15 minutes away and MIL comes over every weekend. It gets annoying and I just want to stay jayden home and not worry about people coming over. I want to.lounge on pajamas and not brush my hair. Is that too much to ask? FIL rarely comes over. He's not very "grandfatherly".

I have no idea why that says jayden. Lol.

[carawestt]

Aug 23, 2013 19:14:12 GMT -5 browneyedhunni85 said:

They live about 15 minutes away and MIL comes over every weekend. It gets annoying and I just want to stay jayden home and not worry about people coming over. I want to.lounge on pajamas and not brush my hair. Is that too much to ask? FIL rarely comes over. He's not very "grandfatherly".

Ugh that's annoying! I wouldn't let her visit every weekend, especially since you work all week! She should understand that you want/need one on one time with C.

[Deleted]

I never 'fit in' with the IL talk because I adore mine like they were my own parents. We often hang out with them, just to hang out. We get along with them really well and they are such nice, cool people. We see them at least once a week. Usually they invite us over for dinner. So we'll eat, hang out, watch TV, play with Cam and BIL/SILs kids, play outside, etc. We also love game night!! Some times we put Cam to bed and play games.

ETA: As far as their relationship with Cam, they are really close to him. My MIL texts or FB messages me every other day or so to see how Cam (and us) are doing. And she's the only person he really likes besides us. My parents, on the other hand, (who, mind you. Live like 4 streets down) see him maybe 2-3 times a month. And never call to check on him. My dad tells me every once in awhile to send him a picture of Cam at work... thats it. 

[carawestt]

Aug 23, 2013 19:19:06 GMT -5 @sprinkles said:

I never 'fit in' with the IL talk because I adore mine like they were my own parents. We often hang out with them, just to hang out. We get along with them really well and they are such nice, cool people. We see them at least once a week. Usually they invite us over for dinner. So we'll eat, hang out, watch TV, play with Cam and BIL/SILs kids, play outside, etc. We also love game night!! Some times we put Cam to bed and play games.

That's great they you have such a great relationship with them! That's how my H is with my parents, they treat him like he's their own. It sucks that they live out of state we have the opposite thing going! My parents are like your ILs and vice versa.

[Deleted]

Right now they don't come over. MIL is 85 and can't drive the freeway that far. I send DH down with J on my work weekends. Since we only get 1 and a half weekend off together a month, I demand that as family time unless there is a special event. I know that as soon as I'm home more DH will expect me to visit her a lot. I just don't get a good vibe from her, plus I've overheard her saying some pretty ugly things about me, so it's not really fun.

[carawestt]

I'm sorry, @dragonmommy422, my MIL has said some not so nice things to me and about me in the past. She didn't even talk to me for the first 6 months my H and I were dating.

[spaghetticat]

They come over every Saturday night. We order food and they play with V.

[dojo]

When DH lived in the semi next to his dad they saw each other approximately once every two months, which included any incidental glimpses during regular comings and goings. When he lived about five minutes away, when we lived 30 minutes away, and now that we live 75 minutes away we see them the same amount... About 4x a year. We tried to arrange dates for him to see Hank but he really never shows an interest. In the 9 years DH and I have been together, he has called us maybe 6 x in total. Definitely less than once a year. He never asks about Hank or wants to see him, so guess what? We moved away to be closer to my family who sees Hank multiple times a week and call to talk to him daily. Much to my surprise (and chagrin) FIL has the gull to be upset about it.

[Deleted]

Aug 23, 2013 19:25:59 GMT -5 carawestt said:

I'm sorry, @dragonmommy422, my MIL has said some not so nice things to me and about me in the past. She didn't even talk to me for the first 6 months my H and I were dating.

We came up here once to tell them that DH got a job up here and was moving. We were dating at the time, and I hadn't decided if I was going to come up right away or move up later. As I was helping clear the dishes, I overheard her telling my now SIL that "that hussy better not think she's moving here with him. What a gold digger! He could do much better." SIL saw me right at the end of that rant. I put the dishes down and told DH I wasn't feeling well and needed to leave. SIL apologized over and over, but from that moment I lost a lot of respect for Mil. She never apologized, and is sweet as pie to my face now. I put up with her because she's my husbands mother and my sons grandmother, but otherwise I just can't. I never told DH, until much later, because he is so close to her. He understands the tension, but still tries to make me like her.

[carawestt]

Aug 23, 2013 19:28:29 GMT -5 @sprinkles said:

Aug 23, 2013 19:22:08 GMT -5 carawestt said:

That's great they you have such a great relationship with them! That's how my H is with my parents, they treat him like he's their own. It sucks that they live out of state we have the opposite thing going! My parents are like your ILs and vice versa.

I think thats how most people's relationships are! Better with the parents and worse with the ILs. I just got really lucky, because my family is really dysfunctional. haha. I'm sorry you're family lives so far away, that's gotta be so tough.

Yeah, they moved right after I found out I was pregnant with Lincoln. My mom was so sad! I just wish both sides were as involved with Lincoln. He gets the short end of the stick because his super involved grandparents are the ones who aren't local. But yet my ILs are constantly doing things for my SIL's daughter. Makes me sad for Lincoln (and baby #2). I know I've said this before but they've never even offered to change one of Lincoln's diapers and didn't see him for the first week of his life (other than bombarding my room in the hospital while I was in labor).

[browneyedhunni85]

Aug 23, 2013 19:15:42 GMT -5 juliamastro said:

We just go out to dinner a lot. Sometimes my MIL will want to take me shopping or have a girls day and form a "bond." sometimes I go for the sake of DH. I have to get along with her because she really does a lot for us. 

My family gets together for volleyball or game night at least once a week though, we are really close. DH acts happy, but I am sure he is a little annoyed by it. 

I would love a MIL like this!

[Beener]

Each side of the family is local. They both like to see Emmy once a week, if possible. So they will either come for dinner or, more frequently, come over and just hang with us after dinner until it is time for Emmy to go to bed (about 2 hours). They usually spend most of their time playing with the baby.

[carawestt]

dojo why is it that people always choose to complain once things are done with? If you really cared, you should've done something BEFORE.

@dragonmommy422 I would hold a grudge too! And it sounds very familiar. I was 18 (H was 3 months shy of 24) when we started dating and my MIL couldn't understand what this teenager wanted with her son. We had been friends for 4 years prior! It wasn't like I just met this older guy with a job and his life together and seduced him.

[carawestt]

Thanks @sprinkles! I always have to tell myself that the ILs are only hurting themselves by not getting to know him. It's not my job to establish a relationship with their grandkid, it's theirs! And yeah, your mom sounds just like my MIL (and FIL). Lincoln plays with me on the floor and they just sit and watch and take pictures. Never fed him, changed him, etc. When I tell my H that I don't feel comfortable leaving him with them, he never argues because I think he has the same fears I do. He just won't say it out loud being that they're his parents. He also sees that they favor his sister's daughter. But I guess they favored his sister growing up, his grandparents did too.

[helicase]

I'm sorry so many of you don't get along with your ILs.

My ILs are local and I adore them. We see each other every Sunday and switch off locations, cooking a big Sunday meal at either our place or theirs (they are great cooks, btw). I got really lucky in the IL department.