Has anyone called off a wedding?

[midnightrae]

Sept 25, 2013 19:11:37 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Sept 25, 2013 19:06:46 GMT -5 lime said:

I'm trying to say this nicely, because you do seem like a very sweet person.

One conversation will not erase months of doubt. One conversation - even if it is several hours long - does not fix everything. Not to the point where you should continue to walk down the aisle.

yes. Particularly when the totality of your conversation was change. You change your issues in therapy. You two move and change everything about your lives. You both change your communication styles. You go to school. Change, change and more change. And allll of this change can be great. But all of it shouldn't overturn a gut, months-long feeling. Didn't you say he was weird? Is he going to therapy to fix his weirdness issues?

Not to his own therapist. He will come with me to some of my therapy appointments and we will discuss what needs to be discussed and worked out. I do get paranoid and I have trust issues(in general- I've had them since at least middle school). Sometimes I will think he is upset or mad and he really isn't . 

[lime]

Sept 25, 2013 19:11:37 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Sept 25, 2013 19:06:46 GMT -5 lime said:

I'm trying to say this nicely, because you do seem like a very sweet person.

One conversation will not erase months of doubt. One conversation - even if it is several hours long - does not fix everything. Not to the point where you should continue to walk down the aisle.

yes. Particularly when the totality of your conversation was change. You change your issues in therapy. You two move and change everything about your lives. You both change your communication styles. You go to school. Change, change and more change. And allll of this change can be great. But all of it shouldn't overturn a gut, months-long feeling. Didn't you say he was weird? Is he going to therapy to fix his weirdness issues?

Excellent point. 

What if NONE of these things happen? Then what? You are still in the same spot you were in, except now you have a commitment that is far more expensive and difficult to walk away from. 

[Saint Monica]

Sept 25, 2013 19:02:46 GMT -5 Saint Monica said:

Listen, I don't bust this out that often. I'm absolutely sure you should postpone. This should change your mind and course of action because I'm so rarely ever absolutely certain that when I am , I know.im right and I am.

Never doubt me when I'm like this. I shit you not. It's fucking eerie how spot on I am when I am this certain.

Please listen to me.

[SKP82]

Midnightrae - I'm sorry, but I agree that you should postpone. One conversation isn't going to fix the issues in your relationship. Yesterday you said that a small part of you believes it can work, but you seriously doubted it. Maybe that small part is winning now, but it won't stay that way for long.

You guys need to fix your communication and other issues BEFORE you get married, not after.

[penelope]

My story is a little different, but there is a point.....

Two weeks before my wedding to ExH, my father had a massive heart attack and wound up in a coma. Obviously wedding #1 had to be cancelled. Through all of that, my biggest concern (after my father's health, of course) was the money my parent's spent. Red flag #1 - I wasn't heart broken that I wasn't married to the man. I cared more about the work and money my mom had put into it. She felt bad and as soon as dad was on the mend, threw herself into planning wedding #2. I got pregnant and had DS1 3 months before the second wedding was due to take place. I knew I wanted out then. But I had his son and my mom had gone through the work of planning and paying for a second wedding. I had to do it, right? We had DS2 and I left him. After 2.5 years of marriage, not one, but two weddings paid for, and an infant and a toddler. And I lived at my parent's house for a year until I could get my shit together and enough money to get our own place. I paid that divorce attorney off at $50 a month for fucking years.

If I had followed my gut, and got out when I realized I didn't care about not being married to him, I would have saved everyone a lot of headache and money.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids and wouldn't give them up for anything. But I am tied to him for life.

Get out while you can. Have your children with someone you want to spend your life with. Listen to your gut.

[joshlyman]

If you think it can be worked out therapy is a great idea. BUT postpone the wedding until you are 10000000% certain. Do not get married in 40 days.