Post by midnightrae on Sept 24, 2013 19:38:55 GMT -5
How close/far away was your wedding? Did you family support you in this? Do you feel like you made a mistake?/Do you regret it? What made it easier to deal with? What was the hardest part?
A little different, but I had a LTR/engagement end. We were together for 6 years and we moved cross country together twice in order to try to make a go of it.
We initially pushed the wedding date back by a year and told everyone it was due to finances, then just never planned around the 2nd date.
No, my family didn't support me. But, they are abusive assholes, so this is irrelevant. It absolutely was not a mistake; I dodged a fucking bullet. I am so, so thankful that this is how things worked out for me.
What made it easier to deal with was knowing it was the right thing for me and going to therapy for 9 mo, which also helped deal with my asshole family.
The hardest part was how much money I threw away on it; and the stupid things I did, like pouring gas on my wedding dress and lighting it on fire, and throwing my engagement ring in the river to spite him. Stupid, stupid girl.
How close/far away was your wedding? A few months, the only things booked were the DJ, photographer, hall and church Did you family support you in this? No. My mother especially freaked out and kept telling me we needed to go away somewhere (me and EXFI) to be romantic and figure things out. Do you feel like you made a mistake?/Do you regret it? Not at all, but it was kinda mutual. I got together with DH shortly after and got married lenn than a year after my wedding date with EX. What made it easier to deal with? It was mutual. We were both moving on right after. The hardest was living together for 2 months until he found a place and moved out. What was the hardest part? The hardest was living together for 2 months until he found a place and moved out. That and my mom's reaction.
Anything else you feel like adding? If it feels wrong, don't go for it. Stop. If it is meant to be, it will happen in due time. Otherwise, you will be happy with someone else eventually.
You ok, midnight? I'm hoping this doesn't happen to you. I can look back after 28 years and ha ha laugh ha ha but damn it hurt at the time.
I'm thinking of calling off my wedding. I'm 40 days out. I don't think I'm strong enough to go through with it. I'm scared. But I know marriage isn't going to fix our problems. Fi has been acting really weird lately and our arguments have gotten even more ridiculous. I have a feeling my family isn't going to be supportive. I don't want FI or his family to hate me, but I know they probably will. I still love FI, but.. there is so much I want to do and I feel like I can't and won't. Something feels off. There is still part of me that thinks that maybe it can work. But I kind of doubt it at this point. I will be broke if I go through with this and it will be hard finding a place to live. My guy friend, L said I can stay with him, but he lives about an hour away(without traffic) from both of my jobs, which means I will be getting even less sleep than normal.
I'm thinking of calling off my wedding. I'm 40 days out. I don't think I'm strong enough to go through with it. I'm scared. But I know marriage isn't going to fix our problems. Fi has been acting really weird lately and our arguments have gotten even more ridiculous. I have a feeling my family isn't going to be supportive. I don't want FI or his family to hate me, but I know they probably will. I still love FI, but.. there is so much I want to do and I feel like I can't and won't. Something feels off. There is still part of me that thinks that maybe it can work. But I kind of doubt it at this point. I will be broke if I go through with this and it will be hard finding a place to live. My guy friend, L said I can stay with him, but he lives about an hour away(without traffic) from both of my jobs, which means I will be getting even less sleep than normal.
Run screaming, midnightrae. If you think he's weird now, wait till you're bound to him legally. And you'll be even more broke and even farther away from your dreams if you go through with it. ((hugs)) It's hard, I know.
One of the things that hurt the most was losing his family. His mother, especially, was so good to me. I miss her still. When he and I split, I lost a whole family of people who cared about me.
I just don't even know where to begin. I don't even know what to say to him.
My SIL called off her wedding 3 DAYS beforehand. She found out he was cheating, but even if that hadn't been the case we would have supported her because he was a dick.
If you need to do this, you will make it through it. (((hugs)))
You ok, midnight? I'm hoping this doesn't happen to you. I can look back after 28 years and ha ha laugh ha ha but damn it hurt at the time.
I'm thinking of calling off my wedding. I'm 40 days out. I don't think I'm strong enough to go through with it. I'm scared. But I know marriage isn't going to fix our problems. Fi has been acting really weird lately and our arguments have gotten even more ridiculous. I have a feeling my family isn't going to be supportive. I don't want FI or his family to hate me, but I know they probably will. I still love FI, but.. there is so much I want to do and I feel like I can't and won't. Something feels off. There is still part of me that thinks that maybe it can work. But I kind of doubt it at this point. I will be broke if I go through with this and it will be hard finding a place to live. My guy friend, L said I can stay with him, but he lives about an hour away(without traffic) from both of my jobs, which means I will be getting even less sleep than normal.
You know what's more expensive than calling off a wedding and just as hard (or harder)? Getting a divorce. If you have doubts, dont do it. I've been through a divorce, and it was less than a year after the wedding. I felt SO embarrassed at the time, even though FUCK anyone who thought they had the right to judge me for ending something that wasn't right. If I'd called off the wedding, his family would have lost their shit and hated me. But that happened when I divorced him anyway, and I dont miss a single one of them. My own family was fine with it, and realized how unhappy I was and that I wouldn't leave if it wasn't something I KNEW I had to do.
Your gut (and your head) are telling you not to do it. In the end, it wont matter that you lost money, or that people got mad at you, or any of that. The only thing that will matter is that you made the choice to do what is best for you AND him.
I knew I should have cancelled #1 but I didn't. I woke up the next morning knowing I had made a huge mistake, then I spent the next 2 years being miserable every day. I hated my life. I hated going home every day. No one should live that way. If it doesn't feel right now, it's not going to be right in 40 days. Canceling will be incredibly difficult no doubt about it but you need to do what's best for you.
Post by thinklikeajellyfish on Sept 24, 2013 20:33:02 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are going through this. I think everyone has given you good insight. Yes, it will be painful and expensive, but you will save yourself money and pain in the long run. hugs.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I didn't call off a wedding but I did end a marriage 6 months after the wedding. My family was not supportive but I knew it was best for me. I could not possibly be more sure and happy about my decision to end it.
Also, trust your gut. If something just plain feels off, it IS off. Best of luck to you, I hope things work out for you soon.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but this is absolutely the time to listen to your gut. It's hard but going through with it will make it a lot harder and more expensive.
How close/far away was your wedding? We were about 6 months out, but everything was booked and I had my dress. Did you family support you in this? 100%. They knew I was making a mistake, but they knew I needed to figure it out on my own. Do you feel like you made a mistake?/Do you regret it? No. It was absolutely the right decision. I have never regretted it. Not for a second. What made it easier to deal with? My family and friends were awesome. Being around people helped, and my friends and family kept me sane. And work. I dove into work. The best thing I did was to have a huge party to blow my catering deposit. It was closure for me. What was the hardest part? Living alone. Going into debt for a wedding that didn't happen, and having to pay it off alone. Having to borrow money from my parents until I could sell our house, when he just walked away.
I almost did, about 2 weeks before. My parents were nothing but supportive and understanding, it was me that couldn't pull the trigger. I was scared of letting people down or financially putting people out - that were travelling to our wedding, or my parents that paid for most of it. I was going through the motions, we were supposed to get married next and so we did.
Instead, I got married to man I never really saw as a long-term thing, and self-fulfilling prophecy, he wasn't.
I'm really sorry you're going through this, I wish I had the courage to call it off ((((hugs)))))
I'm sorry you're going through this, but I agree with the others who are saying that if you have doubts, don't go through with it. It won't fix your problems and divorce is harder and more expensive. *hugs*
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Midnightrae, I'm sorry you are going through this. But if this isn't right, it is so much better for both of you to end it before you get married. It will be hard, but it sounds like you know this doesn't feel right. And what will be hard now will be infinitely more so after you get married.