If you and SO both work,

[sergey]

how do you split the household duties? I expect an offer in the next week or so and want to get my pros/cons figured out before making a decision. The pay will be less than I had hoped and the commute may be shitty (cons) but I've already decided that I'm giving myself a generous spending allowance and hiring a housekeeper (pros). Right now I do everything because H works full time and even though I'll be bringing in about a quarter of what he makes a year, chores will be split 50/50 since we'll be working similar hours with a similar 20-30 min commute. I know he's not too thrilled as he's gotten used to having a SAHW but he's trying to hide it and being really supportive of me doing what will make me happy so I want to make things easy for him too. So, what's your arrangement and do you feel like it's fair? What, if anything, do you do to make things easier; housekeeper, grocery delivery, etc?

[Deleted]

I feel like the ideal scenario is to each do what is easier for that person. Its easier for me to cook dinner because I get home earlier; easier for him to mow the lawn because he's stronger, etc.

That said, the only work in my house that is split evenly is care of our son. Housework falls mostly on me and no, its not fair. His company reimburses for a housekeeper to come once a month, which helps me never have to deep clean at all. I try to vaccuum and clean bathrooms every other week, pick up clutter and toys on an ongoing basis, laundry on weekends. Grocery shop on Saturdays.

H does dinner dishes, lawnwork, and takes out trash and recycling on Thursdays.

[VeryViolet]

We have fallen into a pretty good routine just based on what we "like" to do and what we have time for. DH is a lot neater than I am so general picking up tends to fall on him. I on the other hand tend to be messier but I am good at really cleaning. So I vacuum, clean the bathrooms, do laundry, etc. because he wouldn't think to do it. I also like to cook so I generally do that and he does the dishes. If we grill out he does that and I do the dishes. I do refuse to do the garbage. I hate it and it is the one thing I just said I wasn't doing for no good reason.

I am sure all of this will be out the window as soon as the baby is here but it works for us for now.

[Deleted]

We split it as much as possible. I do dishes b/c his hands are sensitive and he already bathes the kids on weeknights (too much water is not good). He does the diaper rinse in the bucket. He does trash b/c he's stronger. I do dinner on weeknights b/c I'm faster (he is a MUCH better cook, just FYI).

We try to tell each other when we feel the other isn't picking up the slack and we try to be fair. Communication helps. This is neither of our hills to die on, so it makes it easier for us.

I wish the house was cleaner but meh. I commute 3hrs/day, Jake 4, and we have 2 kids. Shit gets cluttered.

[candreco]

We don't have set chores, it's whoever can do it. The only constants are that I generally cook dinner and deal with meal planning, grocery shopping, etc., and DH usually cleans up after dinner and takes trash out.

What we do is communicate about what needs to be done, and who will do it. So say on Saturday morning, over breakfast we'll list out what needs to be done, and talk through the timing around kid stuff, who will do what, etc. This goes for doctors appointments, car service stuff, housework/maintenance, errands, everything.

[Deleted]

My husband does a ton of the day to day stuff. I do the deep cleaning, and things like that. But DH works from home so if dish needs to go in the dishwasher then he does it.

but on the weekends I do the deep cleaning, moving appliances, cleaning floors, baseboards etc. I deep clean the kids rooms and our room, I finish putting away laundry etc.

Its a good mix for us. He cleans the bathrooms though becaues I despise doing that. so in return I fold and put away all the laundry. Fair trade in my book

ETA to be more specific DH vacumes and dusts the living room, clean both bathrooms and does daily stuff like emptying trash running and emptying the dishwasher. He also washes and dries the laudry but doesn't fold it

I fold the laundry and put it away.  I deep clean the kitchen and living room once a week (wash baseboards, floors, walls take curtains down to wash and iron etc)  I change all the sheets and make the beds, I tidy the kids rooms and I clean the kitchen (fridge, floors, counter tops clean out micro etc)  However since I have been working a ton lately, DH has taken on a lot of that stuff too. 

[leeann]

When we both worked, I spent the first year or so doing the vast majority of the work. H's idea of clean doesn't jibe with my own. He thought I was cleaning stuff that didn't need to be cleaned and I think he'd live in a pig sty if he had his choice.

We wound up getting a housekeeper because I was ready to murder my H after spending my weekends cleaning toilets after working all week. Now, he's been doing all the outside house stuff and cleaning a lot since he's home and I'm at work. I don't think we'll need a housekeeper here if/when he gets a job, but we'll see once he starts working.

[gretchenindisguise]

I still do the bulk, because he works more hours (for less pay). Hopefully once he gets a real job, this will even back out.

[eddy]

I don't know but we both have our "things." It has just evolved overtime. It is something we don't even have to delegate anymore. I know he always takes care of pets, garbage, lawn stuff etc. He knows I always grocery shop, cook dinner and make sure we have enough baby/kids supplies. But we can always ask the other person for help if you are busy or the chore is too big.

[schitzengiggles]

I generally do most of the indoor stuff - cleaning and laundry. Cooking is a little more split, although I probably do more than him.

Outdoors is mostly him. Shoveling in the winter, mowing in the summer, other yard maintenance, etc. Although I do volunteer to shovel sometimes, for the exercise!

I don't feel it is quite fair, TBH. The stuff he does, often involves things that need to be done once or twice a week, or only depending on weather (like shoveling, one week he might have to do it several times, but then maybe not at all for awhile). Whereas everything I do is done daily. However, I am a little more lenient about it because he also works more than me at his regular job, does freelance in addition to that, and brings in a significant amount more than I do, to boot. So while I am taking care of cleaning up after the kids are in bed, he might be holed up in the office, working.

FWIW, we will be budgeting for an occasional cleaner (maybe 2x a month) sometime soon. This will make me extremely happy. Happy wife, happy life.

[pantsparty]

We both work full time and having demanding schedules. Housework is split pretty evenly. We don't have particular duties or chores, we just pitch in and get it done. If he has a really tough travel schedule, I'll pick up the slack and vice versa.

[suzyp]

No kids. He cooks (and cleans the kitchen most of the time). I clean and do the laundry, but he cleans the cat's bathroom (his cat). Works for us - not sure if it's 50/50, but I don't like to cook and I don't trust him to do my laundry, so works for me! We live in an apt, so there's no lawn, etc.

[Deleted]

well, we have an every other week cleaning service, which is AWESOME. other than that, it's about equal (usually, he's picking up my slack a lot).

he cooks, does basic cooking cleanup.
he gets the kid ready for school.
he does trash.
he brings in the mail/sorts it.
he's in charge of the bug service.
he's in charge of finances and tax prep.

i do other in between cleanup (dusting/floors/bathrooms/etc.  i probably hit up one thing a day intensely)
i do laundry.
i put the kid to bed.
i am in charge of the cleaning service.
i'm in charge of the pool.
i'm the financial consultant. ha.
i'm solely responsible for gestating offspring.

[CurlyQ284]

I am a neat freak so I try to put stuff in its place right away so it stays neat overall. When we get home, DH watches DS while I cook dinner. After dinner I give DS a bath, breathing treatment and bottle and put him to bed. While I do that, DH does the dishes, washes bottles and does DSs bottles for daycare the next day.

He walks/feeds the dogs, mows the lawn, and does trash. I do cleaning around the house (vacuuming, bathrooms etc). I do the laundry but we split folding it.

He has come a long long long long loooooonnnnnnnnng way. Seriously.

[sergey]

These responses are making me realize I'm over thinking this completely. We have no kids, live in an apartment with no lawn or other maintenance and will have an at least weekly housekeeper. I think we can split litter box, dishes and cooking fairly easily but it's the shopping I'm still wondering about. Maybe we can split that one person does Target and the other does WF. Anyway, sorry if this is coming off as a bragplaint; it's been two years since I've worked full time and back then I took on more of the household duties since H made more, had more job stress and honestly, we were newlyweds and in the beginning I was trying to act all wifey. That split lasted for 5 years so I want to start out on the right foot this time knowing we may fall into a rut again.

[Alyssa]

I work 8am-4:30pm.
DH leaves the house at 6:45am and returns at around 6pm on average.

DH has at least 3 hours of work to do at home, so I'm sort of left with the cleaning and kid's bedtime routine. I hate it but he's working his ass off on the computer.

[revolution]

We just kinda fell into a routine with this stuff. I do the majority of the cooking/cleaning/laundry. He takes care of the outside of the house and any maintenance on the house.

He has just started picking up the kids toys lately and helping them clean up the playroom. That's good stuff. I think he heard me grumble one too many times about not being able to walk through the playroom and it drove me crazy to step over crap to let the dog out.

[natsnow]

Sept 26, 2013 10:14:45 GMT -5 gretchenindisguise said:

I still do the bulk, because he works more hours (for less pay).

This is us, too. Sometimes I get frustrated that I do most of the work, but I think ours easier for me to get done and so I just do it.

[shostakovich]

When H is home (he is OOT for work about 6 months out of the year), we split things according to our likes/tolerances. For instance, I dust and vacuum because his allergies are nuts. He does dishes because I get too bored, and he takes out the trash because my sense of smell is really strong and it's nauseous-making for me. We both make the bed, depending on who gets out of it last.

I usually take care of the weekly food planning, but we grocery shop together. He does most of the bill-paying for our joint expenses.

When he is OOT, though, I tend to let things slide during the workweek because it's just me, then I crazy clean the apartment on the weekend.

[leahmel]

I have to nudge bf once in a while and we have a cleaning lady that comes once a month. For the most part, we both keep the house running smoothly. I'm rarely home so I don't do very much, which means that it's not always up to my standards, but it's not a horrible mess. We don't have anything specifically delegated to each one of us though. He does the garbage always, everything else is pretty 50/50 for the most part.

[leahmel]

Also, whoever cooks, the the other cleans. I usually cook, so he usually cleans up dinner dishes and food.

[Deleted]

I take care of the bathrooms, kitchen, and meals. DH does laundry, bedrooms, and floors. It works out well.

[litebright]

I only work PT, so I still do the bulk of day-to-day stuff during the week. Meals, washing/drying laundry, trying to keep the clutter under control, swapping the dishwasher loads.

DH steps up majorly on the weekends. We usually spend a couple of hours cleaning on Saturday mornings where we each take one floor (I do upstairs, he does the main floor), and he typically cooks on the weekends plus does a major laundry-folding binge. Plus takes care of outdoor stuff like cleaning up after our dogs and moving the lawn.

[AlpineSlide]

We both work full time, but his job is way more demanding physically. We do not have a housekeeper.

He does all outside maintenance, garden/yard work, garbage/recycling.
I do all the cooking except for grilling, that's his thing.
I do all grocery/household shopping.
I do all laundry but I really don't mind that chore.
I pretty much do all the cleaning. I definitely always do the bathrooms and dusting and deep cleaning. He has been vacuuming since I've gotten uncomfortable/sore with this pregnancy.
I do most of the dishes, but he unloads the dishwasher.
He does all the finances which is pretty time consuming.

I'm perfectly ok with our arrangement.

[teeah22]

Me:

Laundry for me, household, and child
Bring kid to school
Make and pack lunches for everyone
Meal plan/grocery shop/cook dinner
Shop for household supplies
Deep cleaning: kitchen, bathrooms, etc.
Pay bills

DH:

His laundry
Gets kid up and feeds him breakfast
Takes out the trash
Does the dishes most of the time
Organizes repairmen, bug guy, etc.
Gives kid a bath and puts him to bed
Does the vacuuming and mopping when I ask
Helps with whatever else I ask him to, but I have to ask (not self-motivated)

I wouldn't say it's split 50/50 but we try. My standards of cleanliness are much higher than his so there's that. I don't like that I have to ask him to pitch in more, but he will always do whatever I ask. I'd really like a housekeeper and we may be able to fit that in our budget soon.

[Deleted]

We don't really have an arrangement for who does what. If I cook, H cleans up and vice versa. Usually the one who is not washing the dishes will wash the kid and do bedtime stuff. I do the majority of the laundry because I don't like how H does it. He does the floors.   I'd say he does a bit more housework and I do a bit more kid stuff. It all works out.  Some weeks I am a lazy bum and he does most of everything. Other times it's reversed. 

[youbetcha]

Sept 26, 2013 10:20:17 GMT -5 cville said:

well, we have an every other week cleaning service, which is AWESOME. other than that, it's about equal (usually, he's picking up my slack a lot).

he cooks, does basic cooking cleanup.
he gets the kid ready for school.
he does trash.
he brings in the mail/sorts it.
he's in charge of the bug service.
he's in charge of finances and tax prep.

i do other in between cleanup (dusting/floors/bathrooms/etc.  i probably hit up one thing a day intensely)
i do laundry.
i put the kid to bed.
i am in charge of the cleaning service.
i'm in charge of the pool.
i'm the financial consultant. ha.
i'm solely responsible for gestating offspring.

If you happen to figure out how to divvy this up more equally, I'm sure we'd all be interested. 

[Deleted]

No kids, we both work about 50 - 60 hours/week. We have a housecleaner come every two weeks, I do the laundry (I'm way to anal with laundry to let him do it), H does the grocery shopping (I hate grocery shopping, H loves it) and does all the cooking.

H does more around the house then I do. He probably does 70% of it, I do 30%.

[Deleted]

We have a cleaning person and a gardener, and we just eat out or get takeout.

So the split is even. Neither of us does anything. LOL.

[ECB]

Sept 26, 2013 10:26:56 GMT -5 sergey said:

These responses are making me realize I'm over thinking this completely. We have no kids, live in an apartment with no lawn or other maintenance and will have an at least weekly housekeeper. I think we can split litter box, dishes and cooking fairly easily but it's the shopping I'm still wondering about. Maybe we can split that one person does Target and the other does WF. Anyway, sorry if this is coming off as a bragplaint; it's been two years since I've worked full time and back then I took on more of the household duties since H made more, had more job stress and honestly, we were newlyweds and in the beginning I was trying to act all wifey. That split lasted for 5 years so I want to start out on the right foot this time knowing we may fall into a rut again.

My take - you're being smart to think about this.  It's "easy" now, but eventually, as more is added to the mix, it could become a bigger issue.  You know your DH has liked having a SAHW.  HE is going to need time to adjust to this new reality.  The fact that you can start out small - good!

I will say that job stress, to me, was a factor in how we've dealt w/ chores at times.  But $$?  That has NOTHING to do w/ it. NOTHING.  Now, granted, often jobs that pay more often mean more stress - but they are still 2 separate issues.