Well, I am only 5 days in so take it with a grain of salt, but yes. I think for me, so far, I adore watching him with the baby, and I find it attractive. I have always found him attractive, but it's on a different level. We have always had a pretty strong connection before having a baby though, and I never felt like something was missing before she came along.
It did give us a stronger bond, we are not just a couple now, we are a family.
But then sometimes, we are not a couple anymore it seems. We need to work so much harder on just being us, because it isn't as natural as it used to be.
Post by melindafelinda on Oct 1, 2013 20:16:34 GMT -5
But I mean, you opened the door by asking this. People care about you. Our answers to this question are directly related to the fact that your relationship is NOT solid, probably in great part because your husband cheated on you.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
No kids here and I am definitely not equating a new puppy with a baby but when we got our puppy, H totally stepped up. He was up with her for 2 hr potty breaks. When she was sick, again he was up with her every hour, cleaning up her shit and puke. I didn't really see how selfless he could be till we got that puppy. He was already a pretty great guy but this really sealed the deal for me. I honestly cannot imagine anyone else I would like to spend my life with. So yes, i feel more connected him after a puppy and I imagine we would be so much more of a team after a baby. (hopefully).
OP, a child could go either way. My friend's H was pretty cool but after a baby, he really left her to deal with the whole thing. If you are already having problems (as PPs have mentioned) .. I don't think a child is going to bring any deeper meaning to your relationship.
Not really. I felt more connected to him before kids. It's cool we'd both die for these two people we made, but I wouldn't say it made us closer. Maybe when they're grown it'll feel like a bonding point, but right now I'm firmly in the "children fix NOTHING" camp.
If you think there is a connection missing between you and your husband, it's my experience that having a child would actually drive that wedge farther. Kids take a lot of energy and it leaves you little time for each other. You have to work at making it work. Also different parenting strategies are just more topics to argue over.
Of course there are small things like you might feel more in love with your H as you see him caring for your baby.
But if you think that having a baby will strengthen an already rocky relationship, you're sorely mistaken.
No kids here and I am definitely not equating a new puppy with a baby but when we got our puppy, H totally stepped up. He was up with her for 2 hr potty breaks. When she was sick, again he was up with her every hour, cleaning up her shit and puke. I didn't really see how selfless he could be till we got that puppy. He was already a pretty great guy but this really sealed the deal for me. I honestly cannot imagine anyone else I would like to spend my life with. So yes, i feel more connected him after a puppy and I imagine we would be so much more of a team after a baby. (hopefully).
OP, a child could go either way. My friend's H was pretty cool but after a baby, he really left her to deal with the whole thing. If you are already having problems (as PPs have mentioned) .. I don't think a child is going to bring any deeper meaning to your relationship.
Listen, you guys, i honestly appreciate the concern, really.
What you all are referring to was something I reacted to quickly, in the heat of the moment when I didn't have all the information. My husband didn't cheat physically or emotionally.
However, that incident did help us realize that we did need to work on us. We've done counseling, we've come out stronger.
I feel like you guys are so quick to say that couples who have had problems (and admitted to them on here, bc we all know we have issues) are not allowed to think about having kids ala soup nazi.
Of course you are allowed to think about having kids, but you asked if having kids makes the marriage bond stronger. The answer is no IMO. And even less so if your marriage is already a little rocky.
Well, see, and I disagree with this. For many people a puppy IS a someone.
But it's also definitely very different from a child.
My pups are my kids, too, but this stupidity is just par for the course with sequins. The lifetime responsibilities for a human are nowhere close to those for a puppy.
Post by melindafelinda on Oct 1, 2013 20:40:40 GMT -5
If I suspected my H of cheating, enough that I made a post about it going as far as to post a picture of the chick, and then posting about how he was also accusing me of cheating, and multiple times discussing how things were rough, would I think having a child would bring us closer together?
No.
I hope you have very supportive people in your life that you can trust and be honest with. I wish that I had been more honest with my friends and family. It would have saved years of heartache.
No kids here and I am definitely not equating a new puppy with a baby but when we got our puppy, H totally stepped up. He was up with her for 2 hr potty breaks. When she was sick, again he was up with her every hour, cleaning up her shit and puke. I didn't really see how selfless he could be till we got that puppy. He was already a pretty great guy but this really sealed the deal for me. I honestly cannot imagine anyone else I would like to spend my life with. So yes, i feel more connected him after a puppy and I imagine we would be so much more of a team after a baby. (hopefully).
OP, a child could go either way. My friend's H was pretty cool but after a baby, he really left her to deal with the whole thing. If you are already having problems (as PPs have mentioned) .. I don't think a child is going to bring any deeper meaning to your relationship.
See, I never compared having a child to having a puppy. I said the experience with the puppy gives me hope that it would be the same when we have a child.
So, you read through this whole thread and still decided to post? Oh, sequins.
See, I never compared having a child to having a puppy. I said the experience with the puppy gives me hope that it would be the same when we have a child.
See, I never compared having a child to having a puppy. I said the experience with the puppy gives me hope that it would be the same when we have a child.
You should totally explain yourself more. It really helps the post.
Listen, you guys, i honestly appreciate the concern, really.
What you all are referring to was something I reacted to quickly, in the heat of the moment when I didn't have all the information. My husband didn't cheat physically or emotionally.
However, that incident did help us realize that we did need to work on us. We've done counseling, we've come out stronger.
I feel like you guys are so quick to say that couples who have had problems (and admitted to them on here, bc we all know we have issues) are not allowed to think about having kids ala soup nazi.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
Having kids isn't going to strengthen a marriage. That said I appreciate my husband so much more now and it makes me all sappy to see him being such an amazing Dad, so for us it did make our already strong and happy relationship even better.