Not really. Instead of just viewing him as my husband, I see him first as my kids father. It changed our relationship since we added new roles in our lives when the twins were born. I still love him, but in a different way if that makes sense.
Let me just say that I adore DH. He is smart, funny and I am lucky to have him in my life.
DH and I were more connected when we only had each other and the luxury of nurturing our relationship.
We knew each other 10 years when DS was born and discovered the kid to be the only thing on the planet we each cared about enough to battle and bicker over. It took a while for us to mostly find common ground again as a couple. DS was a challenging infant and intense child who eventually got an ASD dx which led to another period of disequilibrium where we came to terms with having a special needs child at different rates and to different degrees.
We eventually became much more connected, but in a way that is more akin to war buddies than lovers.
It has it's ups and downs. Mostly downs lately. He's getting much better about helping out though so things are slowly getting better, but for awhile things weren't looking good at all. I think having a child has helped my mom like my husband more. She's always saying how cute he is with her and stuff, and I'm over here like "eh, I guess".
Well everyone is going to have a different answer because we all have different dynamics at play. But for me, yes I do think they bring us closer together. They're essentially a really long, ongoing project we share Seeing him as a father makes me respect and admire him more. We both wanted to have children though, which probably makes a difference. I don't think our family would have felt complete to either of us with just the two of us.
Yes Ex. On challenging parenting days, after Kirklette's gone to bed, we sit, look at each other like "there's no one else I could do this with but you", then laugh/drink.
This is us. Every time we hit a new challenge with the kids, I look at him and think how unbelievably fortunate I am to have him. He's a true partner.
This is true for me as well. I met him when I was 19 and we got married when I was 24. In retrospect, I can see that I didn't put much thought into the question of how he might be as a father or how we'd be together as parents. It just reminds me that I got really, really lucky in that department because I truly can't imagine doing this without him.
Post by chickenlittle on Oct 2, 2013 7:29:49 GMT -5
Having a kid made me appreciate and love DH in a different light, but by no means did it make our relationship more fulfilling. We are now primarily Mom and Dad, rather than husband and wife. We have very little couple time and our relationship requires so much more work now.
We also never fought until we had a kid--sleep deprivation makes me ugly.
If he didn't cheat, why are you just now clearing that up, @dovey1122? You have posted a few times about being in counseling and other updates, but never have said he didn't cheat.
I would think if he DIDN'T, you would have wanted that cleared up right away, not for everyone to be under the assumption that he did for the past 10 months.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg