for me it is also a familiarity thing. i feel uncomfortable being my true bedroom self w/ my husband because i have to look him in the eye the next day. in the beginning it was nbd, i guess because you are still getting to know each other, i don't know. it's like i'm scared that i will be embarrassed, even though logically i know he would never judge me or care. but with a stranger i would never see again i could just do whatever. it's a weird mental block.
This is so me. I feel like I could be a lot more...um...slutty with a stranger. Our sex life is not very adventurous, and I'm sure H would do anything I asked, but I just can't.
i'm exhausted by some of you. all i want to do at the end of the day is sleep, not bang. and i'm not waking up at 5 to have morning sex w/ h before he leaves for work.
Going on six years. We cycle. We'll go a month or two of sex every day, and then a month or two of sex 1-2 times a week. We seem to average out at 3-4 times a week. I don't think I really know who initiates more? I am more verbal and straight forward about initiating, but he initiates physically WAY more frequently, I just don't always pick up on it. I think we both have normal to normal-low sex drives these days. We had sex 2+ times a day for the first couple years we lived together and we have tried to go back to that but we always end up all "how the fuck did we do that!?".
Post by BieberMyBalls on Oct 2, 2013 17:39:46 GMT -5
We've been together 7.5 years, and average at about 3-4 times a week. My sex drive was relatively low until H started working OOT, but since he's been gone,it's back with a vengeance. I initiate most of the time.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Oct 2, 2013 17:42:06 GMT -5
I will also add that 2 times a week is about all I feel up to right now, which is very different than where I was before I got pregnant.
I'm so tired all of the time. My sex drive is super low and I have to psych myself up for it, which used to never be the case. I still find my husband incredibly sexy and I still feel sexy... I would just prefer him to be sexy and me to be sexy while we are sleeping. LOL.
Seriously. I find it hard, sometimes, to really get it up for someone who leaves Doritos crumbs everywhere and farts on my thigh during Boardwalk Empire.
I legit proposed an open marriage last night He agreed because he wants me to be happy (he's always had a liberal attitude about sex).
Two hours later, he told me he's not ready & changed his mind.
His reasons are valid, but I'm so fucking frustrated that I'm feeling resentful.
Post by trafficgirl on Oct 2, 2013 17:48:28 GMT -5
Been together for 3 years, married for about 6 months. Prior to me being PG we had sex probably 2x a week, maybe 3x.
Being PG has radically changed that. 1st trimester - once a week. 2nd trimester - as often as I could get it. Since the end of 2nd tri - nearly never. I'm too tired and sore and big.
I'm almost always the initiator, but rarely does H decline.
Post by sineadorebellion on Oct 2, 2013 17:48:44 GMT -5
We started dating 12 years ago. We average now once a week, and it's been like that for a while. I usually initiate, but lately I've stopped to see if he'd do it without being prompted lol.
Seriously. I find it hard, sometimes, to really get it up for someone who leaves Doritos crumbs everywhere and farts on my thigh during Boardwalk Empire.
I legit proposed an open marriage last night He agreed because he wants me to be happy (he's always had a liberal attitude about sex).
Two hours later, he told me he's not ready & changed his mind.
His reasons are valid, but I'm so fucking frustrated that I'm feeling resentful.
Married 15 months, and he has libido issues because he has a condition so I don't remember the last time we had sex. When we did, it was once every two weeks.
I legit proposed an open marriage last night He agreed because he wants me to be happy (he's always had a liberal attitude about sex).
Two hours later, he told me he's not ready & changed his mind.
His reasons are valid, but I'm so fucking frustrated that I'm feeling resentful.
You don't have to answer but is there a reason you guys don't follow through?
I don't even know how to explain it. But it's a combo of laziness (he prefers oral) & total lack of confidence. It's been this way for a few years now. We probably have actual sex once every couple months. I know a lot of women would be happy just getting oral a few times/week, but it's not fulfilling at all. I want SEX.
He's going to a psych in a couple weeks. We talk about it a lot & he feels really guilty bc he isn't giving me what I want. But then he doesn't take steps to try to fix things.
I love him & want to spend the rest of my life with him. But I also want fulfilling sex. I'd be perfectly content to get sex elsewhere & give him BJs.
Post by noodleskooze on Oct 2, 2013 17:58:53 GMT -5
Together for 9+ years; married for 2.5.
We haven't had sex since January? Pregnancy was awful, and I just couldn't do it. Postpartum recovery and exhaustion have really gotten in the way. I'm too tired to even fool around right now.
My H is so understanding though, so I'm lucky. I guess we have an unspoken understanding that this is just a dry season in our sex life.
2-3x/week. At least it was before I got pregnant. I have been pregnant this entire year so I'm not counting it. I have no idea what it will be like once I'm cleared for sex again but I hope normal.
Out of curiosity (because I think this matters) does your DH complain? Is it him or you or a bit of both? In our case, it's totally my fault and he would love it every day. He tries not to be an asshole about it but I know it bothers him.
We have had some great sex, but it was usually after he's drank quite a bit. He is very tense. I was a wild stallion of love when I met H, and I still am. I was half-kidding about banging a pool boy.
I have stopped sex approximately 1 million times because my H couldn't break from mechanical brain for whatever reason. We are usually able to recover but it is definitely frustrating when he rains on my sluttyslutsluttime parade. You and I need to have an internet drink sometime.
We'll be together 5 years in Nov, married for about 6 months. Honestly, not that often except now it's more since we're TTC. Last year it was probably an average of once a month unfortunately. It's a combo of me being tired all the time and H's weird schedule (but now he has a new job so that's not an issue anymore!). Anyways, now I'd say about anywhere from 5-10 times a month which is still kinda low but better than where we were!
Oh, and as for initiating, I think H tries more, but when I initiate, it actually happens, haha.
I'm going to keep the open marriage option out there. He doesn't really oppose the idea; more the timing (he's dealing with depression stuff). I'm still fairly confident he'll come around.
I think it's b/c it's like a new toy. In a long time relationship the newness wears off.
for me it is also a familiarity thing. i feel uncomfortable being my true bedroom self w/ my husband because i have to look him in the eye the next day. in the beginning it was nbd, i guess because you are still getting to know each other, i don't know. it's like i'm scared that i will be embarrassed, even though logically i know he would never judge me or care. but with a stranger i would never see again i could just do whatever. it's a weird mental block.
Thank you!!!
I said this in a sex thread a couple of years ago and stpete quoted it, started a new thread and asked "is this how you feel, too??" To which everyone said "uhhhh, hell no!" I felt so exposed. Glad I'm not alone.
I said this in a sex thread a couple of years ago and stpete quoted it, started a new thread and asked "is this how you feel, too??" To which everyone said "uhhhh, hell no!" I felt so exposed. Glad I'm not alone.
Were you newish? A person can state straight-up fact and be new and people will be all, 'I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE.'
Not really, no. I do think it was a late night on Saturday and a lot of people were drinking, lol. There was a lot of "I'm a total whore in the bedroom for my H!" Maybe it was a pissing contest? IDK.
Post by alicenelson on Oct 2, 2013 18:39:25 GMT -5
18 years. For the first five years or so it was 1-2 times weekly on average--you know, the "newlywed" phase. A couple years after H started taking prescribed narcotics for his injury, as well as AD's, sex became non-existent--maybe three times in a 10 year span. Now that he's off the meds he's trying to initiate again. But...
1. I'm not sexually attracted to him right now (trust me, watching your H succumb to the uglies of Rx drug addiction will do that. I love him, but am just not that into him.);
2. It hurts, after years of non-use, IYKWIM; and
3. I haven't been on BC for about ten years because, well, there was no need. So the idea of sex kinda of freaks me out.
H always initates. And it's always, ALWAYS in the same, predictable, most un-stimulating, un-exciting way (which should be added to my numbered list above).
Post by AmeliaBedelia on Oct 2, 2013 18:39:54 GMT -5
Together 5 years. We have sex maybe twice a month. DH works out of town part of the week, so that scheduling issue plays a role in this. Once were living and working in the same town, I think we'll be doing it more often.
Together almost 7, married about 2. No kids. We average once a week and have for the last 3 years or so. He initiates most of the time. I don't think either of us has a very high sex drive.
We have sex 3-4 times a week, we're pretty even on initiation
Eta: just putting this out there...our cardinal rule for open marriage is that if we're not ok (emotionally and sexually) we don't play. Something to keep in mind kore
Well now I feel like an asshole! When I replied I hadn't seen the sexless marriage poll. I know that we're above average since this question comes up here everyone once in a while. I didn't anticipate this post turning like this.
I hope all of you women who are not happy with the current state of affairs find a solution.