Post by chickenlittle on Oct 9, 2013 19:35:31 GMT -5
If all other factors are good (finances, housing, marriage, etc), go for it. I never had an overwhelming maternal urge, but I knew I wanted kids. We began TTC, and after 2 miscarriages and the loss of DS' twin when I was pregnant, the desire to be a mother completely consumed me.
I think even when you're prepared, you're not really prepared for what your life is going to be when you're a parent. Every day I'm utterly amazed at the love I feel for this little dude, even when I want to curl up in my dark bathroom and drink a bottle of wine after an epic toddler tantrum.
I couldn't ever imagine my life with kids, although I knew I wanted them, and now I can't imagine my life without them. Seriously. What the hell did I do with all my time??
Planning is so overrated. We waited 7 years until we were in the right place in life. Then I lost my job. I'd have been better of being PG 4 years ago!
Post by fivechickens on Oct 9, 2013 20:12:52 GMT -5
I never had an intense urge either. I had my girls at 39.
You are 35 which is getting up their when it comes to having babies but its not do or die time. Saying that, You should really make up your mind pretty soon.
Like you also weren't feeling it and then you did it and it was the BEST THING EVER?
I had an oops at a TERRIBLE time and he's awesome.
But I'm kind of glad my first was an oops. I'm not sure I would have ever gotten pg. otherwise, not b/c I was unsure if I wanted kids, but b/c I was so scared of having them- like financially and screwing them up and stuff.
Post by themoneytree on Oct 9, 2013 21:41:14 GMT -5
I was like you. I had our daughter when I was 35. It happened way quicker than we thought it would and we were super freaked out. Now I wish we had done it earlier. She can be a little shit but she melts my heart and makes me laugh every day. It's so worth it. Really. Just do it.
Like you also weren't feeling it and then you did it and it was the BEST THING EVER?
I didn't particularly want kids and then I found out my uterus sucks, so my Dr told me "uh- if you think you want to birth and all that jazz some day- you should hop to it" so I did and a while later had a kid and he's definitely one of the coolest people ever.
And being a Mom is awesome. One of the best things ever, for sure.
Hence the conundrum. If I were 25 this would be a non-issue.
(
So you have a crap imagination. As an over thinker and planner, that is to be expected.
I agree, sort of. Not on the crap imagination part, but I'm an over thinker and planner, and it is hard to see how kids fit in, when you have your routine, and your way of doing things, and really enjoy knowing exactly what is coming. The fact is, your current life is not a possibility with kids, *exactly as it is now.* However, that is not to say that you can't adapt your current life to incorporate kids, or even that you have to be imaginative to do it, because frankly, when it comes down to it (especially with the young kids), it is less "pinspiration/imagination" moments, and more Tim Gunn Make It Work moments.
I think, based on what you posted, you should go ahead and start trying. Even if it takes a while or it happens right off, you will still have about a year before the baby comes! (a couple months trying and then 40 weeks of pregnancy) so I say go for it.
If all other factors are good (finances, housing, marriage, etc), go for it. I never had an overwhelming maternal urge, but I knew I wanted kids. We began TTC, and after 2 miscarriages and the loss of DS' twin when I was pregnant, the desire to be a mother completely consumed me.
I think even when you're prepared, you're not really prepared for what your life is going to be when you're a parent. Every day I'm utterly amazed at the love I feel for this little dude, even when I want to curl up in my dark bathroom and drink a bottle of wine after an epic toddler tantrum.
I couldn't ever imagine my life with kids, although I knew I wanted them, and now I can't imagine my life without them. Seriously. What the hell did I do with all my time??
Sorry for your losses. Your little guy is adorable!
Post by mrsukyankee on Oct 10, 2013 4:59:25 GMT -5
I would go the route of saving your eggs. I waited to 38 (partially because I wanted to be happily married before I had children and partially because I wasn't sure about having them) and was unable to have them - had two miscarriages and my IVF at 42 did not work. My DH didn't want to use anyone else's eggs, so that was that. If you would be okay with the possibility of adoption or using someone else's eggs if yours don't stand up to the test of time, then wait or get your eggs harvested now.
I would go the route of saving your eggs. I waited to 38 (partially because I wanted to be happily married before I had children and partially because I wasn't sure about having them) and was unable to have them - had two miscarriages and my IVF at 42 did not work. My DH didn't want to use anyone else's eggs, so that was that. If you would be okay with the possibility of adoption or using someone else's eggs if yours don't stand up to the test of time, then wait or get your eggs harvested now.
I had my ds at 37. Never had the urge for kids. Still don't really like other kids, but I like mine! They really tie you down as much as you want. We never worried about nap time/schedules. We still do what we want within reason. He loves to travel - he has been with us to Oktoberfest in Munich. Now that he is in school, we have to plan things around that, but otherwise we are still free to do what we want. Our original plan was two kids, but one was perfect for us.
Post by kellsbelles on Oct 10, 2013 6:56:21 GMT -5
I think what you're feeling is very common. Thats why after 5 years of marriage i am still not 100% ready to have children yet and may never be. It all boils down to fear of the unknown and of course it is a huge lifestyle change. It sucks that even with our healthcare advances and longer lifespans our prime childbearing years still remain in our 20/30's. If you're planning on having 4 kids it's definitely something you need to get a move on sooner than later.
But there is also something to be said about doing something just because you feel it has to be done now or never. You'll know when the time is right-but it's probably a good idea to run it by your OB to get their professional opinion as well as options. Have a long talk with your husband too and try to see where you both are family planning wise.