I want kids ONE DAY. Just definitely NOT NOW. But I'm 35.

[expatpumpkin]

I can't imagine my future life without kids.  I look forward to cooking with them, Kindergarten, family holidays, etc.  But I just.don't.feel.the.urge that other women seem to feel.  And I LOVE our freedom.  The thought of being tied down by a baby is a bit terrifying.

But I'm 35.  Advice?

[pedanticwench]

Um, okay?

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

Make up your mind.

[luckyval]

Start weighing your options and decide if you would want to adopt some time down the road

[TrickyBob]

Can't have it both ways. Going to need to have a serious talk with your H about near future life goals.

[Deleted]

I think, if you're happily married, it's shit or get off the pot time.

[eddy]

I think it is shit or get off the pot time.

[eddy]

Oct 9, 2013 15:51:22 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

I think, if you're happily married, it's shit or get off the pot time.

JIIIIINX

[demelza]

Warning: Approaching advanced maternal age. You could have a baby in the next couple years. Or if you don't feel like having one now but might in the future: adoption is cool.

[shostakovich]

I know zero people that are 100% "I want kids and have no worries about it!" Many of my friends who are currently TTC have talked about how their lives will change, and how some of the changes will bum them out, etc.

But they also can't imagine not EVER having kids, and they're currently in a good place to have kids (their relationship is solid, they are okay financially, etc.), so they're doing it.

So, do it or don't, I guess?

[wambam]

Just do it and get it over with.

Says the baby-phobic one.

[expatpumpkin]

Any success stories to share?

Like you also weren't feeling it and then you did it and it was the BEST THING EVER?

[eddy]

My first was a suprise. I was very skeptical. Obvs love him lots.

Even knowing how awesome he was I was still pretty on the fence of #2. Now he is the best thing ever.

That is why I don't agree with the sentiment that if you have to question it then you probably should just not have kids. I questioned the hell out of the worthiness of having children and I love those two little boozos.

[margarita]

Is your relationship solid? Are things fairly good financially and healthwise? Then maybe it's time.

Or you're not ready quite yet. There's nothing wrong with that! You still have time.

[8675309]

Oct 9, 2013 15:56:15 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I have never had that intense biological urge to be a mother. I just decided I wanted kids and that it was the time to do it.

This is me. I don't think everyone feels that urge all the time. You just do it.

[expatpumpkin]

Oct 9, 2013 15:59:35 GMT -5 margarita said:

Is your relationship solid? Are things fairly good financially and healthwise? Then maybe it's time.

Or you're not ready quite yet. There's nothing wrong with that! You still have time.

Marriage solid, finances good.  The deal is that I'm a planner and I want everything to be perfect.  (Not realistic, I know.)  We're moving home at the end of the year and will be remodeling our house, so now I'm thinking we should do it when our "nest" is ready.  And I'm hoping that I'll start feeling maternal then.  And I'll basically be 36 at that point, so...

[DotAndBuzz]

Being tied down by a baby does sometimes suck, and is terrifying. And both times I was pregnant, I had a bout of "OH SHIT. What have I done? I've made a huge mistake." But it is also completely amazing and unlike anything else I've ever done. You do give up the complete freedom you have now, but it isn't forever. You do gain a little back after the baby/toddler years are done, just in a different way. You settle into a new normal.

Another funny thing about kids/babies: right when you think you're going to completely lose your mind, and you've effed up your entire life, they do something at JUST the right moment that melts your heart and gives you what you need to keep going. With babies, it is right around when you're at the max sleep deprivation point of 4-6 weeks, and then omgtheworldstops because your baby smiled at you. on purpose. And that (somehow, not entirely sure how) makes everything else seem manageable and ok.

If you don't want kids, don't have them. But if you've always pictured your life with them, I think it would be kind of sad to miss out on that because of the fear of the unknown and change.

[underwaterrhymes]

We went back and forth on this for a long time.

In the end it was decided for us when I got pregnant accidentally.

I was 38 when I had him and will be over 40 if and when we have a second. So although you might be approaching the end of the reproductive time line, you've got some time.

That said, I have a feeling we could have see-sawed endlessly over this and for some of the reasons you just mentioned. I'm REALLY glad it happene the way it did.

[emptygee]

Oct 9, 2013 15:49:07 GMT -5 expatpumpkin said:

I can't imagine my future life without kids.  I look forward to cooking with them, Kindergarten, family holidays, etc.  But I just.don't.feel.the.urge that other women seem to feel.  And I LOVE our freedom.  The thought of being tied down by a baby is a bit terrifying.

But I'm 35.  Advice?

I think this program would be perfect for you.

adoptagrandparent.org/

[Deleted]

Freeze your eggs to give you more time?

[snickers]

I would make a decision sooner rather than later, but no one is ever really 100% ready, well no one that I have ever met at least.

[demelza]

Oct 9, 2013 16:06:59 GMT -5 emptygee said:

Oct 9, 2013 15:49:07 GMT -5 expatpumpkin said:

I can't imagine my future life without kids.  I look forward to cooking with them, Kindergarten, family holidays, etc.  But I just.don't.feel.the.urge that other women seem to feel.  And I LOVE our freedom.  The thought of being tied down by a baby is a bit terrifying.

But I'm 35.  Advice?

I think this program would be perfect for you.

adoptagrandparent.org/

ouch!!! 

[Yankees21]

I think that since you can't imagine your life without kids, you have your answer. I think it is normal for the thought to be terrifying- I have oh shit moments all the time. Sometimes you just have to go for it!

[Deleted]

I'll add too that one kid won't necessarily tie you down. It's kind of like having a little bit of both worlds, IMO. Three? Now three kids will definitely tie you down. Don't have three in rapid succession if you like traveling and spontaneity

Good old luck with your decision!

[pedanticwench]

All right, so I was a real douche in my post. Sorry about that.

[emptygee]

Oct 9, 2013 16:08:25 GMT -5 demelza said:

Oct 9, 2013 16:06:59 GMT -5 emptygee said:

I think this program would be perfect for you.

adoptagrandparent.org/

ouch!!! 

I'm kidding, of course. If you know you want kids, I'd start trying soon. Everyone loves their freedom, but it's a tradeoff. Being tied down by a baby does suck, but that's the only way to get to the good parts (kindergarten, cooking, holidays.) Unless you adopt an older child, I guess. 

[expatpumpkin]

Oct 9, 2013 16:06:59 GMT -5 emptygee said:

Oct 9, 2013 15:49:07 GMT -5 expatpumpkin said:

I can't imagine my future life without kids.  I look forward to cooking with them, Kindergarten, family holidays, etc.  But I just.don't.feel.the.urge that other women seem to feel.  And I LOVE our freedom.  The thought of being tied down by a baby is a bit terrifying.

But I'm 35.  Advice?

I think this program would be perfect for you.

adoptagrandparent.org/

Hahaha, thanks but I'm totally covered in that department!!!

[moolarkey]

Keep waiting for the "right time" and the decision will have been made for you. Time waits for no one.

[formerlyak]

If your marriage is solid and you are financially secure and you know you want kids, I wouldn't wait. I had my first at 30. I got divorced so our "plan" of kids 4ish years apart fell by the wayside. I got remarried this summer and got pregnant on my honeymoon with #2. I am now 38 and dh is 37. We are financially secure and know we want a kid, so we started trying right away. Let me just say there is a big difference between being pregnant at 30 and being pregnant at 38. It's much harder this time around.

[pantsparty]

Oct 9, 2013 16:12:11 GMT -5 toledo said:

Maybe you can rent a baby for major holidays?

My dad has said a couple of times he would love to rent a three-year-old.

Okay, that sounded creepy. PANTSDAD IS NOT CREEPY. EVEN THOUGH "PANTSDAD" SOUNDS CREEPY.

In any case, OP, maybe you should think long-term what you want out of life. It seems like you want kids, but the disruption it would cause to your life NOW is what is giving you pause. I'd think it's probably go time if you ultimately see your life with kids.