How soon after birth will you have visitors at your home?

[hokiegirl82]

It's nearly impossible to get my parents (because of my Mom) to come visit at my house, and my ILs are the same, but I'm wondering how long are most of you waiting to have family visit at your home after you give birth? Both sets of parents live hours away so it wouldn't be a quick drop by visit it would be at least a few days. My mom already said she won't come up right away unless I ask her to come help - she hates traveling and even having her first grandchild it will be like pulling teeth to get her to come.

I'm thinking I'm not going to want people in my house right after i get home from the hospital. would it be weird to not have immediate family come meet the baby until a few weeks later?

[sookie]

My mom was here the day she was born (a Wednesday) until the following Sunday. My dad and sister got here that Saturday and left with my mom Sunday. All stayed in a hotel because I wanted it to just be the three of us at night figuring it out. We live in a small enough city that we could've called for help and she could've here in 10 minutes or less.

DH's parents got here two weeks after she was born (again, a Wednesday) and stayed until Friday morning. They also stayed in a hotel.

Neither of our families is local. My parents live 4 hours away and his live 23 hours away.

[sookie]

As far as friends went, we had a couple we know come by the Monday after my parents left and another friend came by this last Tuesday.

[teeah22]

Just be aware that if you're BFing you'll most likely be spending more time with your shirt off than on. When I had DS my uncle and girlfriend were supposed to travel and spend the night the weekend after I got out of the hospital and I ended up canceling them. I just wasn't up for overnight visitors and really wasn't for a couple weeks when we started to get more in the swing of things. My mom was here before the birth and stayed with us for a month, but I didn't care about BFing or just being generally stressed around her.

[Jalapeñomel]

My mom stayed with us for two weeks, and it was a lifesaver.

[speyedr]

I am really stressing over this. My step mom has already said they will be here when she is born. I love my SM, she is my best friend and want her here. My MIL and FIL have hinted that they want to be here, which would be fine if it were just MIL. My mother will also want to be here and she and I don't get along well, she also doesn't get along with anyone else. I think she feels entitled because she is my mom but I don't know how I'm going to tell her no and am unsure she will even listen. This all just stresses me out.

[Jalapeñomel]

She did laundry, cooked, dishes, cleaned the bathroom, kitchen, changed sheets, etc (she also walked and fed the dogs)...she also went to the grocery store and Costco for us. It was also really nice to have some of the moral support from someone who has gone through the whole newborn thing (albeit 34+ years ago), especially since the baby was in the NICU and I needed the emotional support more than ever.

[redpenmama]

My parents are staying with us, and my FIL will be staying in a nearby hotel. Other than them, I do not plan on having anyone else visit for a while, but that's mostly because we don't have any family here. But, I'm not making any hard and fast rules -- if I feel up to it and a friend wants to come see the baby, they can.

[trafficgirl]

Dec 8, 2013 16:29:19 GMT -5 namasteak said:

Dec 8, 2013 15:51:56 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

My mom stayed with us for two weeks, and it was a lifesaver.

Dumb question but what did she help with? My sister has offered to stay with us for a few days to help out but I'm not really sure what she would do (besides the dogs).

I know this wasn't directed at me, but my parents came over every day for the first week (they only live 10 minutes away) and it was great. They made dinner every night, did laundry, held the babies so we could catch a nap uninterrupted.

My ILs then stayed with us the following week and while my FIL did a ton if stuff around the house, it was more annoying to have them here. MIL kept asking me what was for lunch or dinner and I just gave her looks if "what is this, the 4 Seasons?"

So in summary, it depends on how helpful you think the person will be.

[Velar Fricative]

My mother was a lifesaver too. She was so helpful not only with housework, but once DH went back to work, she let me nap in between feedings and that was exactly what I needed.

Immediate family members visited at the hospital and the first few days at home. We get along with our large immediate families so as long as they were okay with me excusing myself to BF (it was hard in th beginning and I didn't want them seeing me fumbling around).

I just couldn't imagine telling our parents and siblings to stay away and not meet their first granddaughter/niece right away, but if we didn't get along that would be a different story.

[speckledfrog]

All of our family is OOT. My MIL came after the first week and my mom the week after that. I think having a week on our own was really helpful, especially since I was trying to figure out breastfeeding and were doing a lot of kangaroo care (skin on skin snuggling). I was apprehensive about having them both there for so long, but it turned out great. We let them know ahead of time that we wanted help, not visitors and asked what they would be comfortable doing. My MIL basically cleaned the whole time and cooked several meals for us. My mom cooked the whole time, filling our freezer, and making us dinner.

[shelbyann]

All of our family is OOT too. We haven't booked plane tickets yet but I'm aiming to have my mom come out for a few days maybe a week or two after my due date? I don't want her to come too early and then miss meeting the baby if I go late.

[papie]

My mom will come to stay with the girls while we are in the hospital. Then she will probably leave and come back to stay a few days after the end of DHs paternity leave (he will take 2 weeks).

[marie3246]

We are still undecided on what to do. My parents are renting a place nearby for a few months before and after baby. They are deciding if they want to move near us or not. They are super helpful and I want them to be there the whole time. My IL's are another story. H's parents are divorced so we have 4 of them wanting to visit. I hate to tell them no and they haven't asked yet so I'm just waiting for the issue to come up. They all have horrible issues with money and won't come if we ask them to stay somewhere else (plus its not easy, they would also have to rent a car since hotels aren't all that close to us).

Part of me feels bad because I want to be welcoming and we always stay with them, they pick us up/let us drive their cars when we visit/feed us etc. But on the other hand, I'm not comfortable with them staying a week in our house right after the baby is born, so it will really depend on when they exactly want to come and for how long. I don't feel like we are going to be able to say no without me looking like a horrible person and I hate to be that person.

[osulori]

My mom and dad were lifesavers. The night we came home from the hospital, they brought dinner over then sent me to bed to lie down until AJ needed to eat. And after J went back to work (he had a week and a half off after AJ was born) they came over a ton to keep me company, take AJ and I where ever we wanted/needed to go since I had another week of no driving, help me with stuff around the house or in the yard (ex. my dad cut the grass and powerwashed the side of my house, mom would load/unload the dishwasher and vacuum). FIL and (STBX)SMIL came over with food the day after we came home from the hospital but beyond cooking the food and doing the dishes afterwards I still felt like I had to entertain them when I wasn't taking AJ downstairs to eat (and I totally abused that excuse too ;D). But both sets live 20 minutes away from us...if either or both were OOT, I'd want them to wait at least a week.

[JayhawkGirl]

My parents are both taking off this Thursday and Friday to watch DS and visit at the hospital.

My mom will remain off next week on vacation then has her 2 weeks of winter break for school. It will be a lifesaver for me/us having her here helping with the baby, my post op recovery and DS. She even made a point to learn our washer and dryer, which are new since DS was born.

DH is home next week with me but will have to be working some. His absolute busiest time at work is the month of December, and especially the 15th thru the 31st. My mom remembered this on her own and out in for pto as soon as we had our bfp.

[eav2c]

My H's side all came over the day I got home. Granted, they all live within miles of us. Not again. 7 adults + one unruly nephew over all at once. We will take our time allowing visitors both at the hospital and home. No big crowds again!

[amaristella]

I originally aimed for one month. Partly because the holidays were around that time and plane tickets to my state are very expensive during the holidays. I also wanted to wait until DH's paternity leave was up to have anybody around. Baby showed up 2 weeks early, though, so it's going to be more like 6 weeks after birth. We have a guest bedroom and bathroom but this is tempered by the fact that we live on a military base and our guests need one of us with them in order to come and go so in a way we will also be gaining some responsibility while they are here.

[speckledfrog]

Dec 8, 2013 20:21:41 GMT -5 shelbyann said:

All of our family is OOT too. We haven't booked plane tickets yet but I'm aiming to have my mom come out for a few days maybe a week or two after my due date? I don't want her to come too early and then miss meeting the baby if I go late.

We booked my mom's ticket for 1 week after my due date, at which point my doctor's would have induced me.  My MIL was able to fly at last minute, so we told her to come any time that my mom wasn't here.  DS ended up coming two weeks early, so it work out perfectly.    

[BaliHai]

We got home Saturday night and were prepared for visitors yesterday (by prepared I mean expecting them to show up), but we got hit with a mini-blizzard so no one came. My SIL is stopping by after work today, and I expect we'll see more people throughout the week/into the weekend. I'm fine with them coming as long as they understand nothing is getting done around here for the foreseeable future, which I think they will!

[SJ]

This is really hard for me to predict ahead of time how I will feel.

I am a total extrovert with limited/no boundaries and a very low need for privacy. Right now I envision wanting people around to celebrate with us, hold the baby, help out with random stuff (I am a poor housekeeper as it is, let alone after birthing a human), run errands, etc.

However, I am very aware that I have no idea what I will actually want/need/feel like after the birth.

My parents are pretty local so they can come & go & stay based on what I want.

My IL's live in Asia, but will be in town when the baby is born. I will probably have them stay with BIL/SIL so I don't have the pressure of them being around 24/7, but obviously they are going to want to be around as much as we will let them since they live so far away.

We have lots of excited close friends, but anyone who would be visiting I feel close enough to be honest with and tell them if I am not ready for them to come over.

[bowies]

Dec 8, 2013 21:24:03 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

We are still undecided on what to do. My parents are renting a place nearby for a few months before and after baby. They are deciding if they want to move near us or not. They are super helpful and I want them to be there the whole time. My IL's are another story. H's parents are divorced so we have 4 of them wanting to visit. I hate to tell them no and they haven't asked yet so I'm just waiting for the issue to come up. They all have horrible issues with money and won't come if we ask them to stay somewhere else (plus its not easy, they would also have to rent a car since hotels aren't all that close to us).

Part of me feels bad because I want to be welcoming and we always stay with them, they pick us up/let us drive their cars when we visit/feed us etc. But on the other hand, I'm not comfortable with them staying a week in our house right after the baby is born, so it will really depend on when they exactly want to come and for how long. I don't feel like we are going to be able to say no without me looking like a horrible person and I hate to be that person.

I could have written this word-for-word.  I think I'd like my parents around, but only if they stay in separate quarters so we can have our breathing room.  I'm not too concerned about H's parents wanting to fly up here since they don't like to travel, but watch them surprise me.  I can only take his mom in about 15 minute doses.  Luckily H feels the same way.  I want H to be able to share this experience with his parents, but I'll be damned if we're running a shuttle service for them like we did when we got married.  Unfortunately, I think if we put restrictions on the visit (hotel/rental car or taxi), his parents won't come and he'll be so disappointed.

[Cricket0619]

My family will be in town when we have him. My mom will stay with us for a week or so. I am sure we will have friends and family wanting to stop by. I am open to it, but I just want to make sure that I am feeling up to it and being honest with them.

[Deleted]

My parents will be at our house helping with the baby after the birth. They are super helpful and will be taking care of the baby full time when I go back to work. I told my H that his parents can visit but not stay the night (they live 1 hour away). They are not very helpful. I am usually in this position where I need to cook and cater to my ILS or take them out to eat all the time and I'm not dealing with that when the baby is here. My H was a little disappointed but he agreed.

[catsarecute]

Our immediate families all live within 20 minutes of us so we don't have to worry about arranging for weekend visitors, etc after the baby is born. I think all we will ask is that people call or text before coming over to see if it is a good time to stop by.

[annabear07]

My EDD is 12/25 so my mom is coming in town 12/16, ILs 12/22, BIL & SIL 12/23, and dad 12/24. I cannot wait for my mom to get here to be an extra hand. We are running out of steam to get ready and still function with life so help will be awesome. She is staying until sometime in January and understands it's for help not visiting.

Everyone else is coming for Christmas but they have instructed me that I'm not to host them at all. And I believe them!

From chatting with all my friends, it's really helpful to have one awake person in the house to help with cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, holding the baby so you cna shower...whatever. So I'm taking advantage of that help.

Friends will come by when they are able/we feel like it. We'll just play that by ear!

[Deleted]

Dec 9, 2013 13:08:04 GMT -5 @callmefia said:

Dec 9, 2013 10:46:58 GMT -5 @missy1 said:

I told my H that his parents can visit but not stay the night (they live 1 hour away)

I don't ever get this. People really want to stay overnight for a 1 hour drive?! My parents won't stay with family and always stay in hotels anyway though. We live an hour from them and while we don't usually visit on weekdays, visiting is never overnight. We would all rather go home and sleep in our own beds.

Yeah, they love to stay overnight. We take them shopping, cook meals for them and/or take them out to eat at nice places. It's like a vacation for them. Last time my ILs were here, my FIL said he was staying for one month when we have a kid. FML!  I don't know how I ended up in this kind of relationship with my ILs. It's probably my own fault. All of their other kids and their spouses aren't as generous with their time and effort. I would love parents like yours!

[carawestt]

With my first, my mom flew in the night of the day we came home and she stayed for 3 days to help. We didn't have any other visitors until a few days after she left. This time it'll be the same. My mom is flying in to take care of DS then she'll stay a few days. We'll have other visitors and family come after she's gone.

[kelle017]

We came home on a Wednesday night.
My mom and niece were over for a short time (maybe 30 minutes) when we got home from the hospital.
My mom came over for a little bit the next day to let me sleep.
My sister and nephew were over the day after because I needed help to take E to the doctor (I had a c-section and had weight restrictions)
Then DH's cousin and his grandparents came over on Saturday and brought dinner.
That was it I think for the first weekend.
His dad and great grandma were over early the next week, and then usually we had visitors only on weekends or for those who brought us meals they were short 20 minutes or less visits.

I actually would give it a week at least next time, except for people bringing food. I was recovering from a c-section and while people understood I wasn't up for much, and wouldn't have been offended if I was sleeping or something, I still felt like I had to clean and entertain.

[simpsongal]

My in-laws live around the corner, so I'm sure they'll stop by to see the baby and try to be helpful -- walk the dog, hold the baby, etc.

My folks are 3.5 hours away, and they'll come down for the birth. They'll probably stay in our guest room for 2 nights or so when I'm in the hospital. That first night home, I'm not sure what we'll do. I suspect they might go home the day DH and I go home with the baby. They're very helpful and good guests but I think that's a very intimate and difficult time - I think they'll feel that way and understand that it's a time for me, DH, and LO to bond. DH gets 2 weeks off, after which my mom will probably come down for a while to help out.

FWIW, my BIL and his wife had their MIL with them for the first week. It was very tough on them and I got the impression that she mostly got in the way and interrupted their special time together.