Post by lostmonkeyatikea on Dec 10, 2013 20:17:24 GMT -5
And if so, how much so? And how do I handle it?
I opened up a Christmas card from my mother in law today to see a photo of my swollen face, front and center, in pjs in a hospital bed taken the day after I gave birth.
I get that she is excited about her grand kid...and apparently hates me, lol.
Am I right to feel annoyed? I feel like she should have either asked me or sent out a picture of HER and the baby.....or maybe a photo where I don't look like I got hit by a truck, or one that wasn't sort of private. I don't know if other experiences with her are clouding my judgment right now. She did take the photo, but if I had known she would
Post by lostmonkeyatikea on Dec 10, 2013 20:18:29 GMT -5
Whoops, sorry, the baby hit send....if I had known she was going to use it as her holiday greeting I think I would have politely asked she not use it for this purpose!
Post by ElizabethBennet on Dec 10, 2013 20:21:09 GMT -5
I'd be pissed.
I think that's such a personal moment to be sending as a Christmas card y'know?
Since there is nothing you can do about it now, I would just say to her (or have your husband say it if you're not close) "we understand you're excited about the baby, but next time we would really appreciate it if you would run pictures of us that you plan on using by us first. I was really embarrassed to have that picture out there for everyone to see"
Post by rupertpenny on Dec 10, 2013 20:26:40 GMT -5
OMG that is terrible. I would have my h say something to her. If you have to see her at Christmas I hope there will be a lot of wine available to drown the rage.
Post by lostmonkeyatikea on Dec 10, 2013 20:26:42 GMT -5
I have already addressed this once with her, when she mailed out our wedding photo the first day of December the year we got married.
Maybe I wanted to share that one!? I made a snarky comment to her then. Obviously she doesn't get it.
My husband brightly said "I'll say something to her but I think you look cute!" He will say something - he's pretty good about standing up for me.
I don't care if he thinks I look cute, I'm more concerned about all of her coworkers and neighbors getting this photo of my giant head and engorged boobs and general post partum mess in their mailbox with "JOY" written across the front.
Post by lostmonkeyatikea on Dec 10, 2013 20:34:03 GMT -5
I think you're right. The more I think about it, the more I wonder wtf she was thinking.
She's generally not a mean person but has been very bitter lately - she's divorced from my FIL and mad that we are letting him watch the baby twice a week, because he's a cheater and whatnot. She actually told me that I obviously don't care about her feelings by allowing him to see the baby. I guess I'm paying for it, ha ha! Zing!
UUUUUUUuuuuuuuggggggggh. I would be annoyed but new grandparents can be really, really clueless.
A little anecdote in solidarity. My father wanted to put a photo of my newborn in his Christmas card where the background of her head was my naked boob. He hadn't noticed. Luckily, he didn't take the photo so he didn't have the file. WHen I pointed out the problem he said "No one will notice. I didn't." and he was annoyed. I sent him a dozen other great photos of her to choose among.
BTW: Yes, people would notice. Maybe not everyone, but enough people. I posted a heavily cropped version on here and at least a dozen people noticed. (I didn't care because no one can identify me from upper boob skin so it wasn't the kind of privacy issue that concerns me here). However, his Christmas cards went to people who know me. OMG it would have been embarrassing.
This is so wrong in every way. You DH needs to talk to his mother about how terrible this is and how it makes you feel again. Geeze, I would have to bite my tongue to be near her. Or avoid her like the Black Plague. I am so sorry.
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
You or you DH needs to be direct with her. Also, I would revoke her picture taking privileges, no joke. You take a picture of me hours after giving birth (a private time IMO) and think it's appropriate to share with anyone you know? Yeah, you've lost the privilege of just taking pictures of my family as you wish. I'd be pissed to say the least. Pissed!
Post by browneyedgirl9 on Dec 10, 2013 21:01:51 GMT -5
OMG! That is not ok, I would be soooo pissed. She has no right to send pictues of you on her Christma card without asking, nevermind a privae hopsital one. I would kill!
I usually hate all people and everything they do, but this is the second time today on here that I've wanted to cut someone some slack. Is it possible that she doesn't think you look bad at all? I think pictures of people at that time can be beautiful in a way other pictures cannot be. But you'll never think you look good in them. I don't think she should have sent it, but maybe she wasn't trying to cut you.
I usually hate all people and everything they do, but this is the second time today on here that I've wanted to cut someone some slack. Is it possible that she doesn't think you look bad at all? I think pictures of people at that time can be beautiful in a way other pictures cannot be. But you'll never think you look good in them. I don't think she should have sent it, but maybe she wasn't trying to cut you.
Have you given birth? Because no sane woman wants a postpartum picture of herself sent around. No one!
Man, I looked busted up after I gave birth. I seriously considered not even putting my postpartum picture in my own personal scrapbook it was so bad, lol. I'm not even joking. If MIL did this...Hoooooooboy.