My kid will never sleepover

[auberge]

So my H is super protective and has always told me he doesn't trust people with his kids to let them go sleepover someday at a friends.

I told him that I had a blast sleeping over my friends house when I was little and he would have to eventually give in.

Well, my sons best friend (and parents) at school invited us over for lunch and a play date. OMFG, the house was a disaster. I'm not talking messy, it was filthy. I mean she knew we were coming right. So as we're trying not to judge these seemingly normal people, the husband offered my H marijuana. What the fuck!!!! We're just getting to know each other and the kids are playing and you want to smoke a dooby. So bizarre
Lol

[dbsk8dance]

1. I remember this. I get where he's coming from, but I did have great times at sleepovers.

2. Wtf.

[mcfelix]

WTF. That is totally insane. The filthy house is something I would judge but it wouldn't be a reason for me to not allow my kid to go there, although I would probably be more inclined to meet at our house. However that would drive my husband crazy. But the pot thing is unbelievable! How did your husband react?

[auberge]

Dec 12, 2013 0:26:41 GMT -5 mcfelix said:

WTF. That is totally insane. The filthy house is something I would judge but it wouldn't be a reason for me to not allow my kid to go there, although I would probably be more inclined to meet at our house. However that would drive my husband crazy. But the pot thing is unbelievable! How did your husband react?

He just politely declined.

[zeewifeandmama]

Whoa. MH would have high tailed it out of there sooo fast. That's a great story to remember in 20 years or so though!

[ellipses84]

Omg! I'm a paranoid overprotective parent too. My kids can have sleepovers at our house or with their cousins, but I don't want them going to a friends sleepover until they are like 12, and that's only if I know both parents and have been to their house.

On another note, I asked DH to clean up the house the other day because it looked like a tornado hit and he didn't. Later I was at the neighbors and the neighbor guy says he going to spontaneously go over to see DH. I was mortified and I hope they aren't judging us! That was the first time he'd ever been in our house. Now I feel the need to obsessively clean and invite a bunch of neighbors over so they don't think we are slobs!

[Willis Jackson]

I can't imagine no sleepovers. The wildest thing we got away with was staying up until midnight, lol.

[leonard131]

I loved having sleepovers and going to sleep overs.  They were typically with people that my parents were good friends with the parents so they felt comfortable.

In regards to the house- I would be judge a little bit.  You know you are having company, just clean one room. 

Joint issue- all I can say is .  It is your choice but you at least check or know someone a little better before breaking it out.

[MadamePresident]

I had lots of sleepovers as a kid. I have one picture from my 9th or 10th birthday party and the living room floor is lined in sleeping bags. I have good friends that I would let my child have sleepovers with, but I wouldn't just send them to one of their friend's house if I didn't know the parents at all.

[magpie]

That's crazy! I would feel so uncomfortable about that!

I loved sleepovers as a kid too. I can see how it'd be hard to trust the other parents, but how great would it be if you could? I saw my neighbors out on a date last weekend at a pizza/brewpub in the neighborhood. They were absolutely giddy because their eight year old daughter was sleeping over at her friend's house (another neighbor on our block). They were super excited to have a whole night! I saw them the next morning too, matching back home with their daughter and her sleeping bag/stuffed animal. It was cute!

I always slept over at my best friend's house out she slept at mine. Her family lived down the street and my parents were (and still are) very good friends with her parents. Now I understand why, when we needed to move to a bigger house after my sister was born, they bought the house next door even though it wasn't very nice! Having friends in the neighborhood who everyone gets along with and trusts must be gold.

[Deleted]

auberge that is nuts! The dirty thing I could maybe let slide, I often say "do you like my house? It's decorated by a two year old." But the joint? Yeeeeesh. DH recently dumped a male friend b/c he offered DH beer and cigars during his kid's birthday party. DH was like "umm, shouldn't you be upstairs with your daughter? I'm sure she's wondering where her daddy is during her birthday party."

[h]

Yikes to the dirty pot house. That is crazy.

My 6 yo has sleepovers. They are already very common in his kindergarten class, and he gets SO excited about them. He would be super bummed if he didn't get to go on sleepovers (not that that is reason to do them, obviously). Fortunately his BFF/sleepover buddy is the child of good friends of ours, and I trust them.

[ohgillian]

I'm pro-sleepovers, but dude, not at a place where they offer strangers pot.

[Deleted]

I don't think these people are a reason to be scared of other people forever. I just wouldn't let my kid sleepover there. I would want to know the family before I let my kid go on a sleepover, but I can't imagine banning them (or lord, hosting instead every time). I used to call my mom from school on Friday and ask to go home with a friend. I'd stay the whole weekend (and have to borrow clothes because of my last minute decision)and go home on the bus on Monday. I can't believe our parents let us do these things, but it was so fun. And we didn't get in trouble until we did "know right from wrong" as teenagers.

[hocus2]

I think you just got very unlucky.

I've done tons of play dates and everyone has always been normal folks. Some homes have been cluttered and some have been very clean. Some parents are strict and others are relaxed. No one has every offered me a joint. I think the most "shocking" thing I've been offered was a beer.

In terms of sleep overs ... no one really does them until 8 or I think. We've had one friend sleep over (both girls were almost 4 at the time) but we've know the family forever and done tons of plays dates. 

[mushmouse]

We would have to be really close with the people for us to even consider letting him sleep out. So many seemingly normal people turn out to be crazy in so many ways. I would never trust people to not do bizarre stuff.

How do you ask a virtual stranger to smoke a joint WITH children present? LOL

[Deleted]

I agree, that in that specific event, I wouldn't allow him to sleep over, and its a weird experience.

I agree though that I loved sleepovers as a kid, and can't imagine NOT doing them. We had sleepovers with friends practically every weekend.

I'm curious though how people here (I live in Seattle, and people in CO) are going to handle the social acceptance of marijuana with it now being perfectly legal to smoke when it comes to stuff like this. I can only imagine it becoming socially acceptable to offer up a toke, like you would a beer.

[msmerymac]

Dec 12, 2013 11:39:25 GMT -5 @roseyposey said:

I agree, that in that specific event, I wouldn't allow him to sleep over, and its a weird experience.

I agree though that I loved sleepovers as a kid, and can't imagine NOT doing them. We had sleepovers with friends practically every weekend.

I'm curious though how people here (I live in Seattle, and people in CO) are going to handle the social acceptance of marijuana with it now being perfectly legal to smoke when it comes to stuff like this. I can only imagine it becoming socially acceptable to offer up a toke, like you would a beer.

That's a good point. I mean, just because someone smokes pot does not make them a bad parent, bad person, or someone to be avoided by any means. And I've had people offer me pot before, just... not while we were getting to know each other with children playing. So yeah, it's not so much the existence of the marijuana here that's the issue, it's their poor judgement.

[anna7602]

My child (age 5) has already done a couple of sleepovers. I'm okay with it as long as I know the parents. It's also quite delightful to go out on a date night and not have to worry about rushing home to relieve the babysitter. 

The playdate you mention, however, is a little off. Don't let one bad experience make you think no one out there can be trusted with your child, however. 

[catbus]

Dec 12, 2013 13:07:22 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

Dec 12, 2013 11:39:25 GMT -5 @roseyposey said:

I agree, that in that specific event, I wouldn't allow him to sleep over, and its a weird experience.

I agree though that I loved sleepovers as a kid, and can't imagine NOT doing them. We had sleepovers with friends practically every weekend.

I'm curious though how people here (I live in Seattle, and people in CO) are going to handle the social acceptance of marijuana with it now being perfectly legal to smoke when it comes to stuff like this. I can only imagine it becoming socially acceptable to offer up a toke, like you would a beer.

That's a good point. I mean, just because someone smokes pot does not make them a bad parent, bad person, or someone to be avoided by any means. And I've had people offer me pot before, just... not while we were getting to know each other with children playing. So yeah, it's not so much the existence of the marijuana here that's the issue, it's their poor judgement.

See, I'm not a pot smoker, personally, but for plenty of people it's no different from having a beer or glass of wine. I would have to be in the situation to get a read on the type of person it is, but I know enough responsible, successful adults and parents who smoke recreationally and manage to care for their children just fine. 

In any case, I don't really understand the OP. What does the play date have to do with sleepovers? 

[auberge]

Dec 12, 2013 18:14:30 GMT -5 catbus said:

Dec 12, 2013 13:07:22 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

That's a good point. I mean, just because someone smokes pot does not make them a bad parent, bad person, or someone to be avoided by any means. And I've had people offer me pot before, just... not while we were getting to know each other with children playing. So yeah, it's not so much the existence of the marijuana here that's the issue, it's their poor judgement.

See, I'm not a pot smoker, personally, but for plenty of people it's no different from having a beer or glass of wine. I would have to be in the situation to get a read on the type of person it is, but I know enough responsible, successful adults and parents who smoke recreationally and manage to care for their children just fine. 

In any case, I don't really understand the OP. What does the play date have to do with sleepovers? 

Hmm let's see....the fact that we walked into a filthy house and within minutes they offered us drugs. My point is it validated my H's fears of leaving our son at someone's else house.

Also, no matter how you feel about marijuana it's not appropriate to offer a stranger illegal drugs while your kids are playing a few feet away. It's clearly not like beer or wine.

[anna7602]

Dec 12, 2013 18:24:36 GMT -5 auberge said:

Dec 12, 2013 18:14:30 GMT -5 catbus said:

 

 It's clearly not like beer or wine.

Except that @supergreen's DH seems to think that it is. My take-away from this thread is that people don't want their kids spending too much time in houses with values too different from one's own values. That's all well and good up to a certain age, but I am pretty sure that by the time DD is in high school, I am not going to have the chance to really get to know the parents of many of the kids she hangs out with. 

[h]

I don't have a problem with recreational use of alcohol or pot, but offering pot to a virtual stranger at a lunchtime play date suggests that perhaps this guy smokes a whole lot of pot. I would be similarly taken aback if he offered up a round of shots at a mid-day play date or proceeded to drink several beers. As long as I have control over the houses my kids hang out at, I would prefer that they be with parents who save the majority of their pot smoking and drinking for times when they are not supervising small children.

[stealthmom]

Dec 12, 2013 11:39:25 GMT -5 @roseyposey said:

I agree, that in that specific event, I wouldn't allow him to sleep over, and its a weird experience.

I agree though that I loved sleepovers as a kid, and can't imagine NOT doing them. We had sleepovers with friends practically every weekend.

I'm curious though how people here (I live in Seattle, and people in CO) are going to handle the social acceptance of marijuana with it now being perfectly legal to smoke when it comes to stuff like this. I can only imagine it becoming socially acceptable to offer up a toke, like you would a beer.

Maybe?  But not to me.  I wouldn't feel much different if somebody offered me a cig. in their house.  I'd be WTFing in the car all the way home and I wouldn't want my kid hanging out a lot in that house either.

[Deleted]

I went to tons of sleepovers, starting in early elementary school.

I don't remember the boys having sleepovers unless it was cub scouts or something it was more of a girls thing when I was growing up.

In HS we had coed sleepovers all the time. My parents were find with me going. It was wierd.

I also just kinda moved into my friend Dan's parents spare room for a little while. Again my parents were cool with it, which was really bizarre.

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2013 18:35:49 GMT -5 anna7602 said:

Dec 12, 2013 18:24:36 GMT -5 auberge said:

 It's clearly not like beer or wine.

Except that @supergreen's DH seems to think that it is. My take-away from this thread is that people don't want their kids spending too much time in houses with values too different from one's own values. That's all well and good up to a certain age, but I am pretty sure that by the time DD is in high school, I am not going to have the chance to really get to know the parents of many of the kids she hangs out with. 

Oh, my DH does not think pot and beer are the same. Far from it. I was just sharing our own experience with other parents having bad judgement. DH and I would totally accept beer if we were having dinner with friends, but not at a 3 year old's birthday at 11am. Sneaking off to drink at your kid's birthday party shows bad judgement IMHO.

And yes, I don't want DS spending time with people whose values differ significant from our own. Those parents are going to pass their poor values on to their kid, who will then pass it on to my kid. I know I can't control everything, but for now when kids are young (aka not 16), I do have control over who they hang out with.

[SJ]

I will definitely let my kids have sleepovers, but it totally makes sense to do it on a case by case basis with kids/parents you know and trust.

My first "school friend" sleepover was in kindergarten but we had slept over at a few of my mom's best friends' houses before that. And started sleeping over at grandparents' houses at a few months old, but that is obviously different.

And I absolutely think it's weird to offer pot to a stranger at 11am in front of your young children. But the beer at a birthday party wouldn't register on my radar; in fact, I'd expect it.

[Deleted]

Dec 12, 2013 20:00:37 GMT -5 SJ said:

But the beer at a birthday party wouldn't register on my radar; in fact, I'd expect it.

I guess it was more than the other Dad sneaked off to drink. The birthday party was two doors down in the common area, and he invited DH to go back to their house to drink and have cigars. If you've never had a cigar before, a full size one takes about 45-60 mins to smoke. So DH thought it was poor judgement that the other Dad was missing his own daughter's birthday party to smoke and drink.

[SJ]

Oh yes, that is weird. I thought the beer was at the party. If be annoyed if my husband left my kid's party for 45+ minutes like that too.

[drloretta]

Dec 12, 2013 9:47:48 GMT -5 ohgillian said:

I'm pro-sleepovers, but dude, not at a place where they offer strangers pot.

ITA. I can see how your H is now even more against them now