I'll be honest - my husband handles most stuff like that. It's not because I can't. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself before I got married.
But given our personalities and our work schedules, it works better this way.
He mostly handles the cars (including getting gas...I can't even remember the last time I filled up), grocery shopping, laundry, vet appointments, repair people, bill paying, cooking dinner, cleaning.
I make breakfast and bring the awesome to the relationship.
Since my schedule is more flexible I am usually the one taking care of the car, but if it's a large repair I usually have DH talk to the shop on the phone just to make sure we are getting the right stuff. I don't know a lot about cars but enough that I'm comfortable with most things. I also handle all the bills and most shopping trips, DH definitely prefers it that way.
It depends on the thing. Car stuff falls to him because he works on our cars himself. Vet tends to go to me. I pay the bills because I'm the more organized one. Banking and stuff like that we tend to wait for days when we're both around so we're both involved. It works.
Post by basilosaurus on Jul 7, 2012 12:38:08 GMT -5
I don't understand how people make it to adulthood without basic life skills. Yes, taking your car for an oil change and regular maintenance is basic, so is taking an animal to the vet. This shit isn't rocket science.
At home, I do most everything. We've lived apart at various times in our marriage (thanks, military) so I know H is perfectly capable of getting stuff done on his own. It's just that I have more time to grocery shop and cook, plus I'm a lot better/faster at it. If we shop together on the weekends it takes 3 times as long.
The one thing that's pretty much always my task is anything having to do with computers or electronics. I've taught him how to do something like build a computer, because he wanted to learn and is capable, but it's really my field. I'm also far more likely to be the one wielding the power drill if the need arises.
DH works shorter hours than I do, so he usually does stuff like take the dogs to the vet or deal with the car, but I make all appointments and do the planning.
The only embarrassing thing that my H does for me is squishing bugs. I could squish bugs on my own if I needed to, of course, but I'm married and it bothers him less than it does me, so that's his job. Otherwise, yes, I take care of things on my own like bills and oil changes.
There are certain things he does and certain things I do. Some things I would prefer that he was there with me but I don't necessarily need him there for it.
That said, he handles all car related issues. He is a mechanic. I handled all animal care issues unless I needed another pair of hands or wanted morale support like when the cat had surgery.
I am still flabbergasted that my heinous SIL could not manager to fly to by herself from DC to CA while my dad was in ICU. She demanded that my brother fly back to pick her up. And my ball-less brother did. Sigh.
My husband does some stuff and I do others. It works for us. [/quote
This is us too. He mows the lawn and snowblows the driveway and does all the house maintenance stuff and I do the inside cleaning and kid stuff and handle all the finances. It's basically divided up based on who is better at what/likes or hates doing certain things. Embarrassingly marriage has made me more helpless than I used to be. I don't know how to start our lawn mower. If I didn't have a husband to do it, I would definitely just figure it out and mow my own lawn. Meh - division of resources, right?
I work with a woman who practically brags about how dependent upon her husband she is. She just can't wrap her head around it when I mention somthing like driving the rental car when we're on vacation somewhere like Las Vegas. She just keeps saying over and over "I don't understand how you can drive in a strange city, I make my husband do all that. Aren't you scared?"
Post by statlerwaldorf on Jul 7, 2012 13:44:00 GMT -5
I thought this was going to be about masturbation!
I can do stuff on my own. I lived alone for a little bit before getting married and didn't rely on anyone else. The only thing I can't do is mow the grass. I have a really bad grass allergy.
I can absolutely take of anything on my own, but since we are married, we divide and conquer.
This.
I will say, I don't know that much about taking care of a pet or a baby or a yard... but I'm sure I will be able to figure it out if/when we do have those responsibilities. None of the "adult life skills" I've learned to do so far were particular hard... even the first time around. What I don't get are people who think that just because they've never done something before, they couldn't start doing it. There's a first time for everything.
We split things up more based on who hates to do the chore the least. DH gets the trash because it doesn't bother him. I loathe taking the trash out. I put things together, hang pictures on the walls, install easy things around the house because I like doing that and DH hates it. Honestly, most things around the home that are more than just basic tasks, we hire out anyway.
We do normally take the cars in together, though, but only so we can drop one off and leave it, not because it actually requires two people. The stupid shop DH likes the best (and he's a car nut) is busy so waiting around would be a PITA. I do clear any extras they want to do with DH, though, beyond the normal routine maintenence like oil changes, tire rotations, alignments, etc., just because DH keeps on top of that stuff and I don't. Like another poster said, I don't think it's bad to rely on each other somewhat, nor do I think it's bad to let one person take the lead on something that they are more interested in.
we divvy things based more on who has time. since i don't work, it's usually me. but we're both equally capable of handling routine adult things.
the one thing i leave solely to h is electronics. even though i'm perfectly capable of plugging things in and setting them up, he's really particular about it so it's his responsibility.
We each have our strengths and knowledge areas. So we take care of different stuff. Sometimes I take care of stuff for him sometimes he does it for me.
I'm pretty good at arguing with people but DH can be more calm about things.
the one thing i leave solely to h is electronics. even though i'm perfectly capable of plugging things in and setting them up, he's really particular about it so it's his responsibility.
I don't update my own iPod or iPhone. He actually remembers my Apple password better than I do.
I email him when I want an album, and within a couple of days, it's on my iPod.
I can't get divorced because my music collection will be frozen in time.
I also would likely be unable to turn on the television if he were to take the universal remote (that he programmed) away.
Post by badtzmaru22 on Jul 7, 2012 14:41:35 GMT -5
I'm very independent, but sometimes I fall into laziness trap where I wait around for him to do something because it's on "his" list - hanging pictures or taking out the trash, usually. But it's not like I can't do these things on my own!
With appointments (vet, baby, car) I usually schedule them, but DH does them. He works a mid-shift, so he has time in the mornings to do those things. I feel like a bad mom when I don't go to the baby appointments.
Post by definitelyO on Jul 7, 2012 17:54:07 GMT -5
um, YES. I can take care of things myself. I can do some basic repairs - I'm not totally handy, but I can change out light switches, outlet plugs, fix a running toilet (replace all the parts, etc..). I can do car maintenance (ie - take it to a shop).
When we got married, DH was in the military. He then promptly did 2 deployments with a short break inbetween them. I can manage quite well on my own, but it is sure nice to have someone else that can assist from time to time.