My MIL and SIL can not believe that I handle things without MH. I took my car to the shop myself, bitched at them till I got a loaner, picked it up myself. These women cannot even take the dog to the vet on their own. They are so dependent on their husbands and each other. It's ridiculous. I don't get it.
Well, I am single, so yes I do. However, even when I am married I intend on taking care of things on my own. I am very independent and see no reason not to handle something on my own if I can.
I personally can't deal with women who can't do anything on their own.
I do more of those kinds of things than my husband does! And I pay all the bills and make all the appointments for us both. I'm a type A planner though.
I do like it when he does the grocery shopping or fills up my car though.
Post by littlemermaid on Jul 7, 2012 9:27:52 GMT -5
I take care of all my own car maintenace and anything else that needs to be done. I can't even imagine asking my husband to take time off of work to do something that an adult could easily do themselves. But I've had to be responsible for my own stuff since I was old enough to do so.
I'm curious was your FIL the type of man that handled everything in the household(finances, car repairs, home repairs..etc). Maybe your SIL was raised that "the man of the house" took care of all that stuff and your MIL was never required to do that stuff in her marriage.
I take care of all my own car maintenace and anything else that needs to be done. I can't even imagine asking my husband to take time off of work to do something that an adult could easily do themselves. But I've had to be responsible for my own stuff since I was old enough to do so.
I'm curious was your FIL the type of man that handled everything in the household(finances, car repairs, home repairs..etc). Maybe your SIL was raised that "the man of the house" took care of all that stuff and your MIL was never required to do that stuff in her marriage.
Kind of. It's just that they are nervous about doing things. They all have the same cell phone, buy the same things. Go to the grocery store as a group.MH on the other hand is the one that always goes on his own. It's weird
I have a more flexible job so I take the car to the mechanic 9/10. H, however does take our car for oil changes. He's kind of anal about it. I don't take our cat to the vet alone because she goes crazy and needs two people to hold her while a vet checks her out.
yes I can handle quite a bit myself. We are both very independent people with our own set jobs in this household. Works for us. When one of my SIL's was living with us, she would joke with others that we were always doing something household wise0 Its how we get things done though. Who really wants to be on top of their spouses trying to get things done? Nothing gets done that way. Its almost 11am over here, and we probably have done more then most people we know, since we took our own jobs. Grocery shopping done, bills, stained deck, stained picnic table, vet visit, exercised horses, watered animals, fed animals..All these things cannot be done without a good partnership and able to do things on an solitary basis.
I am perfectly capable of running my life without DH. He's helpful and I appreciate his help, but it's not necessary to my basic functioning in life. In addition to taking the car to the shop, I can install a thermostat, patch holes in drywall, fix a leaky faucet, and install light fixtures by myself if they aren't too heavy. All of these things blow the mind of my closest co-worker.
Oh, and if there's complaining to do, that's definitely my job as I am more in touch with my inner-bitch than DH is.
My mom is very independent - in her mid 60s, she's an engineer (not common for her age) and has been single for over 30 years. So I did not have a role model who depended on a man. However, she has a good friend about her age who is currently working several states away from her husband. She barely functions and honestly relies on my mom for very basic stuff. It's pretty sad to see.
My parents were divorced when I was young. My mom took care of everything so I guess that it where I got it from. If anything every happened to my FIL or BIL I don't know what they would do.
Post by stingsharkruns on Jul 7, 2012 9:48:38 GMT -5
DH handles the cars & the outside maintenance stuff. I handle all the bills/grocery shopping. We both clean. .. Usually DH takes the dogs to the vet. I can take one at a time, but both of them is a little much. Before DH, my Dad handled all my car stuff.. I'm not ashamed. I prefer it this way.
We both usually take care of our own stuff. There are some things that he does that I don't know how to do (such as mow the lawn) but I certainly would be capable of learning if the need arose. DH would be more likely to actually perform maintenance on my car (I basically know how to get gas and that's it) but I make my own appointments/handle my own maintenance with a shop. I also take the dogs to the vet myself most of the time.
I can't imagine needing to rely on someone else to do things I'm perfectly capable of doing on my own.
If I want something done, I usually just do it myself. However, we do share responsibilities and there are things that we rely on each other for. I don't think it's a negative thing to need your spouse.
He takes the car to get it fixed but that's because it's his field of work. I have to tell him what mileage we are at and make sure we're getting the proper maintenance though.
He takes care of some, I take care of some. It depends. I am certainly capable of doing things on my own, but appreciate him doing things every once in a while, and he appreciates my help when I do things for him.
We ration these things out based on whomever has the most time on their hands. Right now I'm doing pretty much everything because DH is working really long hours. In the winter his work will die down significantly and he'll take care of pretty much everything during the day when I'm working.
There is nothing I would need to wait for my SO to take care of for me. I grill on my own, have mowed the lawn since fourth grade, patch drywall, assemble furniture, do my taxes. At our first post-college apt, SO was out of town when our 80lb A/C unit was delivered. Anything left in the common area was usually stolen so I carried that stupid thing up three flights of stairs one step at a time.
His sister and I are just different beings. We both went to college together and for years she called him over to pump her gas (they are from New Jersey) because she refused to learn. I thought she was an alien.
I'm capable of doing everything myself, but there are a few things that I make him do.
Taking our big, aggressive dog to the vet is his responsibility since I don't feel comfortable being in control of her in a possibly dangerous situation. He's strong enough to be able to hold her back and actually pick her up and carry her off if he needs to.
He also gets stuck doing household repairs that require more than a screwdriver, but that is only because he takes all of his tools to work with him. I really should go out and buy some household tools.
Post by cricketwife on Jul 7, 2012 10:48:18 GMT -5
Right now, I do "everything" except for the lawn because I'm off for the summer and have a lot more time. Otherwise, we take care of things as needed - whoever can do it does it. I usually do a lot more of the errands stuff because I have more time off and a somewhat flexible schedule (i.e. I can leave at 4pm for an appt once in a while while he's never out before 6.)
I hate yard work. I mowed the lawn for the first two years I lived here and after that I hired it out. So if he ever stops doing it, I will "take care of it" by paying somebody. It gives me a terrible headache whenever I do it.
I think it's weird to be so dependent like your ILs are. It seems healthier to depend on each other, not for one person to rely on the other to do everything.
It honestly creeps me out a bit when people are like that (barring disability or something). I don't understand.
I prefer to shop (grocery or otherwise) or go the vet on my own, without my husband. It's easier to just worry about myself when out, haha.
He does do some of the heavier shit around the house and mows the lawn but I'm the one who grew up "country" so usually it's me doing house-related care. I don't mind at all.
My husband does some stuff and I do others. It works for us.
Us too. We divide stuff by who can either do the job better or who hates it less. My h also has a much more flexible job than I do, so he takes care of a lot of appts and car stuff bc hecan do it without taking time off. But I did it on my own when I was single.
Honestly, sharing labor is one of the perks of marriage.
I am perfectly capable of doing things on my own. That said, there are things I prefer not to do like get an oil change (I hate driving over that hole!) or taking my dog for shots. My husband does these things for me if I ask him to but if he's traveling or busy or something then, yes, of course, I do them myself.
Meh. My husband and I do an equal share of things based on our strengths and preferences, but I really don't care how other people divide their resonsibilities.
I handle everything in our family. Fi doesn't have the bandwidth or the time - or does he possess any inclination. I just finished renovating the family cabin 5 hours away - a task that involved dealing with contractors, delivery people and tons of painting. It was a monster task, but hey, the place looks terrific!
My DH can't even drive my car (it is a stick), so I am own my own when it comes to car stuff. We divide up the best of the responsibilities, but he does pick up more of the slack over the summer because he is a teacher.
I am still flabbergasted that my heinous SIL could not manager to fly to by herself from DC to CA while my dad was in ICU. She demanded that my brother fly back to pick her up. And my ball-less brother did. Sigh.