Post by scribellesam on Mar 26, 2014 10:36:35 GMT -5
I had a hard time thinking of any, but I used to get ragey at anyone who suggested or joked about doing CIO on my child while I was not present. I understand it works for many parents on this board, but I was very against it for DS based on his personality.
Carseat safety and discipline. I am pretty laid back about a lot of things. The grandparents want to take the kids to McDonalds? Fine. DS1 sleeps over at my mom's house and stays up too late watching movies with her? No biggie. But fail to make sure my kids are safe in the car or even suggest spanking them, and I am livid. That said, I don't go around ending friendships with people because they forward face at one or anything.
For this particular child, sleep. I've had more experienced parents tell me it's no big deal if his nap gets moved around or he stays up a little later. Actually, for my child, at this point in his development, it is a big deal. So I make sure to keep him as close to his sleep schedule as possible.
Yes, this!! What "experienced" parents need to realize too is that all kids aren't the same. DS has always done SO MUCH BETTER with getting the right amount of sleep and when they actually still happened - naps at the right times.Â
And honestly- I've seen a few cases of friends who subscribed to the "Oh- it's no big deal. My kid doesn't need to nap/ they can stay up late" thought process, and I can SEE how it affects their kids. I'm not going to question them on it- their kid, their choice. But I can very clearly see that their child does actually suffer for the lack of sleep!Â
Oh, this too. Less strongly but I have always been very protective of DS' sleep. And surprised that experienced parents were so breezy about it!!
Yes, this!! What "experienced" parents need to realize too is that all kids aren't the same. DS has always done SO MUCH BETTER with getting the right amount of sleep and when they actually still happened - naps at the right times.
And honestly- I've seen a few cases of friends who subscribed to the "Oh- it's no big deal. My kid doesn't need to nap/ they can stay up late" thought process, and I can SEE how it affects their kids. I'm not going to question them on it- their kid, their choice. But I can very clearly see that their child does actually suffer for the lack of sleep!
Oh, this too. Less strongly but I have always been very protective of DS' sleep. And surprised that experienced parents were so breezy about it!!
Sleep is not my hill to die on (yet, and only because she naps shitty no matter what lol), but I think this is yet another one of those things that people get amnesia about as their kid gets older.
Post by dbsk8dance on Mar 26, 2014 11:56:48 GMT -5
vaccines and car seat safety. I got pearl clutchy at a good friend's photo the other day with chest straps wrong and her barely 1 year old FF. I'm trying to figure out how to approach it with them. (The FF thing I can deal with (sort of) but the loose chest clips and straps, not so much.)
I will almost always say something when I see an unsafe car seat situation. I did with a very good friend who has a 6 week old son last week. It was hard to be confrontational, but I knew I'd never forgive myself if they were in a car wreck.
I don't care how you feed or birth your kid. I support you.
I'm very concerned about the mental health of new mothers. I lost a friend to post partum psychosis and am now hyper aware of the issue.
I'm pretty laid back about what other people do but I do speak up for Formula feeders & SAHMs. My niece is not vaxxed & I know they did CIO out early with her...both things I adamantly disagree with but I'm not around them (thankfully) so it's not an ongoing conflict. Non kid related it makes me pretty ragey to hear people trash talking my religion, especially ex "members". It's not a gender or race--you aren't stuck practicing it for life... if you don't believe, agree or whatever...good for you. Now please move on.
Post by leonard131 on Mar 26, 2014 12:20:57 GMT -5
Vaccines. Other than that pretty much a believer of my child my choices, your child your choices.
There are things I see that make me feel sad for the child like when you see a two year old drinking mtn dew (saw this at the grocery store) or childhood obseity.
While I'm *totally* "live and let live" about you do with your child (besides vaccines), there are many things I feel strongly about for my own kid and will get testy over. This surprises exactly no one in my life, so they don't really cross me
I will almost always say something when I see an unsafe car seat situation. I did with a very good friend who has a 6 week old son last week. It was hard to be confrontational, but I knew I'd never forgive myself if they were in a car wreck.
Do you say things to strangers? I so wanted to at the store on Saturday. There was a woman with her infant seat balanced on the cart and her 3-ish year old IN the cart. He kept moving back and forth and reaching out to the shelves and I was worried the baby would tip off. I didn't now how to approach her about it. I don't like confrontation and I didn't want a scene to be caused if she had gotten crappy with me.
Oh man, it would have been hard for me to say something in that situation. I prefaced the comment to my friend with a hole bunch of qualifiers/ apologies before I finally spit out "the straps should be tight across his body and the cross bar at his armpits" and then apologized again.
I am pretty breezy but my kids will be polite to other kids. Some of J's biggest punishments have come from doing not nice things to other kids. I do not play when it comes that ish.
Also good sleep habits are very very very important to me.
Food. I honestly don't see the need for puffs, goldfish, sugary "kids'" yogurts, grahams, etc. I know, I know; this is not a popular opinion. You asked!
Vaccines. I ended a friendship when I found out she was a non-vaxxer.
Baby talk. No, just NO. I correct my SMIL about that every time I see her. She starts in with the "ohhh my cutiepatootie chubba bubba baby!" And I'm like NO, STOP. No baby talk.
Honestly I don't have very many parenting-related hills. DH says I let DS "get away with a lot" but I'm home with him all day! DS and I have to compromise to make it through the day without crying and tantrums.
I'm pretty laid back about what other people do but I do speak up for Formula feeders & SAHMs. Non kid related it makes me pretty ragey to hear people trash talking my religion, especially ex "members". It's not a gender or race--you aren't stuck practicing it for life... if you don't believe, agree or whatever...good for you. Now please move on.
All of this. I've been able to make BF work but I was a FF baby myself.
I 100% feel you on the religion stuff. I keep it a little quieter on the boards than I do in real life, but it grates on my nerves. Somewhat connected, I will not let anyone ever try and make my children feel like they are in any way other than a blessing and joy. My hands are full but my children are not a burden.
I get a bit testy when there's any sort of assumption that SAH is always the path of least resistance and/or my career wasn't important enough/didn't make enough money to continue to do while having small kids. Choice, this is my choice and it works for my family for a host of reasons. I made more than my DH when we made this decision.
C-sections. Definitely my biggest hill. Trusting your doctor is not a horrible decision and I hate the implication that if you end up with a c-section, you somehow failed to advocate well enough for yourself. No, sometimes a c-section is the difference between and healthy mom and baby and the alternative. The "be your own decision maker" pendulum has swung too far, it's the same ballpark as people doing "research" about vaccines to me.
I will almost always say something when I see an unsafe car seat situation. I did with a very good friend who has a 6 week old son last week. It was hard to be confrontational, but I knew I'd never forgive myself if they were in a car wreck.
Do you say things to strangers? I so wanted to at the store on Saturday. There was a woman with her infant seat balanced on the cart and her 3-ish year old IN the cart. He kept moving back and forth and reaching out to the shelves and I was worried the baby would tip off. I didn't now how to approach her about it. I don't like confrontation and I didn't want a scene to be caused if she had gotten crappy with me.
If a child's safety is in question, then yes I confront someone. The other day at the park some boys were burying their younger sister in the sand to her neck. It was really making me nervous and their mom was on the other side of the playground and couldn't see them. I was afraid the sand would collapse and they wouldn't be able to get her out. When I told the mom she blew off my concerns, and I still couldn't keep quiet. It's one thing to MYOB, but I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to that little girl.
For this particular child, sleep. I've had more experienced parents tell me it's no big deal if his nap gets moved around or he stays up a little later. Actually, for my child, at this point in his development, it is a big deal. So I make sure to keep him as close to his sleep schedule as possible.
I'm with you on sleep. Sleep is probably the most important thing for a happy child in my mind. DD is on the high end of sleep needs and only within a few months of has become flexible in when she sleeps. Setting a schedule early on was the smartest thing we ever did for this particular child. Even now I don't like to mess with her sleep times more than once a week.
DD went through a phase around 15 months where she was ready for bed by 6 every night. And by ready, I mean screaming and sobbing and there was no way to keep her awake. She would have probably gone to bed at 5 if we had let her. One of DH's friends talked so much shit to a mutual friend about my unwillingness to meet them for dinner and a swim when obviously since I was now a SAHM, I should just be putting her to bed later so she'd sleep later. What works for your kid doesn't work for mine and thankfully she never said anything directly to me as I would have yelled at her.
For this particular child, sleep. I've had more experienced parents tell me it's no big deal if his nap gets moved around or he stays up a little later. Actually, for my child, at this point in his development, it is a big deal. So I make sure to keep him as close to his sleep schedule as possible.
Yes, this!! What "experienced" parents need to realize too is that all kids aren't the same. DS has always done SO MUCH BETTER with getting the right amount of sleep and when they actually still happened - naps at the right times.
And honestly- I've seen a few cases of friends who subscribed to the "Oh- it's no big deal. My kid doesn't need to nap/ they can stay up late" thought process, and I can SEE how it affects their kids. I'm not going to question them on it- their kid, their choice. But I can very clearly see that their child does actually suffer for the lack of sleep!
I think I just feel strongly that kids need more sleep than you would ever expect. I have a friend whose daughter "dropped her nap" at 17 months. She also purposefully keeps her daughter from napping in the car and wakes her up if she does nap so she sleeps well at night. If you see them around 4, her daughter is clearly exhausted and over simulated. I would never, ever say anything to her about her daughter needing to nap, but every time she mentions behavioral issues I have to bite my tongue not to mention the sleep issue.
I think I just feel strongly that kids need more sleep than you would ever expect. I have a friend whose daughter "dropped her nap" at 17 months. She also purposefully keeps her daughter from napping in the car and wakes her up if she does nap so she sleeps well at night. If you see them around 4, her daughter is clearly exhausted and over simulated. I would never, ever say anything to her about her daughter needing to nap, but every time she mentions behavioral issues I have to bite my tongue not to mention the sleep issue.
I agree. My one friend- she has 2 kids. When the youngest wasn't even 2 yet, my friend's mantra was "Oh- we don't do naps. It works for us!". So- on the weekends, they'd just go out and about and the kids would often fall asleep in the car. However, at this same time, they were also in DC during the week and guess what? AT daycare they napped.
So - fine, she and her DH decided they'd just ignore naps on the weekends and "it worked for them". This is all fine and good.
But what killed me- we went to the beach w/ them (we had traveled w/ a big group of friends for quite a few years in a row to the beach). DD was 1.5, DS was 3.5. She still was like "we don't do naps". OMG- by the end of the week, I can remember one afternoon where her DD was just MISERABLE and having a total meltdown on the beach and just couldn't make sense of anything. She was walking around in circles and just crying. My friends reaction was "Oh- are you hungry?".
And at least 2 times that week, this girl PASSED OUT on the floor of their bedroom for like 3 hours. Just layed down on the floor out of utter exhaustion and PASSED OUT.
My friend found all this funny. I wanted to scream at her - "YOUR KID IS EXHAUSTED!!!!!!! Maybe for a weekend you can get away w/ no real naps, but your DD, who isn't even 2, CLEARLY still needs to sleep!!!! She can't go all week w/o any naps!".
I really do try to not judge what other parents do w/ their kids. I may not make the same choices, but that's fine - there are many different paths you can take w/ raising kids. But this particular situation was maddening.
I think I just feel strongly that kids need more sleep than you would ever expect. I have a friend whose daughter "dropped her nap" at 17 months. She also purposefully keeps her daughter from napping in the car and wakes her up if she does nap so she sleeps well at night. If you see them around 4, her daughter is clearly exhausted and over simulated. I would never, ever say anything to her about her daughter needing to nap, but every time she mentions behavioral issues I have to bite my tongue not to mention the sleep issue.
I agree. My one friend- she has 2 kids. When the youngest wasn't even 2 yet, my friend's mantra was "Oh- we don't do naps. It works for us!". So- on the weekends, they'd just go out and about and the kids would often fall asleep in the car. However, at this same time, they were also in DC during the week and guess what? AT daycare they napped.
So - fine, she and her DH decided they'd just ignore naps on the weekends and "it worked for them". This is all fine and good.
But what killed me- we went to the beach w/ them (we had traveled w/ a big group of friends for quite a few years in a row to the beach). DD was 1.5, DS was 3.5. She still was like "we don't do naps". OMG- by the end of the week, I can remember one afternoon where her DD was just MISERABLE and having a total meltdown on the beach and just couldn't make sense of anything. She was walking around in circles and just crying. My friends reaction was "Oh- are you hungry?".
And at least 2 times that week, this girl PASSED OUT on the floor of their bedroom for like 3 hours. Just layed down on the floor out of utter exhaustion and PASSED OUT.
My friend found all this funny. I wanted to scream at her - "YOUR KID IS EXHAUSTED!!!!!!! Maybe for a weekend you can get away w/ no real naps, but your DD, who isn't even 2, CLEARLY still needs to sleep!!!! She can't go all week w/o any naps!".
I really do try to not judge what other parents do w/ their kids. I may not make the same choices, but that's fine - there are many different paths you can take w/ raising kids. But this particular situation was maddening.
I have a friend whose daughter also "stopped napping" at 16 months. But like your friend's daughter, the kid takes solid naps at daycare, so clearly she does need to nap. Then she wonders why her DD is ready for bed at 6:00.
This friend was also dumbfounded by the idea of us eating dinner with DS, first because her daughter eats dinner by 5 (see above re: early bedtime) and second because they don't feed her the same foods they eat.
I think I just feel strongly that kids need more sleep than you would ever expect. I have a friend whose daughter "dropped her nap" at 17 months. She also purposefully keeps her daughter from napping in the car and wakes her up if she does nap so she sleeps well at night. If you see them around 4, her daughter is clearly exhausted and over simulated. I would never, ever say anything to her about her daughter needing to nap, but every time she mentions behavioral issues I have to bite my tongue not to mention the sleep issue.
I agree. My one friend- she has 2 kids. When the youngest wasn't even 2 yet, my friend's mantra was "Oh- we don't do naps. It works for us!". So- on the weekends, they'd just go out and about and the kids would often fall asleep in the car. However, at this same time, they were also in DC during the week and guess what? AT daycare they napped.
So - fine, she and her DH decided they'd just ignore naps on the weekends and "it worked for them". This is all fine and good.
But what killed me- we went to the beach w/ them (we had traveled w/ a big group of friends for quite a few years in a row to the beach). DD was 1.5, DS was 3.5. She still was like "we don't do naps". OMG- by the end of the week, I can remember one afternoon where her DD was just MISERABLE and having a total meltdown on the beach and just couldn't make sense of anything. She was walking around in circles and just crying. My friends reaction was "Oh- are you hungry?".
And at least 2 times that week, this girl PASSED OUT on the floor of their bedroom for like 3 hours. Just layed down on the floor out of utter exhaustion and PASSED OUT.
My friend found all this funny. I wanted to scream at her - "YOUR KID IS EXHAUSTED!!!!!!! Maybe for a weekend you can get away w/ no real naps, but your DD, who isn't even 2, CLEARLY still needs to sleep!!!! She can't go all week w/o any naps!".
I really do try to not judge what other parents do w/ their kids. I may not make the same choices, but that's fine - there are many different paths you can take w/ raising kids. But this particular situation was maddening.
I'm not sure I could have stopped myself from saying something in those circumstances. I know there are kids under 2 that legitimately drop their naps, but they are rare.
I am very lax with what we let them eat (no soda or too many treats) because their pediatrician was/is concerned about their weight gain.
This. I find it absolutely ridiculous when people judge what other people feed their kids. Yeah, my kids have had cheetos and soda. I've also had to worry about my oldest actually eating enough to stay alive, so I'm not going to die on the "only healthy food" hill.
I'm pretty laid back about what other people do but I do speak up for Formula feeders & SAHMs. My niece is not vaxxed & I know they did CIO out early with her...both things I adamantly disagree with but I'm not around them (thankfully) so it's not an ongoing conflict. Non kid related it makes me pretty ragey to hear people trash talking my religion, especially ex "members". It's not a gender or race--you aren't stuck practicing it for life... if you don't believe, agree or whatever...good for you. Now please move on.
Can I be the one to ask if you are a scientologist? I mean I don't get that impression from you AT ALL, but for some reason your above statement makes me think of scientology ( ex members trashing the religion?)
If you are a scientologist KOKO, but if you feel comfortable an " I'm a Scientologist AMA" thread would be FASCINATING.