On the flip side, I had to explain to H that when he takes his time to get in the house, It makes me ragey. I know it sounds nuts to him, but my god don't pull in the garage and then sit on the phone for 20 minutes. Once I hear the garage go up, I think "FREEEEDOM!!!!" Then if I sit there and have to hold it together for 20 more minutes, it is torture. TORTURE!
I am going to need for you to be a little more considerate of his need to decompress before he walks in.
On the flip side, I had to explain to H that when he takes his time to get in the house, It makes me ragey. I know it sounds nuts to him, but my god don't pull in the garage and then sit on the phone for 20 minutes. Once I hear the garage go up, I think "FREEEEDOM!!!!" Then if I sit there and have to hold it together for 20 more minutes, it is torture. TORTURE!
I am going to need for you to be a little more considerate of his need to decompress before he walks in.
These discussions frequently make me think that being married is just an unnatural state of existence, period.
I think marriage made more sense when the average life expectancy was, like, 35.
I think it makes more sense without kids or when you are old and gray and need someone to ignore while reading the paper and eating your senior breakfast special at Cracker Barrel.
These discussions frequently make me think that being married is just an unnatural state of existence, period.
I think marriage made more sense when the average life expectancy was, like, 35.
Because I'm a dork, life expectancy was only like 35 in those old ass generations because so many children died in the first five years of life. If you lived long enough to marry and managed to survive childbirth, life expectancy was in the 60's, early 70's. And there's your random fact of the day.
I think marriage made more sense when the average life expectancy was, like, 35.
Because I'm a dork, life expectancy was only like 35 in those old ass generations because so many children died in the first five years of life. If you lived long enough to marry and managed to survive childbirth, life expectancy was in the 60's, early 70's. And there's your random fact of the day.
Well damn. Lol. That makes sense.
I concur with IIOY, then. Marriage just isn't natural :-p
i am wondering why the hell this is being met with ridicule. there are a far share of us on here that have had some bumps in our marriages. should we have dismissed any complaint from a man about the situation?
i dont see any reason why these complaints couldnt have easily been said by wives. then we would all collectively share our experiences, laugh about it and support one another.
right now its coming off as a little shrewish
I think any last like this is generally meet with ridicule. I think the boats is generally sympathetic to individual problems, but mocks generalized poor poodle lists.
ok, I didn't get farther than your post so maybe you clarified...but I have no idea what you're saying here (boats and poodles?)... autocorrect for the win!
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
Post by jillboston on Mar 28, 2014 13:07:53 GMT -5
Sometimes I have a little sad about being kidless - like when you guys post first day of school pics etc. But then I read these threads and relish our kidless life.
Because I'm a dork, life expectancy was only like 35 in those old ass generations because so many children died in the first five years of life. If you lived long enough to marry and managed to survive childbirth, life expectancy was in the 60's, early 70's. And there's your random fact of the day.
Well damn. Lol. That makes sense.
I concur with IIOY, then. Marriage just isn't natural :-p
Back in those days cheating was pretty much a given at least on the part of the man, that's why it worked. Marriage was a business transaction made for practical reasons and each partner had the job. The wife was to have babies and keep house (or manage the servants who would do the jobs of raising the children and keeping the home) the husband was to provide for the needs of the family. Love/sex/etc wasn't part of it beyond having children, men strayed and in the lower classes women often did as well, upperclass women were expected to provide an heir and a spare then if they were discrete everyone looked the other way if they stepped out. Men were pretty much always allowed to step out whenever they wanted, particularly when their wife was pregnant as it was considered dangerous to have sex while pregnant, and since women were pretty much pregnant every other year or so there was a lot of course he is having his needs met elsewhere thinking.
While I agree about the state of marriage in previous generations, I don't think this means that long term monogamous marriage can't work. I think it just means you don't have the luxury of just going with it because cheating is no longer acceptable but divorce is.
10 is what is frustrating me right now. I come home and he's busy working away. It's the nature of his job. But fuck, dude, can I come in and have a short convo with you about our days without you picking up the phone because someone is calling?
This drives me nuts. I realize he doesn't get to leave his job at the office and has to do work in the evenings. But if we're having a conversation and he gets a text message from a coworker, he either checks it immediately and hears nothing I say or is sitting there basically biding his time until he can check it, still hearing nothing I say.
THE WORLD WILL NOT END IF YOU WAIT FIVE MINUTES TO CHECK YOUR TEXTS!
DH does this too, though not necessarily because of work. He just can't not answer his phone if it rings or he gets a text. No matter where we are or what we're doing.
I've told him it drives me crazy numerous times. He just can't stop.
Re: sex. You know what sucks? Two people whose bodies are on totally different schedules. H would probably do it every morning if he could. Even if mentally I'm all, "I should go with the flow, I'll enjoy it," my body is like, "What the FUCK is going on? Stop it! Stop it! TOO EARLY!!!!" And at night, when I'm up for it, my H could probably fall asleep in the middle. LOL. We're a a horrible mismatch.
This is DH and I, except for the reverse. It really sucks.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
Post by irishbride2 on Mar 28, 2014 17:17:17 GMT -5
OMG he is doing it right now. He's been really good lately but of course the night I post about it he does it. He is sitting on the phone in the car. RAGE!
Post by AllieHound on Mar 28, 2014 18:19:38 GMT -5
I've been thinking recently, as our 5 year anniversary was this past weekend, that I made a good choice in a life partner and we have mutual interests most of the time, and we get along, and we're trying to repair our sex life and we were having long conversations while folding laundry together and etc, etc, etc.
And then our house got the plague. We're all sick- but I took DS to the doctor, and got his meds, and went to the store looking like a crazy hobo to get diapers, and H called in sick and blah blah blah. H finally went to work today- and left early, and had me leave work early to meet him at the doctor. And I fucking shit you not that he said "I'm sorry to be a pain, but I'm just so sick. I don't want to move because moving makes me want to vomit. My whole body hurts. I don't think you've ever been this sick."
... ... ...
I didn't even get into morning sickness, pre-eclampsia, HELLP, c-sections, appendectomies, migraines, H1N1, etc...I just told him that I was sorry that he was ill, but if it were me, I would have gone to the goddamned doctor four days ago, and that I often feel ill but don't make a scene about it because I'm a goddamned adult who understands that the world doesn't revolve around the status of my GI tract.
And then I shut up, got him some meds and told him to to to sleep. I swear to God, if he continues milking this into the weekend, I'm going to need bail money.
Also, bedtime is in 1.5 hours, and I went to the pharmacy that has the liquor store right down the block.
Post by cattledogkisses on Mar 28, 2014 23:53:57 GMT -5
Haha, H is a car-phone sitter too. I had no idea this was so prevalent. It doesn't bug me, but it does drive the dog absolutely nuts because she can hear his car pull in, so then she's freaking out by the door like "ZOMG WHERE IZ?!"
Well, now I am scared shitless of how this baby is going to affect our marriage.
And Lord knows, we actually have very few issues, but the big one we have is communication styles. I am a 'lets have it out right now because I am angry, want to be heard and won't be nearly as upset in 20 minutes if I am allowed to vent' person and he is a 'I need my space to process and stew but I will still be stewing 36 hours from now, holding a grudge like a grade 8 girl' person. It rarely ends well.
6. "I thought I was being the good guy by letting her make all the decisions at home about what we eat, how we decorate the house, and when we started our family, but I've since realized that it's one of the reasons why she's fed up with me." - Evan K., 31, married four years
The response is crap because it doesn't address the issue at all. It has nothing at all to do with micromanaging or letting him do the laundry his way.
This annoys me SO MUCH. He makes it sound like "I'm letting you make all the decisions!" when in reality it's "I'm MAKING you make all the decisions." I do not want to be responsible for every single decision that has to be made. I don't want to be the one to choose every single time we go out to dinner, including both my birthday ("it's your birthday! You get to choose the place! And just go ahead and make us a reservation") and his birthday ("It's my birthday! I want you to choose and make the arrangements!"). I don't want to be the one solely in charge of choosing which school the kids go to, and then you complain about how far away it is. It's not being the good guy, it's being lazy and avoiding responsibility.
6. "I thought I was being the good guy by letting her make all the decisions at home about what we eat, how we decorate the house, and when we started our family, but I've since realized that it's one of the reasons why she's fed up with me." - Evan K., 31, married four years
The response is crap because it doesn't address the issue at all. It has nothing at all to do with micromanaging or letting him do the laundry his way.
This annoys me SO MUCH. He makes it sound like "I'm letting you make all the decisions!" when in reality it's "I'm MAKING you make all the decisions." I do not want to be responsible for every single decision that has to be made. I don't want to be the one to choose every single time we go out to dinner, including both my birthday ("it's your birthday! You get to choose the place! And just go ahead and make us a reservation") and his birthday ("It's my birthday! I want you to choose and make the arrangements!"). I don't want to be the one solely in charge of choosing which school the kids go to, and then you complain about how far away it is. It's not being the good guy, it's being lazy and avoiding responsibility.
This was the source of a major fight last year. My husband is awesome but he SUCKS at gifts and celebrations. Like really, really sucks. It just really isn't his 'love language'. I am still trying to come to terms with it.
I don't make all the decisions but I do all the accounting/paperwork/organization/etc…I made a comment that I needed to get around to doing the taxes before the baby comes and you should have seen the look on his face…then he was like "um, does that mean I might have to do them???". I don't really mind doing these things because I am type A/anal retentive and want stuff done my way but at the same time, he should be able to do it too.
Back to the secks. If you had a healthy sex life before you got married and for a few years after you get married and now you're over it...do you REALLY expect your partner to just be over it, too? Like you don't want to do it so they shouldn't want to either? And do you expect your spouse to remain faithful under those conditions?
I find it hard to believe that the wife is really okay with no intimacy.
Honestly? I think that one is a lie. Not that it can't happen, and it is probably the tone, but I see it more as "I want sex twice a day and wife only 2-3 a week. So, we have no sex." No, it's just not how much you want. There is a difference (aimed at him).