Stop Dressing So Tacky For Church

[IIOY]

I feel like this was a huge hot topic on The Knot, and possibly even The Nest, but I haven't seen a good old-fashioned throwdown over church dress in ages.

(CNN) - If the Rev. John DeBonville could preach a sermon to lift the souls of churchgoers across America, his message would be simple:

Stop dressing so tacky for church.

DeBonville has heard about the “come as you are” approach to dressing down for Sunday service, but he says the Sabbath is getting too sloppy.

When he scans the pews of churches, DeBonville sees rows of people dressed in their Sunday worst. They saunter into church in baggy shorts, flip-flop sandals, tennis shoes and grubby T-shirts. Some even slide into the pews carrying coffee in plastic foam containers as if they’re going to Starbucks.

“It’s like some people decided to stop mowing the lawn and then decided to come to church,” says DeBonville, rector at the Church of the Good Shepard in Massachusetts. “No one dresses up for church anymore.”

All of you folks visiting church this Easter Sunday take a good look around. Soak in the Easter tradition of people wearing their best new outfits for church: The fidgety girls in pink dresses; the pouting boys in stiff new suits; everyone looking all fine and dandy. Because come next Sunday, the people wearing flip-flop sandals, shorts and grubby T-shirts will rise again.

Church leaders like DeBonville have harrumphed about declining dress standards for Sunday service for years, while others say God only cares what’s in someone’s heart.

But which side is right? What does the Bible actually say about dressing properly for church? And does Jesus provide fashion advice anywhere? Wasn’t he a homeless, Galilean peasant who wore flip-flops?

The answers to these questions are not as easy as they may seem. The Bible sends mixed messages about the concept of wearing your Sunday best. And when pastors, parishioners and religious scholars were asked the same questions, they couldn’t agree, either.

Wearing ties on first dates

There was one point on which both sides did agree: People are dressing sloppier everywhere, not just church.

Take a trek to the supermarket on Saturday morning and you’re bound to run into a sleepy-eyed woman in slippers and rollers at the checkout counter.

Or take a walk outside and you’ll be greeted by teenagers slouching around with their jeans sagging over the butt-cheeks.

Even corporate America isn’t immune. Casual Fridays has morphed into casual every day and even tech tycoons like Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg wear bland T-shirts during public presentations.

It’s a sharp departure from another era in America before the 1960s, when people wore suits, dresses and white gloves in public.

The Rev. Gerald Durley, a sharp-dressed civil rights activist in Atlanta, recalls taking his future wife, Muriel, on their first date. When he showed up at her house, her father opened the door, looked at him, and took him aside gravely, “Young man can I talk to you for a minute.”

“He told me, 'If you’re going to take my daughter out, you can wear one of my ties,'” says Durley, a retired Baptist pastor.

Jennifer Fulwiler, who wrote an article for the National Catholic Register titled, “Why Don’t We Dress up Anymore,” says her great-grandfather would put on a coat and tie just to go grocery shopping.

The reasons why people stopped dressing up could fill a book. Yet Fulwiler offers one explanation that’s seldom mentioned – lack of gratitude.

Fulwiler’s revelation came one day as she watched scruffily dressed people board a plane. She flashed back to a black-and-white photo she had seen of her grandparents boarding a plane in the 1940s. Most of the passengers were dressed in suits and ties and dresses because air travel was such a privilege at the time.

“We dress up for what we’re grateful for,” she says. “We’re such a wealthy, spoiled culture that we feel like we have a right to fly on airplanes,” says Fulwiler, author of “Something Other than God,” which details her journey from atheism to Christianity.

Church is like air travel now – it’s no longer a big deal because people have lost their sense of awe before God, Fulwiler says.

Yet some of these same people who say it doesn’t matter how you dress for church would change their tune if they were invited to another event, Fulwiler says.

“If you had the opportunity to meet the Queen of England, you wouldn’t show up in at Windsor Castle wearing jeans and a T-shirt,” she says.

The church customer is always king

Shouldn’t people have that same reverential attitude when they show up at church to meet God, some ask? After all, doesn’t your dress reveal the importance you attach to an occasion?

That sentiment, however, is seen as hopelessly old school in many popular megachurches across America. Casual Fridays has morphed into casual Sundays.

And many of the popular megachurch pastors are middle-aged men who bound onto the stage each Sunday dressed in skinny jeans, untucked Banana Republic shirts, and backed by in-house Christian rock bands. They’ve perfected a “seeker-friendly” approach to church that gets rid of the old formal worship style with its stuffy dress codes.

But there’s a danger in making people too comfortable in their clothes on Sunday morning, says Constance M. Cherry, an international lecturer on worship and a hymn writer.

Some churches have embraced a business-oriented “the customer is always right” approach to worship that places individual comfort at the center of Sunday service, says Cherry, author of“Worship Architect: A Blueprint for Designing Culturally Relevant and Biblically Faithful Services.”

“Many young people and boomers judge the value of worship service based on personal satisfaction,” Cherry says. “If I get to wear flip-flops to Wal-Mart, then I get to wear flip-flops to church. If I get to carry coffee to work, I get to carry coffee to church. They’re being told that come as you are means that God wants you to be comfortable.”

What the Bible says

The Bible says that’s not true – people had to prepare themselves internally and externally for worship.

In the Old Testament, Jewish people didn’t just “come as they are” to the temple in Jerusalem. They had to undergo purification rituals and bathe in pools before they could enter the temple, says Cherry, who is also a professor of worship at Indiana Wesleyan University.

Both Old and New Testaments suggest that people should not approach God in a casual manner, Cherry says. Psalms 24 urges the faithful to “ascend the hill of the Lord …with clean hands and pure hearts.”

When Jesus taught in the synagogues, he also observed the rules and decorum of being in God’s house, Cherry says.

Cherry isn’t calling for a restoration of first-century cultural norms, such as women covering their hair in worship, or a rigid dress code. She says churches should meet people where they are, and make even the poorest person feel welcome.

She just says that preparation for worship should give less thought to people and more thought to the divine.

“There should be some sort of approach to God that will include certain steps to honor the God that is not our buddy but fully The Other,” she says.

Others back up Cherry’s call to keep the Sabbath special. Dressing up really makes a difference on Sunday, they say.

“It puts you in a different mindset,” says Tiffany Adams, a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who grew up wearing jeans in church. “It actually sets the Sabbath apart from every other day.”

And there are still pockets of church culture where no one has to persuade people to look sharp on Sunday.

The African-American church is one such place. Many of its members still insist on dressing up on Sunday because of the historical struggles of blacks. Sunday morning was often the only time in the week that a black person could assert their dignity, says Durley, the Atlanta civil rights activist who also is a retired Baptist pastor.

“On Sunday morning, when you put on your tie, your shirt and put your palms together and slicked down your hair, you were no longer the hired help, you were a trustee, a deacon or you chaired this board and you dressed accordingly,” Durley says.

What would Jesus wear?

There are others, though, who say God cares more about the person’s soul than their style. No one wears a bracelet today asking, “What would Jesus wear.” Clothes just weren’t important to Jesus or the early church, they claim.

The early church was anti-hierarchical and adopted a “come as you are” approach to worship, welcoming outcasts and the disenfranchised who often couldn’t dress in fine clothes, says Carl Raschke, a religious studies professor at the University of Denver.

Raschke cites Mark 12:38, where Jesus mocks the fine clothes worn by the Pharisees, a group of elite Jewish religious leaders of his day.

Others cite James 2:2-4, where the writer of the New Testament book criticizes early Christians for discriminating against poor people visiting the church in dirty clothes and favoring the man “wearing a gold ring and fine clothes.”

“Adopting a dress code would not only be suicidal for American Christians who are swimming against the stream of casual secularism, it would be antithetical to what Christianity sees increasingly as its abiding mission – to reach those who are marginalized and ‘don’t fit in,’ ‘’ Raschke says.

Some people, though, remain convinced that casual Sundays are getting too sloppy.

“The casualness of Sunday church attire has gone too far,” says DeBonville, the pastor of the Massachusetts church. “It’s about respect and honoring God.”

When DeBonville looks across the scruffy fashion landscape of America, he sees only one profession that’s holding the line against tacky dress.

It’s not the preachers or priests, though. These people belong to another profession whose members aren’t exactly known for respect and honoring God.

“The last ones wearing shirt and ties are the politicians,” DeBonville says.

Easter is supposed to be about the renewal of hope, but when asked if the spread of sloppy Sabbath can get any worse, DeBonville sounds gloomy. Yoga pants in the pews, pajamas near the altar – will everyone soon start showing up at church dressed like “the Dude” in the film, “The Big Lebowski.”

Nothing would surprise DeBonville anymore.

“There’s growing casualness everywhere,” he says. “I don’t know if it can get much worse.”

CNN link

[IIOY]

Some of the teenage girls in our church show up looking like they are ready for the club. Christmas brings out the worst.

[vanillacourage]

Not religious, but I'm skeptical of come as you are churches or ones that preach that god will always love you no matter what you do. I feel like they set the bar for admittance so low in order to attract and keep members, that they water down the whole thing to nothing.

[pt716]

DH grew up religious, and I grew up going to church on special occasions if at all. DH makes fun of me for feeling like I need to dress up for church, but I feel weird if I don't.

[AAM2012]

Apr 20, 2014 9:51:49 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Some of the teenage girls in our church show up looking like they are ready for the club. Christmas brings out the worst.

Some adult women show up where I work in club attire. Management doesn't say anything so it continues.

[IIOY]

Apr 20, 2014 10:15:18 GMT -5 @dontcallmeshirley1 said:

I have no dog in this fight currently, but I was NEVER allowed to wear jeans to church growing up. Greeks still, on the whole, dress semi-nicely for church (Greek Orthodoxy is dogmatically the opposite of "come as you are" anyway, which might contribute to this).

I know I've said this before, but the most gorgeous wedding by a mile that I ever attended was Greek Orthodox.  It made me want to convert just for the wedding, LOL.

[gpw]

Apr 20, 2014 9:59:44 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Not religious, but I'm skeptical of come as you are churches or ones that preach that god will always love you no matter what you do. I feel like they set the bar for admittance so low in order to attract and keep members, that they water down the whole thing to nothing.

^o)  Please expand on this.  My understanding is that God doesn't give a rip what you're wearing.  This just sounds so....clique-ish.  Not the kind of message a church wants to send.  

Don't get me wrong, when I go to church, I dress appropriately.  I am also annoyed by those who don't dress appropriately and by parents who let their children dress inappropriately.  

[litebright]

I am so torn on this. On one hand, I don't think God cares about appearances and I wouldn't want someone to not come to church because they feel they aren't dressed well enough. OTOH, I do think dressing nicely is a sign of respect that a lot of people are lacking when it comes to services. "God doesn't care about what I wear, so why should I?" is a false equivalence, to me.

I went to church a LOT as a kid. For youth group, choir practice, etc., casual clothes were the norm; it's not like you have to dress up every time you're in the building. But my parents would never let us wear jeans to Sunday services and so that is deeply ingrained in me, that you dress up for church services. It's not a hugely high standard, though, it's mostly (IMO): be neat and not sloppy, and don't wear club clothes or athletic clothes.

We just got back from the early Easter service and I was definitely doing some internal pearl-clutching. And it's not just kids -- there was an old guy in track pants and a polo.

[ttt]

There's a big difference between a poor person wearing casual clothes to church because she doesn't own a nice dress and a wealthy person wearing casual clothes to church because she just couldn't be bothered with dressing up.

[rugbywife]

Our church is one of those come as you are churches. Our Pastor wears jeans when he preaches - although today he wore a suit. I didn't wear jeans but DH did. Nobody was wearing prom dresses today, some were dressed up, others weren't. I really don't care what anyone wears, although I am sure there are 'lines' that could be drawn - I just haven't ever seen anyone at our church that made me side eye anything.

[pixy0stix]

I clutch my pearls at women wearing hoochie outfits, but other than that... meh.

Are you at church? Are you listening with your heart? Yes? Good.

[terpsfan]

Apr 20, 2014 10:15:18 GMT -5 @dontcallmeshirley1 said:

I have no dog in this fight currently, but I was NEVER allowed to wear jeans to church growing up. Greeks still, on the whole, dress semi-nicely for church (Greek Orthodoxy is dogmatically the opposite of "come as you are" anyway, which might contribute to this).

Grew up Catholic and this was us too...to be completely honest this kind of sways me from going to church on Sunday mornings because I just can't muster getting dressed up.  It's terrible, because in my mind I'm thinking it's better that I go "in any fashion" than not go at all, but my heart (and Catholic guilt) says NO JEANS!  (and it's not like I'd wear ratty old jeans but still..). I struggle with it!

[pixy0stix]

Well isn't he cheery?

[lilibet]

Apr 20, 2014 10:48:14 GMT -5 litebright said:

I am so torn on this. On one hand, I don't think God cares about appearances and I wouldn't want someone to not come to church because they feel they aren't dressed well enough. OTOH, I do think dressing nicely is a sign of respect that a lot of people are lacking when it comes to services. "God doesn't care about what I wear, so why should I?" is a false equivalence, to me.

I agree with this. I imagine God would rather you be in church in jeans than not be there at all. But I do think it's better to at least put forth the best of whatever you're going to wear - whether it be a nice dress or your nicest pair of jeans.

But I also agree with the point the article made about people dressing worse everywhere - where I work you can wear jeans if you're under a certain salary point. Occasionally we can wear workout clothes (I never do) - like this week one day is walk at lunch day so they'll probably allow it. But more and more I've noticed more of my coworkers coming in wearing workout pants. Management hasn't said anything yet but it is so weird to me. You can wear jeans, why isn't that enough?

And I hate people wearing pajamas in public. I see so many people in pajamas at the grocery store and that's pretty much the one thing I will judge on (and not people who are clearly like "I'm sick and need medicine so I ran out real quick"). How hard is it to put on jeans or even workout pants or something other than your duck dynasty pj pants.

eta - I'm also pretty sure if I went to church in jeans my grandma would come back from the beyond and smack me. She would have a fit about that.

[housegeek]

I almost didn't go to church today because I don't own anything fancy or dressy. I put on jeans and a flowery chiffon camisole I just scored from the thrift store and figured if someone wanted to judge or shame me for my clothing they were more than welcome to take me shopping for something nicer.
It was a really nice service and I'm glad I went.

[AAM2012]

Apr 20, 2014 12:12:58 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

I can't imagine going to church looking like shit. But I grew up in a church that was beyond bougie so...

I also feel like this is a good place to drop this Easter egg I saw on Twitter:

I can't stop laughing!

[NitaX]

Apr 20, 2014 11:48:59 GMT -5 @majorwife said:

Apr 20, 2014 11:26:22 GMT -5 ttt said:

There's a big difference between a poor person wearing casual clothes to church because she doesn't own a nice dress and a wealthy person wearing casual clothes to church because she just couldn't be bothered with dressing up.

church is a GLORIOUS place to jugde. i judge the shit out of what people wear. IDGAF. its part of the reason i didnt like the evangelical church dh took me to and why i have some problems with the UU church i sometimes go to now.

that said, church just magnifies the already shitty problem everyone has of dressing like sloppy shit. i can't even with people wearing PJs in public. the 60s fucked up all our dressing manners.

Ok, so let me say this that I'm not opposed to come as you are because the purpose is to get souls in the pews. Some people don't come to church because they'll say I have nothing to wear, so that's why come as you are became a message preached to the masses.

But, here comes Nitaw Fashion Forward, I am a tad bit tired of one person at my church in particular looking like Blossom from the 80s. I want to take her and say "You're a lovely woman, but can we go shopping for the following: 1) proper undergarments, 2)shoes that don't looks as if you work security or go fishing on the regular, and 3) something from this decade." Because that shit she had on today?! Lawd Jesus. I swear fo' chicken grease that it simply ain't that hard not to look like something the cat drug in. No lie, at dinner the other night, my friends and I had a conversation about this woman's clothing and why her boobs have completely succumbed to the laws of gravity. Get a bra and get those girls high and lifted up. 

Every single time I see this woman I'm like ...

[polarbearfans]

It is kind of sad how casual things have become but because of that not everyone owns a suit. I would rather see someone in their best jeans than not see them at all. At the vigil mass last night, some were super dressy, some where in jeans. I notice fashion but I don't really care what people wear. Usually the teens show up in yoga pants on Sunday, but at least they are there!

[elleblue]

Apr 20, 2014 12:12:58 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

I can't imagine going to church looking like shit. But I grew up in a church that was beyond bougie so...

I also feel like this is a good place to drop this Easter egg I saw on Twitter:

I love this! It's just so darn festive. Can't hate. 

[Deleted]

I was raised Episcopalian where everyone dressed up for church. I'm usually disturbed by the "laxness" of dress when I've attended Catholic masses. People wearing football jerseys, kids in soccer uniforms, men not wearing sports coats, etc.

My housekeeper is Pentecostal. She gets dressed for evening services before leaving my house and is always dressed up.

[IIOY]

Apr 20, 2014 13:13:40 GMT -5 @septimus said:

I was raised Episcopalian where everyone dressed up for church. I'm usually disturbed by the "laxness" of dress when I've attended Catholic masses. People wearing football jerseys, kids in soccer uniforms, men not wearing sports coats, etc.

Catholic Church is a mess. The first time I attended, I was shocked at what parishioners were wearing. I'm convinced it's because none of the sloppy dressers actually wants to be there.

[Deleted]

Apr 20, 2014 13:17:05 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Apr 20, 2014 13:13:40 GMT -5 @septimus said:

I was raised Episcopalian where everyone dressed up for church. I'm usually disturbed by the "laxness" of dress when I've attended Catholic masses. People wearing football jerseys, kids in soccer uniforms, men not wearing sports coats, etc.

Catholic Church is a mess. The first time I attended, I was shocked at what parishioners were wearing. I'm convinced it's because none of the sloppy dressers actually wants to be there.

I didn't want to be there either... but I still put on a dress :-)

[housegeek]

Apr 20, 2014 13:17:05 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Apr 20, 2014 13:13:40 GMT -5 @septimus said:

I was raised Episcopalian where everyone dressed up for church. I'm usually disturbed by the "laxness" of dress when I've attended Catholic masses. People wearing football jerseys, kids in soccer uniforms, men not wearing sports coats, etc.

Catholic Church is a mess. The first time I attended, I was shocked at what parishioners were wearing. I'm convinced it's because none of the sloppy dressers actually wants to be there.

Ouch! What happened to you that you put so much emphasis on appearances?

[pyramidsloth]

Apr 20, 2014 11:26:22 GMT -5 ttt said:

There's a big difference between a poor person wearing casual clothes to church because she doesn't own a nice dress and a wealthy person wearing casual clothes to church because she just couldn't be bothered with dressing up.

:Y: :Y: :Y: I agree completely. I was a broke ass college student who did NOT have fancy clothes, by any stretch of the imagination. I was able to do a quick shopping trip at Goodwill and find a few items that were church appropriate. It cost me all of $7. And even if you can't afford to spend a few dollars at Goodwill for a decent outfit to wear to church, I still think there's a difference between showing up to church in jeans and a shirt vs wearing sweatpants and a sports bra (in case anyone was wondering if someone would actually do that, I'm describing a woman I saw at Mass a few years ago when we lived in the Boston area. It seriously looked like she went for a run and then decided to stop at church on the way back). I'll admit, I was pretty pearl-clutchy over that. 

[IIOY]

Apr 20, 2014 13:22:10 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Apr 20, 2014 13:17:05 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Catholic Church is a mess. The first time I attended, I was shocked at what parishioners were wearing. I'm convinced it's because none of the sloppy dressers actually wants to be there.

Ouch! What happened to you that you put so much emphasis on appearances?

LOL

[josieposy]

I'm not gonna lie. I get a little judgy if you don't at least try to clean up a bit. That said, I haven't even gone the last few months so I need to shut up.

[Deleted]

I'm torn on this one, too. While I don't think God cares what we wear and what we wear obviously isn't a salvation issue, I do think that out of respect for the Lord, we should treat public worship as something special and set apart from our other activities. I mean, when my mother goes to the trouble to make a Thanksgiving dinner, we put on nice clothes and make sure we wash our hands. If I can clean myself up for my mother, why wouldn't I do the same thing for my Father?

But then again, I don't believe that covering your head is just a first century custom, like the author of this said

I'd hate for someone NOT to come to church just because they feel they don't have the right clothing for it. But I also hate the idea that people think worship isn't something special and significant enough to put some clothes on for.

[sushi]

I thought this was going to be about all the crazy hats people drag out for easter.
I'm disappointed. I wanted pips,too!

[Bumblebee]

I attend church in jeans almost every Sunday.  Many people dress up.  I am one of the "tacky" ones.

I really dislike the idea that someone who only has jeans can wear them but others who can afford nicer clothes should wear dressier attire.  That seems like a great way to make poorer attendees feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.

It's church.  IMHO, if you're spending that time judging what someone else is wearing, you're missing the point.

[moolarkey]

I'd rather have someone come in jeans that not at all but if you have nicer clothes, wear them.

It is a sign of respect. As was said above, if you can dress up to go to a nice restaurant, a performance, a job interview then you can wear something presentable for worship. I'm not saying women have to wear dresses and hose, I do think nice slacks are acceptable but unless the only thing you own is jeans with holes in them, then dress a little nicer.