I didn't really want a December baby either, lol. We wanted a gap of somewhere between 2-2.5 yrs but I didn't get AF back in time for the lower end of that range to even be plausible. So we started trying for an Aug/Sept/Oct baby but kept getting BFNs. I contemplated waiting to continue TTC to avoid Nov/Dec/Jan EDDs but when it came down to it, my clock was ticking too loudly to take any time off. We still haven't decided if we want a third and I'm already older than I had hoped for getting to two kids. I also didn't want them too far apart - partly because I worried that the further away we got from the newborn stage, the harder it would be to start from "zero" again.
Honestly having a Jan/Feb/Mar maternity leave wasn't the best (and it didn't help that this was the longest winter ever with a pretty terrible March) but some of the pros ended up being 1) DD was potty trained over 2 months before DS was born and had minimal regression, 2) only 1 month overlap of most expensive daycare tuition before DD goes down to the preschool price, and 3) DS entered daycare after cold & flu season ended as opposed to DD who was itty bitty in the thick of it.
If we have a third, I'm hoping to feel breezier about it but something tells me I'm not capable of breezy TTC...
I thought about it all the time. It also involved.thinking about whether or not I would wean J, if not could I get pregnant, how long would it take since it took over a year with him, whether we were definitely going to have a third and if so that timing etc.
In the end we started casually trying a little sooner than we.expected because I had decided not to wean J and expected it to take.longer due to that.. instead it took one month and we got twins. A lot of good all that obsessing did for me!!
Post by thebreakfastclub on Apr 24, 2014 6:07:58 GMT -5
I am not sure there will be a #2.
But my AMA eliminates a lot of obsessing. I will be 38 this year, so if we do not decide to get pregnant by this time next year, the door is likely closed forever.
Having a 14 mo is currently squashing any interest in a 2nd.
As much as it sucks to be massively pregnant in the summer, having a baby in Aug/Sept meant cool fall days to walk around a few months in, smiles by Christmas, and a little guy that can sit up and be a part if what's happening this summer, while slathered in sunscreen. You'll like a three year gap. DD absolutely adores her baby brother and is legitimately helpful at times.
Thank you for this! I am pretty excited to be due in September. I was a little bummed that the baby will be the oldest in its class, another year of DC, but I think it will be nice because fall is so wonderful, off from the holidays from work. DD was born in March and while the weather was beginning to warm up I felt like I was constantly waiting for summer to come, and then when it did come I had to go back to work. And I don't "think" I'm going to mind being hot and pregnant in August- flip flops all the way! I hated my winter pregnancy clothes with DD.
Hehe, DH just asked when we'd try for #2. We're thinking when J turns 1. It took 4-5 months to get PG last time, so I don't want to wait too long just in case.
I definitely obsessed but once I realized it wasn't going to be for a while due to financial circumstances. I took up running as a hobby to distract me until it was time to TTC.
I feel similarly. I wanted 3 years between, but I really, really don't want have to worry about taking a newborn out in the winter again (and being stuck inside for so many snowy/gloomy weeks was tough), which means trying for #2 when DD is either 18/19 months (for five cycles), or trying when she's 30/31 months (until conception), and the latter feels like that might be TOO spaced if it takes us a while to conceive.
You are not alone in your crazy thoughts!
Eta- I do realize trying to time anything is a joke, ha, but I figure if we start when she's a year and a half and it takes a while, that will still give us time to decide if we want to stop and try again later, or just say screw it and keep going. If we do decide to stop and start again later and it takes a while, then it is what it is. I definitely don't expect anything to follow my preferred timeline.
I think I am ultimately going to be in the "never fully ready" camp. To be honest, I adore DD but she still is not what I would consider an easy going child. She is extremely sensitive and in general high maintenance. I know my next child may be different... but if not. I am screwed. At least I will have lots of snuggles
DS1 was also a VERY tough baby. He pretty much screamed for the first 9 months of his life if he wasn't nursing or being bounced with someone (who had to be standing, not sitting).
The thing that made me feel ok about going for #2 was knowing we survived once, and we could do it again. And I LOVED the little man that emerged when he finally stopped crying.
I can't tell you what's right for you, but with baby #2, you have so much more perspective on how everything really is just a phase, and it makes the hard parts seem a little easier.
I think I am ultimately going to be in the "never fully ready" camp. To be honest, I adore DD but she still is not what I would consider an easy going child. She is extremely sensitive and in general high maintenance. I know my next child may be different... but if not. I am screwed. At least I will have lots of snuggles
DS1 was also a VERY tough baby. He pretty much screamed for the first 9 months of his life if he wasn't nursing or being bounced with someone (who had to be standing, not sitting).
The thing that made me feel ok about going for #2 was knowing we survived once, and we could do it again. And I LOVED the little man that emerged when he finally stopped crying.
I can't tell you what's right for you, but with baby #2, you have so much more perspective on how everything really is just a phase, and it makes the hard parts seem a little easier.
ITA with this. Our first was our hardest baby as well (and still our most difficult child by far, lol) so everything after has seemed like a breeze. DS2's little tantrums are actually kind of funny and cute to us after what our first put us through
I started obsessing over #2 when #1 had colic. It gave me something to look forward too when each day was full of screaming.
That said, I knew I didn't want 2U2 and I wanted #2 to be born late May, June, or July due to my school schedule. Once that time came (August 2013), I stopped obsessing and almost wished we had put it off. So I stopped thinking about it and actually got pregnant. EDD is mid-May. Works well, except now I have to take 3 summer classes. Shit.
I think about having a third baby daily and am ridiculously specific about the time frame for making the final decision... October-December 2015 (the decision about TTC... I realize I won't necessarily get pregnant in that window.)
I knew I wanted ODS and YDS about 2.5 years apart and ended up getting pregnant the first month trying, so they are 28 months apart. FWIW, I love their age gap and would do it again if I could afford three in childcare. ODS PT'd pretty quickly after YDS was born, and he was indpendent enough to where it wasn't a disastor having a newborn and toddler. Plus, they play with a lot of the same things.
Post by cricketwife on Apr 24, 2014 8:43:10 GMT -5
First, a plug for winter babies, which was not the timing we had planned for. You are stuck inside for the worst part of the year when you wouldn't be going out much anyway. I was in do much pain and having so many BF struggles that we couldn't have left the house much even if I had wanted to. By the time both of us we ready to star getting out, the weather was beautiful.
Yes to obsessing in the cricket house as well. We are so in love with DS that it makes us want another but we are old. I am seriously considering TTC when DS is 8.5 mo old so that #2 would line up with my summer vacation since all leave will be unpaid with #2. But yesterday I ran the numbers and I really don't know if we can even afford a second
My obsession isn't about when we want another. We want another like yesterday. My obsession is age vs finances. It's T minus 2 weeks until I'm 38. I don't want to wait much longer. But can we really afford 2 in daycare right now? I'm not sure, since we recently bought a house and haven't yet had a month of "normal" bills.
I think DH and I are going to play with some numbers and get it to work on paper, at least. Whether it will work in reality will remain to be seen. But I suspect we're going to go for it anyway. We'll just be the un-fun poor friends during the daycare years
TTC #2 has me totally stressed out due to my age (40 in less than a month). I always saw myself as a mom of 2 and I hear that biological clock ticking so very, very loudly! I really wanted to have a baby in the April-September window, but if I got pregnant next cycle it'd be the end of January and I'm even now okay with that... that's how bad my clock is ticking! ;-)
I do worry how we'll afford #2. We live in a very HCOL area and daycare is not cheap! Plus we have B's medical bills from his spine surgery last month, which are astronomical... we're talking 6 figures here!!! I'm hoping insurance will come through, but these surgeons don't partake in any insurance plans so they can charge us whatever they want! I mean, the 3 hour surgery just for the spine surgeon alone (not including the neurosurgeon and the plastic surgeon) was more than I make in a YEAR!!!! But I digress... I'm hoping they'll settle for whatever my insurance will pay, but I can't bank on that.
We're still trying for #2, but I should probably curb my bad shopping habits! (like seriously, every day something is arriving via UPS lately!!!)
Yes! I thought I wanted them two yrs apart to get baby stage over with. But once that time came we panicked, and decided a 3.5 yr gap is better for us. We are also going to shoot for a spring 2016 baby. We are pcsing in August 2015 and I do not want to be super pg or have a newborn for that move. I will be 35 and that was my internal deadline to be done with pregnancies so hopefully it all works out according to plan.
I'm definitely obsessed with when to TTC #2. I really want them to be able to play together. I feel like it's a great gift I can give them. And I'm very scared of difficulty in conceiving being even worse the second time around.
Also, life is insane with a baby. I'd rather it stay insane and then ease up, then ease up and have to contemplate the insanity of a new baby again.
Post by cherry1111 on Apr 24, 2014 12:41:48 GMT -5
Well, I haven't been obsessing over it, but after reading this I now have a whole sheet of paper of different timing options, how many months we'd have 2 in daycare, their age gap, and when we'd need to conceive by to accomplish each timing. So, no longer breezy.
First, a plug for winter babies, which was not the timing we had planned for. You are stuck inside for the worst part of the year when you wouldn't be going out much anyway. I was in do much pain and having so many BF struggles that we couldn't have left the house much even if I had wanted to. By the time both of us we ready to star getting out, the weather was beautiful.
Ditto. Plus, I've been doing a lot of gardening and yardwork on my maternity leave. J will be able to wear sunscreen by July (not that he'll be out frying in the sun). My SIL had her first in April. By the time she could enjoy the baby outside, it was a DC sweltering summer.
I also like that there's no "red shirting" issues with a winter baby. They're mature for their grades but not old.
First, a plug for winter babies, which was not the timing we had planned for. You are stuck inside for the worst part of the year when you wouldn't be going out much anyway. I was in do much pain and having so many BF struggles that we couldn't have left the house much even if I had wanted to. By the time both of us we ready to star getting out, the weather was beautiful.
Ditto. Plus, I've been doing a lot of gardening and yardwork on my maternity leave. J will be able to wear sunscreen by July (not that he'll be out frying in the sun). My SIL had her first in April. By the time she could enjoy the baby outside, it was a DC sweltering summer.
I also like that there's no "red shirting" issues with a winter baby. They're mature for their grades but not old.
Well, I haven't been obsessing over it, but after reading this I now have a whole sheet of paper of different timing options, how many months we'd have 2 in daycare, their age gap, and when we'd need to conceive by to accomplish each timing. So, no longer breezy.
Not obsessed but I do think about it a good bit. Mostly about what if TTC takes a long time, and the age gap is longer than I want.
Which is mostly about me fearing a repeat of the experience my sister (3.5 years and 3 school years younger) and I had as kids/teenagers. Clearly I have issues and need to get over myself.
Like several PPs, msniq does not want to be super pregnant in the summer.
Post by Velar Fricative on Apr 24, 2014 13:51:00 GMT -5
Well, since we had DD we weren't even sure we'd have another one (our max would be 2 kids anyway), but I have not gotten that feeling that we're done so I'm guessing we will have a second at some point. I just need to not get pregnant before December 2015 because I have a marathon to run that November. So really, right now I just have to obsess over not making another oops baby before then.
As for timing though, having a mid-September due date wasn't ideal because of our gross summers, but it wasn't that awful (and summer is my least favorite season anyway, so that's saying a lot!). So I'm not all that concerned about what month #2 will be born even though some months would be more ideal than others. In fact, I'm with cricketwife in that I would not mind another fall baby or a winter baby because it offers a decent excuse to sit around the house during maternity leave lol. Also, I'm pretty happy DD was born in early October because there is no red-shirting here so even though she'll start Kindergarten at *gasp* age 4, that's less time we have to pay for daycare! And NYC is moving forward with universal pre-K so that's another great thing for our wallets too if we decide not to leave DD at her current daycare center which has a preschool too.
Also, I'm pretty happy DD was born in early October because there is no red-shirting here so even though she'll start Kindergarten at *gasp* age 4, that's less time we have to pay for daycare! And NYC is moving forward with universal pre-K so that's another great thing for our wallets too if we decide not to leave DD at her current daycare center which has a preschool too.
Universal pre-k?! What the WHAT? Tell me all these things. When?
Also, I'm pretty happy DD was born in early October because there is no red-shirting here so even though she'll start Kindergarten at *gasp* age 4, that's less time we have to pay for daycare! And NYC is moving forward with universal pre-K so that's another great thing for our wallets too if we decide not to leave DD at her current daycare center which has a preschool too.
Universal pre-k?! What the WHAT? Tell me all these things. When?
Totally normal. I love your long run-on sentence @starry, I imagined you saying it quickly and out of breath like ohmygodwhatdoIdoooo? I feel the same way about whether to HAVE baby #2, let alone WHEN that might happen. I think about it every day. I have a running lists of pros and cons in my head, and I dwell on them all the time.
Also, I'm pretty happy DD was born in early October because there is no red-shirting here so even though she'll start Kindergarten at *gasp* age 4, that's less time we have to pay for daycare! And NYC is moving forward with universal pre-K so that's another great thing for our wallets too if we decide not to leave DD at her current daycare center which has a preschool too.
Universal pre-k?! What the WHAT? Tell me all these things. When?
It turns out that if you threaten to fund X by taxing rich people, ABRACADABRA there's suddenly room in the budget for X!
Up next: di Blasio threatens to raise city income taxes to turn Time Warner Cable into a municipal broadband cooperative. (Not yet, but I can dream, right?)
I think about it all the time. There are so many factors.
1) DS is already 2.5. If I want them to be less than 5 years apart I better get moving. 2) I need to lose like 20 lbs before I get pregnant again. Blergh 3) I need like a solid 6 months on ADs again before I get pregant and go off (I didn't need them last time I was the HAPPIEST pregant person EVAH) 4) money money money I want to stay home part time once we have #2 but I know we can't afford it and maintain our current lifestye ( unless H gets a BIG raise next year or something) 5) the whole winter baby thing sucked. I really really want a baby that is NOT born the same week as the time change again. That threw me for a loop for sure even though it was nice being on maternity leave over XMAS.