Post by donnamartingraduat on Apr 24, 2014 18:00:39 GMT -5
I found out today that a friend of my family died. I should really go to the funeral to support her family and my parents. However, I am HORRIBLE at funerals. I know no one likes them, but I am a crier. I cry at a level that isn't proportional to how well I knew the person or how sad I am. The tears just keep coming. I don't make a scene, but I feel like people are looking at me wondering why I am so upset. Sometimes people also feel the need to try to comfort me, even though I don't really need it.
I skipped the funeral of another childhood friend last month because of this. (BTW - two 36 year old women should not suddenly die within a month of each other - WTF).
Any other over-criers? What do you do? I need suggestions. Or tell me to get over myself and realize that no one else is looking at me.
I'm sorry about your friend. I would go, and I'm the same way as you. I would have rather had a friend who was a crier at my dad's funeral, than not come at all. ::hugs::
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"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
I've learned to just go with it; human emotion is natural. No one has ever told me NOT to cry at a funeral FFS. That would be weirder than crying a lot at a funeral.
This happened to me at my cousin's funeral in 2008 and I'm still kind of embarrassed when I think back (my level of crying did not match our relationship - we didn't really have one). However, I don't know that anyone really begrudges how another person grieves, especially at a funeral, so I'm sure if it happens it won't cause anyone to bat an eye. I wish I could be more helpful!
Post by lissaholly on Apr 24, 2014 19:30:01 GMT -5
If you cry you cry. I think a funeral is the last place you have to feel embarrassed to cry. They are sad occasions!
That said I am a crier who has gotten a bit more controlled over the years. I imagine you already know what will make you cry at the funeral and whose funeral you will be thinking of when you are there, so I would just wallow in those thoughts now. I know you can't pre- feel your feelings but sometimes I just need to have those feelings and it really just comes out in the environment that is the most tear-jerking if I don't voluntarily think about it.
Good luck, it is sweet of your to support your friends.- tears or no tears.
I'm a disproportionate crier, too. I let myself cry, but when it's becoming disproportionate, I try to think of other things. Grocery list, plans for the weekend, what I'm making for dinner, how many people I think the church can hold, etc.
Oh man I know exactly how you feel. I hate it. I try to disengage and think about other things. Probably not healthy and may be flameful but I cannot control the tears and I feel super weird about how emotional I get about a friend's elderly uncle who I may have met once or twice. I look around at other people and I can't keep it in.
Since it's your friends funeral I say your level of tears and sadness would be deemed appropriate. So many hugs to you. I'm so sorry for your loss.
ETA: the more I try to stifle it or hold it in, the worse it is.
I have had moments like this. Your presence will be appreciated now matter how much you cry. Something that sometimes helps me is to make a quick run to the restroom to pull myself together a bit if I feel I need to. I'm sorry
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
In situations like this I go, but I tune everything out and don't listen to anything being said. I analyze the art on the walls, make up stories about those sitting by me, etc. and I take a Xanax beforehand so I don't turn into a sniveling mess.
Post by marylennox on Apr 24, 2014 20:06:45 GMT -5
This happened to me at the last funeral I attended. It was a friend from hs. I didn't cry at all until the funeral, but once there I literally cried through the entire thing, beginning to end. Cried hard. I'm not someone who likes to show emotion in public or cry in front of people, either. Just couldn't stop.
It didn't occur to me to be self conscious about it but thinking back I bet it did seem disproportionate; I was crying harder than some of the people who were closest to him. I hope no one thought it was weird, but like pp have said I don't imagine anyone judges crying at a funeral. You grieve how you grieve, I think it's ok to let it out. ((Hugs))
Post by donnamartingraduat on Apr 24, 2014 21:32:10 GMT -5
Thank you all so much. Just hearing that a lot of others struggle with it too makes me feel less self conscious. I'll go and just try to accept the emotions that come. I may finally be cried out for tonight.
I don't have any advice but fellow cried checking in. Ironically, the only time I didn't cry was st our wedding, but I'll cry at the drip of a hot dog (H's terminology). But ditto PP that said as long as you aren't disruptive, you'll be fine.
I was absolutely devastated when an acquaintance of mine passed away. He was the uncle of my best friend (we were all the same age though). I hung out with him a handful of times, he had a huge crush on me, we made out once. That was the extent of our relationship.
When he passed away I cried for days and was in this extreme state of sadness. I think it more had to do with how young he was and the way he passed away. I sobbed at his funeral, especially when I saw my best friend.
I don't think anyone judged because well, it's a funeral and it's really sad. Don't be embarrassed by your sadness. People express their emotions differently.
Thank you all so much. Just hearing that a lot of others struggle with it too makes me feel less self conscious. I'll go and just try to accept the emotions that come. I may finally be cried out for tonight.
I honestly don't think being a crier is something to even say that it's something to struggle with, just go with it Emotion is natural. I assume you're not flailing on the ground in hysterics for someone you never met. So crying (even a lot) at a funeral is totally fine and normal. I think the family would appreciate you being there and I don't think anyone keeps tabs on who is crying and not. I'm so sorry about your loss, life is so unfair sometimes.
Post by JayhawkGirl on Apr 25, 2014 4:44:44 GMT -5
I'm a crier as well. When I feel overwhelmed by it if count things. Pipes on the organ. Tiles on the wall. How many blue panes of glass are in that stained glass window? Etc.
I can get really emotional at funerals but because I've been to so many in the last 3 years I've learned to kind of control it. I try to think of other non-emotional things like groceries and cooking when I feel like I'm gonna let loose.
I learned a good trick from one of the other BMs in my sister's wedding. She said if you feel like you're going to cry, start doing mental math. It worked pretty good!
Although like others have said, there is nothing wrong with crying!