who is out of touch here, me or them?

[Odonata]

H and I went to celebrate a friend's birthday last night and his friend and GF told us they have started e-ring shopping.  Then they discussed possibly having a DW, which is fine, but they want to do a cruise - for like 7 days.  They plan to get married next summer so we will have a 7-8 month old by then.

They were so excited about US going and kept telling us the details so I finally had to say "you know, we'll have a 7-8 month old by then, I'm not sure we can do that."  Then they said "no one can watch the baby?"  I said "not for that long" and they replied "you mean the kid won't be old enough for you to leave with the ILs for a week?"

DH, who was at first with me on this, then looked and said "wait, why can't we leave the baby with my parents for a week?"  

So now I'M questioning my sanity today - having never raised kids - I am correct to assume that 7 - 8 months old is way to young to leave with grandparents for an entire 7 days, right?  Maybe a weekend, maybe.  But a whole week?  I'm not crazy, right?  

Plus, this is why I hate DW that are cruises.  If they went somewhere for a week we might be able to go for a few days, even with the baby, but a cruise forces us to not have any control on how much time we can commit.  

And - this guy is like a brother to H, like it's possible he'll be asked to be BM - possibly.  SO that adds another issue.  I don't want him gone on a cruise for a whole damn week while I'm stuck at home with the baby!  (But I guess that is an issue we will have to cross when we get there and they have not settled on this at all)

[Bonita]

I don't have any kids yet either, however, I do have friends that have been in situations like this. My one friend left her 8-9 month old with her in-laws for the week when both she and her husband went on a work trip, and I have other friends who took their son on a month long cruise vacation with them when he was probably 7-8 months.

I don't think it's impossible...But I think it's kind of just one of those situations that is up to you, and what you think you can/cannot handle!

[jeaniebueller]

Tell them to get engaged and then talk specifics. All of it seems quite hypothetical at this point. But I am with you, I would not want to leave a 7-8 month old for that long.

[flgirl]

I think I will be the minority opinion but here you go. I have never left my kids for that long. I feel it is an imposition on the grandparents. 7 months would be way too young for me to leave them for more than a night or two. Is there some reason you couldn't take the baby with you. Then your husband can be there and you wouldn't be sitting at home. That is what I would do. But, my husband and I don't plan any kid less vacations. We love taking vacations with our 3, soon to be 4 kids.

[MrsDarcy]

I personally would not have with my first (and will likely not with this one), because I was/will be breastfeeding, so I wouldn't want to have to worry about pumping, leaving milk, etc. Could you afford to bring the baby with you, and possibly an extra person to take care of the baby while you do wedding related things?

[Odonata]

There aren't any specifics yet so I don't even know if 1) the DW will actually be a cruise and 2) whether or not we can take the baby along. If this plan does go through I would probably look into taking the baby with us. Hell, I want a vacation, too! The wedding itself is not an issue right now so I'm not going to worry about it.

BUT - they were so "well why not?" about leaving a baby behind for a whole week that I thought maybe I was the one who was off. I'm totally one that is OK with leaving kids behind for a night out or even a weekend. I would rather leave the kid with a sitter and enjoy a wedding than have them with me. But a week seemed too long, at that age, at least. But I guess it's totally up to the individual.

Also, I don't see either set of grandparents being OK with taking a baby for that length of time unless it was an emergency.

[teeah22]

DH and I went on vacation for a week when DS1 was 6 months old. My mom came and stayed with him. I was no longer BFing at that point though, I'm not sure how I would have managed it if I were. So yes, you can do it if everyone is comfortable with it. Whether you and your parents/in-laws can handle it is something only you'll know. Bringing the baby with is a pretty reasonable option too.

[robinsbff]

i think this is one of those questions that there is no right answer to. there's for sure a wrong answer - don't leave your 7-8 month old alone at home while you go cruising     but other than that the situation is so family and baby specific that everyone will make a different choice, whatever works best for them.  

i also think that there is absolutely no point in worrying about this now.  they aren't even engaged yet for one, and your baby isn't here yet so you can't make a prediction based on any information about baby's habits, etc.  we have SIL's wedding in october and i refuse to make any commitments one way or another (in terms of having baby at the church, reception, family events, etc, etc) until probably september once we have a decent time into this whole parenting thing.  

[magdala]

Your sanity is just fine. The commentary is coming from three people who don't yet have kids. Once you become a parent, your perspective changes dramatically. A logical non-parent would think this is ok...and if the child was older then it might be fine. Eight months is so young, the child may be breast feeding, and there are just too many variables that aren't yet known. Once baby arrives, then the two of you can make an informed decision.

[Odonata]

May 11, 2014 10:09:52 GMT -5 magdala said:

Your sanity is just fine. The commentary is coming from three people who don't yet have kids. Once you become a parent, your perspective changes dramatically. A logical non-parent would think this is ok...and if the child was older then it might be fine. Eight months is so young, the child may be breast feeding, and there are just too many variables that aren't yet known. Once baby arrives, then the two of you can make an informed decision.

That's what I was thinking.  I've had a lot of experience with young children as I was the oldest of a TON of cousins.  I was changing diapers, feeding, and potty training kids since I was a young teen.  On the other hand, H is the youngest and has never held a baby before (I keep trying to get him to hold our niece but he's terrified!  That'll have to change soon!).  So I guess I have a better grasp of how things "work" at that age.

H was like "he won't be old enough by then?" and I had to laugh.  Oh man, he's in for a massive education when this baby gets here....and I'll probably lose my mind.

Glad to see I'm not totally off base, but also interesting to see that some people do leave kids that young with sitters for longer periods of time.  I can't imagine it's easy, though.  

[aqualuv]

I don't think it's impossible but I'm sure it all boils down to your own comfort level. If you are uncomfortable with it then I wouldn't go. This is the beginning of situations where it will be about what you feel is best for you and your baby.

Will they get married at a port or on the ship? I've seen some people get married at the port before the cruise takes off and I've seen some people get married at the port. If it's either one of those you two could just fly in for the ceremony and reception and then fly back home.

[orangeglow]

I can't predict the future.  But I know that both my brother and myself were extremely needy children. I really don't think my mom could have asked someone to watch either of us for a full week without then sending them on their own vacation.  To Europe. For a year.  And buying them their own private jet to get there.  Lol.  Some kids are ok without mom and dad.  Some aren't.  You will have NO idea until you get to that point.

[blushing]

I couldn't do it. DS was breastfed until 16 months old. He never took a bottle at all. But my BFF in SA has no problems with this. Her mum often looks after her son, who is now 9, while her and her hubby go away on their annual trip. And its usually a few weeks at a time.

[Mushe]

Uh, wow. Yeah, I was not remotely ready to leave my kiddo for more than a night for a long time. He stayed with MH when I went to a conference when he was 1.75, and then we did 5 nights away together just this past March, when he was about 2.25. Not to mention pumping, if you're nursing, etc. And do you have grandparents who are up to watching a child that young, for that long a time period?

[starlily]

May 11, 2014 11:12:41 GMT -5 aqualuv said:

I don't think it's impossible but I'm sure it all boils down to your own comfort level.

Ditto. No one is out of touch here. It just depends on personal comfort level and circumstances. And it's way too early & hypothetical at this point to get worked up over it.

[Deleted]

I mean it's entirely possible but I wouldn't have done it. My DD is 2 and I still don't know if I'd leave her with the grandparents for a whole week- haha. So no, you aren't crazy.

[Deleted]

Oh ya and dd was still nursing then and not even close to sleeping through the night so it just wouldn't have worked if I was even comfortable with it.

[thatgirl2478]

The first time we left DD with my parents for an extended weekend was when she was 14 months old. I don't know if I would leave my 7-8 month old for a whole week.

Depending on the type of cruise, there may be childcare available for the few hours that you wouldn't necessarily want to have the baby around (during the ceremony/reception). Aside from the fact that I *personally* would never go on a cruise because I find them to be floating disease pods, I know many people who bring their babies on cruises, maybe you could take the baby?

[jewel]

There's really no way to know right now whether or not that will be an option. I think it's good enough to let them know that you may not be able to make it. Once the time gets much closer though, you can decide if you'd like to go and take the baby, leave the baby with family, or don't go at all.

I think it's really premature to put too much thought into it though. They aren't even engaged yet, and there's a good chance that their wedding ideas will change between now and then. If it comes up again, I'd just stick with something non-committal like "We'd love to be a part of your wedding. Depending on how things are going with the new baby, we'll do our best to be there."

[Odonata]

May 11, 2014 11:22:48 GMT -5 ladybug said:

Oh ya and dd was still nursing then and not even close to sleeping through the night so it just wouldn't have worked if I was even comfortable with it.

The sleeping through the night was another thing I was wondering about.  It would be great if my kid was STTN at that point, but who knows?

[Odonata]

May 11, 2014 11:33:16 GMT -5 thatgirl2478 said:

The first time we left DD with my parents for an extended weekend was when she was 14 months old. I don't know if I would leave my 7-8 month old for a whole week.

Depending on the type of cruise, there may be childcare available for the few hours that you wouldn't necessarily want to have the baby around (during the ceremony/reception). Aside from the fact that I *personally* would never go on a cruise because I find them to be floating disease pods, I know many people who bring their babies on cruises, maybe you could take the baby?

Me too.  I really have no desire to cruise. Too many people stuck on a ship.  Yech.  

Yeah, if they do end up cruising I will look into taking the baby.  

[Odonata]

May 11, 2014 12:08:44 GMT -5 jewel said:

There's really no way to know right now whether or not that will be an option. I think it's good enough to let them know that you may not be able to make it. Once the time gets much closer though, you can decide if you'd like to go and take the baby, leave the baby with family, or don't go at all.

I think it's really premature to put too much thought into it though. They aren't even engaged yet, and there's a good chance that their wedding ideas will change between now and then. If it comes up again, I'd just stick with something non-committal like "We'd love to be a part of your wedding. Depending on how things are going with the new baby, we'll do our best to be there."

I'm not putting any thought into their wedding since it's just a "what if".  My question was am I off base to assume that 8 mo is too young to leave a child behind for a week, because everyone at dinner last night thought it was OK.

[MrsDarcy]

May 11, 2014 12:47:36 GMT -5 Odonata said:

May 11, 2014 12:08:44 GMT -5 jewel said:

There's really no way to know right now whether or not that will be an option. I think it's good enough to let them know that you may not be able to make it. Once the time gets much closer though, you can decide if you'd like to go and take the baby, leave the baby with family, or don't go at all.

I think it's really premature to put too much thought into it though. They aren't even engaged yet, and there's a good chance that their wedding ideas will change between now and then. If it comes up again, I'd just stick with something non-committal like "We'd love to be a part of your wedding. Depending on how things are going with the new baby, we'll do our best to be there."

I'm not putting any thought into their wedding since it's just a "what if".  My question was am I off base to assume that 8 mo is too young to leave a child behind for a week, because everyone at dinner last night thought it was OK.

Not off base at all. It's easy to think that if you don't actually have a baby (or will actually have one).

[VillainV]

It's totally reasonable to think that 7-8 months is too young to leave for a whole week. I think there are some situations where it's probably okay, but there's no way to know if that will apply to you. At any rate, I think that's probably pretty rare, and it's unfair of your friends to just assume that you'll be in a position to leave the baby for that long (or that you would be willing to). But I was childless for a long time,and I understand that childless people don't always realize these things.

[jewel]

May 11, 2014 12:47:36 GMT -5 Odonata said:

May 11, 2014 12:08:44 GMT -5 jewel said:

I'm not putting any thought into their wedding since it's just a "what if".  My question was am I off base to assume that 8 mo is too young to leave a child behind for a week, because everyone at dinner last night thought it was OK.

LOL, ok. Well I just meant that I don't think that anyone is off base. Some people would have no issue leaving their baby with family for a week, and some would. It's one of those things that you might not really know until it gets closer. It's perfectly ok to say 'no' and perfectly ok to say 'yes please give me a vacation without the baby!'

[dragonfly08]

This is one of those questions that has no right answer. CAN you leave a 7-8 month old baby for a week? Absolutely, especially if you aren't BFing. SHOULD you? That's a question only you can answer. I probably wouldn't have done it with my first, but by the time #2 came along and was that age I was a lot more laid back and had there been a reason to do it, and someone to leave the kids with, I would have at least considered it. Neither decision is right or wrong; whichever you make is what's best for you and your family.

That said, none of this is even in the works (except for the baby part)...they're still ring shopping, haven't set a date or booked the cruise. So I'd just wait and see what happens. A lot can change. Although FWIW, a 7-8 month old wouldn't be horrible to cruise with if it came down to that, IMO, as long as you were willing to adjust certain things to accommodate baby's schedule.

[curbsideprophet]

Do you plan to breastfeed? If so, leaving a baby that young for that long could be way more hassle than it is worth for something I would consider optional.

As for your own comfort, I don't think you will know until the baby is here. It is certainly reasonable that you would not be ready to leave your 8 month old for a week.

[lynn07]

Yeah, this is definitely one of those "to each their own" things, but I know I would not have felt comfortable leaving my kids (2 DS's) at that age for that long. Heck, they are 3.5 and 4.5 years old now, and we still haven't left them for more than a couple of nights at a time. It's a lot if work to ask of their grandparents (who all still work), but also, DH and I truly do enjoy taking them with us on long vacations. We've done Hawaii, Mexico, California, and multiple mountain trips with them. If we had the $ right now, I'd totally take them on a cruise with us.

[scribellesam]

No way I could have done that with DS - he didn't take a bottle and was a huge hassle about sleeping at that age, up anywhere from 2-5 times nightly. That's not to say that no one should ever do it, but I think those that can are very lucky and/or have saintly family/friends.

[anaps28]

I left my DS at 6 months with my mom for a long weekend for our wedding anniversary and then at 9 months for a work trip for a week. Everyone is different and like others said it depends on your comfort level.
This is when you smile and nod at your friends saying how great that would be and just cross that bridge when you get there.