She didn't steal your life, Bon. You are still here, living and breathing and a light to a lot of people. She can't take that from you, and neither can he. Their life is built on lies and guilt, and you can go forward free and clear. Don't let those fucking assholes mean this much.
Can you have an honest conversation with your friend, do you think it can be salvaged?
I don't know. I have been friends with them so long, but i feel like this is consuming me. I might say something about how it's hard for me to deal with right now. I just don't want to sound like an ass. Maybe with time and after a heart to heart it will blow over. Even my friend's parents and in laws are messaging me on fb.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Post by Monica Geller on Jul 9, 2014 19:52:22 GMT -5
If they were mutual friends, then they have chosen sides, and that sucks camel dick. If they were YOUR friends and they're doing this, then that is an act of betrayal that I'd never recover from.
I'm so sorry. All the hugs and hairpats and whatever you want.
You know, I'm sitting here thinking WHY would they do that. And it's fear. If they admit to themselves that your ex did what he did all while being their "friend" to their face, they have to admit they didn't really know him. If they admit to themselves that you were as hurt by it as you were, they have to admit that they could be as hurt by someone they love or--worse--that they were complicit in your pain if they knew or suspected and didn't help you. If they take a stand and refuse to attend, they risk upsetting the social apple cart and themselves being on the outs with your circle of friends.
They're scared. They aren't brave (like you). And they are in denial. And possibly unkind.
In short, this has nothing to do with you. And everything to do with them. And human frailty.
Team you. I would be unbelievably hurt too. Fuck them all. I'm so sorry. : (
Are you in touch with these 'friends' currently? I can't imagine not saying something but I think it's one of these situations where you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. They suck.
I haven't hung out with any of them for a month, because i was isolating myself. It was hard being the odd one out. It's such a sticky situation. I don't want to cause any rifts between couples either and be awkward. Meh.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
If they were mutual friends, then they have chosen sides, and that sucks camel dick. If they were YOUR friends and they're doing this, then that is an act of betrayal that I'd never recover from.
I'm so sorry. All the hugs and hairpats and whatever you want.
All mutual. My ex and i were engaged at 18, so we kind of grew up together. We met all of these couple friends as teenagers, and they are like family.
The other part is that he has never admitted to cheating to any of these people. They know, but he thinks he is invincible.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Ugh bon, I'd like to smack all of them for you. You are smart and kind and funny and beautiful, and they don't realize how lucky they were to have you.
You know, I'm sitting here thinking WHY would they do that. And it's fear. If they admit to themselves that your ex did what he did all while being their "friend" to their face, they have to admit they didn't really know him. If they admit to themselves that you were as hurt by it as you were, they have to admit that they could be as hurt by someone they love or--worse--that they were complicit in your pain if they knew or suspected and didn't help you. If they take a stand and refuse to attend, they risk upsetting the social apple cart and themselves being on the outs with your circle of friends.
They're scared. They aren't brave (like you). And they are in denial. And possibly unkind.
In short, this has nothing to do with you. And everything to do with them. And human frailty.
I love you all for saying it's not about me. I mean, i get that in my head, but it is easy to start thinking something is seriously wrong with you. I feel like everyone i ever get close to ends up leaving now. I know i need to step back and realize that it's not a reflection on me, but it is just way easier said than done. ❤️
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
If they were mutual friends, then they have chosen sides, and that sucks camel dick. If they were YOUR friends and they're doing this, then that is an act of betrayal that I'd never recover from.
I'm so sorry. All the hugs and hairpats and whatever you want.
All mutual. My ex and i were engaged at 18, so we kind of grew up together. We met all of these couple friends as teenagers, and they are like family.
The other part is that he has never admitted to cheating to any of these people. They know, but he thinks he is invincible.
That's so very hard. I hate that they are still choosing to keep up the charade, knowing how he hurt you. Again, I'm sorry. You are totally justified in feeling hurt and betrayed. And I'd probably just straight up tell them so if ever asked directly about it.
You know, I'm sitting here thinking WHY would they do that. And it's fear. If they admit to themselves that your ex did what he did all while being their "friend" to their face, they have to admit they didn't really know him. If they admit to themselves that you were as hurt by it as you were, they have to admit that they could be as hurt by someone they love or--worse--that they were complicit in your pain if they knew or suspected and didn't help you. If they take a stand and refuse to attend, they risk upsetting the social apple cart and themselves being on the outs with your circle of friends.
They're scared. They aren't brave (like you). And they are in denial. And possibly unkind.
In short, this has nothing to do with you. And everything to do with them. And human frailty.
YES. This is what I was alluding to when I said he's making a power play. He KNOWS the position he's putting these friends in, and he knows the easiest choice for them is to attend his sham wedding, and he CERTAINLY knows how much this will hurt Bon. It's pretty sick.
Post by daisyheadmaizie on Jul 9, 2014 20:13:45 GMT -5
I am so sorry. Friends don't do shit like that. They stand by you, offer a shoulder, support, booze, whatever you need. They do not go to the wedding of motherfucker that cheated on you.
You know, I'm sitting here thinking WHY would they do that. And it's fear. If they admit to themselves that your ex did what he did all while being their "friend" to their face, they have to admit they didn't really know him. If they admit to themselves that you were as hurt by it as you were, they have to admit that they could be as hurt by someone they love or--worse--that they were complicit in your pain if they knew or suspected and didn't help you. If they take a stand and refuse to attend, they risk upsetting the social apple cart and themselves being on the outs with your circle of friends.
They're scared. They aren't brave (like you). And they are in denial. And possibly unkind.
In short, this has nothing to do with you. And everything to do with them. And human frailty.
I love you all for saying it's not about me. I mean, i get that in my head, but it is easy to start thinking something is seriously wrong with you. I feel like everyone i ever get close to ends up leaving now. I know i need to step back and realize that it's not a reflection on me, but it is just way easier said than done. ❤️
(hug) (hug2)
(I don't think I've ever used these emojii before. But they're appropriate here.)
Huge squishy hugs, your friends suck for going to the wedding. You are not a loser, your friends are for going to the wedding of the asshat who cheated on you.
I'm sticking close to town this weekend, if you want to get together for brunch/lunch/dinner/drinks. OOOOOOoooor, we can go to a GTG out of town/out of state.
Oh Bon. He is a fucking cockroach, and WILL be squashed under karma's shoe at some point.
If it was me, I think I'd need to tell my friends (at least the ones I was interested in maybe trying to rebuild a relationship with) how much their decision to attend this wedding hurt me. You do whatever is going to make you healthy and happy moving forward. We are always, ALWAYS here to support you in whatever way you need.
They're a bunch of soggy dicks Bon. I'm sorry they are treating you this way. Big hugs, you are going to be so much better off in the long run than his sorry ass.
Post by CajunShrimp on Jul 9, 2014 20:45:06 GMT -5
Oh hell no, Screw them.
If you have any desire to salvage the relationship, I would talk to your BFF about it. The friendship is over if you don't, because this is something that won't go away. So you might as well talk to her calmly about it and how much it hurts that she is going. If she still chooses to go, she wasn't a friend to begin with.
Woah. That's terrible. It's been said but time for new friends.
If it's any consolation, I think marriages that are the products of an affair have like an 80% failure rate. So your "friends" are all wasting a lot of time/money/energy on a wedding where the marriage will probably be short-lived.
These people are not your friends, but I would totally say something your BFF. She should know how you are feeling. I just can't believe that they would even still communicate with him after what he did to you.
Oh hell no. I'd be telling my friends left and right about how much it hurts! wtf. If it was an amicable split, then I wouldn't say a word but he CHEATED ON YOU. No good friend could sit in those seats and watch that marriage go down, right?
I just want to fly up there and hug you
Right? Those are not friends. It is seriously fucked up that they are attending this wedding after what he did to you. I'm sorry, Bon. Hang in there, lady!
Post by cheeseandcrackers on Jul 9, 2014 22:08:11 GMT -5
Your real friends wouldn't go to the wedding. Sorry Bon Didn't you guys just get divorced like last year? He is so going to get slapped in the face. I have an ex from HS-college who got a new gf a week after we broke up, not the same thing I know, but he married her and YEARS later he still stalks me online.. what does that say about his marriage?
I'd be devastated TBH. It would feel like another betrayal or like your friends were rewarding him for his bad behavior. So I think your sadness is completely normal, here.
I'll just add to the chorus of these people not really being your friend and throw another round of big hugs your way.
Your real friends wouldn't go to the wedding. Sorry Bon Didn't you guys just get divorced like last year? He is so going to get slapped in the face. I have an ex from HS-college who got a new gf a week after we broke up, not the same thing I know, but he married her and YEARS later he still stalks me online.. what does that say about his marriage?
Our divorce was final in Sept and separated in Jan 2013
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Post by thedutchgirl on Jul 9, 2014 22:38:33 GMT -5
I would be devastated about the friends. I am so sorry. On the friend front, they are wimps. They are likely hoping it will blow over and they can be friends with everyone. That doesn't work, especially with a split like yours. If you have any desire to keep the relationship with BFF, I'd talk to her.