Shit. (church related)

[wambam]

I just found out the rector of my church has resigned. Her resignation letter said this "Several events in the last year and a half indicate to me that my skills and gifts are not a good fit to be the Rector of [church]. Because of this, I believe it will be better for the parish, me and my family if I look for another church to serve. Therefore, I hereby resign as Rector of [church] effective August 4, 2014."

I am heart broken. The church I go to is in the rich part of town, very "old money." But I chose it because of her. She is younger, vibrant, and I really thought she was going to attract a more diverse crowd (like me) and revitalize the church. It's a wonderful place and I thought she would make it even better. I feel really shitty about this. I'm so sad. 

I don't know what's going to happen now.

[livinitup]

How did you get to see the letter?

[lilac05]

That really sucks. I'm sorry.

Perhaps she was was hoping for the same revitalization that you were...but found too much resistance. Do you think you'll stick it out and see who they find to replace her or try to follow her to her new church (if it's local)? It must be a terribly difficult time for her, too.

[nightandday]

That stinks. Sorry!

[Deleted]

The same thing happened at a church I used to attend a few years ago. The pastor brought in more progressive ideas that were at odds with the oldies in the church, and finally he resigned after butting heads with them all the time. The music director left soon after for similar reasons - he felt that contemporary music would attract younger people to the church, but the oldies remained rigid in their stance that it should be hymns-only.

The church lost a lot of members after that, including me. I was sad at first but felt I made the right decision after my H's aunt (who still attends that church) bitched me out for not going. It confirmed to me why I stopped in the first place.

[emjacobs]

Why do you feel shitty? Do you feel like you were part of her decision?

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 10:40:09 GMT -5 livinitup said:

How did you get to see the letter?

They posted it on FB.

[So_Fetch]

Can you make contact and possibly go to her new church when she finds one? Assuming she doesn't move away.

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 10:43:03 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

Why do you feel shitty? Do you feel like you were part of her decision?

Of course not. I love her and I'm so sad to see her go. When I decided to join the Episcopal church, I joined the one I did because of her specifically. 

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 10:44:33 GMT -5 So_Fetch said:

Can you make contact and possibly go to her new church when she finds one? Assuming she doesn't move away.

If they stay, I will. She and her husband are from Wisconsin. He started a new career here in Dayton, so they don't have any foundational reasons they would stay in the area. But if they do, I definitely would follow her.

[emjacobs]

Jul 25, 2014 10:44:42 GMT -5 wambam said:

Jul 25, 2014 10:43:03 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

Why do you feel shitty? Do you feel like you were part of her decision?

Of course not. I love her and I'm so sad to see her go. When I decided to join the Episcopal church, I joined the one I did because of her specifically. 

Ahh ok, I always equate "feeling shitty" with feeling guilt or remorse over something.  It's hard to find a good Episcopal church, you either find the nice, young ones or the more catholic leaning ones. 

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 10:41:49 GMT -5 @moonbeam said:

The same thing happened at a church I used to attend a few years ago. The pastor brought in more progressive ideas that were at odds with the oldies in the church, and finally he resigned after butting heads with them all the time. The music director left soon after for similar reasons - he felt that contemporary music would attract younger people to the church, but the oldies remained rigid in their stance that it should be hymns-only.

The church lost a lot of members after that, including me. I was sad at first but felt I made the right decision after my H's aunt (who still attends that church) bitched me out for not going. It confirmed to me why I stopped in the first place.

Shit shit shit. 

Our music director started around the same time as Mother D and he's in the same camp - he's gay, progressive, and butts heads with the olds. I can't lost them both

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 10:41:24 GMT -5 lilac05 said:

That really sucks. I'm sorry.

Perhaps she was was hoping for the same revitalization that you were...but found too much resistance. Do you think you'll stick it out and see who they find to replace her or try to follow her to her new church (if it's local)? It must be a terribly difficult time for her, too.

I will follow her if she stays local. But I might look into other Episcopal churches in my area if she doesn't.

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 10:46:29 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

Jul 25, 2014 10:44:42 GMT -5 wambam said:

Of course not. I love her and I'm so sad to see her go. When I decided to join the Episcopal church, I joined the one I did because of her specifically. 

Ahh ok, I always equate "feeling shitty" with feeling guilt or remorse over something.  It's hard to find a good Episcopal church, you either find the nice, young ones or the more catholic leaning ones. 

Oh no, I definitely don't feel guilty at all.

Our field ed student, who is now a deacon, attends the other good Episcopal church in town. If Mother D doesn't stay in the area, I might check them out.

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 10:55:57 GMT -5 frkls said:

Jul 25, 2014 10:47:22 GMT -5 wambam said:

I will follow her if she stays local. But I might look into other Episcopal churches in my area if she doesn't.

that's so hard. i'm really sorry that you're losing her.  it might be worth hanging around the church and seeing how it goes with the new rector before you jump ship.  you might like the new person! your hanging around would also show her that some of the positive changes she has made have stuck! 

That makes sense, frkls. I sought her out specifically because of energy and youth. Without her (or someone similar to her), the church isn't the same. But yeah, I understand where you're coming from.

[katie80]

Ugh I'm so sorry. Church drama is the worst. I'm Episcopalian too and I really love our church, but we've had some things go down in the last year or so that have been really upsetting (our music director resigned right before Lent started, for one thing). Fortunately, it's all worked out very well and as far as I can tell everyone is happy with the new people and new practices. Hopefully the same happens for you!

[emoflamingo]

Same stuff happened in the church I went to before I moved away. There was a LOT of drama (they shunned my mom because she divorced and was dating a man who stayed in our house - because he was from out of state, but there were many other things) and once some of the younger families started leaving, it really started dying out. I enjoyed it before all of that started happening.

I hope they stay local so you can continue to enjoy them.

[sonrisa]

Jul 25, 2014 10:43:58 GMT -5 wambam said:

Jul 25, 2014 10:40:09 GMT -5 livinitup said:

How did you get to see the letter?

They posted it on FB.

WTF? No wonder she is resigning. 

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 13:13:03 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Jul 25, 2014 10:43:58 GMT -5 wambam said:

They posted it on FB.

WTF? No wonder she is resigning. 

Uhh, I think she gave them permission to do so. She shared it on her personal FB. This is not the scandal you're making it.

[sonrisa]

Jul 25, 2014 13:15:46 GMT -5 wambam said:

Jul 25, 2014 13:13:03 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

WTF? No wonder she is resigning. 

Uhh, I think she gave them permission to do so. She shared it on her personal FB. This is not the scandal you're making it.

I'm not saying it's scandalous, I'm saying it is making her departure unnecessarily dramatic. You set up an interim rector. You set up a search committee. You have lovely farewell events where you thank the rector for her wonderful service and everything she has contributed to your community. You give her good references highlighting those areas where she has strengths, even if those strengths aren't a good match. And you wish her well.

You don't post on FB saying "Hey look everyone!  She's resigning and leaving us! Here's the letter to prove it!" That reeks of bad politics.

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 13:19:50 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Jul 25, 2014 13:15:46 GMT -5 wambam said:

Uhh, I think she gave them permission to do so. She shared it on her personal FB. This is not the scandal you're making it.

I'm not saying it's scandalous, I'm saying it is making her departure unnecessarily dramatic. You set up an interim rector. You set up a search committee. You have lovely farewell events where you thank the rector for her wonderful service and everything she has contributed to your community. You give her good references highlighting those areas where she has strengths, even if those strengths aren't a good match. And you wish her well.

You don't post on FB saying "Hey look everyone!  She's resigning and leaving us! Here's the letter to prove it!" That reeks of bad politics.

And all of your first paragraph IS happening. But they had to let the church know. So they emailed in a newsletter and put it on FB. No biggie. And again, she shared it on her personal FB page.

[sonrisa]

And "old money" "stiff upper lip" Epsicopalians should definitely know better than to make a scene ;-)

ETA: OH. Her facebook page, not the church's. Nevermind.

[RoxMonster]

Ugh that sucks. I have been there, both with teachers at a Christian school and pastors at a Christian church.

Like I always said, it sucks that the pastor of a Christian church is run off because people there decide to not act like Christians.

[sonrisa]

Be on the search committee - you can help direct where things go from here.

[FastHands]

That stinks. Could you reach out to her and ask if she has any guidance as to which local parishes might be a better fit for you? I assume local rectors probably communicate, no? Even if there's not a place with an opening that would allow HER to remain local, I bet she would be open to helping you find something that would be close to her style.

[MixedBerryJam]

Jul 25, 2014 10:44:33 GMT -5 So_Fetch said:

Can you make contact and possibly go to her new church when she finds one? Assuming she doesn't move away.

I've actually done this, and I'm Catholic and was a followed our parish priest to his new parish. The only priest I ever met in my life I would choose to have as a friend, and I wasn't going to let that one get away! In my life, I'll never forget him talking to a group of us some time before the marriage equality vote in MA (so this is probably 11 years ago; we've had ME for 10+ years) and his talk was about how a marriage is between two PEOPLE. He said it twice, for anyone who might have missed it the first time. God I love that man. 

Sorry to digress, but I just want to say that pastor groupies are not unheard of! 

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 13:30:20 GMT -5 FastHands said:

That stinks. Could you reach out to her and ask if she has any guidance as to which local parishes might be a better fit for you? I assume local rectors probably communicate, no? Even if there's not a place with an opening that would allow HER to remain local, I bet she would be open to helping you find something that would be close to her style.

Honestly, I know enough about "the scene" that I know where I'd go.

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 14:55:38 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jul 25, 2014 13:13:03 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

WTF? No wonder she is resigning. 

yeah no shit

Hey Sue, I'm sure you're going to finish reading this thread, but in case you don't: the priest gave her permission for it to be posted on FB and she shared it on her personal FB page. So it's really not as scandalous as sonrisa thought it was.

[wambam]

Jul 25, 2014 15:06:58 GMT -5 frkls said:

Jul 25, 2014 13:19:50 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

I'm not saying it's scandalous, I'm saying it is making her departure unnecessarily dramatic. You set up an interim rector. You set up a search committee. You have lovely farewell events where you thank the rector for her wonderful service and everything she has contributed to your community. You give her good references highlighting those areas where she has strengths, even if those strengths aren't a good match. And you wish her well.

You don't post on FB saying "Hey look everyone!  She's resigning and leaving us! Here's the letter to prove it!" That reeks of bad politics.

i'm sure it was a resignation letter which was written for the purpose of sharing with the congregation.  posting it didn't make anything dramatic, it cut off the rumor mongering and probably reduced the drama potential.   

This, exactly. 

[sydney02]

Wambam I'm Episcopalian too and we lost a fantastic associate rector this year for personal reasons. She too had her letter published in the bulletin but the letter was still cloudy as to why she left. Church politics I'm sure.

I really think the Episcopal church itself is just very diverse when it comes to church politics. Much more so than any denomination I used to belong to. The gay issue alone can cause issues in the church. Hopefully your church will find another rector who is similar to her. Hopefully.

I will say one of the things I love about being an Episcopalian for the past 3 years is the bickering that you get within the church. And I only say that because in the past I had attended churches where it seemed everyone thought the same on personal and political issues. Then I get to the Episcopal church and meet people that range from far left liberal to pretty conservative. There is a LOT of diversity in our denomination but unfortunately that does result in a lot of drama and losing people.