Thanks for the updates cookies. I think it's the best possible update it could have been, given the circumstances. I wish you the best as you guys work through this!
Please do me one favor, stop using your pregnancy as an excuse for his behavior. There will be times in marriage when for reasons, be they illness or pregnancy or something else, intimacy might drop off. This should not mean the other person off the hook for acting inappropriately with another person.
I know you have been saying that and not necessarily him, but it pains me to hear you kind of beat yourself up about it.
Thank you. I thought I was losing my mind with this shit. We have three kids, who all came within 3 1/2 years of each other PLUS a miscarriage at 11 weeks in the middle, so I was pregnant plenty for that time period. The last thing on my mind was making sure my husband was satisfied. And whether he thought about it or not, I don't know because if he did he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut about the lack of intimacy.
It's funny how cynical life makes you as you get older. 10 years ago I probably would have thought, "Give him the benefit of the doubt. Trust him. He loves you. He married you."
Now I say, never trust anyone more than you trust your gut. The most I will ever trust my DH is 99%. He knows that too. No man (or woman) will ever get 100% of my trust. You always, always have to leave room for the possibility that cheating isn't something that happens to other women. It can happen to you too. All of us.
I'm glad you talked to him and your instincts not only saved your marriage but saved his ass at work too. He was so busy getting his ego stroked that he didn't even see that he was down a slippy slide into a harassment lawsuit.
Post by sapphireblue on Jul 25, 2014 13:59:21 GMT -5
I am glad for the update. I was another one whose exH cheated and didn't get that impression from your posts (that your H was cheating). It sounded like a bad path he was on, though.
I will say I would encourage you to monitor things because if those IMs you saw this morning were FAR worse than what you saw yesterday, that bothers me. However, his response to you was good. Just be a bit vigilant, perhaps.
I personally would want to see her. I'd want to gauge how she acts with him and with you. Do you ever visit him at work? If not, no big deal. It would be too unnatural if that is out of the norm.
Best of luck to you both and I hope you continue to have open dialogue and your trust is renewed with time. You seem to know not to let your guard down and that is good.
I also echo couples counseling because that helped H and I in a similar situation to this. Of course that's your decision to make.