STOP CALLING ME! You see I don't answer your calls or emails, yet when I'm in your presence my smartphone is attached to my palm. It should be obvious then that I'm avoiding you.
If you want to talk about visits, or photos, or anything, CALL YOUR SON! The one who is blood related to you. I barely want to speak to my own damn family.
And DD1 doesn't want to go hang out at your house on her own and I'm not making her because she's 6 and I don't blame her. It's boring out in the middle of nowhere and you guys just fight all the time because you hate each other. And no, just because I'm not working doesn't mean it is a vacation for me (yes, they said that) to drag two kids on a 5 hour train ride to hang out in the middle of nowhere and be forced to talk to you lot 24/7 and eat whatever bland thing has been cooked. NOT a vacation.
I guess my ILs have been grumpy that we don't take DD to visit them enough. We live 15 min away so it's not a pain to go there. We probably visit once a month as it is.
But we would probably visit more if every visit wasn't excruciating. DD doesn't have a great relationship with them because my ILs won't stop whatever they are doing to spend time with her or interact with her. Last time we were there they spent the whole time watching TV. That's fine. They don't have to stop their lives because we visit but then they shouldn't be surprised when DD doesn't have a good relationship with them or our visits decrease in frequency. The other thing is they make no effort to come to our house and visit. And they also usually reject our attempts to go places with them and DD (eg the zoo, etc).
So what it comes down to is they just want us to make all the effort to go to their house so we can watch stupid TV and DD can be ignored.*
And since we don't really jump up and down to spend our precious weekend time doing this MIL talks smack about us to other people in her own special passive aggressive way and those people tell my H "why aren't you visiting your poor mom more...!"
*eta: they also just want my DD feel instant comfort and love with them and in their house without them having to do any work. That's not how it works with kids! You earn their love and affection! Not the other way around, FFS!
I guess my ILs have been grumpy that we don't take DD to visit them enough. We live 15 min away so it's not a pain to go there. We probably visit once a month as it is.
But we would probably visit more if every visit wasn't excruciating. DD doesn't have a great relationship with them because my ILs won't stop whatever they are doing to spend time with her or interact with her. Last time we were there they spent the whole time watching TV. That's fine. They don't have to stop their lives because we visit but then they shouldn't be surprised when DD doesn't have a good relationship with them or our visits decrease in frequency. The other thing is they make no effort to come to our house and visit. And they also usually reject our attempts to go places with them and DD (eg the zoo, etc).
So what it comes down to is they just want us to make all the effort to go to their house so we can watch stupid TV and DD can be ignored.*
And since we don't really jump up and down to spend our precious weekend time doing this MIL talks smack about us to other people in her own special passive aggressive way and those people tell my H "why aren't you visiting your poor mom more...!"
*eta: they also just want my DD feel instant comfort and love with them and in their house without them having to do any work. That's not how it works with kids! You earn their love and affection! Not the other way around, FFS!
See, this would be my family, not my in-laws. It is super annoying. The last time DD was at my aunt's house they sat in the dark, shades closed on a beautiful sunny day and watched Madea. DD colored a bit and then was like, "Um, WTF?"
I guess my ILs have been grumpy that we don't take DD to visit them enough. We live 15 min away so it's not a pain to go there. We probably visit once a month as it is.
But we would probably visit more if every visit wasn't excruciating. DD doesn't have a great relationship with them because my ILs won't stop whatever they are doing to spend time with her or interact with her. Last time we were there they spent the whole time watching TV. That's fine. They don't have to stop their lives because we visit but then they shouldn't be surprised when DD doesn't have a good relationship with them or our visits decrease in frequency. The other thing is they make no effort to come to our house and visit. And they also usually reject our attempts to go places with them and DD (eg the zoo, etc).
So what it comes down to is they just want us to make all the effort to go to their house so we can watch stupid TV and DD can be ignored.*
And since we don't really jump up and down to spend our precious weekend time doing this MIL talks smack about us to other people in her own special passive aggressive way and those people tell my H "why aren't you visiting your poor mom more...!"
*eta: they also just want my DD feel instant comfort and love with them and in their house without them having to do any work. That's not how it works with kids! You earn their love and affection! Not the other way around, FFS!
See, this would be my family, not my in-laws. Â It is super annoying. Â The last time DD was at my aunt's house they sat in the dark, shades closed on a beautiful sunny day and watched Madea. Â DD colored a bit and then was like, "Um, WTF?"
Swap Medea for someone's home movie of their 60th birthday and that's my ILs, right down to the closed shades!
They don't have toys. They don't care. They didn't care to baby proof either (we are past that stage but still). Everything about their house is just not welcoming for a toddler. And they wonder why we don't want to go...
We tried to get them to come to the farmers market with us yesterday. Nope. Too busy. Then we tried to visit them but my FIL was napping (it was 10 am). I mean cool. Live your life! But stop complaining we don't visit! And certainly stop complaining to other people who then lecture us!!!
Post by iammalcolmx on Jul 28, 2014 14:11:29 GMT -5
My only gripe is that they make me walks miles and miles on vacation. However Summer you saw what my H did to me in Paris and the WTF look on my face. Other than that I can't complain about them too much. My Dad is needy as hell though THANK GOD he lives 5,000 miles away.
Post by orangeblossom on Jul 28, 2014 14:14:25 GMT -5
My FIL and SMIL are great and extended family are all great. My MIL gets on my last nerves.
We have tried to be proactive and ask question to decrease annoyance when it comes to making plans and what not, but lately it just doesn't seem to be helping. She just does not think things through and it ends up negatively affecting us. It's annoying and can sometimes ruin an otherwise decent visit.
She's a nice enough person, and doesn't really get in our business, because we really don't allow it, but is not someone I would generally hang out with/be friends with.
Also, I totally get you in the calls. Do not call me or text me for things you need to talk to DH about. I have resisted the planner role as much as possible, because a) I don't think that should be my responsibility b) I don't want to set a precedent.
I'm annoyed with all of the parents right now, lol. Swap my mom for your ILs, and I'm in the same boat re harrassing me all of the time via phone. My mother gets extra annoying when my ILs are in town. It's like she has this fear she will be forgotten since her grandkid is having fun with the ILs. WTF?
My ILs are annoying the crap out of me since they keep telling people they will move to GA by mid August. Yeah, they have been saying this for two years now. Stop getting my hopes up!
Everytime we travel to visit my family (which is maybe 4 times a year) my MIL complains. "Why can't they come visit you?!" Um, lady. They do. More than you and they live 5 hours away!!! I think she thinks she will be replaced as favored grandma too. She thinks she gets that title automatically by being the closest grandma. But she sets a very low bar...
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Jul 28, 2014 14:37:44 GMT -5
Ooh, I'll play!
I can't stand FIL. He's a nice man, but has done some things in the past that make me want no relationship with him. I try to be supportive of DH having a relationship with him because its his dad. But he comes home grumpy every time. So I'm not supportive.
He invited himself and his "wife" (they're not married) over to spend time with H. And to have H meet the "wife." For reasons I won't get into, I don't want her having a relationship with my baby.
And we just know they're going to refer to her as grandma. Which DH and I agreed he'd put a stop to. But I know him. He'll let it go while they're at our house and then bring it up privately later, then FIL will be offended and DH will be angry.
I don't want to prevent him from having a relationship with his granddaughter, but he's making it so hard.
Giiiirrllll, I just spent a weekend at my ILs.I could talk all damn day.
1. My MIL tried multiple times to take digs at me because the picture I posted after running 7 miles showed how red my face was. Like how dare I have a red face after running 7 miles in JULY? I still don't get what she was trying to make me feel bad about.
2. They can not handle my kids being kids. When the boys actually play together they snap at them for being too loud. Then they spend the rest of the time asking me if I think certain things are wrong with my kids lol. "Do you think Jack doesn't get enough attention at home." Yes, FIL you are so right. I don't think my son gets enough attention. Thank you so much for pointing that out to me when he acts like a normal annoying older brother.
3. They are so fucking boring. Like the worst kind of old people. Mind you they are in their late 60s and early 70s. But you would guess they are nearing 100 years old. We talked about on multiple occassions A) How their toilet is flushing slow and eddy you need to remember to hold it down for 14 seconds. B) About their fridge filter C) about everyone they know who is dying.
4. My MIL follows me around repeating what I am saying to my kids and then gets all exasperated that they don't listen to her. OMG SHUT UP. I AM HANDLING IT. She is like a fucking parrot. I feel like I have to perform for these people. They are so fucking judgemental of us and our kids.
5. They are always around. No one has any hobbies. Everyone is just sitting there watching/judging/lurking. All in their tiny kitchen/living room combo room.
Post by aussiecrush on Jul 28, 2014 15:19:16 GMT -5
FIL is getting remarried. We haven't spoken in a few years, have never met the woman and are very happy we weren't invited. The rest of the family is coming out if the woodwork, however. Texts, emails, phone calls from people we haven't had contact with in over three years. Why aren't we coming? Don't we want the details? We are going to at least send a gift, right? Don't we want to know how MIL is handling it? Go. Away. Plus, we know how MIL is dealing. She's made a local name for herself over a political issue that's getting national attention. She's all over the internet right now. We are having a great laugh at her need to be noticed.
Giiiirrllll, I just spent a weekend at my ILs.I could talk all damn day.
1. My MIL tried multiple times to take digs at me because the picture I posted after running 7 miles showed how red my face was. Like how dare I have a red face after running 7 miles in JULY? I still don't get what she was trying to make me feel bad about.
2. They can not handle my kids being kids. When the boys actually play together they snap at them for being too loud. Then they spend the rest of the time asking me if I think certain things are wrong with my kids lol. "Do you think Jack doesn't get enough attention at home." Yes, FIL you are so right. I don't think my son gets enough attention. Thank you so much for pointing that out to me when he acts like a normal annoying older brother.
3. They are so fucking boring. Like the worst kind of old people. Mind you they are in their late 60s and early 70s. But you would guess they are nearing 100 years old. We talked about on multiple occassions A) How their toilet is flushing slow and eddy you need to remember to hold it down for 14 seconds. B) About their fridge filter C) about everyone they know who is dying.
4. My MIL follows me around repeating what I am saying to my kids and then gets all exasperated that they don't listen to her. OMG SHUT UP. I AM HANDLING IT. She is like a fucking parrot. I feel like I have to perform for these people. They are so fucking judgemental of us and our kids.
5. They are always around. No one has any hobbies. Everyone is just sitting there watching/judging/lurking. All in their tiny kitchen/living room combo room.
A couple of summers ago my mother came to visit me and every other word was about someone dying or about to die and I finally said, I don't want you to say another word to me until you have something to talk about that doesn't involve someone dying or dead. And then she got quiet and then she started laughing and said, I don't have anything else to talk about!! I said welp, that means you just have to be quiet then, huh?
She reminds me of that every time she's about to tell me somebody died. "I know you said not to start all my conversations with you off with a story about somebody sick, dying or dead, but I thought you might want to know Ms. Harris is in the hospital. She's always liked you. Send her a card."
Sigh.
I feel like I shouldn't laugh at this but I'm right now!
Post by orangeblossom on Jul 28, 2014 15:27:51 GMT -5
In reference to all of the dead/hospital posts, my sisters and I call my dad a professional mourner. I swear he goes to at least one funeral a week and/or visits someone in the hospital/nursing home.
4. My MIL follows me around repeating what I am saying to my kids and then gets all exasperated that they don't listen to her. OMG SHUT UP. I AM HANDLING IT. She is like a fucking parrot. I feel like I have to perform for these people. They are so fucking judgemental of us and our kids.
5. They are always around. No one has any hobbies. Everyone is just sitting there watching/judging/lurking. All in their tiny kitchen/living room combo room.
These describe my mom. Exactly. She repeats everything I say to DS but in a much louder volume like he can't hear.
In reference to all of the dead/hospital posts, my sisters and I call my dad a professional mourner. I swear he goes to at least one funeral a week and/or visits someone in the hospital/nursing home.
My MIL loves nothing more than finding something to be sad about.
She told me about this baby with cancer 4 times this weekend. Mind you we have no clue who these people are. Although I think it is sad I don't need to have repeat conversations about them.
She then sends us an email updating us on the baby this morning.
It drives me so nuts.
We will hear about this tragic little baby for months now. And I will continue to not know who these people are.