This is so hysterical - can I please jump over from MMM?
* I had an "answering machine" in my room - the see-through '80s boombox. Except you had to know to walk into my room, press "play" for my recorded "outgoing message" and then follow the detailed instructions on how to leave me a message. And heaven help you if someone before you had left a message and you needed to be sure not to record over it (this scenario was covered in the instructions). Amazingly, I only ever got one message...from my mom...requesting I clean my room
* I got in trouble for selling tickets to my "art gallery" to church friends. I had ripped pages out of a coloring book and 'laminated' them in saran wrap and set up an art gallery in my bedroom. For some reason, I was totally convinced Oprah was going to get wind of it and I was going to be on her, like, "Genius Kids" segment. I remember distinctly thinking to myself "This isn't like real art or very good or anything, but I'm only 8 - so this is still impressive"
* My friend and I started going door to door in our neighborhood selling items we found in our pantries at home. Like, instead of setting up a lemonade stand with some candy, we figure we could make more just selling all sorts of household staples.
I really spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get rich as a kid, lol.
For the longest time I had my little sister convinced that she had failed kindergarten but that she just didn't remember.
You know how there are plastic covers over bolts in the roof of cars? I told her that they were ejection buttons and that if she pressed one she would go flying out the top of the car.
This is so hysterical - can I please jump over from MMM?
* I had an "answering machine" in my room - the see-through '80s boombox. Except you had to know to walk into my room, press "play" for my recorded "outgoing message" and then follow the detailed instructions on how to leave me a message. And heaven help you if someone before you had left a message and you needed to be sure not to record over it (this scenario was covered in the instructions). Amazingly, I only ever got one message...from my mom...requesting I clean my room
* I got in trouble for selling tickets to my "art gallery" to church friends. I had ripped pages out of a coloring book and 'laminated' them in saran wrap and set up an art gallery in my bedroom. For some reason, I was totally convinced Oprah was going to get wind of it and I was going to be on her, like, "Genius Kids" segment. I remember distinctly thinking to myself "This isn't like real art or very good or anything, but I'm only 8 - so this is still impressive"
* My friend and I started going door to door in our neighborhood selling items we found in our pantries at home. Like, instead of setting up a lemonade stand with some candy, we figure we could make more just selling all sorts of household staples.
I really spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to get rich as a kid, lol.
I would sell rocks from our gravel drive way because they were "lava rocks!" and super special. Or leaves during fall.
I also had a rollerblade routine set to "My Heart Will Go On". It might or might not have included a ribbon dancer.
My first concert was Celine. I didn't know about encores at the time so when the concert "ended" I started SOBBING that she didn't sing MHWGO. Then the lights dimmed and she came back out and the oooo-ooo--ooo-ooo-ooo-oooh of the beginning started and I sobbed even harder. LOL.
Lol. You knew she had to save the best one for last!
My friends and I would pretend we were members of NKOTB and reenact their music videos. I was always Joey and no one ever wanted to be Danny.
I also used to think blow jobs was when you put a penis in your mouth and blew on it like you were blowing up a balloon.
I once tried to fake sick so I could stay home from school. I held the thermometer up to a lightbulb to make it look like I had a fever, but my mom quickly figured out what was going on when it said I had a temp of 108 degrees.
We always dressed my brother up as a girl. We would also fight over him and call him jujube while doing do.
We tried to baptized our cat. Legit out him in a gown and tried to out him under the sink to be baptized. It didn't end well.
We constantly had weddings for our little brother and the girl across the street. They were 3-4 years old. We had some pretty elaborate weddings with receptions and everything.
When my neighbors argued I would put a cup against the wall to amplify the yelling. Ah, row homes.
I wanted to be cool in grade school and told my teacher I spoke Italian. She asked me to say something and I couldn't say a word lol.
I are the sleeves of my clothes to the pint my grandma would put pepper on them.
I use to play with toilet paper. I would twirl it up and play with it likes dolls.
Post by CityLights on Jul 30, 2014 12:03:41 GMT -5
When I was about 9, my friend and I decided we would start our own library. We had the brilliant idea to go around the neighborhood asking for donations for the "children's library". People gave us books and money thinking this was for the actual library in town. My parents were PISSED when they found out and made us return everything.
I also played with barbies until I was like 12. I would make up elaborate stories where my barbies were rich and famous and force my little sister to have her barbies be crazy and criminals. LOL
Post by litebright on Jul 30, 2014 12:05:54 GMT -5
My parents had gotten some tape of well-known classical music pieces for free with something else. I used to put it in our portable tape player, take it into my parents' bedroom (I shared a room with my sister, so no privacy) and dance around and around to Waltz of the Flowers from the Nutcracker. Over and over.
I did a lip-synching "music video" to Cindy Lauper's "Time after Time" that involved my pet parakeet, and lots of sad looks and dramatic gestures.
I once made a salad using cabbage because I had no idea it was different from the iceberg lettuce that we usually used.
Post by fivechickens on Jul 30, 2014 12:08:46 GMT -5
I used to think dogs and cats were the same animal but that dogs were the males and cats were the females.
I used to think constructions trucks like backhoes, excavators, and loaders were modern day dinosaurs.
I had a shitload of stuff animals growing up. I used to line some up on each side of my body before I went to bed. I had two favorite ones that got to sleep on each side of my head and I would rotate the rest so everyone got a turn to sleep in my bed.
My sister and I would play pop stars and I would get mad because she was always Madonna and I had to be Cyndi Lobster.
I snuck into a wedding reception at the church across the street from my house.
I also realized I had the exact same Catholic school uniform in my box of play clothes that the kids at the school across the street wore. I put it on one day and blended in with the other kids while they were at recess. I almost couldn't get away when they all had to go back inside.
I also played with barbies until I was like 12. I would make up elaborate stories where my barbies were rich and famous and force my little sister to have her barbies be crazy and criminals. LOL
I used to cut my Barbies' hair and then use my magic markers to give them new hair colors.
My friends and I would pretend we were members of NKOTB and reenact their music videos. I was always Joey and no one ever wanted to be Danny.
I also used to think blow jobs was when you put a penis in your mouth and blew on it like you were blowing up a balloon.
I once tried to fake sick so I could stay home from school. I held the thermometer up to a lightbulb to make it look like I had a fever, but my mom quickly figured out what was going on when it said I had a temp of 108 degrees.
Me too! Exactly the same.
One time my older brother was visiting (half brother who lived with his mom on the opposite coast) and we were playing with some toys when we decided to harass our younger brother. We had those ugly balls, remember them? My little bro was TERRIFIED of them:
So big bro and I were in the basement and we called little bro down to play. He was SO EXCITED that the big kids wanted to play with him (we were ~ 6, 9, and 13). So he came running downstairs and then we jumped out with the ugly balls and screamed. He went RUNNING back upstairs. A few minutes later, we called him back down and did it again. We probably did it 3 or 4 times before he finally refused to come back downstairs. LOL Older siblings are so mean.
Oh! My BFF and I in 5th grade made our own comic books. She was really good at drawing and I was... not. So she would draw everything and I'd just color in her drawings. I was so enamored with this girl. She was HILARIOUS and good at drawing; I wanted to be JUST like her.
In 6th grade we had to write an essay about our hero. I wrote mine about this friend. I didn't realize my teacher was going to make us read them out loud in small groups. I BEGGED her to let me skip reading mine; I was so embarrassed. She actually let me get away with not reading my essay out loud.
I also cut one of my barbie's hair, specifically like Amy Mann's Till Tuesday look, long rat tail.
My friends and i used to pretend in an all girls rock band where we made up dances to madonna songs. We used to sneak into my BF's mom's Le Car which was parked in the driveway and pretend to drive around town and pick up our boyfriends who were in fact the members of Duran Duran. toledo I dated Simon and my name was Ginger.
BF also had a basement which we turned into a dance club. We took all our unused BOP posters (mainly of River Phoenix) and posted them on the walls. They had an old stereo which I would spin tapes as the dj and we would dance, dance dance.
Post by walterismydog on Jul 30, 2014 12:22:29 GMT -5
When I was about 11-13 I would sit in my dark room, light tons of candles, and listen to Simon & Garfunkel over and over on the record player while pretending to smoke marijuana and/or cigarettes made out of incense sticks that were lit. I was practicing to be a "photographer" and would take millions of pictures of coffee cups sitting on books in the candlelight. Those pictures were fucking awful. I was always so disappointed when I got them back from the developer. #old
When I was younger, maybe 8 or 9, I really thought I was fucking smart. I would go to the library and get waaaaay too advanced books for my age (and chose them based on how thick they were), then pretend to read them and tell everyone all about how amazing they were. I never read that shit.
I thought you could get pregnant by masturbating and was scared of what my parents would think if I got pregnant from my pillow humping. I was 11 or 12? So clearly old enough to know better. Sex Ed was a must for me! Lol
The rose selling story reminded me of a low childhood moment. Two of my friends and myself decided when we were like 8 to pee in those little Tupperware straw cups and try to sell it as lemonade because we saw it done in a movie. Our friend's mom caught us on our way from the backyard to the street and totally knew what we were up to... thank goodness. Dumb kids!
Post by Saint Monica on Jul 30, 2014 12:33:30 GMT -5
When I was seven we moved from Long Island to upstate NY. I would go out in the woods find dead mice and salamander type things, put them in shoeboxes and bring my new pets inside. Shhhh mom- they're sleeping!
I also stole a neighbor's chocolate lab. I kept it for like 4 or 5 days. I loved that dog. I named it 'Chocolate'.
Until I was about 12 I used to think Bumble Bees were pronounced Bumbo-bees. No one corrected me.
I didn't understand why my mom wouldn't think I was qualified to cut my own bangs. So I wanted to prove her wrong and went into my room (I was 8) and cut them myself. I then didn't understand why she was so upset, I thought I looked fabulous in them. Nevermind that they were uneven and random chunks that I grabbed and pulled forward to chop.
My brother is 18 months older than me and used to beat me up ALL the time. Like, for no reason. I stole my dads hand recorder from work and recorded him beating me up one time so I could show my parents that I wasn't whining and that I was telling the truth.
I still actually remember my crying on the recording. At one point he threw me off my bed and I fell and cried "You almost broke my ribs!" He was grounded for a month and his Nintendo was taken away. 30 years later and we actually laugh about it but holy shit, every once in awhile I get angry that I had to share a recording of his abuse.
Post by walterismydog on Jul 30, 2014 12:40:40 GMT -5
Oh also, I always fancied myself a chef, and my parents would let me cook pretty often. I would always pretend I was hosting a cooking show (I still do this sometimes, don't get me lyin') and I would usually make pretty decent food. But I always tried to be very "gourmet" about things and I'd read magazine after magazine after cookbook, but not really read - just look at the pictures. Then I would recreate it. 95% of the time I did pretty well. Except that one fateful meal. Had I known blackened chicken was not, in fact, blackened by burning the shit out of it, I would have never created the most heinous meal that was ever served at my parent's dinner table. I covered that burnt, disgusting hockey puck of a chicken breast with cilantro because I remember some rich person once talking about cilantro so I thought it was something rich people did, and I wanted to cook like I was rich. So I piled it on there. I am talking maybe a cup just right on top of everyone's chicken. And no other spices at all. Horrific. Nobody ate it.
When I was 4 I wanted to marry the neighbor boy behind us, have 100 kids, and live in the sewers with the Turtles.
I grew up in a neighborhood with 3-5 other girls my age. DRAMA CITY. I still remember the look mom gave me when us girls were on the phone in a fight and I said I was PISSED. I didn't realize it wasn't an appropriate word for a 3rd grader.
We used to play "TS" (totally secret). We'd play pretend that our bikes were super fast sports cars, we looked hot with big boobs, and our candy was drugs that we "needed" to live. We all had famous boyfriends that we'd "make out" with. This story line went on for like a year.
We made up a club selling those braided lanyards made with that plasticy neon "thread". We sold enough to make about $75 after supplies, and ended up donating the $$ after the Oklahoma City bomb.
We thought we were awesome at dancing/singing/gymnastics/cheer leading, and would make videos. Ace of Base was our first popular group to emulate. Then it moved to the Lion King soundtrack and Spice girls. THESE VIDEOS STILL EXIST. Friend's mom found them and was trying to figure out how to get them on fb. None of us (including her daughter) were willing to help her try. =0/