Post by sparkythelawyer on Jul 31, 2014 22:48:38 GMT -5
Flights Shmights. Either they tell you when they are leaving and when they are coming home, how they are getting there, where they are staying, how you can reach them, etc. or they can have a great time and see your daughter when they get home. They aren't treating you with any respect here.
Post by Captain Serious on Jul 31, 2014 22:50:04 GMT -5
You are not paranoid, although I'm sure they may try to make you feel that way. Your insistence on either details or that they put her on a flight will inconvenience them, and they will guilt you and gaslight you to try to get you to give in to their whims. Stand strong and know you are in the right.
I was afraid I was being crazy. I have been harassing them (nicely) for a return date for a week and I get nothing.
I will start looking at flights home so at least I can control part of this situation. She has flown alone a lot so it's not a big deal.
This whole situation just keeps making me feel like I am paranoid and I hate it.
Maybe you are. You should be. The blood relatives of your asshole ex won't tell you when they will be returning your MINOR CHILD to you ACROSS STATE LINES.
Again. Fuck no. This isn't a look at return flights situation. This is an I asked you last week for essential information and you are stonewalling me so she isn't going until we sort shit out with the quickness situation.
Post by EmilieMadison on Jul 31, 2014 23:49:45 GMT -5
Oh man. There is no way in HELL my kid would be going if I repeatedly asked for a return date and they wouldn't give me one. NOPE.
Are they flying to FL? How do they not know when they're leaving tomorrow, or when they're coming home; dont they have tickets booked already? This is *shady* and my mom-senses are on red alert.
They are driving. That's why I have been trying to be patient.
Two adults and four kids driving to a family reunion in Florida. Bless their heart - I would never sign up for that. But they did and my kid is one of the four kids in the van. So, yea, I am doing my best to not be paranoid and I fully understand they have a lot to deal with. And I am trying to be accommodating and not push to get up to the minute plans.
I only asked the date of return. Not the hour or even morning vs night.
I really am at a loss of what is normal mom anxiety and what is gut bad feelings. They all feel the same right now and the lack of return info mixed with my xh text this afternoon has me spinning.
Can you have a serious talk with ex-sil regarding your (quite well-founded) concerns? How much do you trust her? Does she still have a close relationship with your Ex?
I'd go with "gut bad feelings" to be on the safe side. Your ex just ruined the entire trip and there is no way you wouldn't blame yourself if something was amiss and you let her go. Trust your gut, sometimes fear is a gift.
The whole arrangement sounds shady and there is no way I would have agreed to let my child go in the first place. Your exH sounds like a creep of the highest magnitude. YUCK
The whole arrangement sounds shady and there is no way I would have agreed to let my child go in the first place. Your exH sounds like a creep of the highest magnitude. YUCK
Have you talked to this family about what is going on? It might be worth having this conversation so they can understand why you might not want her to go with them, especially in regards to the last time.
My xfil lives in Florida so they will be staying with him. The itinerary is basically my xsil and her h are driving there with their three little ones and my dd. They will come back sometime next weekend.
At first it didn't bother me because I kept thinking as it got closer they would firm up their return plans. When I talked to xsil on Wed she still wasn't sure. Last night we were texting and once I asked again about their return plans she just stopped texting. I guess that's when I really started to get prickly.
It really seemed fine all along until this week. My dd adores her dads family. She is so excited to go. They really love her too. I know they do.
Nope. Not acceptable. Just call her and tell her you're uncomfortable not knowing when they're coming back and you NEED to know when they are coming back. If she cannot tell you when they plan on coming back (I get that things can change but what is the PLAN?) then I would pull the plug. Or even if she just says WHY they're not sure, like there is something going on a certain day that they want to try to make or whatever, but this non-responsiveness is just unacceptable. That would make me mega uncomfortable.
I will be firm today that I absolutely need a return date before I let her leave.
My xh and his sister have kind of a strained relationship so I wouldn't expect him to be there when xsil and her family was there. This really didn't seem like a bad idea at all when it was brought up.
No fucking way would I send my kid off to stay with family she doesn't know well with so little knowledge of what's going on. No way. You want to have a relationship with her, you have to get through me. For her safety and security and confidence. That means I know EXACTLY where you're going to be, when, with a general itinerary and an exact planned-to-the-minute return date. And an exit strategy if she wants to leave or the ex shows up. Those are reasonable terms.
This totally. Sil should be giving you all the info regarding WHERE you're child will be WHEN she will be home. She doesn't want to commit? Does she have kids herself? She expects you to be all ok whatever just bring her home when ever you want? No. Sorry but not.
I'm so uncomfortable about this for you. I would just cancel but that's me. I'll admit to being more anxious than your average person, but still.
I am sorry you're both in this situation. I haven't read beyond this post, so this is likely answered. Does she want to go? I wouldn't trust them, I'm sorry. I can't help but feel their "alliance" would be with ex and it would make me feel so worried the whole time.
Best case scenario - your ex found out about the trip and is just being an asshole because he knows it will rattle you. And your SIL, as they are driving, just doens't know how long it will take to get there and in turn, isn't sure how long it will take to get back. And she doesn't want to pin herself down to a day just in case it takes less/more time than expected OR she wants to stay an extra day. ANd she's tired of you asking.
Worst case - well,there are a million of those. And you have to go with your gut. You say your exSIL and ex DH don't get along. Do you know that is still the case or maybe things have changed?
At a MINIMUM, you should be able to talk to your ex SIL and FIL about these issues and get straight, upfront answers. Why does ex know about this trip? Why won't she commit to a return day?
If you're trusting them with your DD you should be able to have these conversations with them. If you can't, then you shoudln't send your DD.
Playing devils advocate on the return trip- I can see with driving how they might not have a set date- if they're having a blast and want to stay a day of two longer they can, if it's raining and the kids are acting up blah blah maybe they come home early. I don't think that would bother me IF nothing else was setting my gut off. I would flat out ask to make sure x wasn't going to be around and ask for as much of the itinerary as they know and then decide from there now I felt
Playing devils advocate on the return trip- I can see with driving how they might not have a set date- if they're having a blast and want to stay a day of two longer they can, if it's raining and the kids are acting up blah blah maybe they come home early. I don't think that would bother me IF nothing else was setting my gut off. I would flat out ask to make sure x wasn't going to be around and ask for as much of the itinerary as they know and then decide from there now I felt
This is why I'm not bothered so much about the return trip in and of itself. FL is a long drive! I've done it from MD before. WIth 4 kids? can see how they may not know exactly when they'll be back. OP, though, has SIL SAID this to you? Has she explained why she can't give you a date? If she's just being cagey about it and that's setting off alarms too- I get it. But if she's said this to you and you're still pushing her with "what date exactly", I can also see why she might be frustrated too. Especially if this is a trip she's done before and she just knows that the day they leave might change.
OTOH - as she has your DD with you, she could also show some empathy as to why you might want something a little more specific!
If you do decide to send her, I'd make sure she went with a cell phone (even a cheap prepaid), a credit card and a wad of cash, just in case. I can understand why you don't want to cancel, and I can understand why on their part they might not want to commit to a return date and might be thinking, "Why doesn't she trust us?"
Only you can look at your relationship with them, their relationship with your ex and what kind of people they are. Are you close enough with her that you can say, "Ex sent me this weird text last night. Do you know what it might be about?"
Can you talk to her and tell her how uncomfortable you are with not having a firm return date?