Also- if you apologize to me after being that fucked up, pm me. I don't need you to do it in public so everyone feels like you're great.
And uwh- the statement that EVERYONE swoops in for drama is not true. I mean I love a little rim job/ peeing in pool shaming, but sharing pms like the one today is not my cup of tea.
It's totally not yours either, so I don't understand you making that statement.
That's fair. It's not my scene at all. I stay out of most of the drama-filled posts because I don't like them. And, again, I missed what LHC originally posted.
But it annoys me that there are people all up in LHC's grill who - if Stan hadn't posted the details - would have been begging for people to PM them what was posted.
In general, if some random poster I didn't know PM'd me some scandalous story about another poster I would not be blabbing to the board. I would be suspicious as hell.
Stan I didn't get to comment in the other thread but I just wanted to send hugs to you and I hope that you feel very supported here regardless of what the minority have stupidly stated.
I am 99% sure I read a totally different thread than anybody who felt LHC wrote a heartfelt apology in that thread. To me, every "apology" she posted was, "Well I'm sorry BUT!"
"I'm sorry, BUT you're too ra-ra military especially in light of this." (WTAF?)
"I'm sorry, BUT I did think it was just gossip."
"I'm sorry, BUT everybody here loves the gossip!"
It's one thing to get wrapped up in the drama. It's a whole different thing to get ONE PM from a relative random who then immediately deactivated, and then post the hurtful details of that PM on the board. LHC doesn't like S's military involvement or enthusiasm and therefore went for the jugular.
She made a separate post titled "Apology". It's further down the page. Only she and Stan posted in it.
I'm not sure but I doubt it would change my opinion of her. This is just par for the course for her and totally in keeping with past bebehavior- which many people pointed out in that thread. So if she's done this before and I have no reason to believe it won't happen again, what difference should an apology make?
LHC isn't a bad person. She's like many people on this board.
This board loves drama. If you haven't figured this out by now, you haven't been paying attention.
Without knowing the details, LHC simply shared something figuring it would be like similar scenarios in the past. She had no idea what Stan would share.
I do agree the wide-eyed innocence thing was a bit much because, honestly, she shared it because of the drama it would create, but I think she genuinely felt horrible once she found out what had really happened.
I don't think she's a bad person either. But I don't think you're understanding what I'm trying to say.
So I'll accept that she feels genuinely horrible. What difference is that supoosed to make when she's done this before and will likely do it again? If she never changes her behavior her apologies are just meaningless bullshit even Iif she genuinely means them at the time. And while I agree with you about this board thriving on drama- nobody else posted that stuff. That is all on her.
Stan I didn't get to comment in the other thread but I just wanted to send hugs to you and I hope that you feel very supported here regardless of what the minority have stupidly stated.
I read that entire thread. There is not one person who didn't express support for Stan.
Even the people who made comments that people are objecting to expressed sadness for what she went through.
And I call bullshit on anyone saying they wouldn't share PM details here. It's been done NUMEROUS times in the past.
UWR, are you saying you think that most of us, if we received a PM from someone who is NOT a regular poster on this board (I've now heard 2 screen names and neither rang a bell) with gossip about another poster, would share it publicly without thinking about accuracy of the info and reliability of the PMer? Maybe I'm too trusting, but I think most of us would more likely either 1. say "who the fuck are you and why are you telling me this" or 2. call out the gossipy non-reg publicly for spreading rumors via PM.
I totally agree, we tend to rush to the train wrecks and pile ons and love the piling on. And I think, given the right circumstances, none of us can trust that anything we share via PM won't be shared publicly. But I don't think this is how most of us would have handled receiving this gossip PM.
Post by speckledfrog on Aug 8, 2014 20:06:39 GMT -5
I'm having flashbacks to a month ago. .:pours one out for stellas:.
I completely agree that if the story attached hadn't been so awful none of this brouhaha would be going on. Was is gross on Lucy's part? Yes. Is it what this board feeds on? Absolutely. I think you can be a good person and do something that shows poor judgement. I feel terribly that Stan got caught in all of this and that she felt the need to share her very personal story with the board. I'm glad she got the support. When this place isn't knifing you in the back it can be pretty awesome.
In defense of LHC (whose original post I missed) - she didn't know the horrible details of Stan's story and has since apologized.
We are a board that loves drama and people almost universally eat it up with a damn spoon. I think there is some hypocrisy here from people who refreshed, refreshed, refreshed to get details, but then later felt bad when they found out what happened. It's easy to hide behind a scapegoat.
Even so, if someone gets gossip about someone else through any means, unless it has to do directly with someone here, or the person getting the gossip, have the decency to keep that shit to yourself. That had nothing to do with lhc or any other poster here. I'm genuinely curious as to what reaction lhc was going for with it. Either 1) she was trying to embarrass or shame someone or...we'll no real 2 here.
I have no beef with anyone else regarding this, so please know that I am not trying to start a war here. BUT, there is no way LHC would have written that apology if she hadn't been piled on. If she had apologized immediately after stan's post, I would be more forgiving, but it took several pages of call outs for that to happen.
And the fact that it was a public apology made it seem like it was for everyone else's benefit. Pm your apology, then post to let people know what else you have to say. It seems awish.
LHC isn't a bad person. She's like many people on this board.
This board loves drama. If you haven't figured this out by now, you haven't been paying attention.
Without knowing the details, LHC simply shared something figuring it would be like similar scenarios in the past. She had no idea what Stan would share.
I do agree the wide-eyed innocence thing was a bit much because, honestly, she shared it because of the drama it would create, but I think she genuinely felt horrible once she found out what had really happened.
I don't think she's a bad person either. But I don't think you're understanding what I'm trying to say.
So I'll accept that she feels genuinely horrible. What difference is that supoosed to make when she's done this before and will likely do it again? If she never changes her behavior her apologies are just meaningless bullshit even Iif she genuinely means them at the time. And while I agree with you about this board thriving on drama- nobody else posted that stuff. That is all on her.
Well, sure. We all have to own what we post here.
But LHC has posted a lot of other stuff besides this. She's sharp and she's caring and she has a lot to contribute. If she was just a dickbag, I'd write her off.
Stan I didn't get to comment in the other thread but I just wanted to send hugs to you and I hope that you feel very supported here regardless of what the minority have stupidly stated.
I read that entire thread. There is not one person who didn't express support for Stan.
Even the people who made comments that people are objecting to expressed sadness for what she went through.
I didn't get to read it, so I wasn't sure who all said what. I'm glad that everyone was supportive.
And I call bullshit on anyone saying they wouldn't share PM details here. It's been done NUMEROUS times in the past.
Again. No. There was something off about this from the very beginning. And a lot of us said so.
agreed but I'm not a board reg. Either so uwr is probably not talking to me anyway. My first reaction would be to tell stan about it. But since that us true, it's why I will never get a pm like that.
I'm having flashbacks to a month ago. .:pours one out for stellas:.
I completely agree that if the story attached hadn't been so awful none of this brouhaha would be going on. Was is gross on Lucy's part? Yes. Is it what this board feeds on? Absolutely. I think you can be a good person and do something that shows poor judgement. I feel terribly that Stan got caught in all of this and that she felt the need to share her very personal story with the board. I'm glad she got the support. When this place isn't knifing you in the back it can be pretty awesome.
You're saying what I'm trying to say far better than I am.
Post by themoneytree on Aug 8, 2014 20:11:18 GMT -5
I read the apology and I agree it sounds heart felt.
I do not think there is any defending how she behaved and I EMPHATICALLY disagree that most people would have posted the PM , but I do believe that she meant the apology and think it was brave and honest to post it publically.
And I call bullshit on anyone saying they wouldn't share PM details here. It's been done NUMEROUS times in the past.
UWR, are you saying you think that most of us, if we received a PM from someone who is NOT a regular poster on this board (I've now heard 2 screen names and neither rang a bell) with gossip about another poster, would share it publicly without thinking about accuracy of the info and reliability of the PMer? Maybe I'm too trusting, but I think most of us would more likely either 1. say "who the fuck are you and why are you telling me this" or 2. call out the gossipy non-reg publicly for spreading rumors via PM.
I totally agree, we tend to rush to the train wrecks and pile ons and love the piling on. And I think, given the right circumstances, none of us can trust that anything we share via PM won't be shared publicly. But I don't think this is how most of us would have handled receiving this gossip PM.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
I think it's really easy to play Monday Morning Quarterback once the details have been revealed.
speckledfrog said what I'm trying to say better than I am. I think that if Stan hadn't revealed the details, you'd have a ton of people up in that post trying to get people to PM them the details.
Again, I missed what LHC originally posted so I don't know the context of it. There is no doubt in my mind it was to create drama because it was in a flameful thread.
But I also think we have additional knowledge that makes this much more hurtful. If Stan hadn't revealed what she had I don't think this conversation would be taking place.
Here's the thing... it isn't like LHC hasn't done this whole drama starting shtick before. It just doesn't seem like she has been recently called out on it.
Everyone on here eats up drama, but I'd like to think that most of the posters here would do a double take before dropping a pm like that like LHC did.
I don't think she's a bad person either. But I don't think you're understanding what I'm trying to say.
So I'll accept that she feels genuinely horrible. What difference is that supoosed to make when she's done this before and will likely do it again? If she never changes her behavior her apologies are just meaningless bullshit even Iif she genuinely means them at the time. And while I agree with you about this board thriving on drama- nobody else posted that stuff. That is all on her.
Well, sure. We all have to own what we post here.
But LHC has posted a lot of other stuff besides this. She's sharp and she's caring and she has a lot to contribute. If she was just a dickbag, I'd write her off.
this is where we differ. I have like zero tolerance for scumbag behavior. And if you repeat the behavior over and over? Yeah, game over with me.
UWR, are you saying you think that most of us, if we received a PM from someone who is NOT a regular poster on this board (I've now heard 2 screen names and neither rang a bell) with gossip about another poster, would share it publicly without thinking about accuracy of the info and reliability of the PMer? Maybe I'm too trusting, but I think most of us would more likely either 1. say "who the fuck are you and why are you telling me this" or 2. call out the gossipy non-reg publicly for spreading rumors via PM.
I totally agree, we tend to rush to the train wrecks and pile ons and love the piling on. And I think, given the right circumstances, none of us can trust that anything we share via PM won't be shared publicly. But I don't think this is how most of us would have handled receiving this gossip PM.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
I think it's really easy to play Monday Morning Quarterback once the details have been revealed.
speckledfrog said what I'm trying to say better than I am. I think that if Stan hadn't revealed the details, you'd have a ton of people up in that post trying to get people to PM them the details.
Again, I missed what LHC originally posted so I don't know the context of it. There is no doubt in my mind it was to create drama because it was in a flameful thread.
But I also think we have additional knowledge that makes this much more hurtful. If Stan hadn't revealed what she had I don't think this conversation would be taking place.
It was still bullshit that it was even brought up and everyone knew that, which is why lhc eventually deleted it, she had no remorse. And if people hadn't called her out on it, it would have been business as usual. She had absolutely no reason to share that gossip. None.
And I call bullshit on anyone saying they wouldn't share PM details here. It's been done NUMEROUS times in the past.
Really? I don't think this is fair. I truly don't believe that you would have posted this, and I would be hurt if you thought that I would have.
This person didn't PM LHC in confidence, she was banking on the fact that she would share. If it were me, I wouldn't feel very good about that assumption.
Okay, that's fair. I made a blanket statement to make a point. People don't share gossip with me via PM, but if they did - you're right, I wouldn't share it. But some of the people claiming they wouldn't share details are some of the same people who are all up in the gossip threads bemoaning how they missed the details.
It just frustrates me that people who want the dirt aren't willing to own it when it backfires.
I think more people would be more forgiving if not for the "you're too into the military, but don't worry *I* don't have a problem with you! [despite bringing this shitstorm on you]" post that followed AFTER stan's heartbreaking one. That was just....I don't even know.
THAT was her reaction to stan's side, people. That breezy, let-bygones-be-bygones post. The apology was the reaction to it blowing up in her face.
Really? I don't think this is fair. I truly don't believe that you would have posted this, and I would be hurt if you thought that I would have.
This person didn't PM LHC in confidence, she was banking on the fact that she would share. If it were me, I wouldn't feel very good about that assumption.
Okay, that's fair. I made a blanket statement to make a point. People don't share gossip with me via PM, but if they did - you're right, I wouldn't share it. But some of the people claiming they wouldn't share details are some of the same people who are all up in the gossip threads bemoaning how they missed the details.
It just frustrates me that people who want the dirt aren't willing to own it when it backfires.
I think there was just a general lack of discretion in posting it. It should never have been brought up with the board.
The Stellas thing was brought up by someone directly involved, not by someone else who was a random third party that was pm'd by an AE. It is different.
This exactly.
There is general nastiness and gossip around here on the daily, but this shit is up there with some of the most unecessary and hurtful I've ever seen. I like LHC and I'm glad she apologized (and it seemed very sincere), but this was so gross from the very beginning.
Post by trixiedicksnatch on Aug 8, 2014 20:23:40 GMT -5
Back in the days of old ml this pm would have been fodder for days.
I've seen a lot of scandalous pm/email type stuff be posted with out even batting an eye let alone an apology
Here in new ml things are a bit nicer and much more supportive.
I feel terrible that stan's friend is a shit bag and that lhc posted the pm and that stan in turn felt the need to put the whole story out there. All of that sucks. And stan didn't deserve to have her business put out there like that (or to go through what she did at all, that is truly horrible] I do feel like lhc meant her apology and how she chose to apologise doesn't change her level of sorriness. I've said some dickface stuff and felt absolutely terrible after, so I have a hard time joining the lhc sucks bandwagon.