I think it's really easy to play Monday Morning Quarterback once the details have been revealed.
speckledfrog said what I'm trying to say better than I am. I think that if Stan hadn't revealed the details, you'd have a ton of people up in that post trying to get people to PM them the details.
Again, I missed what LHC originally posted so I don't know the context of it. There is no doubt in my mind it was to create drama because it was in a flameful thread.
But I also think we have additional knowledge that makes this much more hurtful. If Stan hadn't revealed what she had I don't think this conversation would be taking place.
I agree that if Stan hadn't shared what she did, there would be far less outrage.
However, I think most people, if PMed by an AE with some gossip about a more regular poster, would be more likely to publicly call out the AE than to share the details of the PM. Even before Stan spoke up and shared info that I believe she should not have felt she needed to share (but should have felt safe to share if she wanted to) people were side-eyeing LHC for sharing gossip that she really knew nothing about.
Again, I agree that if Stan hadn't shared her story, we wouldn't be having this conversation. But I still would feel gross about LHC sharing gossip from an AE/non-reg about someone that she obviously hasn't always clicked with. I don't think you would have done that. I wouldn't have done that. I think most people wouldn't have done that.
I have many faults, however if that happened to me I would have PM'd Stan and been like "....dude, so this happened. FYI." And possibly told the person PMing me off. It would never have occured to me that I should share it with the board.
I think it's ridic to be like "we ALL would do it" when, no, actually, most of us probably wouldn't.
I tried to say this early in in the flameful thread, but I'm a pretty 'invisible' poster (I like it that way, lol). So I'll just ditto this. It's complete bullshit to assume that what LHC did would be the norm.
But LHC has posted a lot of other stuff besides this. She's sharp and she's caring and she has a lot to contribute. If she was just a dickbag, I'd write her off.
this is where we differ. I have like zero tolerance for scumbag behavior. And if you repeat the behavior over and over? Yeah, game over with me.
and ftr I hope she proves me wrong and never does something like this again
I think more people would be more forgiving if not for the "you're too into the military, but don't worry *I* don't have a problem with you! [despite bringing this shitstorm on you]" post that followed AFTER stan's heartbreaking one. That was just....I don't even know.
THAT was her reaction to stan's side, people. That breezy, let-bygones-be-bygones post. The apology was the reaction to it blowing up in her face.
This exactly. The apology took a very long time to come after the awful details had come out.
I have many faults, however if that happened to me I would have PM'd Stan and been like "....dude, so this happened. FYI." And possibly told the person PMing me off. It would never have occured to me that I should share it with the board.
I think it's ridic to be like "we ALL would do it" when, no, actually, most of us probably wouldn't.
I tried to say this early in in the flameful thread, but I'm a pretty 'invisible' poster (I like it that way, lol). So I'll just ditto this. It's complete bullshit to assume that what LHC did would be the norm.
Let me clarify. I was annoyed at a PP, so I made a blanket statement based on how this board reacts to drama.
I'm just pointing out that people have shared PMs and board-related gossip on ML since the beginning of ML. And most of the time, people are pretty stoked about it.
I don't think what LHC did was right. But I don't think it started out as any different from what others have done in the past and she certainly made a more genuine apology than many have before her.
I know that LHC is a very, very smart woman. And I am floored at her behavior today. If stan accepted her apology then I'm good. I am kind of annoyed that I was treated like a lunatic by her, but whatever. If you're reading this LHC, I don't loathe you now and I never have.
And mainly - Stan I hope you're alright and I hope you're being kind to yourself right now.
Christ on toast. Y'all really have gone soft. And that's a good thing, I think. When I started posting back in 2006 you guys would do anything you could to expose/dig up any and all information you could find about a person. Including infiltrating other message boards posting spam. The again, this wasn't ML. It was the original NEY. But to see how much it's changed is actually pleasant. There is a lot more respect for privacy than there once was.
Is it like cocaine. You try it one and slowly but surely you need more?
Yessss... first you delete double posts, then you merge a few posts, then you change the titles, AND THEN YOU BAN PEOPLE! Except I can't do that, and it rankles my soul.
Let me clarify. I was annoyed at a PP, so I made a blanket statement based on how this board reacts to drama.
I'm just pointing out that people have shared PMs and board-related gossip on ML since the beginning of ML. And most of the time, people are pretty stoked about it.
I don't think what LHC did was right. But I don't think it started out as any different from what others have done in the past and she certainly made a more genuine apology than many have before her.
But isn't it usually one of the posters who sent or received the PM? And not "hey this random sent me a PM about somebody and something that has fuckall to do with me but I still feel like I should share it"?
This is tough because usually, in situations like what happened with jlm (or her many incarnations) or jez and gypsy, everyone jumps on in and paddles around in the drama.
And I'm generalizing again because I know it's NOT everyone because I rarely post in those threads as I find them uncomfortable and I know I'm not alone.
I feel terrible about what happened to Stan and I don't think it was right to share the PM.
But I also feel like some of the same people who are frolickers in the other threads are jumping on LHC here because we have the benefit of additional (admittedly awful) knowledge.
I also think it's possible to think what happened to Stan was terrible and to also feel like LHC attempted to do what many others have done - namely to create drama that has been well-received.
The pm sent to lhc was weirdly personal about a poster who (generally) is drama free. It was meant to cut stan off at her knees. Now some might argue that it wasn't personal information, but it was. It was specifically about her time in the military and crafted in a way to smear her and her service.
The pm sent to lhc was weirdly personal about a poster who (generally) is drama free. It was meant to cut stan off at her knees. Now some might argue that it wasn't personal information, but it was. It was specifically about her time in the military and crafted in a way to smear her and her service.
It was weird to pm, and even weirder to post.
Particularly in response to a post about how the uncircumcised comment yesterday pissed someone off (fair enough), and it wasn't particularly related (as in, it wasn't a post about the military, Stan's marriage, etc. - it was about the sex threads).
The whole thing today wreaked of "Thank goodness Stan's annoyed someone else - I have been waiting to unleash this and turn the board on her," since it's been clear LHC isn't a fan.
I missed alllll of this but I will just say that LHC is good people and I don't believe she would intentionally hurt someone.
I don't have any 'friends' involved in any of this, and I never saw the original PM post, only the ensuing explanation by Stan, but how the hell does one post private information regarding someone's marriage, cheating, career, etc, and not believe that it would hurt someone. Of course it would hurt like 99% of people. It wasn't a PM that was sharing 'flattering' information, it was intended to be inflammatory, and hence hurtful.
Is it like cocaine. You try it one and slowly but surely you need more?
Yessss... first you delete double posts, then you merge a few posts, then you change the titles, AND THEN YOU BAN PEOPLE! Except I can't do that, and it rankles my soul.
The ban power is freaking tempting sometimes!
If I ever leave this board I am going out in a blaze of glory by changing as many post titles as possible creating mass chaos
Look, LHC is my friend. Or "friend" if you prefer. I'm not going to apologize for that or join the LHC sucks chorus. People make mistakes and do things that hurt people but that doesn't make them villains. Though I know ML loves that.
God I am too drunk for this. Holy hell.
I didn't mean to use the quotes that way, or rather not with that intent. Sorry, late and little sleep. I just meant that I didn't have any kind of knowledge of either player being nice, or otherwise.
I missed alllll of this but I will just say that LHC is good people and I don't believe she would intentionally hurt someone.
I'm not saying she's a bad person, but do you really think she hasn't intentionally hurt people here? I don't believe this was an "oops" incident. And the whole thing with Polka? That wasn't accidental either.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I'm not saying she's a bad person, but do you really think she hasn't intentionally hurt people here? I don't believe this was an "oops" incident. And the whole thing with Polka? That wasn't accidental either.
I have no recollection of the Polka thing. WTF happened there?
In some randoms thread or something, LHC said that she didn't believe a lot of what polka said and thought she was full of it. It was indeed very random and just really unnecessary and unprovoked and at the time I got the impression that she did it because she was bored. It was during a time when polka was open about going through a rough period and it was shitty to go after someone who was admittedly vulnerable, esp. for something so dumb.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny