No. I'm saying you went to a place of BTK hysteria, like you did once years ago about someone answering a door for a repairman or something. St. Pete has taken numerous measures ALREADY and is working with the police. What purpose does telling her to check the crawlspace for her brother serve? Other than to whip up unfounded hysteria and for you to exercise your personal predilections for true crime gibber gabber? Seriously. Do you REALLY think St. Pete has lurkers in her crawlspace? REALLY? What percentage chance is there that there's a thieving meth addict in her attic, based on what she's posted, in your opinion. Did you REALLY need to say that here, in a post where she's already whipped up with enough of her own emotion? What did you think saying it to her would accomplish?
Why are you this hysterical? I'm not. Within the last two days, someone came in her house and stole jewelry then put it back. Someone came in in the middle of the night and took food from her refrigerator and put it outside her house. She is hoping against hope it is not her brother, though it probably is (or one of his drug addict friends); but she should look around the house, in places where someone might conceal themselves.
You don't think it's hysterical to suggest to someone to check her crawlspace for lurking thieves? And you do think it's "hysterical" to be annoyed on behalf of a friend?
Alrighty then. Clearly we have different perceptions of "hysterical."
Were you drinking? The hot dog is the type of thing that happens when you are drinking and friends are there. They could have done funny hot dog things with it, or planned to grill it, and forgotten. That doesn't freak me out particularly.
But yeah. Sorry St. Pete, but your brother sounds pretty suspicious right now. I feel pretty certain he probably took the rings. My BIL is a drug addict. This is the type of thing he does when caught.
You don't think it's hysterical to suggest to someone to check her crawlspace for lurking thieves? And you do think it's "hysterical" to be annoyed on behalf of a friend?
Alrighty then. Clearly we have different perceptions of "hysterical."
No, I don't. My dear, drug addicted niece had a drug addict friend (later father of her baby) hiding out a few days at a time, four or five times, on the other side of her closet inside a plumbing access space; the guy stole my sister's jewelry, and dipped in to her refrigerator , as well as her wallet more than once in the middle of the night, for money for drugs. My neighbor had a guy hiding in her guest room closet one night; he'd been coming in every day for a week, he was an acquaintance of her druggie ex husband's, and had somehow gotten the keys from the ex. Drug addicts do anything for the money for a fix; this was where my thoughts went. Of course she should look all through her house.
What has St. Pete said that has given you any indication that she has not already taken appropriate steps?
Nevermind. I don't want to talk about this anymore. It doesn't matter, since I trust St. Pete is taking appropriate steps and you and I will never agree.
ETA: this sounds like I'm taking my ball and going home. I'm not. I just know that we're coming from completely different perspectives and you will never agree with me and I'll never agree with you, so I just don't want to further hijack St. Pete's post with a tangential argument.
Post by W.T.Faulkner on Aug 10, 2014 10:40:09 GMT -5
I'm sorry, St. Pete. It is so hard when someone you care about and once trusted has a drug problem and you don't know what to believe. We went through this all the time with BF's best friend/former roommate.
St Pete, someone addicted to drugs can find a million ways to look innocent. He may have given it to a friend to pawn and split the cash. I'm sure he rationalized it because you aren't married anymore, but if you were widowed he would have done the same and just hated himself more.
My BIL has a JD from Duke, a PhD from Oxford, an AB from Stanford, and is extremely well spoken and presentable. If you didn't know him you would never guess. But everything of value goes in the safe or locked in our car whenever he's around. He's still a drug addicted thief, no matter how presentable he is. It is so, so, so sad, and we don't call the police and haven't cut him out. We just don't let him in our home alone.
ETA: I just saw the update. Even if he's not drug addicted, he could be addicted to theft. It's a sad situation but I would out the odds of it being someone else at 0%.
He may not be using but like any addict (recovering or practicing) he may still like the jolt/the thrill of the challenge of getting away with something. Stealing would fall under that category.
I think you're correct: he is broken. The fact that he rattled off a bunch of reasons why he didn't/couldn't do it is a red flag. It may be perfectly valid, but....
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I'd probably call his bluff and tell him you arranged for a lie detector test, and he can spare you the expense if he just comes clean. Then at least you know 100% it was him and can protect yourself. I see no other explanation of it not being him, but then all doubt would be removed and you can move forward in deciding how much he will be a part of you/your children's lives.
Changing the locks and passwords are a good start.
Just read the update. It's so hard, I'm sorry. I had/have a sibling that steals and while you want to believe they can change, it's difficult at times.
What are your thoughts on his reaction? Does he seem guilty at all?
Post by EmilieMadison on Aug 10, 2014 11:44:03 GMT -5
I would still file a report. The police will ask you if anyone has access to your house, etc. Let them connect the dots. Your brother did this because he thinks he will get away with it. If he's willing to walk away from you and you believe the relationship is over anyway, making sure that he is accountable for his actions is the best thing you could do for him.
Post by miniroller on Aug 10, 2014 11:46:57 GMT -5
Just checking in to give you hugs St. Pete, from someone who's drug addicted brother stole from H & I's corporation. The uncertainty can't be easy, & I'm definitely sending you good vibes toward a solution to this mess.
I am so sorry, stpete. I have a sibling with drug issues, too, and it's heartbreaking to see them act this way when you know what a good person they are/can be. Lots of hugs.
Post by EmilieMadison on Aug 10, 2014 11:57:44 GMT -5
Also, doesnt he have access to sensitive and/or personal info through his IT job?
I understand that you don't want him to get in trouble, but. .. he stole a YACHT. He's now almost certainly stealing from you. Clearly his judgement is poor, and his aversion to risk is minimal. He is a huge business liability.
Post by aussiecrush on Aug 10, 2014 13:00:41 GMT -5
My heart aches for everyone in this thread who has experience with substance abuse and the break down of relationships it can cause. I'm so sorry stpete.
My heart aches for everyone in this thread who has experience with substance abuse and the break down of relationships it can cause. I'm so sorry stpete.
Post by sapphireblue on Aug 10, 2014 13:20:54 GMT -5
I am really sorry. I feel like if he had not done it, he would have been more indignant when you asked him about it. But maybe not, I don't even know him.
ETA: I am glad you got back one of the rings and again, so sorry for the pain this is causing you.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
I'd probably call his bluff and tell him you arranged for a lie detector test, and he can spare you the expense if he just comes clean. Then at least you know 100% it was him and can protect yourself. I see no other explanation of it not being him, but then all doubt would be removed and you can move forward in deciding how much he will be a part of you/your children's lives.
Changing the locks and passwords are a good start.
I was going to suggest this too. Would it be dumb to ask him to take a lie detector test? I honestly don't know.
Really sorry this has happened to you st. pete. This would rock me to my core.
I just came over to say I'm sorry and that my stepmom had something similar happen to her with a trusted friend of her son's. I think you still need to get the locks changed and just redo what you have him do to help you and how. Outside stuff- fine. Stuff when you are home - fine. But other stuff maybe drop. You can love him the same but if this is "him" then it's best to not let him be tempted.
Also missing things of value may not be realized at first. She had sports equipment (ski gloves and goggles) get stolen and pawned. A high-end knee brace with a special kind of metal. Stuff you wouldn't think but that goes well at a pawn shop.
The police report is also a good move. If it for sure turns out to be him, he needs help of some sort and the more that is documented the better and faster he can get it.
Post by sparkythelawyer on Aug 11, 2014 10:19:14 GMT -5
You say this brother lives with your Mom? Has anyone searched his room for the ring, for random extra cash, for drugs, etc?
This is not the behavior of a rational person. If he's all I promise I'm innocent, fine. Hand me your phone and unlock it so I can go through your texts and your call log. Oh, and we're going through your room and I'm going to look for it and if I find anything else that has gone missing I will be reporting that to the police as well.
At the very minimum he is stealing for some sort of psychological need. I also suspect he's using again, but you may not be ready for addressing that.