I feel like miso is avoiding the question of whether LOU was the only person left out.
Even if she was, it's weird and awkward to tag along, but I'd feel less sympathetic to the guest of honor if this were the case.
This is where I am. I personally would not invite myself to anything. But I feel like there's a certain etiquette in the workplace where if you invite a certain critical mass of people, you have to invite everyone. Sort of like in elementary school.
Hell no, this is not like elementary school where everyone had to be invited. This is grown up world and if everyone was invited except Lou, then maybe Lou should spend her lunch hour evaluating herself.
Hell no, this is not like elementary school where everyone had to be invited. This is grown up world and if everyone was invited except Lou, then maybe Lou should spend her lunch hour evaluating herself.
I was being tongue in cheek with the elementary school bit. BUT if you do something during work hours, what do you gain by being unprofessional about it? Look, I get it; at my last job, there was a girl I HAAATTED like I've never hated anyone before or since. Of course, those are EXACTLY the people who get promoted.
So, if you will, the "mature" thing is to take the higher road and not be all Mean Girls on your lunch break.
I feel like miso is avoiding the question of whether LOU was the only person left out.
Maybe she hasn't come back to this thread because she's at the awkward lunch. Is it today?
Lol that Miso is an avoider of questions. Because, you know she has such difficulty articulating her side of things and likes to avoid differences of opinion.
Well, yeah, that's a good point. But, in my defense, there was this exchange that made me feel that way:
59 minutes ago jenny1980 said: Mmmmm...maybe if I thought they legitimately forgot about me. Like, if my whole department went out to lunch without me that would be such an uncharacteristic dick move that I'd be like, "Yo! What's up?"
Was there one person specifically excluded? Was it reasonable for him/her to expect to be included?
I would have just told her the reservation was set and we didn't have room for any more people. Screw being elegant; I'm not letting some asshole ruin the bright spot in my day.
For a work lunch? NO. NEVER EVER EVER. No to anything social really.
I invite myself to meetings all the time though because I want to hear what happens and not just get the minutes or someone's word of mouth play by play later.
Hell no, this is not like elementary school where everyone had to be invited. This is grown up world and if everyone was invited except Lou, then maybe Lou should spend her lunch hour evaluating herself.
I was being tongue in cheek with the elementary school bit. BUT if you do something during work hours, what do you gain by being unprofessional about it? Look, I get it; at my last job, there was a girl I HAAATTED like I've never hated anyone before or since. Of course, those are EXACTLY the people who get promoted.
So, if you will, the "mature" thing is to take the higher road and not be all Mean Girls on your lunch break.
I get that, I do. But this is a special occasion and it sucks miso has to be the buffer. I wonder if Lou has any clue that she's not wanted or if she's just completely oblivious.
I have a few lying one uppers in my life and I've invited them to a few special occasions because I felt obligated to keep the peace. It made for an awkward time for everyone, except the Lou, who talked the entire time about themselves and all of the awesome stuff that's ever happened to them.
Actually now I'm rethinking this. I am very rarely free after work, but I have several coworkers who go to happy hour all the time. If I happen to be free on a night when they're going out I'll ask if they mind me tagging along. I also will plan happy hours for nights when I know I'm around and invite all of them.
We all talk about social plans in front of each other and all invitations are forwarded with an "add anyone else you want" on them so I don't think I'm being weird.
This is what came to mind when thinking about LOU:
YES!
Note to LOU:
And no, I wouldn't invite myself to something like that. If it was just a bunch of people sort of talking about grabbing coffee or something, yes, I'd say something like "cool! Mind if I join?" I actually have done that when I was trying to make some friends in after we moved to a new area. But much more than, no way.
Post by juliagoulia on Aug 27, 2014 13:58:11 GMT -5
Nooooo. My mil is actually impressively good at inviting herself to stuff though, haha. I'll tell her something we are planning to do and she just up and "Oooh can I come?!" And then I'm like "uhhherrrrummmm yeahhhhhh...." And she says "ok great! Oh- are you sure? You don't mind??" Ugh, lol.
This is what came to mind when thinking about LOU:
YES!
Note to LOU:
And no, I wouldn't invite myself to something like that. If it was just a bunch of people sort of talking about grabbing coffee or something, yes, I'd say something like "cool! Mind if I join?" I actually have done that when I was trying to make some friends in after we moved to a new area. But much more than, no way.
This. I work with a small group that is majority male. Sometimes around lunch time, different groups (but usually the same people) kind of gather in the lobby in a casual group and loudly debate where they're going to lunch. If I'm walking by and overhear their loud debate, sometimes I'll be like, "Sweet, you guys going over to the mall for lunch, can I come?" Technically I wasn't invited, so maybe this is butting in, now I'm paranoid. lol. But they're always like, sure, come on.
ETA: On the flip side, if they were walking out quietly around lunch time in a group, I would not ask if they were going to lunch and if I could join them.
Never and if I feel as though I am invited as an afterthought I will refuse on principle. My husband on the other hand managed to accidentally invite himself to someone's wedding :/
We need the story here.
It is not that exciting. DH was friendly with the groom in HS and they stayed in touch. After college, DH moved down to live in my state and groom and his FI were in the area visiting so suggested we have dinner together. (FTR I do not like them, they are super AW, douchey people). They were talking quite a bit about the wedding and at the end of the night DH said something to the effect of "well let us know if you need our address for the wedding invitation." It was pretty clear by her reaction that he was NOT on the list. He realized immediately what he had done and felt like the a@#hole that he was, but the damage was done.
I really go out of my way to avoid awkward situations so I was mortified. It was ridiculous b/c he didn't even want to go, he was just (badly) coming up with conversation. He agreed that groom had turned into a douche and the FI was no better, didn't want to pay to fly home or take time off work to go to the wedding, but of course when he got the invitation he felt like he had to go. I refused to attend and let him go by himself with the one other friend from hs that was invited the right way
I feel like miso is avoiding the question of whether LOU was the only person left out.
Maybe she hasn't come back to this thread because she's at the awkward lunch. Is it today?
Lol that Miso is an avoider of questions. Because, you know she has such difficulty articulating her side of things and likes to avoid differences of opinion.
Is she the only one on your team/in your group/whatever not invited? Or are there other people you work with who are also not coming?
No, we are a group of friends. Fifteen people were invited. LOU happens to be in my section, which consists of eight attorneys. Only one other person aside from me in this section was invited. The guest of honor is not in our section.
There are 90 attorneys here. Some of us are friends. Some of us aren't. And, no, it should not be like elementary school, in which you invite the whole class. We're not inviting 90 people.
So, yes, there are plenty of people with whom I work who are not invited. The people invited are friends with the guest of honor.
FWIW, I did not plan this lunch.
Finally, to be supremely anticlimactic, LOU did not end up coming. Hahahahahahahaha.
HOWEVER...who is the leak and how did it leak? If you are planning on excluding someone in a setting like this then you also better not be talking about it in the lunchroom or groaning loudly in harmony when you return about how stuffed you are lol I still don't think it's ever ok to invite yourself, but the person who is advertising that a big group is going out and how fun it is going to be gets the bigger jerk award imo!
Hell no, this is not like elementary school where everyone had to be invited. This is grown up world and if everyone was invited except Lou, then maybe Lou should spend her lunch hour evaluating herself.
I was being tongue in cheek with the elementary school bit. BUT if you do something during work hours, what do you gain by being unprofessional about it? Look, I get it; at my last job, there was a girl I HAAATTED like I've never hated anyone before or since. Of course, those are EXACTLY the people who get promoted.
So, if you will, the "mature" thing is to take the higher road and not be all Mean Girls on your lunch break.
Mature? Mature?!
What does maturity have to do with any of this?
Lunch is free time, and we have every right to spend said free time in the company of people we enjoy.
We went to a restaurant to send off our friend, and this person was not invited.
Maybe she hasn't come back to this thread because she's at the awkward lunch. Is it today?
Lol that Miso is an avoider of questions. Because, you know she has such difficulty articulating her side of things and likes to avoid differences of opinion.
Well, yeah, that's a good point. But, in my defense, there was this exchange that made me feel that way:
59 minutes ago jenny1980 said: Mmmmm...maybe if I thought they legitimately forgot about me. Like, if my whole department went out to lunch without me that would be such an uncharacteristic dick move that I'd be like, "Yo! What's up?"
Was there one person specifically excluded? Was it reasonable for him/her to expect to be included?
Miso responded: Guest of honor doesn't like her!
Why is this not reason enough for a person to be excluded from lunch?
I was being tongue in cheek with the elementary school bit. BUT if you do something during work hours, what do you gain by being unprofessional about it? Look, I get it; at my last job, there was a girl I HAAATTED like I've never hated anyone before or since. Of course, those are EXACTLY the people who get promoted.
So, if you will, the "mature" thing is to take the higher road and not be all Mean Girls on your lunch break.
I get that, I do. But this is a special occasion and it sucks miso has to be the buffer. I wonder if Lou has any clue that she's not wanted or if she's just completely oblivious.
I have a few lying one uppers in my life and I've invited them to a few special occasions because I felt obligated to keep the peace. It made for an awkward time for everyone, except the Lou, who talked the entire time about themselves and all of the awesome stuff that's ever happened to them.
In addition to being a LOU, LOU also has dietary restrictions and is not easy-going about them. She makes everything about herself, complains loudly, and gets pouty.