Post by lasagnasshole on Sept 8, 2014 18:52:12 GMT -5
I hope so.
Financially, we're a disaster right now.
I'm emotionally ready, but H is depressed and hates DC so we either need the situation here to improve or we need to move first.
Our tentative plan is to pull the goalie around May/June 2016. If we were able to conceive quickly, I could pop out a baby juuuuuust before hitting 35.
I should not answer questions like this after wine.
Post by LoveTrains on Sept 8, 2014 18:57:13 GMT -5
I will say that I have been reading MM Moms a little bit because I have been just thinking more about what life would be like with children. Sometimes it sounds interesting and other times horrifying.
I am also seriously concerned about the financial aspects. I just don't know. So many concerns about having children. What if they hate me? I'm also terrified at the thought of having a special needs child.
I will say that I have been reading MM Moms a little bit because I have been just thinking more about what life would be like with children. Sometimes it sounds interesting and other times horrifying.
I am also seriously concerned about the financial aspects. I just don't know. So many concerns about having children. What if they hate me? I'm also terrified at the thought of having a special needs child.
Don't let MMM scare you. I think it is easier to post about the bad/crazy, so we end up with more of those posts. It is definitely hard and very trying at times, but the good/awesome/fun times make up for it.
Post by pantsparty on Sept 8, 2014 19:08:41 GMT -5
We are very happy being childfree. Sometimes I get flickers of doubt, which I think is normal when you're going against the grain. I like the idea of kids, and my friends' kids, but the actual work of raising another human being does not appeal to me at all. I tend to focus on the negatives when I think about kids (lack of sleep, cost of daycare, can't go on fun trips anymore, LOL) which to me is a big sign it's just not for me. I really doubt anything will change, especially since my H is 10 years older than me and he's had a vasectomy and we've never had a scare (knock on wood).
I find the number of no replies really interesting. It seems like a higher percentage of MMers don't want kids than you find in the general population, and I wonder why that is. More concerned about finances than average? More career focused? More likely to lead lives full of fabulous travel and fine dining experiences that they don't want to have to give up for a kid? Lurking on MMM has convinced everyone that parenting is hell?
I will say that I have been reading MM Moms a little bit because I have been just thinking more about what life would be like with children. Sometimes it sounds interesting and other times horrifying.
I am also seriously concerned about the financial aspects. I just don't know. So many concerns about having children. What if they hate me? I'm also terrified at the thought of having a special needs child.
Don't let MMM scare you. I think it is easier to post about the bad/crazy, so we end up with more of those posts. It is definitely hard and very trying at times, but the good/awesome/fun times make up for it.
I find the number of no replies really interesting. It seems like a higher percentage of MMers don't want kids than you find in the general population, and I wonder why that is. More concerned about finances than average? More career focused? More likely to lead lives full of fabulous travel and fine dining experiences that they don't want to have to give up for a kid? Lurking on MMM has convinced everyone that parenting is hell?
I think a lot of people have bailed to other boards and MM is a relatively safe place for the child free since baby talk is more or less outlawed. Also, this thread was directed at those who don't have kids (yet?). MM Moms is the obvious exception, but I think you'd get a lot of "no" responses to a thread like this on most any board. Probably the people here do tend to be more of the type A planner variety, so they may have delayed more than average, a la idiocracy.
I had not chimed in but we are finally (according to the MIL, lol) getting around to having kids. We didn't start trying until we'd been married 5+ years so I know some people assumed we either were having trouble or didn't want children.
Same thoughts here. We said, "Oh we'll wait 5 years to be married then have kids." Now it's, "Well, perhaps 7 years." I've actually passed the point where people stopped asking. Now they just sort of cock their head and try to figure us out. "Married almost 6 years. Very happy, thanks. We have a beagle. No, we're good. Yes, we know how babies are made."
Hahaha, this is us. Random person: "And you don't have kids yet?" (obvious confusion re: why two seemingly normal people who've been married for 4 years do not yet have children). Me (brightly): "no, just Lola! She's an only child for now."
We get asked the kid question all the time...then they move on to telling us we'll change our minds one day or try to convince us it's a great idea while their kids are running around uncontrollably and they have this fuck me look on their faces. Yes, great convincing!
I finally figured out how to change the subject: "Do you have kids?" "YES! TWO four legged ones!" "Dogs or cats?" "Dogs, Dobermans"
Then we go on to talk about the breed. They totally forget about their kid question.
I figured v was a no but I thought I heard her mention maybe years ago, so I was curious.
I would not say that I am a DEFINITE no -- I suppose a maternal instinct could kick in at some point, but since it hasn't at 35 and my husband seems even less interested than I am, I don't think it will happen. If you had asked me when I was very young if I would end up having kids I probably would have answered yes because duh -- that's what grown-ups do. But I don't think I at any point in my life actually pictured myself having kids, which probably means I never actually had a desire for them. I have what I think is a very fun and free life, and it is nice to not have to pay for kids, but for me those are side effects of not having kids -- not at all the reason for it. We don't want kids because we don't actually want to have kids. I'm not at all offended by you guys asking directly though!
I will say that I have been reading MM Moms a little bit because I have been just thinking more about what life would be like with children. Sometimes it sounds interesting and other times horrifying.
I am also seriously concerned about the financial aspects. I just don't know. So many concerns about having children. What if they hate me? I'm also terrified at the thought of having a special needs child.
It is awesome and terrible at the same time. More love than you can imagine, but in an anxiety filled way. I had those worries and more but I can honestly say the things that I was worried most about as a non parent are at the bottom of the list now. My son's 1st bday was last week and I summed it up as the best/worst year of my life. But even though it was unplanned, I can't imagine life without him now.
I always thought LoveTrains was proudly forever childfree but I have seen her around MMM a bit lately so I knew she was potentially reconsidering.
I am in no way a baby pusher. I think many people, including me, could have / will be happy either way. Parenting definitely takes up a good chunk of your day though!
I'll name a couple names, lol. The answer may be common MM knowledge. I just have a crap memory
I always thought LoveTrains was proudly forever childfree but I have seen her around MMM a bit lately so I knew she was potentially reconsidering.
I am in no way a baby pusher. I think many people, including me, could have / will be happy either way. Parenting definitely takes up a good chunk of your day though!
I'll name a couple names, lol. The answer may be common MM knowledge. I just have a crap memory
I find the number of no replies really interesting. It seems like a higher percentage of MMers don't want kids than you find in the general population, and I wonder why that is. More concerned about finances than average? More career focused? More likely to lead lives full of fabulous travel and fine dining experiences that they don't want to have to give up for a kid? Lurking on MMM has convinced everyone that parenting is hell?
Or it could just be that many people defect to The Bump after they get pregnant. I know I couldn't keep up with two message boards! Of course my kid is older now and I don't plan to start over so I got bored there and started poking around here.
Oh - has there been discussion about this on MMM or something?
not to my knowledge. I think justjen and I are like everyone's nosy aunt... always up in everyone's business but trying to hold back a little for politeness sake.
Now I feel bad if I put someone on the spot. So please feel free to ignore me. These are just people whose posts I enjoy and would likely enjoy their perspectives on kids. Or not, if that's their preference. I just want everyone to be happy, ok???
We've been married almost 7 years, so the questions about when we're going to have a baby are relentless at this point (although we're only 29... I turn 30 on Friday). The questions have almost made me defiant, lol. Like I'll show you by waiting even longer, haha. It's not even a conscious thing, but it's definitely been happening.
I've had a bit of this going on as well. MIL is really obnoxious about it and two years ago told us she wanted to be a grandmother before she turned 60, which is this year. Truly, it wasn't in the plans start TTC before next year anyway, but now I'm determined to not get pregnant before she turns 60.
After reading this thread I'm morbidly curious about what's on the MM Moms board.
Don't let MMM scare you. I think it is easier to post about the bad/crazy, so we end up with more of those posts. It is definitely hard and very trying at times, but the good/awesome/fun times make up for it.
They make it up FOR YOU.
Not necessarily for me.
I realize not everyone will think it is worth it. Unfortunately there is no way to know how you are going to feel about it until you do it.
I will say that I have been reading MM Moms a little bit because I have been just thinking more about what life would be like with children. Sometimes it sounds interesting and other times horrifying.
I am also seriously concerned about the financial aspects. I just don't know. So many concerns about having children. What if they hate me? I'm also terrified at the thought of having a special needs child.
DO NOT use this as your litmus test. I have two kids and it's hard for me to read sometimes. :-)
Don't let MMM scare you. I think it is easier to post about the bad/crazy, so we end up with more of those posts. It is definitely hard and very trying at times, but the good/awesome/fun times make up for it.
They make it up FOR YOU.
Not necessarily for me.
We would've pushed it off forever were it not for an oops. I love my daughter with all my heart, she is truly awesome and makes me happy whenever I spend time with her. HOWEVER, it is definitely a lifestyle adjustment, and one that isn't always fun at times. I am still, 2 years later, trying to decide if she makes up for it. I'd say a qualified yes. For me, the biggest issue is my introverted nature and always having to be responsible to and present for someone else. If I didn't have a job that required a lot of travel, sort of forced alone time, I'd have a much harder time.
Post by barefootcontessa on Sept 9, 2014 8:11:10 GMT -5
I think you all are right to think about the lifestyle change and work. I have school-aged kids as well as babies and toddlers. It definitely gets easier with respect to the physical work as kids get older but at the same time it gets harder in other ways. Training a child takes a lot of emotional and mental energy. And even if you are an excellent parent your child can still do stupid things because they have a mind of their own. I feel like being a parent has stretched me and that I have grown as a result. It has also helped our marriage in that my DH and I feel a real sense of unity as we work together. That being said, we often think about the days of when Saturdays meant sleep and rest.
I find the number of no replies really interesting. It seems like a higher percentage of MMers don't want kids than you find in the general population, and I wonder why that is. More concerned about finances than average? More career focused? More likely to lead lives full of fabulous travel and fine dining experiences that they don't want to have to give up for a kid? Lurking on MMM has convinced everyone that parenting is hell?
Or it could just be that many people defect to The Bump after they get pregnant. I know I couldn't keep up with two message boards! Of course my kid is older now and I don't plan to start over so I got bored there and started poking around here.
how that is possible, i don't know. i'm currently pregnant and read my bump birth month board fairly regularly and i'll just say it frankly - the difference in intelligence level btw here and there is astounding. i get that this board is MM so there's a different focus and it's filled with smart, saavy, highly educated women, but really, it's astounding. there is not a shot in hell i would defect.