Post by AlpineSlide on Sept 17, 2014 8:58:38 GMT -5
yes, i was spanked by my mom several times. never hard enough to hurt though. my dad never spanked us but he had more of a "I mean business" look/voice and we behaved better around him.
I barely remember, but I think my parents told me their views on spanking at some point. Basically, my brother and I were only spanked a handful of times, and it was only when we'd done something dangerous - running into the street, opening a hot oven (I think). Mostly I got sent to my room.
I do have to pause when we discipline, not only because we don't spank, but we also don't use time outs like my parents did either. We use a completely different way of discipline aka positive discipline so many of my instincts in the heat of the moment aren't "right". It takes a lot of work sometimes to retrain my way of thinking, to offer choices, time in etc.
We do positive discipline too, and this is the hardest thing about it. It's so completely different from how I was raised that some days I feel like it takes a mountain of self-control not to say "because I said so" or to threaten, bribe, punish, reward. So many of my parenting instincts are "wrong."
I am getting so much better in time though, and my parents (while skeptical) are curious and interested in PD. They don't interact with our kids too much (opposite coast), but it is really heartening to hear how your mom is coming around.
Before my mom moved here and I would talk to her about it she was always commenting on how it made sense and she wished she had known about it when she was raising us. Yesterday j wouldn't get dressed so they could go to the park. My mom offered him choices for his clothes and she was so happy to tell me how well it works even with something as simple as a getting dressed battle. But it does take a lot of self control to pause and think of the best way to approach the situation rather than resort to bribing etc.
She also hasn't stopped talking about an incident we had at the zoo where j didn't want to leave the slide after he had been given his notice that he had 3 more times before we were leaving the slide to move on etc. So he started to melt down and I picked him up and started talking to him about how I understood he was frustrated, asked if he needed a minute to get control etc. J responded that yes he needed a minute lol. So we took a few minutes away to sort it out and then continued on.
I will say, I definitely think of you as the positive discipline guru lol. I don't know anyone IRL that regularly practices pd and I fully appreciate your perspectives anytime a discipline issue is discussed here.
I can only remember being spanked one time by my mom an it is so vivid to this day. I'm sure I was probably spanked more but I don't remember. We don't plan on spanking our kids.
My mom slapped me once when I was a teenager. I think it startled us both. I deserved it and I knew it.
I said some nasty things to my mom once when I was 15/16 and she slapped me. I completely deserved it. I'm almost 35 and I STILL feel bad about what I said .
Post by barefootcontessa on Sept 17, 2014 11:36:59 GMT -5
There is a difference between spanking and hitting in my book. Hitting is when you attempt to "discipline" a child in a fit of anger or frustration. I also think using objects like belts, switches, etc. are forms of hitting and therefore abusive. I am sure my parents believed they "spanked" me but really what they did was hit and abuse. Both of them have anger problems and I lived in a state of fear as a child.
I am shocked at how many people were slapped. Actually I am somewhat surprised so many people were spanked as well, but slapped? Like on the face? And beaten with objects? This thread is making me really sad.
I am shocked at how many people were slapped. Actually I am somewhat surprised so many people were spanked as well, but slapped? Like on the face? And beaten with objects? This thread is making me really sad.
I was going to say the same thing. I'm sad for those of you that had to endure physical abuse.
I don't remember actually being spanked, but I do know that my parents would threaten to get the wooden spoon and that was enough to quell whatever was going on.