We actually talked about it yesterday and it was a difficult conversation to have. Physical contact just isn't one of the ways he shows affection. But I enjoy it... I don't feel wanted or sexy. We are TTC #2 right now and it feels like a fucking job.
I made the mistake of saying "All my friends complain about their husbands not being able to keep their hands off them! Must be nice!" I was frustrated bc he wasn't understanding what I was telling him for 20 minutes. It didn't go well & I felt bad immediately.
Aww, I can so see why you got frustrated. Physical touch is not my top love language but without enough of it, I still do not feel loved. It is very hard because sometimes I feel like the only one working on this 'issue' and that makes me feel very alone.
@this I liked your post because it made me laugh not that I like your not so great at the moment sex life
I will ditto everyone. After having M I had a spurt of super crazy high hormones and had lots of sex. Then I crashed and we bitch at each other and don't have sex because we're mad instead. Things are not good at the moment.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Sept 17, 2014 18:59:58 GMT -5
Good to know we aren't the only ones in a rut. My kid has been STTN for over a year and I am still tired by the end of the week. The king sized bed doesn't help either, although I love that thing.
I never just give a BJ. If I'm doing some kind of sex act, might as well get something for myself out of the deal and go all the way.
(Plus BJs are boring and I hate them.)
I'm the freak that likes giving BJ's. I think it has something to do with my control issues and being able to be pretty much totally in control of the situation.
I don't think that's too uncommon to make you a freak
I enjoy giving and getting oral.
Also, for those that say scheduling sex is unromantic, I disagree. I actually sometimes think it can be even more exhilarating because you can fantasize all day about it, flirt, send suggestive messages, etc to build up to it.
Post by gibbinator on Sept 17, 2014 19:35:27 GMT -5
After ds1 was born we were smart and scheduled sex on Friday night because Saturday is my sleep in morning. It made it easier to rally knowing I could stay in bed as long as I wanted the next morning. And sometimes dh would get lucky and get lucky (heh) Saturday night as well because I was well rested.
I will say my mom was visiting a few weeks ago & H & I rediscovered the shower together/sex. It's been so long since we'd done that & it was awesome. Ever since then that's made into the rotation at least weekly & I'm really digging it...funny enough because when we used to do this years ago I wasn't really into it. Also a little alcohol or massage almost always puts me in the mood. DH knows the tricks to get me in the mood...lol.
I will say my mom was visiting a few weeks ago & H & I rediscovered the shower together/sex. It's been so long since we'd done that & it was awesome. Ever since then that's made into the rotation at least weekly & I'm really digging it...funny enough because when we used to do this years ago I wasn't really into it. Also a little alcohol or massage almost always puts me in the mood. DH knows the tricks to get me in the mood...lol.
Did you have a shower with your H while your mom was there? Not embarrassing?
My mom has terrible knees & doesn't go up & down the stairs at all so she's none the wiser...but it muffles sounds since our bedroom is above the LR. I just went upstairs to "get ready" & DH was in the office. Bonus she was there to watch the little one. I wouldn't really care if she suspected...we have 4 kids, she knows...lol.
Thank goodness I'm not alone. DH is terrible at initiating. I pretty much have to initiate all the time. It can be a lot of pressure even though i rarely get rejected. It would never happen otherwise. I have come to terms with it since we've been together over a decade and he's pretty much always been this way. Once we do it, we usually have a streak of several days when we do it again. Then we have a dry spell for another month or two.
I will say my mom was visiting a few weeks ago & H & I rediscovered the shower together/sex. It's been so long since we'd done that & it was awesome. Ever since then that's made into the rotation at least weekly & I'm really digging it...funny enough because when we used to do this years ago I wasn't really into it. Also a little alcohol or massage almost always puts me in the mood. DH knows the tricks to get me in the mood...lol.
Did you have a shower with your H while your mom was there? Not embarrassing?
What? I don't think her mom was in the room getting a peep show.
- for reproductive goals - while pregnant - while nursing
And points one and three combined.
Once we are done making babies and nursing, we need a sexaction.
And pregnancy does not put me in the mood.
This is me! We started ttc in 2010, got pregnant in 2011, had j 2012, nursed until I was 8 weeks pregnant again in 2013, and am now nursing again. I am looking forward to "normal" sex.
We are twins, minus me actually having twins - LOL. Started TTC in early 2011, got pregnant end of 2011, had H in 2012 and nursed until I was eight weeks pregnant. Baby number 2 is due end of October and I hope to nurse for another 18 months! I'm expecting crazy sex in the Tea household in 2016!!
Me: "Hey, let's have a glass of wine and then have some early sex before we watch The Blacklist!" DH: "Okay! ...Our condoms are literally expired."
(wilted)
(But the flower is a wilted boner.)
I'm lol-ing so hard at the wilted boner.
That convo at my house would go: Me: Hey let's have a glass of wine and early sex before Game of Thrones!
H: Why do you have to say "let's have sex"? Why can't it just happen?
Uhhh BC IT DOESNT JUST HAPPEN. Bc you don't initiate. Bc you have turned me down when I initiate. That's why.
Now w TTC, I literally have to be like "don't forget you have to have sex w me this week" & pray he doesn't get angry about it & actually remembers.
Yeah, I say 'I would like some sexy time this week.' (Yes, I call it sexy time sometimes. I know.)
He usually smiles in response, as if intrigued. And then does nothing.
I can come to bed in lingerie and nothing. It's extremely hurtful: I feel undesired, misunderstood, and sometimes even not cared for.
He tries to say it is all a communication issue. 'This week' is ambiguous. He 'doesn't want to assume anything' with the lingerie.
And part of it is because he needs us to connect emotionally first (the stereotypical girl thing, I know). And we just aren't. And I feel like he isn't trying to fix that either, like I am ALWAYS initiating. Which sucks, but what is the alternative? Sigh.
just reading this now, cracking me up as we have scheduled 11am sex for tomorrow. DD will be at daycare, I have the day off, and dh is coming home for an early lunch.
having sex before 9pm is definitely better for us. I am too tired at bedtime and hate morning sex. I am terrible about initiating but am trying to do it more. I am all about the quickies. Get naked, kiss a couple times, then do.the.sex.
I wish I could orgasm during sex, I think I would want it so much more. As it is I typically take care of business myself a couple of times a week. Dh refuses to do so and has for years so his drive is higher. It's complicated. Fucking evangelical upbringing.
I am more comfortable with my body since having a kid and that has improved the quality of our sex life. I need to invest in new sleep clothes though.
just reading this now, cracking me up as we have scheduled 11am sex for tomorrow. DD will be at daycare, I have the day off, and dh is coming home for an early lunch.
having sex before 9pm is definitely better for us. I am too tired at bedtime and hate morning sex. I am terrible about initiating but am trying to do it more. I am all about the quickies. Get naked, kiss a couple times, then do.the.sex.
I wish I could orgasm during sex, I think I would want it so much more. As it is I typically take care of business myself a couple of times a week. Dh refuses to do so and has for years so his drive is higher. It's complicated. Fucking evangelical upbringing.
I am more comfortable with my body since having a kid and that has improved the quality of our sex life. I need to invest in new sleep clothes though.
Would your DH be open to toys? If I'm on top, I'm good, but if not, we use a little bullet for me. No shame.
Oh and yes, we did have sex last night. I told DH we were talking about putting out more and he's like, so am I getting lucky, lol!
This article definitely rings true. We're both just lazy and tired.
But yes we did have sex last night for the first time in like 2 1/2 weeks. I feel a lot more sexy when I'm not wearing nursing clothes lol. Usually just a tank and shorts and cute underwear. I would be happy if we could commit to a 1-2 week rotation.
Post by pinkpinot on Sept 18, 2014 13:53:30 GMT -5
A few months back I was talking with my gyno about my low drive and I was prescribed a estrogen/progesterone cream which has helped immensely. We joined a gym 4 months ago (maybe more, maybe less I can't remember) and we always work out together 4-5 times a week. The cream, being active, and losing weight from working out has made such a HUGE positive influence on our marriage and sex life. Definitely talk to your gyno if you think you have low drive!
A few months back I was talking with my gyno about my low drive and I was prescribed a estrogen/progesterone cream which has helped immensely. We joined a gym 4 months ago (maybe more, maybe less I can't remember) and we always work out together 4-5 times a week. The cream, being active, and losing weight from working out has made such a HUGE positive influence on our marriage and sex life. Definitely talk to your gyno if you think you have low drive!
Is it Premarin cream? The only reason I ask is because I have an almost full tube. My youngest had labial adhesions and I had to use it for her. I'll be glad to know I can put it to use if necessary LOL. That shit was like $228.
I'll look when I get back home to confirm but I'm blanking on the name. The next thing on my list is to talk to my PCP about my shit memory, lol. Seriously since having a baby I cannot remember anything. I sent H to the store the other day for Tampax tampons and I HATE Tampax. I haven't used them years. I have no idea why I told him that when I like the Playtex gentle glide. Oy.