Yeah. I would not ask for anything and hire a professional pet sitter the next time. I have two friends who are professional pet sitters. I have gone with them on their rounds to care for pets. I am never allowed in the pet owners house. I just walk with them with the dogs (at night).
This is funny because we specifically chose her over a professional pet sitter because we trusted her. I now realize the backwards logic in trusting a 20 y/o more than a professional company. Again, I feel like an idiot.
So not an idiot... Nothing wrong with giving people a chance, but this chance is done, and the unfortunate reality is that people like to sue. She is not yet 21, there was alcohol, she claims, and probably was sexually assaulted. In your house. You are probably the only person involved and Sue-able with insurance/money. The nicer you are at this point, the less likely you will have to meet a jury.
I wouldn't want to make an insurance claim for this. I would give the mother an itemized list and see what she says. I don't think it's out of line at all. She acted completely irresponsibly and put you, your dogs and your property in harm's way.
Okay, I'm leaning towards TOTS's opinion right now, but what would the total costs be to the mom? $250 for bedding? How much for carpet cleaning? I'd keep that as cheap as possible (coupon or DIY) and not hit her with more than like $400 worth of stuff. AND I wouldn't bring it up for at least a week or two.
I would not want to clean this myself. I'd be upset and sad and grossed out the whole time. Plus it's bodily fluids... From unknown persons. This is probably the one thing I'd ask to be paid for. Like others, I'd probably let the rest go, or see what insurance would do. I'm so sorry about this. poor girl. I'm sorry her and you were both violated.
I think I need to step away from this situation for a few weeks so that I can look at things rationally. I think I am still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened. I think about my dogs being scared with strangers in the apartment, how they probably didn't go out for a full day, random people going through my bedroom, etc. and it just makes me upset. She told me and my husband straight to our face that she would never bring someone here given the issues with our dog's aggression and it makes me pissed that she lied to us. I keep going back to the thought that if she didn't have the party then we wouldn't be dealing with any of this, and I realize that thought is completely messed up considering everything that ended up happening. I know nothing with my dogs or the apartment is anything near what this girl is going through. I'm going to try to not think about this for right now so that I can calm down a little bit.
cuadrado I think I would feel the same way you do, quite honestly. I was surprised to read that my recommendation was in the minority and I think that my anger would still be coloring my outlook. I do feel horrible for what she went through, and I would want to only feel that, but I don't think I would be able to help but feel extreme anger at how much lying she did, and how much she put your dogs, your house, your belongings at risk, and opened you and your DH up to liability issues. So waiting to see if the anger subsides is probably a good idea.
Post by jennistarr1 on Oct 1, 2014 21:46:01 GMT -5
I would check your insurance, keep her mother filled in on your process, if she offers to pay the deductible accept, or accept half. I really hope that avenue works out as it seems best for you and her
Post by rachaelnicole on Oct 1, 2014 21:46:43 GMT -5
I would absolutely ask for the professional cleaning, but I would leave it at that. What a shitty situation all around. You are completely justified in being upset. I guess for the bed sheets and everything else, you just need to write it off as a very expensive lesson to always use professionals. That being said, I think it's a good idea to give yourself a few weeks to settle down a bit. Good luck, and I'm so sorry you're in this situation. It makes me want to puke just thinking about it, so I can't imagine how you must feel.
Do you know she invited people in while fully sober/with it? If the thinking is that she was drugged, do you know that it happened after she arrived at your home?
Regardless, give this a bit of a wait before you do anything. It's too fresh in your head to think it thru logically instead of emotionally.
Maybe this is a weird thing to consider, but can you afford to pay for all this stuff or is this creating a hardship for you? I think that sways my answer. If you are really going to struggle to replace everything and clean everything, I'd take the mom up on the offer to pay for the stuff. If you're pretty comfortable and can pay for this without hardship (and I don't mean extra savings or paying for extras), I'd lean toward letting it go. Write it off as part of the cost of having pets. A few hundred dollars isn't going to stick with you in the grand scheme of things, but what happened to her that night is going to stick with her forever. She really messed up by having a party, but she's already "paid" for her mistake by having something really awful happen to her. I think it's totally reasonable for you to be upset and to end a relationship with her, but I don't think this is the time to keep tabs on stuff... unless you truly can't afford it, that is.
Do you know she invited people in while fully sober/with it? If the thinking is that she was drugged, do you know that it happened after she arrived at your home?
Regardless, give this a bit of a wait before you do anything. It's too fresh in your head to think it thru logically instead of emotionally.
We left early Saturday morning. She said she got there around lunch time. Supposedly the party didn't happen until later that evening. From what her mom said, a bunch of people were playing beer pong and that is the last thing she remembers. I don't think there was a question about whether she was sober when she got there but I don't know for sure.
Maybe this is a weird thing to consider, but can you afford to pay for all this stuff or is this creating a hardship for you? I think that sways my answer. If you are really going to struggle to replace everything and clean everything, I'd take the mom up on the offer to pay for the stuff. If you're pretty comfortable and can pay for this without hardship (and I don't mean extra savings or paying for extras), I'd lean toward letting it go. Write it off as part of the cost of having pets. A few hundred dollars isn't going to stick with you in the grand scheme of things, but what happened to her that night is going to stick with her forever. She really messed up by having a party, but she's already "paid" for her mistake by having something really awful happen to her. I think it's totally reasonable for you to be upset and to end a relationship with her, but I don't think this is the time to keep tabs on stuff... unless you truly can't afford it, that is.
I think honestly that paying for all of this stuff while knowing I'm getting ready to probably separate from my H is causing me to freak out. I feel like I need to save every penny right now because when we split expenses, things are going to be really tight for me. We haven't gotten into the financial logistics of things yet. I honestly don't even want to try to deal with figuring it out right now. I just feel like if I'm going to have to buy a new mattress then the least they could do is pay to replace and clean everything else. But again, I know these thoughts are coming from me being upset and I just need to take some time to calm down.
I think I need to step away from this situation for a few weeks so that I can look at things rationally. I think I am still trying to wrap my head around everything that has happened. I think about my dogs being scared with strangers in the apartment, how they probably didn't go out for a full day, random people going through my bedroom, etc. and it just makes me upset. She told me and my husband straight to our face that she would never bring someone here given the issues with our dog's aggression and it makes me pissed that she lied to us. I keep going back to the thought that if she didn't have the party then we wouldn't be dealing with any of this, and I realize that thought is completely messed up considering everything that ended up happening. I know nothing with my dogs or the apartment is anything near what this girl is going through. I'm going to try to not think about this for right now so that I can calm down a little bit.
I think all of us would be pissed off in your situation. I would feel a lot of negative feelings if my dog had been neglected and people I didn't know had been rifling through my stuff and a serious crime had been committed in my house. I just think the bigger point is that you don't gain anything by making a rush decision today, and you have potentially a lot to lose by making a rash decision, so that's why I'd recommend waiting a bit to take any further steps on reimbursement (from her or your insurance).
I do realize it's easy for me to say that since I'm not experiencing all of those emotions at the moment, so I'm not trying to make you feel bad about any of it.
Maybe this is a weird thing to consider, but can you afford to pay for all this stuff or is this creating a hardship for you? I think that sways my answer. If you are really going to struggle to replace everything and clean everything, I'd take the mom up on the offer to pay for the stuff. If you're pretty comfortable and can pay for this without hardship (and I don't mean extra savings or paying for extras), I'd lean toward letting it go. Write it off as part of the cost of having pets. A few hundred dollars isn't going to stick with you in the grand scheme of things, but what happened to her that night is going to stick with her forever. She really messed up by having a party, but she's already "paid" for her mistake by having something really awful happen to her. I think it's totally reasonable for you to be upset and to end a relationship with her, but I don't think this is the time to keep tabs on stuff... unless you truly can't afford it, that is.
I think honestly that paying for all of this stuff while knowing I'm getting ready to probably separate from my H is causing me to freak out. I feel like I need to save every penny right now because when we split expenses, things are going to be really tight for me. We haven't gotten into the financial logistics of things yet. I honestly don't even want to try to deal with figuring it out right now. I just feel like if I'm going to have to buy a new mattress then the least they could do is pay to replace and clean everything else. But again, I know these thoughts are coming from me being upset and I just need to take some time to calm down.
Is there a reason you have to replace everything right now, especially the mattress? If this was in the guest room, can you go a few months without guests?
Christ, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, on top of your impending separation. And I'm so sorry that she had to deal with the assault as well.
In your shoes, I'd be sick to my stomach, for all the reasons you listed. And I be livid that she violated my trust.
To the extent that you can, I would try to let the financial aspect go. I don't want to be all "at least" on you but you are safe and your dogs are safe - even though she didn't provide the best care.
I agree with waiting a little bit,but don't wait so long that the girl and mom think you're covering everything. I'm probably in the minority that I wouldn't go through home/renters insurance. I would want reimbursement for anything damaged or needs to be cleaned by a professional. I would take pictures of everything and ask for replacement of the towels if a couple washes doesn't clean them up. You can absorb the sheet cost to be nice.
Can someone please tell me in what universe the girl can sue the OP??? I'm familiar with how pools are attractive nuisances that attract kids, and I could see issues if the dogs got aggressive and hurt her, but I don't see any way a judge, jury, or arbitrator would award the girl money from the OP's assets.
This is my first time reading this, and I can't even express my shock at the whole thing.
One thing that stuck out to me though is that the PD are insinuating that she may not have been raped. It's already hard enough for rape victims to speak out, and the PD certainly does not need to say that to anyone, even if they may be right.
Also, perhaps I missed it, but were there any reports about noise from your neighbors? My neighbors would be all over reporting the amount of noise a party like that would produce, especially at that time of night. Do you know any of your neighbors well enough to ask if someone saw something? Do you have an office on premises? Security company patrol cars or anything?
Maybe this is a weird thing to consider, but can you afford to pay for all this stuff or is this creating a hardship for you? I think that sways my answer. If you are really going to struggle to replace everything and clean everything, I'd take the mom up on the offer to pay for the stuff. If you're pretty comfortable and can pay for this without hardship (and I don't mean extra savings or paying for extras), I'd lean toward letting it go. Write it off as part of the cost of having pets. A few hundred dollars isn't going to stick with you in the grand scheme of things, but what happened to her that night is going to stick with her forever. She really messed up by having a party, but she's already "paid" for her mistake by having something really awful happen to her. I think it's totally reasonable for you to be upset and to end a relationship with her, but I don't think this is the time to keep tabs on stuff... unless you truly can't afford it, that is.
Two different police officers told us the B's story is questionable and insinuated they don't believe she was raped so I don't even know what to think anymore.
Woah, woah, woah - what now? What did they say?
IMO this part needs to materialize a little bit more before proceeding any further with discussions of sheets and carpeting cleaning.
I agree with waiting a little bit,but don't wait so long that the girl and mom think you're covering everything. I'm probably in the minority that I wouldn't go through home/renters insurance. I would want reimbursement for anything damaged or needs to be cleaned by a professional. I would take pictures of everything and ask for replacement of the towels if a couple washes doesn't clean them up. You can absorb the sheet cost to be nice.
Can someone please tell me in what universe the girl can sue the OP??? I'm familiar with how pools are attractive nuisances that attract kids, and I could see issues if the dogs got aggressive and hurt her, but I don't see any way a judge, jury, or arbitrator would award the girl money from the OP's assets.
Nobody said she'd win. But people have sued for crazier things and been successful.
Two different police officers told us the B's story is questionable and insinuated they don't believe she was raped so I don't even know what to think anymore.
Woah, woah, woah - what now? What did they say?
IMO this part needs to materialize a little bit more before proceeding any further with discussions of sheets and carpeting cleaning.
The thing is that we are never going to find out the details of anything. We are only allowed to be told what is public record, which is that there was a sexual assault.
There were several inconsistencies with what she said about certain things I found in the apartment after the police left. One thing I'm 99.9% sure she was lying about. I felt like I had to tell the police this when they were questioning me about my conversations with her and her mom. In that conversation, the police just said that there were a lot of things not adding up and that rape is such a serious crime that it's disturbing when things indicate that someone may not be telling the truth. I have NO idea what he meant by this. I don't want it to seem like I'm not believing the rape victim or something. I know how hard it is to prove rape and how many women are scared to come forward. Again, the whole situation is just awful.
I think you should contact your insurance company. With all of the items that need to be cleaned/replaced, I think you'll be better off paying the $1000 deductible, and then letting them take care of it. Then, you can either ask the mother to be reimbursed for the entire deductible, part of it, or none at all depending on how you feel after you cool down a little bit. If there are items not covered by insurance, then you can assess those separately.
This does a few things in your favor:
1) Gets things taken care of relatively quickly (like, you can get stuff cleaned NOW instead of waiting)
2) Keeps you from having to provide the mom and the daughter an itemized list. Just say, "Insurance covered it, but the deductible was $1000."
3) Makes it clear that you're not being nitpick-y about individual items, and you're not lashing out in anger to get reimbursement. It's a process. And it's clear that your total incurred cost is $1000, so you would like to be reimbursed in the amount of whatever.
I'm not sure if your insurance will require a police report or not, but you should get answers with a quick phone call. I'm sure that they have a process for damage due to a crime that took place on your property while you weren't present.
So the homeowner is to cough up the money to pay for damages to her home- carpet, bedding, etc. I don't agree with that. Yes, I am horrified and sorry that this assault occurred but she invited multiple people in to this home, held this party, neglected the dogs. Someone has to pay (dollars) for these damages, why should the homeowner absorb these expenses? No. The girl pays for the damaged items. Whether it is her or her mom, that's between them but the home/dog owner does not pay this much expense out of pocket. $100 I'd overlook but not this much.
So the homeowner is to cough up the money to pay for damages to her home- carpet, bedding, etc. I don't agree with that. Yes, I am horrified and sorry that this assault occurred but she invited multiple people in to this home, held this party, neglected the dogs. Someone has to pay (dollars) for these damages, why should the homeowner absorb these expenses? No. The girl pays for the damaged items. Whether it is her or her mom, that's between them but the home/dog owner does not pay this much expense out of pocket. $100 I'd overlook but not this much.
I am here. We aren't talking about a nominal amount of money- damage to carpets, bedding and new mattress can run into the thousands. She made the decision to have a party and there were many consequences. She isn't responsible for being raped, but she is responsible for the damage to the apartment. I would let the dust settle and revisit the damages with the daughter and mother in a month.
I wouldn't be able to ask for any reimbursments. I would feel too guilty. If the mom asks for the list again, I would probably say something like I had to pay for a professional cleaner to come in for the drink stains and vomit, that cost $200. Maybe... I would likely just say don't worry about it.
I don't think the OP doesn't have the right to get money back, but *I* couldn't ask. I would rather take it as a loss, and not have the guilt I would feel.
I would let this be and walk away. You learned a lesson and you get to take the high road. If I requested payment I think it would be one of those things that bothers me later. That being said, I don't think it is outright wrong to ask for compensation.
There seem to have been plenty of bad decisions made on everyone's part when it comes to this entire situation. But I cannot ever see myself asking a rape victim to pay for damages that occurred during her drugging and rape.