Sudden sleep issues in a 3 year old

[asoctoberfalls]

DS is 3 years, 3 months. He's STTN since he was 9 months old. He has woken or cried out in his sleep probably less than a dozen times in the 2.5 years since he was sleep trained.  He sleeps well even when he's sick.  He just started climbing out of his crib about a month ago, but he would only climb out when it was time to get up for the day, and he would just play in his room until we went to get him up. 

The past two nights have been hell.  The first night, he cried and cried (didn't get out of bed) until I finally went in to see what was wrong, because that was very unusual for him. I sat with him a bit until he calmed down, then I put him back to bed. (I say it was hell because I was unable to fall back asleep, so I was basically up for the day at 1:30 AM).

Last night was AWFUL. He would not fall asleep for the night, even though he was extremely tired.  I ended up holding him and cuddling with him several times before he fell asleep.  He woke at 3 AM and came into our room.  (We have a handle guard on the door so he can't wander the house in the middle of the night, but he managed to take it off).  This started 3 hours of us walking him back to bed, Supernanny style, and him crying hysterically.  Around 6 AM when I left for work, DH let him climb into bed with him (this is what they do every morning after I leave for work).  DS usually just plays in bed and watches the iPad, but today they both fell asleep for 3 hours.

I'm at a loss.  I haven't had to deal with this crap in years, and I'm not sure how to handle it.  When we sleep trained him as a baby, we had to do full extinction CIO - Ferber and checks just made him angrier.  I saw the same thing last night with us walking him to his room - it just made him even more hysterical.  But locking him in his room and just letting him cry seems cruel. 

Has anyone gone through this?  Combined with his behavioral issues that I've been posting about, this has been a really awful time with DS, and I'm feeling extremely worn down.  Also, DH works nights, so the bedtime routine is all on me.  I don't have the energy for this.  I just want to run away.

[lilac05]

I'm sorry.

I don't recall your other recent behavioral difficulties, so I have no idea if they could be related.

Could he be getting sick? Teeth? Has anything else changed in his little world? (Remember something "meaningless" to us could be a huge deal for kids.) Is he just seeking more attention?

I hope it's a phase & it passes quickly for you. In the meantime, do what you need to do to survive. As long as everyone has a clean pair of underwear & something to eat (hot dogs & cereal count!), everything else can wait until you get through this.

[Deleted]

Did he say what was wrong when you went in there? Like maybe it was nightmares or something? DS1 is 3.5 and every once in a while he will go through phases of having bad dreams and having trouble getting back to sleep. Does he go to bed ok the first time in the evening?

[spanikopita]

Ear infection???

[mrsGreeko]

Sounds like a 3 year old . We have a sleeping bag on the floor by our bed so if DS gets up in the middle of the night he can come in there and sleep. He does about 75% of the time. But I don't really have to wake up to deal with him.

[electricmayhem]

Oct 22, 2014 12:17:29 GMT -5 mrsGreeko said:

Sounds like a 3 year old . We have a sleeping bag on the floor by our bed so if DS gets up in the middle of the night he can come in there and sleep. He does about 75% of the time. But I don't really have to wake up to deal with him.

We do this too.  I can commiserate--DS is the exact same age, and my DH works nights as well; I just don't have it in me to spend hours at walking DS back to bed at 1 a.m.--not to mention how that throws my own sleep out of whack.  Sometimes I'll ask him what's wrong and it's never one thing--he's scared of monsters, he wants me, he's looking for daddy. If this helps any, I also struggle with insomnia from time to time and bought a jar of chewable Melatonin (they look / taste like fruit snacks). I don't want to try anything stronger than that, and it may be psychological, but a couple of those usually help me go back to sleep instead of being up for the day at 2 a.m.

[asoctoberfalls]

I think he's OK physically. He was just at the doctor and his ears were perfect. When I asked him why he was crying, he just said he had to go potty. Then it was because he misses our next door neighbor, or his grandma, or he didn't want his fan on, or he didn't want his stuffed animal in his crib, or his blanket wasn't covering his feet. Just anything he could think of.

I think he just is lonely and perhaps scared. I ordered a nightlight that he can keep in bed with him. I'm really not sure what else to do. I'm a light sleeper, so having him in our bed or room would guarantee I would never sleep.

His behavioral issues are aggression and not listening and all - around buttheadedness.

[asoctoberfalls]

Honestly, it makes me feel better that this is fairly normal. Joke is on me...with all his other issues, i used to comfort myself by saying at least he sleeps well. Lol.

I don't think I can sleep if he's in my room, even if he's on the floor. Every little movement or noise would wake me up. Maybe I need to start sleeping on the couch, but it doesn't seem fair to just punt to DH.

The chewable melatonin sounds intriguing.

[bunch]

Maybe there's some development leap going on right now, because my exact same age kid has been waking a lot more lately too. I offer cuddles and to stay with her for a few mins, but I've been fortunate that she doesn't get out of bed.

[ginkgoleaf]

My DS is 3.5 and has been waking a bit lately too. I blame his friend who is scared of the dark - now DS says he's scared of the shadows, or has to pee, or isn't tired, or doesn't want to be alone. Could also be nightmares, though DS hasn't really been able to articulate dreams/nightmares to us yet, so maybe not.

[turtletop90]

DD is the same age, and one of her teachers mentioned they go through a big growth spurt around this time. I wonder if it could be something related to that?

I'm sorry, that sounds really rough. I hope it's a short phase.

[asoctoberfalls]

I hope you guys are right and it's just a growth/developmental thing. He's doing it again right now...screaming that he's not tired even though he was drifting off during his bath! For the past 2.5 years he goes to sleep right away.

Tonight I rocked him, sang songs, patted his back...and he got out of bed immediately after I put him in. He got out every time, so I ended up locking him in his room. He's been screaming for the past 30 minutes. He's been quiet for two minutes now...I think he's finally wearing himself out.

To all of us in the same boat, this suuuucks. Good luck to all of you guys! I just have to remember, he won't be doing this 10 years from now. This too shall pass!

[dcrunnergirl52]

Maybe I missed it, but is he still napping at home or school? Starting around that age, my kids would still sleep at school but not at home, and it really messed with bedtime. There were nights when they didn't go to sleep until 11pm and kept saying they weren't tired. If he's still napping, I'd cut the nap and/or ask the teacher's to cut the nap.

[asoctoberfalls]

He doesn't nap any more. Very occasionally he will nap if he's tired, but it's always at school...never home. The teachers do try very hard to get him to nap, and I agree that maybe they shouldn't do that.

Last night he cried for about 30 minutes and then fell asleep. He did crawl back into his crib to sleep, but he left his light on. He didn't wake up until morning. HOORAY! Hopefully the two bad days were a fluke. I'm getting him a portable night light that he can keep in his crib with him in case it's a fear of the dark or something.

[asoctoberfalls]

He has been screaming for almost 2 hours now and is refusing to go down to bed. I'm SO over this. I told my husband I need to see a therapist, because I'm not dealing well with this parenting stuff.

[annieh22]

My kid does this when he is having a developmental leap, growth spurt or is overtired. Now that he doesn't nap, he is just so tired that he is irrational, nonsensical and can't seem to turn his brain off so he can sleep.

Have you tried an earlier bedtime? I don't know. This kind of stuff is so frustrating. Some swear by melatonin but I've not tried it. Maybe talk to your dr about it if it doesn't improve soon.

[annieh22]

Oh and I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It's so hard. You can do this!

[asoctoberfalls]

We are at the 3 hour mark. I don't know if I should go in there. I know my kid, and I can't help but feel this will make him think that he gets his way if he cries long enough. I wish kids came with instruction manuals!

I'm glad to hear others have gone through this and lived to tell the tale.

[huskymom]

Oct 23, 2014 21:16:31 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

We are at the 3 hour mark. I don't know if I should go in there. I know my kid, and I can't help but feel this will make him think that he gets his way if he cries long enough. I wish kids came with instruction manuals!

I'm glad to hear others have gone through this and lived to tell the tale.

My 3 yr old is doing the exact same thing and it's wearing me out. I can't let her cry bc she wakes the baby. Behavior chart is a massive fail. Hoping it's a short phase...this is week 3 of 2+ hr bedtime stalling/screaming. DH also works nights. I feel your pain!

[asoctoberfalls]

Oct 23, 2014 23:02:29 GMT -5 huskymom said:

Oct 23, 2014 21:16:31 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

We are at the 3 hour mark. I don't know if I should go in there. I know my kid, and I can't help but feel this will make him think that he gets his way if he cries long enough. I wish kids came with instruction manuals!

I'm glad to hear others have gone through this and lived to tell the tale.

My 3 yr old is doing the exact same thing and it's wearing me out. I can't let her cry bc she wakes the baby. Behavior chart is a massive fail. Hoping it's a short phase...this is week 3 of 2+ hr bedtime stalling/screaming. DH also works nights. I feel your pain!

Can you page me if you find a solution? I seriously have no idea what to do. I cannot wrap my head around trying to do this with a newborn. Big hugs to you!

[asoctoberfalls]

Oct 23, 2014 23:31:55 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Oct 23, 2014 21:16:31 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

We are at the 3 hour mark. I don't know if I should go in there. I know my kid, and I can't help but feel this will make him think that he gets his way if he cries long enough. I wish kids came with instruction manuals!

I'm glad to hear others have gone through this and lived to tell the tale.

my god you poor thing. i have no experience with this but one of my bffs is going through it with her 3 year old. it started once they moved him to a toddler bed bc he was climbing out. he will cry and scream and be hysterical for hours, up until 10 or 11pm. he doesn't really nap either, there's just no explanation and it's been going on since about august. i see what she's going through and it breaks my heart.  prior to this this kid was a great sttn and had been since 2 or 3 months old.

i hope he settles down soon and he gets through this phase. hugs.

This sounds identical to our situation, except when DS was younger we did have to do extinction CIO to make him a good sleeper. Ever since, he's been an angel when it comes to sleep. Please let me know if they find a solution! I never knew this was a thing.

[asoctoberfalls]

Last night he screamed for almost 4 hours before DH got home to find both of us hysterically crying. I didn't want DH to get him because it will just prolong the problem, IMO. But DH went in and rocked him to sleep.

I get up for work at 5:30 AM, and when I got out of the shower, DS was in bed with DH. Although I'm seriously tired, I am glad I work today because I'm still so angry at DS. The fact that my reaction is anger at my own kid seriously scares me. I do need to find a therapist.

DH works tomorrow, so I have DS by myself all day. I already threw up the bat signal to my parents (asking them to spend the afternoon with us) but they're busy.

[huskymom]

Oct 24, 2014 5:13:06 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

Oct 23, 2014 23:02:29 GMT -5 huskymom said:

My 3 yr old is doing the exact same thing and it's wearing me out. I can't let her cry bc she wakes the baby. Behavior chart is a massive fail. Hoping it's a short phase...this is week 3 of 2+ hr bedtime stalling/screaming. DH also works nights. I feel your pain!

Can you page me if you find a solution? I seriously have no idea what to do. I cannot wrap my head around trying to do this with a newborn. Big hugs to you!

I will! It's basically been since we came back from vacation, so I figured it was an adjustment thing....and her teacher actually mentioned to me how better her school behavior had been since we go back, arghh!!

I plan on cutting naps this weekend to see if it helps, and asking her teachers not to make her nap at school.

I hope tonight is better for you!

[oliviapope]

Oct 23, 2014 21:16:31 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

We are at the 3 hour mark. I don't know if I should go in there. I know my kid, and I can't help but feel this will make him think that he gets his way if he cries long enough. I wish kids came with instruction manuals!

I'm glad to hear others have gone through this and lived to tell the tale.

Weren't you concerned about some sensory issues with him? It is very common for sensory kids to have these challenges. Developmentally around 3 the number of neurons really jumps and if they have sensory issues it can make it really difficult to fall asleep. They have all of this information rapidly coming into their brains, and it there is a processing issue it can be too much-especially if they are tired. If he does have these issues I would try to comfort him. It may be biological, and not behavioral.


I would try playing a sleep meditation for kids and teaching him to calm his mind. Also, many many sensory kids love the tent beds. They feel secure, and it feels like there isn't so much stuff coming at them all the time. Good luck and I hope you find a solution.

[oliviapope]

Oct 24, 2014 5:19:14 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

Last night he screamed for almost 4 hours before DH got home to find both of us hysterically crying. I didn't want DH to get him because it will just prolong the problem, IMO. But DH went in and rocked him to sleep.

I get up for work at 5:30 AM, and when I got out of the shower, DS was in bed with DH. Although I'm seriously tired, I am glad I work today because I'm still so angry at DS. The fact that my reaction is anger at my own kid seriously scares me. I do need to find a therapist.

DH works tomorrow, so I have DS by myself all day. I already threw up the bat signal to my parents (asking them to spend the afternoon with us) but they're busy.

I would look for an OT and a therapist who can focus on conflict resolution skills for you as well. It is completely normal to be angry and upset. However, he is three and not 13. He likely isn't screaming for four hours just to make you mad. It really sounds like he doesn't have the skills to calm himself down. Try to look at it that way, and it won't make you so angry. Ask him what makes it hard for him to fall asleep. Is there extra noise, too much light-not enough-etc... Try to give him some input and control (within reason). He might be able to give you more information than you think.

I will also commiserate. My sensory kid was doing amazing with his sleep. However he was sick this week, and last night was doing headstands on my bed in the middle of the night. Needless to say, his sleep will be our main focus at OT today!

[asoctoberfalls]

oliviapope, I never mentioned sensory issues, but several people did in my thread about his behavior. (He's a nightmare for daycare and often gets violent, hitting and kicking and tackling). I have thought about changing beds.

I have asked him what's wrong and why he's having trouble sleeping, and his answers are all over the place. "I miss my grandma. I miss (neighbor girl he sees once a year). I am not tired. My belly hurts. I have to go potty."

As for me, I've always considered myself a very patient person, and I rarely lose my temper. That's why this is so unsettling for me. I don't know how to even begin looking for a therapist, but I strongly feel that I need to. I was honestly feeling suicidal last night, which is a VAST overreaction on my part and I have NO idea where this is coming from. I feel like I did when I was in the throes of PPD. I am totally dreading this weekend because I really have no escape from him. I used to be able to relax when he was in bed, but now there is none of that. I have always been an introvert and I need tons of alone time, but again... I shouldn't react like I have been reacting. Something is wrong with me.

[oliviapope]

Oct 24, 2014 11:06:36 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

oliviapope, I never mentioned sensory issues, but several people did in my thread about his behavior. (He's a nightmare for daycare and often gets violent, hitting and kicking and tackling). I have thought about changing beds.

I have asked him what's wrong and why he's having trouble sleeping, and his answers are all over the place. "I miss my grandma. I miss (neighbor girl he sees once a year). I am not tired. My belly hurts. I have to go potty."

As for me, I've always considered myself a very patient person, and I rarely lose my temper. That's why this is so unsettling for me. I don't know how to even begin looking for a therapist, but I strongly feel that I need to. I was honestly feeling suicidal last night, which is a VAST overreaction on my part and I have NO idea where this is coming from. I feel like I did when I was in the throes of PPD. I am totally dreading this weekend because I really have no escape from him. I used to be able to relax when he was in bed, but now there is none of that. I have always been an introvert and I need tons of alone time, but again... I shouldn't react like I have been reacting. Something is wrong with me.

Okay. You do need a therapist for you as you sound completely overwhelmed. You need to learn some coping mechanisms, and call your primary doctor today. Suicidal thoughts are NOT to be taken lightly. Also, get him an eval with a developmental pediatrician. It is normal to be exasperated and overwhelmed when you don't know what to do. You need some tools and coping mechanisms.

PM me your info on location and I would be more than happy to see if I can help you with a therapist recommendation. I am a nurse and have worked on multiple national research projects for mental health, neuro and psych, and pediatrics. I may know someone in your area.

From the info you have given it really does sound like more is going on with him. It sounds like his behavior is an expression of something biological. That doesn't mean his behavior doesn't or shouldn't have consequences, but it does mean that he might not be totally in control. Locking him in his room for four hours while he screamed obviously wasn't working for either of you. You need to maybe even get in to his pediatrician asap to see if they can give you some ideas to get you through until he gets an eval.

[asoctoberfalls]

Oct 24, 2014 11:36:25 GMT -5 oliviapope said:

I sent you a PM. Thanks!

We've actually seen DS's regular pediatrician about the behavioral issues. (This was before the sleep issues started). He referred us to a behavioral pediatrician for an evaluation. I've contacted them, but they're scheduling out into March as of right now, so it will be a while before we can see them.

[Deleted]

I read your behavior thread last week. I have a 3 1/2 year old that has had a lot of waking a lately. I did do Ferber when they were babies, but I would never let her CIO now. Letting him cry for 4 hours is not ok, he couldn't settle himself down and the crying drives anyone crazy.
Get rid of the crib. I find it helpful to snuggle with my daughter in her full size bed or rocking her relaxes her before she goes to sleep. Does he have a lovey and relaxing music? This is not a discipline issue IMO

[asoctoberfalls]

Oct 27, 2014 18:36:10 GMT -5 @amydm said:

I read your behavior thread last week. I have a 3 1/2 year old that has had a lot of waking a lately. I did do Ferber when they were babies, but I would never let her CIO now. Letting him cry for 4 hours is not ok, he couldn't settle himself down and the crying drives anyone crazy.
Get rid of the crib. I find it helpful to snuggle with my daughter in her full size bed or rocking her relaxes her before she goes to sleep. Does he have a lovey and relaxing music? This is not a discipline issue IMO

He has a portable light, a lovey, several stuffies, and a musical projector. So far, he hasn't latched on to any object for comfort.

These past few nights, we have had to stay in his room in order for him to fall asleep. I don't think he's scared; I think he's realized he can do what he wants at night, LOL. I do think switching to a larger bed will help. We have a toddler bed for him; I just have to put it together.

I really do think this has to do with limits and how far he can push them, because it coincides with him figuring out he can crawl out of bed. But I agree that locking him in the room isn't the way to go. I just thought that once I picked a course of action, I needed to stick with it. Clearly, that was a mistake!