Post by sunshine239 on Nov 19, 2014 11:02:42 GMT -5
Hi -
I just joined here after finding out last weekend that we are expecting our 3rd!!! We have an almost 5 year old boy and an 18 month old girl. With both of them I couldn't wait one second later than I had to to find out the gender.
This time, I'm wavering because I do think the delivery room surprise would be fun !? However, I am a "planner" and even though we've have some hand me downs either way, the third child throws in some other complications re room-sharing etc. I don't know if I can stay strong
If you've decided to be team green (or not) what swayed your decision?
I knew this would probably be my last child, so I wanted the surprise. I like the anticipation of not knowing the final composition of my family and I think it's kept the pregnancy exciting for me.
Also bonus, it's aggravating my mother not to know
This is my third baby and our first team green. DH really wanted to know each time and I finally won the battle with this one. Honestly, I can't really imagine having a baby being more exciting than it already is but it's been fun to not know the gender.
Plus, we think it's probably a boy and I really didn't want all the 'poor you' comments while I am pregnant. We will be thrilled to have three boys.
BTW, my kids are similar ages: one just turned 5, the other one will be two in January.
I knew this would probably be my last child, so I wanted the surprise. I like the anticipation of not knowing the final composition of my family and I think it's kept the pregnancy exciting for me.
Also bonus, it's aggravating my mother not to know
I'm enjoying that part too. Family have actually told me they are anxious and irritated that we don't know.
Post by christy082 on Nov 19, 2014 11:52:59 GMT -5
I'm team green. I've always wanted to wait to find out and it didn't take too much convincing for H to be on board. There's so few surprises in life, I just wanted to wait (and yes I know no matter when you find out the sex it's a surprise). Sometimes I wish we would have found out (like when coming up with potential names), but I'm glad we have held out. Plus, I hate pink and this way my shower won't be full of all pink or all blue things, lol (that's not a serious reason we didn't find out, just a bonus!).
This is my third baby and our first team green. DH really wanted to know each time and I finally won the battle with this one. Honestly, I can't really imagine having a baby being more exciting than it already is but it's been fun to not know the gender.
Plus, we think it's probably a boy and I really didn't want all the 'poor you' comments while I am pregnant. We will be thrilled to have three boys.
BTW, my kids are similar ages: one just turned 5, the other one will be two in January.
Congrats!
I was the pusher on finding out the gender the first two times, so this may be the one my husband wins
I don't get why people make stupid comments - 3 boys (or 3 girls) etc would be great. My cousin just had heard 3rd girl and originally they were team green (just to avoid the "poor you" comments if it was a third girl) and then they ended up finding out anyways.
I really like the 3.5ish year age gap between my first 2, I am a little more nervous about the 2 year age gap between the 2nd and 3rd...
Plus, I hate pink and this way my shower won't be full of all pink or all blue things, lol (that's not a serious reason we didn't find out, just a bonus!).
I think this is a really serious reason not to find out for a first child! - from my own baby shower and from all the ones I've attended, if you know what you are having you get 90% pink or 90% blue stuff...
sunshine239 Ditto on the age gaps. I will admit I thought DS2 would be a little more mature by now. Oops. But he was a super easy baby and we knew we wanted a third. As soon as he started STTN at 13 months we went for it. I think the next few years will be pretty low-key for our family as we deal with/enjoy two under two.
Post by rachelgreen on Nov 19, 2014 12:27:53 GMT -5
I'm c/p-ing this from a previous thread, lol. Team lazy in addition to Team Green over here
I will preface this with a big ole "I am completely a Type A Planner." But for this...I have no desire to control it. I just don't. I can't explain it but I just don't care to know until birth. I want that moment that DH gets to announce it and that moment he gets to go to the waiting room and tell everyone. *That* is how I picture it, not an u/s (which, not knocking it at all - just not my perfect way).
That being said, DH wanted to know in the beginning. I almost caved at our NT scan because I thought about how he has been so awesome through the IVF and since that point and thought about giving in to his wish. Bunny wouldn't cooperate which was perfect bc I got home that day and he was glad I didn't find out. Turns out he had been bombarded (like me) with everyone and their mother trying to find out what bunny was and their need for control actually sent him to Team Green's side. So...I won in the end by default, lol.
ETA: I also hate the all pink for girls thing. No, just no.
I never wanted to be Team Green, I was sick of waiting to even get pregnant and (at least for this pregnancy) didn't want to wait any longer than I needed to for anything LOL
I admire people who have the patience to not find out!
BUT, and maybe this is just me taking it too personally, I get a bit annoyed by the "plus I don't want all pink/blue" comments...as if having pink/blue stuff bought for the baby is somehow bad or wrong :^)
Being TG doesn't prevent people buying all pink/blue after the kid is born..and I really don't think that having a lot of pink/blue as a baby sets a kid up for a life of failure.
I get this is probably just an irrational pet peeve of mine, but everyone here makes different choices for themselves, and just like people would be hurt for snarky comments about being TG, it can sting just as much to have people make jabs about "only pink or blue" being something bad for people who do find out the sex and are getting those items.
Plus, since we are having the first girl in H's family in 12 years, it's been fun seeing people get excited to be able to shop for her, and my H and I have also enjoyed indulging in 'having a girl' in terms of shopping and decorations for the nursery.
It sucks that people would judge anyone for that.
No judgement at all from me. I just personally hate the color pink. If we have a girl, maybe I'll mention that to people (like, close family), but I certainly wouldn't be offended if someone bought her something pink. There's nothing wrong with people having all pink or blue. I just simply hate pink.
I've always wanted to find out, and I even asked H about it when we were dating once we started talking about marriage. I knew there was no way I was going to be able to be team green. I did waiver for a hot second, but once I found out I was pregnant that waiver immediately went far far away.
We will probably keep the name to ourselves though. Many of our friends have revealed the name and then ended up changing it b/c the baby didn't look/feel/whatever like the name they had picked. We intend to pick a couple of names we love and then decide once he or she gets here.
Post by sunshine239 on Nov 19, 2014 13:24:34 GMT -5
I don't judge anyone if they WANT all pink or all blue stuff - for each of my boy and my girl I definitely bought my share of both blue and pink stuff.
When we had a girl (after having a boy) the second I found out gender I went out and bought her like 6 summer dresses (she was due in the summer) and a bunch of pink stuff for the nursery.
I just meant (on my comment about not wanting all pink/blue stuff for a shower), that, for the purpose of a baby shower, especially for people who plan to have more than 1 and not have any showers after the 1st (which was me), I really wanted more gender neutral stuff for items that might get reused - like stroller / car seat / pack and play / blankets / highchair, and some people disregard registries and just go out and by a bunch of random pink (or blue) baby clothes the second they find out.
ETA: for example, I got like 6 blue snowsuits at my son's shower (only 1 of which ended up fitting my son at the appropriate time). Almost nothing I got at my shower for my son got reused for my daughter (partially because there was 3.5 years and a lot of wear and tear occurred to the items...)
Post by estrellita on Nov 19, 2014 14:01:17 GMT -5
I thought about not finding out but doing the gender reveal with our family was so fun. I'm happy we know, but I think I would have been ok not knowing. We're still getting a lot of neutral things in case the next one is a girl. We will probably find out next time too. If we end up with one of each and decide to have a third, I want to be team green then!
Post by emoflamingo on Nov 19, 2014 14:31:22 GMT -5
I'm finding out because I'm a planner. But if I hear one more "it'll be a shame if it's another boy" comment, I might change my mind on telling people.
I'm finding out because I'm a planner. But if I hear one more "it'll be a shame if it's another boy" comment, I might change my mind on telling people.
I am so tired of people telling me they really really hope it's a girl. We have two boys and will be thrilled to have another one.
Post by hainesherway on Nov 19, 2014 16:04:46 GMT -5
I'm struggling with this because there are so many valid points on each side. Initially, I wanted to be Team Green because logically I know it would be one of life's happiest surprises. DH and his XW didn't find out with their daughter, so DH thinks it's fun not to find out until we're in the delivery room. I'm totally fine with having a gender-neutral nursery. But part of me would like to have the gender written down and put into an envelope after my MaterniT21 test comes back, give it to my BFF, and have her put together a gender-reveal get together for us.
I will preface this with a big ole "I am completely a Type A Planner." But for this...I have no desire to control it. I just don't. I can't explain it but I just don't care to know until birth. I want that moment that DH gets to announce it and that moment he gets to go to the waiting room and tell everyone. *That* is how I picture it, not an u/s (which, not knocking it at all - just not my perfect way).
Also Team Green here. Totally agree with rachelgreen. While I have been very tempted to find out lately, here are my reasons:
1. I want that big surprise moment in the delivery room. Not from an envelope, not from the screen, not from a blood test. I want it when I finally deliver the baby and have that moment before IT'S A BOY! or IT'S A GIRL rings out.
2. After not having a healthy baby last time, I truly only care about it being healthy. The other stuff pales in comparison.
3. There is a lifetime of putting this baby/child/adult into a gender box. I refuse to allow it to start six months earlier. 3a. My MIL is going to buy ALL THE THINGS. I'd rather delay them being pink or blue by six months.
Fun side benefit: it irrationally annoys people. I can't deal with their being annoyed about something that is completely irrelevant to their lives, so I get more committed any time people freak out when I tell them we're not finding out.
I never wanted to be Team Green, I was sick of waiting to even get pregnant and (at least for this pregnancy) didn't want to wait any longer than I needed to for anything LOL
I admire people who have the patience to not find out!
BUT, and maybe this is just me taking it too personally, I get a bit annoyed by the "plus I don't want all pink/blue" comments...as if having pink/blue stuff bought for the baby is somehow bad or wrong :^)
Being TG doesn't prevent people buying all pink/blue after the kid is born..and I really don't think that having a lot of pink/blue as a baby sets a kid up for a life of failure.
I get this is probably just an irrational pet peeve of mine, but everyone here makes different choices for themselves, and just like people would be hurt for snarky comments about being TG, it can sting just as much to have people make jabs about "only pink or blue" being something bad for people who do find out the sex and are getting those items.
Plus, since we are having the first girl in H's family in 12 years, it's been fun seeing people get excited to be able to shop for her, and my H and I have also enjoyed indulging in 'having a girl' in terms of shopping and decorations for the nursery and a number of other reasons.
It sucks that people would judge anyone for that.
eta- this isn't directed at anyone specifically in here, but it's been said in a few different TG threads on this board, and each time it just kinda sucks LOL
This seems really unnecessarily defensive. I don't see how someone stating a preference means they are judging you.
For my part, I'm not judging anyone's choice by saying I don't want all pink or blue stuff. I genuinely don't want it. If my daughter chooses all pink, fine (but really, there's not much getting away from it, if you've walked down a toy aisle recently.) But I'm not going to foist it on her. I hate how stereotyped gender roles have become in our country, and I'm not going to intentionally participate in it by buying into the "girls must like pink and want to be princesses" crap. I get that other people make different choices, and that's fine, too. My niece LOVES her pink and her princesses -- but she also loves building "structures" with the magnatiles I bought her.
I'm finding out because I'm a planner. But if I hear one more "it'll be a shame if it's another boy" comment, I might change my mind on telling people.
Lol. I'm explicitly NOT finding out b/c I am a planner -- and I think this is a great opportunity to remind myself that there are going to be mountains of things I cannot control, and I might as well get comfortable with it
I'm finding out because I'm a planner. But if I hear one more "it'll be a shame if it's another boy" comment, I might change my mind on telling people.
I am so tired of people telling me they really really hope it's a girl. We have two boys and will be thrilled to have another one.
I'm pretty sure my mom's whole side is genuinely disappointed it's a boy because I'm the youngest girl on that side (4 boys after me). Of course it would be nice to have a girl, but I'm just happy he's healthy! I really wish people would keep their preferences to themselves. Guesses were fine, preferences are just setting everyone up for disappointment!
Post by centralsquare on Nov 19, 2014 18:24:14 GMT -5
I agree with @estrellita. The more info I provide, the more opinions get offered. I'm not telling anyone *jack* unless I have to. I'm not even sharing potential names these days.
I agree with @estrellita. The more info I provide, the more opinions get offered. I'm not telling anyone *jack* unless I have to. I'm not even sharing potential names these days.
I so badly didn't want to find out just to spite my mom, lol. Every appointment I had, she would ask if they thought it was a boy or girl. Even between the a/s and gender reveal (4 days) she kept asking if I peeked and knew yet or if she could have the results to do something for the reveal. NO! Haha. I've decided we're not sharing the name until he's born and I don't care what H says. That way I don't get any opinions on that too. I know we're not going to pick a "weird" name (misspelled, "made up", etc) but you know everyone has an opinion on even the most normal sounding name, haha.
Post by starburst604 on Nov 19, 2014 19:08:48 GMT -5
Neither of us are into surprises. Hell, I used to unwrap and re wrap some of the gifts under the Christmas tree as a kid because I couldn't wait to see what they were. I have no problem with pink or blue, dresses or overalls and gender specific nurseries. Yes, my baby's room will look like a girl's room and she will wear cute dresses and can still grow up to be a molecular biologist if she wants.
This seems really unnecessarily defensive. I don't see how someone stating a preference means they are judging you.
For my part, I'm not judging anyone's choice by saying I don't want all pink or blue stuff. I genuinely don't want it. If my daughter chooses all pink, fine (but really, there's not much getting away from it, if you've walked down a toy aisle recently.) But I'm not going to foist it on her. I hate how stereotyped gender roles have become in our country, and I'm not going to intentionally participate in it by buying into the "girls must like pink and want to be princesses" crap. I get that other people make different choices, and that's fine, too. My niece LOVES her pink and her princesses -- but she also loves building "structures" with the magnatiles I bought her.
See, these types of comments are exactly what I'm referring to.
Buying a newborn a pink onsie, or having a girly nursery is not foisting stereotypes into her, or "buying into" gender roles. She's a fucking infant who won't know the difference.
I promise we aren't expecting her to only learn to cook and vacumn, she will still be encouraged to play with what are considered "boy" toys, do sports, and as the daughter of an academic the highest emphasis will be placed in education over "being a princess" just because we are indulging the "girliness" right now because of our excitement over having a girl doesn't mean she is doomed to only fit certain gender roles in the future.
Wow. Defensive much? My choices aren't about you. If you love princesses and pink, go for it.
That said if you're such "an academic," you'll know that this kind of social conditioning has an effect from a very early age. Of course an infant being dressed in pink doesn't know a difference. But cumulatively, the messages our society sends to girls are damaging. I'm consciously avoiding being part of that problem, to any extent that I can. That doesn't mean I wouldn't buy adorable pink bows or tiaras if I want them, but I am acutely aware of the limited choices in clothing and toys for girls. I know I'm a drop in the bucket, but can make a statement with how I choose to spend my money. And collectively, many voices can make a much louder statement. Maybe one day, we won't have sexist shit like this: