No. Yeah, we could use the extra money but it isn't something that it needs to happen right this minute ASAP or else we're going to go into financial ruin.
Why are you concerned that he would use your coworkers to find things out about you? Is this a habit of his? I completely understand not wanting to work in the same place, the "needing to know" about you just strikes me as odd.
Why are you concerned that he would use your coworkers to find things out about you? Is this a habit of his? I completely understand not wanting to work in the same place, the "needing to know" about you just strikes me as odd.
I think he'd ask them "how is she doing with such and such?" More so checking up to see how I am doing with it, which I feel could lead to bigger issues if I'm doing crappy at it or the person feels the need to start drama.
If you are currently looking for a job and the two of you need the money, you should apply. Especially since this is a small town area, if I am understanding you correctly. I am sure there are not a lot of other places to apply, and if there's a job there, of course you should go for it.
Do the two of you have savings, are you using up your savings, are you living paycheck to paycheck, what are you doing all day besides applying for work?
We have savings we don't touch, I have a whole budget that is followed, that works everything out. We're by no means living paycheck to paycheck or using up savings or anything.
I quit my job, with the intent to get in somewhere else. I took off for 2 months in order to figure out what I wanted to do and where. I know where, there are positions open where I want, but he's just so focused on "must make as much money as humanly possible."
And I'm sitting here going "uhm, I went to school for the types of jobs I'm applying to...there are openings for them".
I know that living in a small town is really difficult, for just the reasons re: lack of privacy you state, and how it is that some people do like to stir up shit, no matter how big or small the town. And I can understand not wanting to work in the same place as the dh.
I am getting the feeling there is something reallly specific here that is driving this question, not just a generic 'gee, it might suck' sort of thing. What's really up here?
We have some marriage issues that I feel would not benefit from us working in the same business. Nothing super major, but big enough that I don't want to do it. He's used the lines of "I don't think you're that great of a worker", even though my last job love love loved my work abilities. And I feel like he would ask about me and then I'd hear about it at home. I don't want to be belittled...
If you're ok on his paycheck, and not touching savings, and there are jobs in your field nearby that you can apply for, then I don't see a problem not taking the factory job.
This sounds more like your dh is panicking at being the sole provider; it IS a miserable position, and can make the person feel overburdened and unappreciated, as well as kind of terrified. You got to quit your job, but now that means he cannot possibly leave his till you find another. If somehting happened to his job, you two would be in a world of hurt. (just thinking of his thought process; it does not sound likely that he's going to lose his job or anything).
And no, I would not want my dh asking my supervisors how I'm doing. I'd talk with the dh about his feelings on you quitting, what he feels being the sole provider etc.
He was the one who told me I could quit my job. I wasn't happy there and I knew other places would be hiring. I took the 2 months off to get the house in order and now I'm looking in my field. I've only not worked for 2 months. And I've been keeping my eye on those lines of jobs for those 2 months.
Well, if there are jobs in your field that you have a reasonable chance of getting, I don't see why he is pushing? Have you applied yet? What are the timelines? Ho long do you think it would take you to find a job? And most importatntly, did you discuss with him before quitting your prior job? Was he ok with you being jobless for a while?
Well, if there are jobs in your field that you have a reasonable chance of getting, I don't see why he is pushing? Have you applied yet? What are the timelines? Ho long do you think it would take you to find a job? And most importatntly, did you discuss with him before quitting your prior job? Was he ok with you being jobless for a while?
So many questions.
I have applied; yes, it's only been about 2 days. I'm hoping for something by mid August.
I discussed with him at length before quitting my job. The day I put in my 2 weeks I asked him "are you sure? if you are not sure, I will not do it", he told me to go ahead and he's sure.
I was the one who would brought up wanting a part time job, then he got it into his head that I should work at his job and it's all I hear about now.
I quit my job, with the intent to get in somewhere else. I took off for 2 months in order to figure out what I wanted to do and where. I know where, there are positions open where I want, but he's just so focused on "must make as much money as humanly possible."
And I'm sitting here going "uhm, I went to school for the types of jobs I'm applying to...there are openings for them". [/quote]
These are much better reasons for not applying than 'DH will know what I'm doing at work'. Focus on that. You quit your last job because you were unhappy. You think you know what will make you happy, so go for it and don't get sidetracked.
He was the one who told me I could quit my job. I wasn't happy there and I knew other places would be hiring. I took the 2 months off to get the house in order and now I'm looking in my field. I've only not worked for 2 months. And I've been keeping my eye on those lines of jobs for those 2 months.
I am sure he did tell you that and I am sure he thought at the time that it would all be ok and he'd feel the same in two/four/six months or however long. But,what people say and what people actually feel later on when the experience is upon them are two different things.
Eight weeks ago, he was fine with you quitting. Now he's spazzing and wanting you to take anything, and pushing you to take somehting you actively do not want. Obviously his feelings have changed, and since the objective situation has not changed (ie, you have enough money, aren't spending savings etc) it's his feelings you should deal with.
When you say "keeping your eye on those lines of jobs for two months" what do you mean? Is there an actual opening, are you applying, are there openings coming up, is there something you can do to make sure your dh knows it's ok? I would not be satisfied with dh's telling me "I'm keeping my eye on those lines of jobs" as the kind of job hunt I would expect him to be doing.
What I meant was, I'm keeping an eye on the companies and checking their employment listings until something comes up. I've applied at the jobs, within the last 2 days, that have come up. He knew I was watching these companies, he was fine with it.
I understand he could be freaking out, but if he'd talk to me about it, it might make more sense to me. I'm in no way saying I'm not going to get a job, I just don't want to work at his job. He just dismisses everything and assumes I'll never get in anywhere else.
I've managed to get jobs else where by myself, I don't see how this is different.
Post by mccallister84 on Aug 2, 2012 10:57:06 GMT -5
When you guys discussed quitting, was the plan always for you to take 2 months completely off?
I know I personally would have a really hard time with SO not doing much for 2 months while I went off to work every day. Is it possible he's a little resentful?
Why are you concerned that he would use your coworkers to find things out about you? Is this a habit of his? I completely understand not wanting to work in the same place, the "needing to know" about you just strikes me as odd.
I think he'd ask them "how is she doing with such and such?" More so checking up to see how I am doing with it, which I feel could lead to bigger issues if I'm doing crappy at it or the person feels the need to start drama.
This is all really strange, sorry. Is he prone to needing to know your every move? Why would you be crappy at it? Why do you assume there would be drama?
You haven't told us why you quit and what the plan was. Unless your DH is just a pushy asshole, I'm assuming he has reasons to push for you to work now, and not wait for a potential job.
His idea. He wont touch cleaning or laundry or cooking. I was working 40+ hours a week and we never saw each other and he didn't like that the house would get neglected. So, we agreed on me quitting, I'd take care of all the house stuff.
I'm fully fine with him thinking maybe this wasn't the best idea. But I don't understand his pushing for his work. When I'm applying else where.
His idea. He wont touch cleaning or laundry or cooking. I was working 40+ hours a week and we never saw each other and he didn't like that the house would get neglected. So, we agreed on me quitting, I'd take care of all the house stuff.
I'm fully fine with him thinking maybe this wasn't the best idea. But I don't understand his pushing for his work. When I'm applying else where.
We have some marriage issues that I feel would not benefit from us working in the same business. Nothing super major, but big enough that I don't want to do it. He's used the lines of "I don't think you're that great of a worker", even though my last job love love loved my work abilities. And I feel like he would ask about me and then I'd hear about it at home. I don't want to be belittled...
Certainly sounds like bigger issues, because the insistence that you work with him is really bizarre. Do your own thing and keep working toward the career that YOU are involved in.
But I'm concerned that your husband EVER belittles you... that's just not right. Have you talked to him about this? Forget about the factory and focus on this issue in your marriage - I think the job is just a scapegoat here, a distraction from the problem.
His idea. He wont touch cleaning or laundry or cooking. I was working 40+ hours a week and we never saw each other and he didn't like that the house would get neglected. So, we agreed on me quitting, I'd take care of all the house stuff.
I'm fully fine with him thinking maybe this wasn't the best idea. But I don't understand his pushing for his work. When I'm applying else where.
Ok, this is getting weirder and weirder.
:::backs slowly out of post:::
WHOA, totally ditto. It's sounding like he's very controlling. How long have you been married? You need to focus on his behavior toward you. All this job stuff is just a symptom of something that's starting to sound a little scary.
If he didn't want you working, and now that you want to start working again and he's insisting you work at the same place as him, I'm pretty sure he has some SERIOUS control issues.
Post by kellbell191 on Aug 2, 2012 11:05:59 GMT -5
It sounds like there are a TON of other issues here and I'm not sure you're articulating them well.
1. he is obsessed with making $, but refuses to help around the house. So basically he isn't valuing the non monetary contributions you're putting into the marriage. 2. You say you're worried he will know what you're doing or people will report back to him; it sounds more like you're worried he will judge the quality of your work and lord it over you. 3. he doesn't think you can get anything else= he doesn't think what you're doing is as valuable as what he's doing.
I would have no problem working with MY dh at HIS job, but I would absolutely have a problem working with YOUR dh at YOUR job if I were you.
Does he generally have an inferiority complex re. his job and your level of education? Does he generally have the attitude that what he does is more important/better than what you're doing or bringing into the marriage.
Did you agree that you wouldn't job hunt for two months?
He didn't want me working period. I'm the one who brought up working again.
Are you from that town too? Do you have friends or family there? I'm asking because it just sounds to me like your H is VERY controlling and is trying to keep you under watch or somthing. Which is fucking scary. He wanted you to quit your job to be a SAHW and do everything for him. Then, when you bring up working again, he jumps on that and is now focused on having you working under him, and therefore under his control too.
Am I reading too much into this? Because if I'm not, I would get the fuck out of there.