apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Between us and each of us with dd. 15 year old girls are really fucking difficult and that has been a small source of contention between he and I that I think we both let us eat at us. We were raised very differently so sometimes our parenting methods do cause some issues between us but we do show a united force. But she is in no way to blame for how we handled this as the adults. We just failed on a few fronts. So he's home and we are all committed to being a better family. our relationship is top priority because we can't be good parents if we can't have a solid relationship with each other. I'm so blessed to have such an amazing family and friends and all of you. I'll keep everyone updated on the progress. We talked to each other more today than we have in months. He fell asleep on the couch so taking a bit of me time now.
You know, regardless of how much you want to say this was a misunderstanding, leaving a note like that where your daughter could (and did) find it is cruel and beyond selfish. This is not a normal reaction to wishing you spent more time together or don't have enough date nights. I am generally of the opinion that women who let their husbands jerk them around have the right to make that decision for themselves, but he is manipulating your daughter. He just told her beyond any doubt that he doesn't consider himself to be her father and he won't be there for her, and I cannot even imagine what kind of relationship she is going to have with men when she is being taught it's OK for her surrogate father to jerk around not just her mom but also her.
I am sure this is going to piss you off, and I genuinely do feel sorry for you, but I am just sitting here shaking my head at your update. You didn't make this up. He didn't have a good reason for this. He's just a manipulative jerk.
She is definitely not my peer and I don't ever go into my relationship issues with her beyond a "it's something we have to deal with and we had an argument that doesn't have anything to do with you, it's adult stuff"which is super rare for us which is why it came out of nowhere. I just told her he was really upset and felt lonely which is something she actually brought up to me last week, that we all seem to just go do our own things in the evenings and don't spend time together . Looking back I think she is more observant than I am. He knows he fucked up leaving that note where she could see it and I let him know that. At least leave it in our damn room. We were both really immature in a lot of the ways we handled things and that's not ok. We have got to be better. Dd is always my #1 priority. I really did make him out to be a horrible person out of my anger and I was entitled to be pissed. He does work his ass off for us to have everything we need and want and has to miss holidays and so much in our lives. He's a good man but a crappy communicator. He did admit to seriously fucking up with that note and he is sorry she saw it and always wants to be her dad. She told him she loves him but he's got to earn back her trust. It's going to be a long road but I am not a weak person and if I start seeing any signs of us going back to how it is, I'm done for good.
I don't mean to sound like I am picking on you, but seriously, this sounds so fucked up to me. Your daughter is saying things that a wife would say to an errant husband. The idea of her reassuring him that she still loves him but he has to earn back her trust . . . That's not something a kid should be thinking about. Earning back trust implies she is making an investment in their relationship, and she shouldn't have to. I am really not trying to be mean but your perspective is so skewed on this- there are two sides to every story, maybe, but him leaving in the middle of a discussion, and writing a note like that where your daughter could find it. There's not two sides to that story. That's an objectively bad thing, and regardless of what you keep saying it makes me think you are far less to blame than you think you are.
Have you seen a divorce attorney to see what your rights to alimony would be? Don't answer that on here, but I think that might be my first move if I were you. Because even though you keep saying he's a good husband, every specific positive attribute you've said he has seems to be a variation on "he is a good provider." And that is not a good reason at all to stay married.