Should I return this?

[imojoebunny]

I ask DH for a Vitamix for Christmas.  He ask were to get it, what model I wanted.  I did some research and told him.  I told him I wanted red like our stand mixer or silver/stainless like every other appliance we own.  He got black.  

He is mad that I want to return it.  I am, frankly, pissed that he gave it so little thought.  

I got got him everything he ask for and a few thoughtful things.  I am 100% sure this is all I am getting.  

Would you just accept what he gives you, or return it and get what you ask for?  

[LoveTrains]

It sounds like you guys have different love languages. You see it through gifts and he does not.

I would let it go but that is the type of person I am and my personality. It wouldn't bother me at all that it wasn't the right color to begin with.

[ewall]

I would return it. But DH and I always give gifts with the disclaimer that if it isn't right, it can be returned or exchanged. I don't understand why he's so upset. It's not like he came up with the gift idea on his own so he can't even claim he put a lot of thought into it.

[cheezer]

I would return it. He couldn't follow directions and he's the one that's mad?

[AAM2012]

Why is he so mad that you want to exchange it for a different color? That is weird...it's not like he thought of this gift all by himself.

[ddi741]

I wouldn't return it and would be sad if my H returned one of my gifts because he didn't like the color.

[sarahbear]

Returning it for a different color is not that big of a deal. He needs to chill. Get what you want and asked for.

[starryfish]

Dec 20, 2014 14:53:49 GMT -5 ddi741 said:

I wouldn't return it and would be sad if my H returned one of my gifts because he didn't like the color.

Really? Even if you specified a particular color and then he got a diff one instead?

[ddi741]

Dec 20, 2014 14:55:23 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Dec 20, 2014 14:53:49 GMT -5 ddi741 said:

I wouldn't return it and would be sad if my H returned one of my gifts because he didn't like the color.

Really? Even if you specified a particular color and then he got a diff one instead?

Yes. He may have tried to get the other color but couldn't, who knows. It's a blender, I don't think the color is a big deal, especially if it upsets him at all.

[grosnl19]

I would exchange it for the color you want. I am the same way and it would really bother not have matching appliance...more so I would be disappointed that my DH doesn't know that about me after 11 years together.

[Balki.Bartokomous]

Return it. He's being a baby. I could see him having a right to be mad if he put any thought whatsoever into your gift but buying a color that is specifically what the recipient DOESN'T want is kind of the opposite of thoughtful.

Quite frankly when a couple just gets whatever the other person asks for, I don't really quite consider that a gift. It's no different than when DH texts me after work & asks what I want from the grocery store.

[dancingirl21]

Get what you want. I exchanged a pair of Tiffany earrings that DH got me a few years ago and he brings it up from time to time (jokingly mostly. As in, "I haven't always had the best luck shopping for you.") They just weren't my style and I wouldn't have worn them. I just remind him that it was a large purchase and he'd be even more mad if I kept them but never wore them.

[h]

I would just exchange it myself for the color I wanted. It seems like a no brainer. I am confused as to why anyone would be upset by someone exchanging a gift for another size or color, though, so maybe I just don't get it.

[nessness]

Did he get it somewhere that doesn't carry the other colors? I think Costco only has black, though I could be wrong.

Personally I would let it go, but if it's important to you than he shouldn't have a problem with you exchanging it.

[pumpkin]

This is something you're going to have for a long time and if everyone you use it or look at it you're going to be aware of the colorful, exchange it. I don't see this as being a big deal.

[heygrey]

yeah, i'd be annoyed. you asked for it, did the research, specified the colour... it's not like he would have been ruining some great surprise if he came back and said "they only have it in black, will that be okay?"

but i'm wondering if he's a bit sensitive and insecure that he's not a good gift giver (proven because you want to return his gift) so he's feeling defensive. even though i totally get your frustration because you gave him all the right answers and he still didn't deliver, i'd try to see if there is something deeper to his feelings about you returning it.

[emilyinchile]

Dec 20, 2014 14:53:49 GMT -5 ddi741 said:

I wouldn't return it and would be sad if my H returned one of my gifts because he didn't like the color.

I feel like when you put in zero effort, make the recipient do all the legwork and then knowingly buy something that isn't quite what was requested, you forfeit the right to be hurt that the recipient wants what she actually asked for after doing her (your) research. "It's the thought that counts" does not apply when you didn't put any thought into it.

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2014 15:00:35 GMT -5 ddi741 said:

Dec 20, 2014 14:55:23 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Really? Even if you specified a particular color and then he got a diff one instead?

Yes. He may have tried to get the other color but couldn't, who knows. It's a blender, I don't think the color is a big deal, especially if it upsets him at all.

A vitamix is really expensive. If you're going to purchase a pricey appliance like that then you should be 100% happy with it, even if that includes the color.

He asked her specifically what she wanted. She told him and he got something different. IMO, that's kind of thoughtless. If anyone's feelings should be hurt, it should be OP's.

[hopenotlost]

Return it for the color that you want. It's not like you're returning it for something completely different, like a ninja or something.

[kadams767]

Dec 20, 2014 19:57:17 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

Dec 20, 2014 14:53:49 GMT -5 ddi741 said:

I wouldn't return it and would be sad if my H returned one of my gifts because he didn't like the color.

This reminds me of the school of thought that gives trophies for participation.  Why should she protect his "feelings" (that's in quotes because I don't understand how he can be emotionally invested in something he didn't even think of) when he couldn't even be bothered to get the right color?!  It's December 20th, if he couldn't find the right color, he should be on the telephone and Internet right now searching for a red Vitamix.  It's not like he gave it to her on the 24th with a heartfelt apology about his exhaustive search.  He threw in the towel 5 days early and is now flipping the script on her!  The audacity.  I wish my husband would try it.  He'd rue the day, I tell you lol.  How many stores do you think he tried?  Here's a hint--not enough.

I'm kind of here. Though, I am confused that he already gave her the gift? Frankly, depending on how I found out he got the wrong color, this could be an even bigger annoyance to me.

But yea. I would spare DH's feelings as best as possible if he missed the mark on something he actually picked out (within reason) and put his own thought into. Sparing feelings doesn't exist if he bought me one gift, that he specifically asked me to tell him specifically what I wanted, and then got the wrong thing. Please. Not only would that be exchanged, HE would be doing the exchanging, not me.

[dexteroni]

Of course you should exchange it for the one you want. Why is he mad? Why did he get black instead of either of the two colors you wanted?

[polarbearfans]

Exchange it, and get the color you want. He shouldn't be offended about you wanting something else. My husband presents a receipt with everything he buys me, including my engagement ring. He knows I appreciate the effort he puts into my gifts, but that sometimes they just are not something I would get good use of or would prefer something else.

He'll get over it. Get what you want.

[Deleted]

Exchange it. I would want it to match and it is not a big deal.

[imojoebunny]

Dec 20, 2014 20:31:45 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

Dec 20, 2014 19:57:17 GMT -5 @songforyou said:

This reminds me of the school of thought that gives trophies for participation.  Why should she protect his "feelings" (that's in quotes because I don't understand how he can be emotionally invested in something he didn't even think of) when he couldn't even be bothered to get the right color?!  It's December 20th, if he couldn't find the right color, he should be on the telephone and Internet right now searching for a red Vitamix.  It's not like he gave it to her on the 24th with a heartfelt apology about his exhaustive search.  He threw in the towel 5 days early and is now flipping the script on her!  The audacity.  I wish my husband would try it.  He'd rue the day, I tell you lol.  How many stores do you think he tried?  Here's a hint--not enough.

I'm kind of here. Though, I am confused that he already gave her the gift? Frankly, depending on how I found out he got the wrong color, this could be an even bigger annoyance to me.

But yea. I would spare DH's feelings as best as possible if he missed the mark on something he actually picked out (within reason) and put his own thought into. Sparing feelings doesn't exist if he bought me one gift, that he specifically asked me to tell him specifically what I wanted, and then got the wrong thing. Please. Not only would that be exchanged, HE would be doing the exchanging, not me.

He hasn't given it to me yet, just told me when he looked at our other appliances today that he got the wrong color.  I said I did not want the color, I wanted one of the two options we talked about and he said, "well, your getting black because I am not returning it."  He has other positive attributes, but as someone mentioned, his love language is not gifts.  

[thedutchgirl]

Ok, with your follow-up, you need to let @songforyou at him. You mean to tell me he: 1. purchased for you something that you had to specify down to model and color, 2. told you he'd purchased it days before Christmas, 3. also told you he didn't get the color he wanted, and 4. cannot be bothered to actually, in the next 4 days GET WHAT YOU WANTED?

The fact that he's still standing says a lot about your restraint. He's being sort of a dick here.

[babsbunny]

Dec 20, 2014 22:40:46 GMT -5 imojoebunny said:

Dec 20, 2014 20:31:45 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

I'm kind of here. Though, I am confused that he already gave her the gift? Frankly, depending on how I found out he got the wrong color, this could be an even bigger annoyance to me.

But yea. I would spare DH's feelings as best as possible if he missed the mark on something he actually picked out (within reason) and put his own thought into. Sparing feelings doesn't exist if he bought me one gift, that he specifically asked me to tell him specifically what I wanted, and then got the wrong thing. Please. Not only would that be exchanged, HE would be doing the exchanging, not me.

He hasn't given it to me yet, just told me when he looked at our other appliances today that he got the wrong color.  I said I did not want the color, I wanted one of the two options we talked about and he said, "well, your getting black because I am not returning it."  He has other positive attributes, but as someone mentioned, his love language is not gifts.  

Sounds like he's lazy? I would maybe try telling him thank you for getting it and you understand the stores are a madhouse this time of year so you will return it for a color that matches the other appliances.

Next year, don't exchange gifts. My love language is partially gifts but it is not for DH (plus he loathes shopping) and he's not great at picking things out for me. I've bought him some useful stuff over the years but some other stuff is never touched. I now only ask him to buy me something on my birthday (no xmas, no anniversary, and no v-day because he hates that holiday).

[bonnie]

Exchange it! It's not like you said, "Honey, I'd love a nice blender!" and this is what was produced. You told him, "Honey, I'd love a red Vitamix, model #123". He was an ass for not listening to your request. On the chance that the one you wanted was on back order, he should have ordered it and told you as such.

[aurora]

The follow up makes him sound like more of a dick than the original.

I probably wouldn't be bothered by the color myself but gifts aren't my (or H's) love language. I don't think you're wrong to want one of the colors you suggested and to want to return it if it's just that he couldn't be bothered.

[dexteroni]

Dec 21, 2014 10:17:57 GMT -5 aurora said:

The follow up makes him sound like more of a dick than the original.

I agree. And I think too much weight is being given to "love languages" here. "You're getting black because I am not returning it" is not a love language issue. Realizing that he got the wrong thing and making it clear that he doesn't give a shit is just being an asshole. Sorry OP. I hope you still exchange it for the one you want. And it sucks that he's giving you an errand for Christmas and doesn't care.

[kadams767]

Dec 20, 2014 22:40:46 GMT -5 imojoebunny said:

Dec 20, 2014 20:31:45 GMT -5 kadams767 said:

I'm kind of here. Though, I am confused that he already gave her the gift? Frankly, depending on how I found out he got the wrong color, this could be an even bigger annoyance to me.

But yea. I would spare DH's feelings as best as possible if he missed the mark on something he actually picked out (within reason) and put his own thought into. Sparing feelings doesn't exist if he bought me one gift, that he specifically asked me to tell him specifically what I wanted, and then got the wrong thing. Please. Not only would that be exchanged, HE would be doing the exchanging, not me.

He hasn't given it to me yet, just told me when he looked at our other appliances today that he got the wrong color.  I said I did not want the color, I wanted one of the two options we talked about and he said, "well, your getting black because I am not returning it."  He has other positive attributes, but as someone mentioned, his love language is not gifts.  

And, DING DING DING! This is what I meant about finding out how he got the wrong one and being even more annoyed. I would be seriously pissed if this is the way the issue was presented to me. The issue with him not being able or willing to give you a thoughtful gift is an issue of his love language not being gifts. This, right here, is an issue of his love language not only not being gifts, but apparently also his love language isn't kindness or being considerate. Like someone else mentioned, he not only didn't pick out a gift for you, he has now given you a freaking chore to do. Nothing says Merry Christmas and I Love You like returning a Vitamix to BB&B or some such place after Christmas. At this point, I would be returning the Vitamix and also taking back any gift I'd bought him that he would enjoy while I was out there. And then I'd buy him something you know he deliberately does not want. See how he likes it.

Spiteful, yes, but OMFG, telling me he wouldn't return something that he purposefully bought wrong would not go over well with me, at all. No, no, no.