Post by roseflower on Dec 23, 2014 23:10:36 GMT -5
Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Recovery has been horrible. Christmas night I had to go to the ER because I was having extreme pain. There is nothing majorly wrong, but when I was sent home the doctors had only given me tylenol with codeine. The ER sent me home with Percocet which didn't do anything either. The next morning I went and saw my surgeons and they said there was nothing they could do, but they gave me a valium to calm me down. I am just feeling so overwhelmed and when I am in extreme pain that is what I am focused on, and then in moments when I have a reprieve from the pain, my heartbreak comes to the surface. I'm sorry for the rambling, I literally have no idea what to do right now.
PLEASE DO NOT QUOTE WILL DELETE in a while
I know there is a better forum for me to post this on, and I may but since this is where I read and post the most I just...am feeling so incredibly emotional and just...need to be covered in thoughts and prayers. I had mentioned in a different post that I was pregnant, but not talking about it to family and friends yet as it was early...well yesterday was my ultra sound to look at the heartbeat (I was 7 weeks 6 days)
I am mostly going to copy and paste what I ended up deciding to share on my facebook because it sums it up:
"I tend to keep important personal stuff to myself until after figuring things out...like finding out we were pregnant last month after trying for a while. I wanted to make sure everything was okay before making an announcement. Today at the ultrasound we found out the pregnancy is ectopic and it is so big that I will be going in to surgery this afternoon and they will have to remove the entire tube. We are sad at the loss and scared for the surgery and what it means for us as we want to expand our family. I would keep this to ourselves but I also know prayer is a wonderful thing."
After surgery:
"UPDATE: First of all, I want to thank you all for the amazing love and support you given to us. I am truly blessed. Second, and the unfortunate part is during the procedure they found that both my ovaries, fallopians tubes, uterus were all fused to my abdominal wall as a result of the c section I had with DD. (how or why this happened is not clear yet, it will be something I need to talk to the RE about during a follow up appt) because of that, my fallopian tubes are damaged and most likely caused ectopic pregnancy. I also had internal bleeding. Had we not caught this today, things could have been much different and much worse, so I am grateful that we caught this. They had to cut my organs from the wall and then remove the one tube with the mass which was bigger than my ovary. The tube I have left is damaged making another ectopic pregnancy more likely and it's going to make it much harder to conceive conventionally. IVF would be a safer route, but horribly expensive. The birth experience I had with DD was horrific with all of the complications we had and now I feel that stupid c-section is the gift that keeps on giving. I'm sorry for being so emotional. I'm still coming off meds and this is all a shock. I can't believe this. I'm devastated. I know this in God's control, and I need to give it up to Him, but my heart aches at the thought of not being able to carry another baby."
I teeter between feeling grateful that things were found, but then total despair at everything that happened. Its one thing to have a miscarriage...and I was already sad about it. I started to cry on the OR table and I woke up from anesthesia crying, knowing that they had to take the whole tube. But then to find out that my other tube is wrecked too? I am just so sad. Not to mention the financial toll the whole ordeal is going to cost (which obviously isn't most important, it is just an added stress)
Post by hopenotlost on Dec 23, 2014 23:36:14 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I had a m/c in March, and the pain is still very raw to me. If you need someone to talk to, please let me know.
Also, Through the Heart is an amazing site for women who have lost. It helped me greatly. I wrote about my own m/c experience, and they published it on the site. If you want to read it, here is the link: throughtheheart.org/jamies-story.html
I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine what you must be going through. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Please be kind to yourself and lean on us whenever you need to. Big, big hugs.
Trying for #3; FET 8/18 -- BFN. Leaving things up to chance for now... After three years, three IVFs, and two FETs, we finally have our miracle babIES!
Thank you everyone. It just all happened so fast and definitely not what I expected when I woke up yesterday. I'm mourning our loss but also mourning that we may not be able to have more children. That just...it's devastating. I'll go in a couple weeks to have them look at the tube to see just how damaged it is but from what they saw they are not optimistic. I know there are. I guarantees but we were so excited. My 4 year old daughter did an amazing job keeping it a secret and I bought her a book Sunday night called "what to expect when mommies expecting" and was going to have her open it in front of the grandparents. I have no idea how to grieve this.
I am going to second the throughtheheart.org website. It has been a wonderful resource for me through out the last year and a bit while I have gone through 3 mc of my own.
If you ever need to talk or anything let me know. (I hope that's not creepy coming from an Internet stranger.)
(((Hugs))) You will definitely be in my prayers, Rosewater. Reliance on the Lord during times of struggle is sometimes very difficult, & I'll certainly focus on your heart's ability to stay near Him, dear girl