I'm pretty sure if a guy is 40 and has wanted kids for the past 20 years if he could've had kids sooner, then he would've. I'm sure many of us on this board wish we could've had kids sooner, but uhh clearly something went off course along the way. If only it were that simple to just want something and for it to happen.
And I wasn't talking about dating someone young enough to be your daughter. I was talking about a 40 year old dating a 30 year old.
I post in hyperbole. It's kind of who I am. Have you never read my posts on here? Trust me, I am calm.
I get you are defensive of your BF. I am not talking about your BF specifically. I am sure he is not one of these men. I am posting my annoyance about being a woman.
He's not my boyfriend. Glad you're calm. I guess my point was that not all 50 year old men want to date 20 year olds because they were fucking around for the past 30 years and I don't see having an age preference worse than any other preference.
I post in hyperbole. It's kind of who I am. Have you never read my posts on here? Trust me, I am calm.
I get you are defensive of your BF. I am not talking about your BF specifically. I am sure he is not one of these men. I am posting my annoyance about being a woman.
He's not my boyfriend. Glad you're calm. I guess my point was that not all 50 year old men want to date 20 year olds because they were fucking around for the past 30 years and I don't see having an age preference worse than any other preference.
Well, I stated it annoys me due to the unfairness of being a woman. It sucks that men can do it, biologically, and women can't. THAT is why I get so annoyed. I get preferences are preferences. My point is similar to mp's-it sucks men can play around and bank on getting some young thang to breed with. It particularly annoys me that SOME MEN would have a relationship with a woman solely for her breeding capabilities rather than actually LIKING the woman. This is obviously not your whatever guy. It just get's me on my heated horse.
@buckybells I agree that online dating can be a good tool, but I think it's becoming a crutch for many and that is where my issue lies. Sure it works for some people, but the overall reliance on it bothers me. And while you may not have used it with a set of dream man qualities in mind, I know many, many people who do. If it was one thing in the mix that would be cool, but I feel like it's becoming more like finding a job than finding a relationship. The process is becoming rather clinical than emotional.
I don't have a ton to add here since I'm relatively new to dating again...but my thoughts because this is what this place is all about... 1 - I don't feel like meeting IRL is super hard...but I'm also willing to approach someone if I feel the need to. 2- online dating is the worst. For all the reasons that have already been stated. 3- I think it is so valuable to meet people who are not you're "ideal man". Vegas is not my "ideal man" but he has definitely helped me realize there are parts of my personality that I really like, that I didn't know was there. OLD doesn't really allow for you to expand horizons. 4- a dude in his 40's may want to pursue me because I have young, fresh eggs and he's spent the last 20 years dicking around. But guess what, I don't have to settle on them. I am not interested in dating someone that much older than me for the same reason some men don't want an older woman...I don't want my partner to be 60+ years old at high school graduation. I had older parents so I know it's not the end of the world, just not my preference.
I am just highly skeptical of a guy lying about his age in such a way that he'd likely get younger matches than if he were honest. What's his problem with women his own age, you know? Because you can see on this board that it's not like women are all dating younger men.
I recently started dating an "older" guy.
He doesn't necessarily have a problem with 40 year old women due to their personality or looks. But he wants to have biological kids and lets be honest...obviously 40 year old women aren't at their prime to be having kids. So he prefers to date women between the ages of 30-38 or so. I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same way if I were a guy.
Obviously I don't have a problem with dating an older guy since I've been hanging out with him, but when thinking about my "ideal" mate I never pictured a 40 year old being it. So yes I think women are open to dating older men, but overall I don't think it's the preference to date older men.
Like someone said above, it seems that online dating kind of forces you to analyze people in an unfair way that wouldn't normally happen if you meet someone out on the streets.
Yes lying isn't ideal, but I don't think it's always a sign of insecurity or being a douche or only wanting a hot 25 year old. I think it's realistic for guys to realize they'll have a much better chance in the online dating world of sparking someone's interest if they say they're 38 vs 43 since you have to enter an age.
I give a HARD side-eye to men who look for fertile wombs when women their own age aren't fertile any more. No. If you're at an age where kids aren't happening with women that age, then you shouldn't be having them either.
I can't talk for every guy obviously, but the guy I'm dating now...it's not like "he waited so long" to have kids out of choice. He was married (for 3 years in his 20s) and divorced and has been in a few 1+ year relationships in his 20s and 30s, but none of them worked out.
Just like the many of us on this board life hasn't gone as "planned" and he hasn't found the right partner yet for kids...I can't fault him for that. He's wanted kids all along.
I only decided that I definitely wanted to have kids last year. I didn't know it was a problem for a man or a woman to come around to having kids as they get in to their 30s or 40s.
Now I don't know if that's the case for most guys that are 40+, but I don't think it's reasonable to assume that all guys that are 40+ were playa playas in their 20s and 30s and just now are coming around to the idea of having kids.
People have all sorts of preferences/ideals...height, race, education, salary, etc...so I don't think age is any worse than other preferences when it legitimately has a "reason."
It's not an issue to decide later in life you want kids. I just hate that it is a valid reason to not want to date someone your own fucking age. Especially since women in their 40s CAN HAVE KIDS. And it sucks he is writing women off because he wants kids when many of them CAN HAVE KIDS. And there are women in their 20s and 30s who can't. But, like I said, I think if men's reproductive capabilities cut off at a certain age, too, this wouldn't be a problem. Being a woman sucks. I am sure the guy you are dating is awesome and all and not at all what I am annoyed about. I just don't like that some men date women purely as breeding stock. How about you find someone you love, then deal with the how to make a baby, rather than looking for a baby vessel to date.
I have a total crush on you right now! (heart)
So sick of men in my age group claiming that they want to settle down and have a family but they only want to date girls under 30 because girls their own age are too old to start a family or they have issues. I'll be 39 in March and if by some odd chance I meet someone who is my age and wants to marry me I will be 40 (or older) by the time that happens. Its shitty to be completely blown off by men in your age group over something so stupid; I'm perfectly capable of having kids yet I am seen as not good enough because of my age. Fuck that shit!
If all these damn 20 somethings would stop dating men who are 10+ older maybe some of the guys in my age group would actually date someone born in the same decade as them.
I totally agree with you mp about the insecurity thing.
TR - He's a PhD so it was easy to find when he got that. Once I did, I was suspicious because unless he's a child prodigy, there's no way one gets a PhD at 22. After that, I just googled him, and various sites list his age at 44.
He may be 43 as he said, though it sounds like it doesn't matter to you because you're bothered by the whole thing. Those sites may have his year of birth but not his month and so, list him as 44.
Yeah the 43/44 doesn't matter. It's that he portrayed himself as 38, which is not true. The lying is the issue.
I am just highly skeptical of a guy lying about his age in such a way that he'd likely get younger matches than if he were honest. What's his problem with women his own age, you know? Because you can see on this board that it's not like women are all dating younger men.
I recently started dating an "older" guy.
He doesn't necessarily have a problem with 40 year old women due to their personality or looks. But he wants to have biological kids and lets be honest...obviously 40 year old women aren't at their prime to be having kids. So he prefers to date women between the ages of 30-38 or so. I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same way if I were a guy.
Obviously I don't have a problem with dating an older guy since I've been hanging out with him, but when thinking about my "ideal" mate I never pictured a 40 year old being it. So yes I think women are open to dating older men, but overall I don't think it's the preference to date older men.
Like someone said above, it seems that online dating kind of forces you to analyze people in an unfair way that wouldn't normally happen if you meet someone out on the streets.
Yes lying isn't ideal, but I don't think it's always a sign of insecurity or being a douche or only wanting a hot 25 year old. I think it's realistic for guys to realize they'll have a much better chance in the online dating world of sparking someone's interest if they say they're 38 vs 43 since you have to enter an age.
Ok, but it still doesn't justify the deception in my mind. On the flip side, a guy wants kids, 40 yr old lies and says she's 34. He bites only to find out otherwise. Does that make it worse? Still the same deception to me.
My annoyance isn't with men that have wanted to have kids for years. It's the fact that I know a LOT of men that want to just fuck around until they're 40 something and not even entertain the idea of settling down. And they don't have to! They can think "Meh I can still have kids when I'm 45 so I am just gonna play around until then! Then I can find a fertile 25 year old, no issues here!"
Strictly physiologically speaking, women are not afforded the same amount of time without a lot of other considerations. If we want kids, we have to be mindful of our age and the difficulty in getting pregnant the older we get.
So, should men be able to do that? Well, of course. They should be able to make whatever choices they want to make, just like women should. But it DOES suck, IMO, that a lot of men are allotted the freedom to date really young women, and that a whole group of women in their 30s+ gets lost in the process.
My complaint is more that life isn't fair, and that I find it increasingly pathetic when men just want to fuck around for so long and then end up with someone 20 years their junior. I find it really immature, in a lot of cases.
Sorry for all the late responses, but yep yep and all of the above. There was some really depressing article recently (I'll have to find it) about (and I'm clearly adding my own interpretation) how guys who couldn't get laid in their 20's wait it out and in their 30's / 40's once they are successful etc nab all the lovely single 20 something ladies. Meanwhile awesome 30/40 yr old super catch women are left out in the cold. It's bullshit.
I really love the discussion that this thread started. It's easy to bitch about online dating and hate on it, but to have my feelings validated by you all makes it seem okay, LOL. And honestly, I'm glad I'm not the only one!
jigsy, I like what you said about Vegas not being your "ideal man" but you've been able to find parts of yourself that you like that you didn't know existed. That, to me, is one of the coolest parts about dating and meeting new people in general, so I'm really glad that that's happened for you!
The OP about the age: I'm curious on what dating site you're on where you have to "email them" to change your age? Most of them you go to your profile and change it. For me, I may give him a shot but it would then take a lot more for him to regain my trust.
As to the other convo, I'm running into a lot of the same. I'm 38 and my roommate is 26. We looked at each other's profiles on OKC and we're like a 97% match so we're a lot alike. Our coloring is different and we have different body shapes (apple/pear). That being said, I have YET to have anyone older than 33 reach out to me and when I reach out to them, I get crickets. Most of the guys that reach out are in their mid/late 20s, early 30s. My roommate? Exact opposite. She's had maybe 1-2 guys that were in their mid-late 20s. The rest? 34 and up.
All of my other friends are like "Wow, you really like the younger guys!" Um, they're the only ones that will talk to me. The two guys I'm dating right now are 30 and 32. The 30 year old isn't meant for long term so I'd be completely happy with developing a deeper relationship with the other one.