So the guy I went on 2 dates with this weekend and I are supposed to go out again tonight. I looked him up online and he lied about his age. He's 6 years older than his profile said. His actual age is fine with me, it just the lying that I have a problem with. This has happened to me before and I just don't understand why people do this. Would this be a deal breaker for you? I'm pretty sure it is to me.
Post by lyssbobiss, Command, B613 on Jan 28, 2015 8:35:26 GMT -5
It would depend to me I guess? I might come right out and ask how old he is and see what the response is. I can overlook someone making a mistake when entering a date of birth or maybe some other reason I can't think of right now. . I lied about my zip code when I was on okcupid because it's a super small city, and I got caught because I randomly picked one that matched the guy who is now my BF, so I guess I have to excuse some fudging sometimes. Depends on the reason.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
Based on experience, I'm sure the reason would be one of the following: 1. That was an old profile and I didn't update it. (which is bull shit as it updates automatically) 2. I feel 38 and so I felt like that was a more honest representation of my true self. 3. I want to date younger women and knew that's the only way we'd be matched.
None of those are cool with me. The zip code thing I can understand, as that's not really related to who you are as a person.
i think fudging a zip code is a lot different than fudging your age. the zip code i understand...age, not so much. i would write someone off for that without a second thought, because it already makes me distrustful of them.
i think fudging a zip code is a lot different than fudging your age. the zip code i understand...age, not so much. i would write someone off for that without a second thought, because it already makes me distrustful of them.
This is pretty much where I am. Damn't - I was excited.
@missva i feel ya - but look at it this way: at least you're finding out now before you got attached or something. lying about your age just gives me the squicks.
ETA: UGH WHY THE EFF CAN'T I TAG ANYONE PROPERLY THIS WEEK?
I think it is stupid to lie about your age on one hand, but like lyssbobiss, Command, B613, I met my H because he lied about his age on match. Had he told me he was 50 years old when I was out looking and dating I would have turned and run. I had only dated older men and married to an older man for 22 years, so I was ready to date someone my own age.
On our first date, he showed me his driver's licence for some reason, but I never noticed the DOB being what it was. Fast forward to 4 months later when he asks me to go to Niagara Falls to celebrate his 50th birthday. I am sure I had a very quizzical look, when I asked him what happened to 47, 48, and 49?
Based on experience, I'm sure the reason would be one of the following: 1. That was an old profile and I didn't update it. (which is bull shit as it updates automatically) 2. I feel 38 and so I felt like that was a more honest representation of my true self. 3. I want to date younger women and knew that's the only way we'd be matched.
None of those are cool with me. The zip code thing I can understand, as that's not really related to who you are as a person.
I'm going to guess that he'll say it's #1, but it's really #3. Please report back.
I feel like this is something I should be bothered by but if I liked the guy I probably would still see them. Yes I totally realize they could lie about a million other things too, but for some reason this just isn't a big deal to me. But I can totally understand why it would bother others
This would bother me. I understand lying about it so that they show up in more people's search results. The only way I would be okay with it is if dude told me on the first date.
He didn't tell you, you found out. I'm curious what his response will be if you ask him.
I think it is stupid to lie about your age on one hand, but like lyssbobiss, Command, B613, I met my H because he lied about his age on match. Had he told me he was 50 years old when I was out looking and dating I would have turned and run. I had only dated older men and married to an older man for 22 years, so I was ready to date someone my own age.
On our first date, he showed me his driver's licence for some reason, but I never noticed the DOB being what it was. Fast forward to 4 months later when he asks me to go to Niagara Falls to celebrate his 50th birthday. I am sure I had a very quizzical look, when I asked him what happened to 47, 48, and 49?
Post by WinterIsComing on Jan 28, 2015 11:45:14 GMT -5
I definitely wouldn't be okay with lying about anything at the start. After all of XH's bs lying, I think that honesty is going to be one of the most important things for me in any future relationship.
I feel like this is something I should be bothered by but if I liked the guy I probably would still see them. Yes I totally realize they could lie about a million other things too, but for some reason this just isn't a big deal to me. But I can totally understand why it would bother others
I'm here. I feel like I SHOULD be outraged by it, but I just am not. online dating is such a mind fuck, and people will write you off if you are outside their parameters. I could see just wanting to be within the parameters someone wouldn't write me off. Buuuut, I also think lying is stupid and I wouldn't want to date someone who would write me off due to age ANYWAY. Meh, I just can't get it up for this. Especially if I liked the guy and he was honest on the date. I think I have too many other things I power rage about to add any.
I feel like this is something I should be bothered by but if I liked the guy I probably would still see them. Yes I totally realize they could lie about a million other things too, but for some reason this just isn't a big deal to me. But I can totally understand why it would bother others
I'm here. I feel like I SHOULD be outraged by it, but I just am not. online dating is such a mind fuck, and people will write you off if you are outside their parameters. I could see just wanting to be within the parameters someone wouldn't write me off. Buuuut, I also think lying is stupid and I wouldn't want to date someone who would write me off due to age ANYWAY. Meh, I just can't get it up for this. Especially if I liked the guy and he was honest on the date. I think I have too many other things I power rage about to add any.
Hahahaha. I totally think this might be it for me. Also I sort of assume most people are lying or fudging their profiles anyways. So I guess I'm like oh it's just age you lied about? You don't have a secret family somewhere? That's cool.
Text call out went like this: Me: So you aren't 38? Him: 38? No I am 43 (FYI online it says he's 44 but whatever) Me: Your profile says you are 38 Him: You are correct. I am sorry. I have emailed them to correct that.
I feel like this is something I should be bothered by but if I liked the guy I probably would still see them. Yes I totally realize they could lie about a million other things too, but for some reason this just isn't a big deal to me. But I can totally understand why it would bother others
I agree with this.
When you meet someone out in a social setting you don't immediately know their age. So I somewhat understand why people feel compelled to fudge their age to get more matches like they might get if they were meeting someone in a non online environment.
When you meet someone out in a social setting you don't immediately know their age. So I somewhat understand why people feel compelled to fudge their age to get more matches like they might get if they were meeting someone in a non online environment.
but to me it then shows insecurity, like lying about height. If you're secure in it, you probably won't lie about it. And if your excuse is that the young hot chicks don't wanna match with you on apps like tinder because you're an old dude, then find a new avenue to meet people instead of lying about it.
Women shouldn't lie. Men shouldn't lie. We should all just learn to rock who we are.
This is where I insert my "online dating is ruining dating" rant. I mean it's all so arbitrary. I probably put in that I would date up to 45 let's say. But really I'm not going to next someone for being 46 or 47 if I really like them. But they wouldn't show up in my online dating queue. I think online dating requires us to put these random parameters on ourselves that we don't even really have until they questionnaire is asking you. I mean I totally get why this would be a huge next for some. But it's just not something I'd care about.
And unrelated, but I think that there just aren't a ton of avenues to meet people anymore and it bums me out. I'm very social. I got to lots of networking/industry events, I go out with my girlfriends and my hobbies tend to attract mostly females. I don't know if it's my city or what, but walking up and introducing yourself to a guy gets you the weirdest responses. Or maybe I'm just crazy awkward. At any rate this is why I've just stopped dating. It's too much work. Ha!
I totally agree with you mp about the insecurity thing.
TR - He's a PhD so it was easy to find when he got that. Once I did, I was suspicious because unless he's a child prodigy, there's no way one gets a PhD at 22. After that, I just googled him, and various sites list his age at 44.
but to me it then shows insecurity, like lying about height. If you're secure in it, you probably won't lie about it. And if your excuse is that the young hot chicks don't wanna match with you on apps like tinder because you're an old dude, then find a new avenue to meet people instead of lying about it.
Women shouldn't lie. Men shouldn't lie. We should all just learn to rock who we are.
This is where I insert my "online dating is ruining dating" rant. I mean it's all so arbitrary. I probably put in that I would date up to 45 let's say. But really I'm not going to next someone for being 46 or 47 if I really like them. But they wouldn't show up in my online dating queue. I think online dating requires us to put these random parameters on ourselves that we don't even really have until they questionnaire is asking you. I mean I totally get why this would be a huge next for some. But it's just not something I'd care about.
Yup. Agreed. Like, if I meet someone, I am not instantly like, "How old are you? What's your favorite color? Democrat or Republican?" You get to know the person for who they are first rather than caring about some of the petty shit (okay, maybe I ask democrat or republican right away, but I am a staunch democrat in the bible belt. Cannot handle dating a republican. EXPECIALLY with my family being half gay. LOL). I think it DOES make people insecure. You don't want to be counted out because of your age when if you met the same person out somewhere, they wouldn't count you out!
But, I totally get why this would bother people. It just doesn't bother me. Am I actually breezy? I don't think I have ever been breezy about something like this before?
I don't disagree with you either mp I don't think lying is the solution. But I just think this is a symptom of how online dating is totally fucking up society. And honestly getting out and meeting people doesn't seem to be all that effective these days for me. I'm super social, go to tons of networking/industry events, have lots of friends I've asked to set me up if they have anyone. And nothing. I do see a lot people out flipping through their tinder and not even bothering to look up at what's around them. And when they do see what is front of them, they know there is someone hotter on tinder so why not just go with that. Dating culture is pretty fucked right now I think or I'm just a total pariah, which I'm not discounting could be the case here.
I don't disagree with you either mp I don't think lying is the solution. But I just think this is a symptom of how online dating is totally fucking up society. And honestly getting out and meeting people doesn't seem to be all that effective these days for me. I'm super social, go to tons of networking/industry events, have lots of friends I've asked to set me up if they have anyone. And nothing. I do see a lot people out flipping through their tinder and not even bothering to look up at what's around them. And when they do see what is front of them, they know there is someone hotter on tinder so why not just go with that. Dating culture is pretty fucked right now I think or I'm just a total pariah, which I'm not discounting could be the case here.
TOOOOOTALLY agree with the dating culture being pretty fucked up. I mean, I know I'm funky, and I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I can be sarcastic and resting bitch face and not everyone likes pink hair. But I genuinely think I'm cute and fun and I rarely get hit on. And when I put the feelers out, they're rarely picked up on or reciprocated. So - I get it.
I do think, based on some things you've said thought, that the men in your location are a different type of dude than the ones that are looking for women like you. That's not a negative thing at all - I mean, I feel that way about a lot of the hollywood types looking for blondies or chicks with big boobs. LOL! I have often wondered if I would do better in somewhere like Seattle (cough jenny1980) for my dating life. But, I love LA, so I am willing to accept that it may take more weeding through people to find someone that is a good match for me.
Ehhh I think that's actually just a huge stereotype of PDX. Sure there are plenty of hipsters here, but there are also tons of professionals with a vested interest in politics, dining, the arts and college football. I actually rarely cross paths with the typical expected Portlander in my regular life. Most men I interact with are dressed in banana republic type looks and don't own a record player.
Post by Queen Mamadala on Jan 28, 2015 14:16:45 GMT -5
My first relationship after reentering the dating scene was with a man who lied about his age... by 10 years. He claimed to be 31, but I had a feeling he was at least later 30s. I didn't find out he was 41 (at the time) until two months into dating. It wasn't the age difference that bothered me, it was the lying. Since I almost exclusively dated men 10+ years older it wasn't a big deal. I preferred older men. His reasoning was that the women he was matched with via search function were not his type and any age post 40 limits search results/options. I get that, but 31? Yeah, no.
But we did have amazing chemistry. Truly amazing in almost every way. It was electric, magnetic, almost too good to be true. He was highly manipulative that I wouldn't be surprised if he was a sociopath.
mp I mean it's a totally fair assessment. And yes I mean if I was more of hipster I'd probably have a larger dating pool to choose from. I'm actually pretty laid back and have really toned down my look (because I was getting older and it was tired) hahaha. So I don't think it's totally obvious I'm an outdoor hater from the start:)
I think I have resting bitch face honestly. I have a friend who come and visits here and meets men galore!
Post by peppermint on Jan 28, 2015 14:21:24 GMT -5
i'll be the third (or 4th) indian about the mindfuck that is online dating. i hate it. but it's been 4 years, and i've only met one person IRL, and it was a friend setting me up. so as much as it sucks, for me, online dating is kind of a necessary evil to meet people. i go in spurts with it - i'll be off it for awhile, then get back on. it's not fun, but it's also not fun never meeting anyone to date.
peppermint my problem with online dating is I can go on a ton of dates and meet people but to what end? I know very few people who have actually had successful relationships through it beyond maybe a 2-3 month relationship. And I know a ton of people who have been doing it for years. I honestly wonder what it was like to date back in the early 90s or 80s. Did people find people easier? Were they more social? Did men really just ask you out for dinner like in the movies?
Post by Queen Mamadala on Jan 28, 2015 14:28:51 GMT -5
@pdx18
I get what you're saying about OLD. I spent 2.5 years in the OLD scene. My first OLD experience was through PoF, and I also tried OKC and Match. My favorite of the three was OKC by far. I went out on a lot of dates, met a lot of interesting people, and ended up in a few relationships along the way. But there were a ton of misses, too. There were times I liked it and other times that it felt exhausting and tedious.
However, online was the best medium for me for many reasons. I'm naturally an introvert, and at the time I had three kids, and everyone in my social circle was married with kids or divorced mothers. I am not the club or bar type, and don't have social circle outside mom friends. And it was extremely unlikely that I'd ever bump into my type at Trader Joe's, the grocery store, the movies, or while out running errands. I was extremely picky that even finding my type online was difficult, especially once I moved to So Cal. I had far better success with finding my type in metro/progressive areas.
Every man I've dated, including my high school boyfriend and first husband, I met online. Toward the end of my OLD journey I became rather disheartened until I came across my now DH's profile. We met on OKC. He had been on there for five years, off and on, and his two previous relationships started there, too. There are definitely successes, but for many it does take some time to find a compatible match that is the right fit.
Maybe because I have only done it for a little under a year, and I never dated before online dating was popular, but I don't really mind it that much. If I find out you lied about something though that is a deal breaker for me. I don't lie about anything on my profile, so I don't feel like I should have to accept that from anyone else. I feel like I do so much better online than IRL though with everything from friends to dating.
I reserve the right to change my mind after some more time spent here in Orlando, because I am finding that I had way better luck in Dallas than I do here. I am not sure if the difference is that there are just more people in Dallas or if there was a different kind of guy there that I was more compatible with.