Sorry about bailing last night. On top of everything I have a cold so I took some NyQuil and passed out.
The verdict is she's paying for the full order. I owe her $80 (don't ask) and she has $20 so she'll be paid up. She's grounded for a week and lost a surprise sleepover next weekend. She's also writing an apology note to the customer.
I had considered having her work it off in trade but frankly she sucks at chores. She's voluntarily cleaning her room and the boys' room so I'll keep that.
I was going to have her clean it up but I opted to send her to her room before I said something I regretted. It also gave me the opportunity to take pics .
She's generally a really really good kid, which is why I struggle with her punishments. She's kind and caring and would never do something like this intentionally. But that doesn't change the fact that everything ended up on the floor. H had mentioned possibly pulling her from the school play but she's so socially awkward that it would have done way more harm than good.
I think this sounds right. And I think sending her to her room before you said something awful is wise.
Even though she is a big kid, her brain is still not formed yet and she's just going to make bad decisions from time to time that lead to thing sort of thing. But you've given her a chance to make it right (paying up, note of apology) so she understands that her action have consequences.
I do like the idea of a boring lecture too, but I am not sure that would have been effective to my 9-year old self. It would just turn into a argument (I'd tune out, then parent would get frustrated, I'd get frustrated, escalation would ensue...)
But she is 9, if she'd broken an item at a store she would have to pay for it. Just because she did it at home to her Mon's work is no excuse. She is not a young kid she's a big girl and better she learn the lesson that choices have consequences now before it's about more serious life changing issues. Love and Logic, the consequence for breaking something is you pay for it or its replacement.
True. However, there is no amount of money that can replace the hours of labor and the fabulous cookie art her mom created. I don't know this child but sometimes I think giving forgiveness and reexplaining the rules can be a powerful lesson too. Consequences are important yes but so is the deliberate act of teaching forgiveness.
Sure, she can replace the number of hours exactly.
If mom put 20 hours into those cookies, kid should be doing 20 hours worth of work around the house that's on her level. Track it. Make it stuff she'd never ordinarily be doing. Reinforce that this is time of her mom's that was wasted because of her carelessness.
I'm totally with @helenabonhamcarter that there's forgiveness... but there's also ramifications.
Sorry about bailing last night. On top of everything I have a cold so I took some NyQuil and passed out.
The verdict is she's paying for the full order. I owe her $80 (don't ask) and she has $20 so she'll be paid up. She's grounded for a week and lost a surprise sleepover next weekend. She's also writing an apology note to the customer.
I had considered having her work it off in trade but frankly she sucks at chores. She's voluntarily cleaning her room and the boys' room so I'll keep that.
I was going to have her clean it up but I opted to send her to her room before I said something I regretted. It also gave me the opportunity to take pics .
She's generally a really really good kid, which is why I struggle with her punishments. She's kind and caring and would never do something like this intentionally. But that doesn't change the fact that everything ended up on the floor. H had mentioned possibly pulling her from the school play but she's so socially awkward that it would have done way more harm than good.
Sounds like appropriate consequences have been laid out I think you did the right things handling this.
I can't help it. I am rolling my eyes at the forgiveness "lesson". Forgiveness is an emotion. I can forgive people all day long but they still have to pay the consequences. And it's a lesson she needs to learn.
We forgive our children by loving them, caring for them, letting them know we won't be pissed at them forever and this too shall pass. We do not forgive them by absolving them of responsibility for their mistakes. She made a mistake in that she chose once again to be careless around her mother's work. We make our children atone for their mistakes in order to teach them to be more careful, most considerate.
Conflating forgiveness and absolution removes the impetus to make better choices later.
I get that it is not a popular opinion. I grew up in a home with a home based business. I was an uncoordinated and impulsive child. I screwed up a lot of my folks things, we were not well off. When I cost them/us money and I felt terrible. Really terrible. I scrubbed many a bathroom floor, got my share of spanking and screamed at, I don't think those things helped shape or change my behavior. Ultimately, just getting older, more coordinated and having a more developed forebrain helped. Clearly my views are shaped by the baggage I bring to this. I didn't mean to come off all polly anna. Consequences are important to mold behavior, agreed. I didn't know that this wasn't a first offense, and by all means if the money is needed to balance the budget then no AG doll.
But it's not an accident like she tripped over a container of cookies that was sitting by the front door. She deliberately climbed onto a counter, where she had no business being, and could probably see that her mom had put the cookies up there. This is not an issue of clumsiness. She deliberately broke a known rule.
Consequences are a part of our actions and she would do well to learn that now.
Sorry about bailing last night. On top of everything I have a cold so I took some NyQuil and passed out.
The verdict is she's paying for the full order. I owe her $80 (don't ask) and she has $20 so she'll be paid up. She's grounded for a week and lost a surprise sleepover next weekend. She's also writing an apology note to the customer.
I had considered having her work it off in trade but frankly she sucks at chores. She's voluntarily cleaning her room and the boys' room so I'll keep that.
I was going to have her clean it up but I opted to send her to her room before I said something I regretted. It also gave me the opportunity to take pics .
She's generally a really really good kid, which is why I struggle with her punishments. She's kind and caring and would never do something like this intentionally. But that doesn't change the fact that everything ended up on the floor. H had mentioned possibly pulling her from the school play but she's so socially awkward that it would have done way more harm than good.
You handled this so very well, IMO. I'd be freaking out still. I honestly have zero patience for when my kids make "mistakes" when they shouldn't have been doing something in the first place. Like, none. And by 9, she is old enough to understand your work is not to be messed with in any way shape or form. You work very hard on your jobs (I can see how much care was put into those cookies) and to have it ruined like that is awful, no matter how it happened, really. I'm sorry LP.
KA's long lecture advice is great if you think it'd work, my kids would glaze over after like two min. My teen is on the spectrum so it's such a tough line between what can be punished bc he knew better and what he literally can't help. Long winded lectures would be totally lost on him, he would have some wicked rational rebuttal, and I'd be left holding the bag. My twins are 4.5 and I couldn't get them to listen t a lecture if my life depended on it.
I'm sorry that happened, you're wicked talented and hard working, that must've sucked so hard to come downstairs to see that