I'm glad you made a decision you are comfortable with. You can always change your mind later.
FWIW, I've done both. DD1 didn't start preschool until DS was 1, but both my older kids were in school when DD2 was born. I didn't notice a difference with bonding, but my 3rd was much sicker than the other two. There wasn't much I could do about it though, so I don't have regrets or guilt. Do what you need to do.
Post by dulcemariamar on Feb 27, 2015 7:27:44 GMT -5
I think you should do what is easier for you. Would it be more PITA to take him there instead of keeping him home ? I think it is one of those situations where you don't know until the baby is here so I think it would be ok to just wait.
I am sorry about your son being sick a lot. I don't think your son will necessary be really sick all year when he starts school in September. I imagine that he hasn't been in some kind of bubble the last three years and have been around other kids.
I think you have a very interesting pediatrician and he and I would get along well. I wouldn't be up for the amount of work and planning to get to MDO. After the babies were born, I liked just bring at home with all of them.
I love my pedi. Love him. He's kind, warm, thoughtful, and very smart. My mom (a nurse) recommended him to me b/c they served on the hospital ethics board together. He's known my mom for 10 years. I believe he genuinely cares about my family's well-being.
I think you should do what is easier for you. Would it be more PITA to take him there instead of keeping him home ? I think it is one of those situations where you don't know until the baby is here so I think it would be ok to just wait.
I am sorry about your son being sick a lot. I don't think your son will necessary be really sick all year when he starts school in September. I imagine that he hasn't been in some kind of bubble the last three years and have been around other kids.
Yeah I was already leaning towards not taking him, so the pedi's recommendation was the clincher for me. The MDO program is a 20 min drive each way, so I would have about 2 hours alone with DD 2x a week after I took driving into account. We'll see how DD's temperament is, like @tokenhoser said I might be desperate to have just 1 child for a little while.
He has been around other kids. We do lots of play dates, he has lots of friends. 1 on 1 play dates his health is fine, but he gets sick after most (if not all) group play dates. Like the bouncy house place, the local skating rink, or birthday parties. My pedi knows this.
I think you should do what is easier for you. Would it be more PITA to take him there instead of keeping him home ? I think it is one of those situations where you don't know until the baby is here so I think it would be ok to just wait.
I am sorry about your son being sick a lot. I don't think your son will necessary be really sick all year when he starts school in September. I imagine that he hasn't been in some kind of bubble the last three years and have been around other kids.
Yeah I was already leaning towards not taking him, so the pedi's recommendation was the clincher for me. The MDO program is a 20 min drive each way, so I would have about 2 hours alone with DD 2x a week after I took driving into account. We'll see how DD's temperament is, like @tokenhoser said I might be desperate to have just 1 child for a little while.
He has been around other kids. We do lots of play dates, he has lots of friends. 1 on 1 play dates his health is fine, but he gets sick after most (if not all) group play dates. Like the bouncy house place, the local skating rink, or birthday parties. My pedi knows this.
I think the nap situation would be important for me in this situation. When I had my second, #1 still napped, so I was still getting a break with out MDO or preschool. That 20 minute car ride would mess up my kids naps for sure.
Yeah I was already leaning towards not taking him, so the pedi's recommendation was the clincher for me. The MDO program is a 20 min drive each way, so I would have about 2 hours alone with DD 2x a week after I took driving into account. We'll see how DD's temperament is, like @tokenhoser said I might be desperate to have just 1 child for a little while.
He has been around other kids. We do lots of play dates, he has lots of friends. 1 on 1 play dates his health is fine, but he gets sick after most (if not all) group play dates. Like the bouncy house place, the local skating rink, or birthday parties. My pedi knows this.
I think the nap situation would be important for me in this situation. When I had my second, #1 still napped, so I was still getting a break with out MDO or preschool. That 20 minute car ride would mess up my kids naps for sure.
I'm lucky, the MDO can be whatever hours I want between 9-2:30. So I would have sent him from 9-12 probably. So lunch after pickup, and home by his normal nap time of 1:30. DS is a good napper, usually 1:30-4.
I think the nap situation would be important for me in this situation. When I had my second, #1 still napped, so I was still getting a break with out MDO or preschool. That 20 minute car ride would mess up my kids naps for sure.
I'm lucky, the MDO can be whatever hours I want between 9-2:30. So I would have sent him from 9-12 probably. So lunch after pickup, and home by his normal nap time of 1:30. DS is a good napper, usually 1:30-4.
Awesome. DD goes to school 9-12 and then fells asleep on the 10 min ride home, totally ruining any chance of a nap. I go to great lengths to sing and tap her feet to keep her awake
Post by jeaniebueller on Feb 27, 2015 8:11:15 GMT -5
He also said he prefers, if possible, to have older children stay home with the new baby, so the whole family bonds together.
LMAO. Sorry, I would have gone nuts if DS hadn't gone to daycare a few days a week after DD was born. Even with what your ped is saying, I would start MDO now. You may want a break during the day.
This is the moment in my posts when I say something I think is benign, but it's actually not, and I get flamed to high heaven. So I'm not doing it this time.
Post by whereintheworld on Feb 27, 2015 9:10:35 GMT -5
I think it is gross that a professional would say that. My mental health is also important and I knew that to maintain some semblance of sanity, ward off PPD, etc., I needed to have some down time during the day with just the baby. We did FT daycare for my older kids any time we brought home a new baby.
If my pedi told me I should be keeping my 3yo, 15 month old baby and a newborn home to bond, I'd tell them to fuck off.
Post by carolinagirl831 on Feb 27, 2015 9:13:39 GMT -5
I think you're brave...... Dd who right now is at home, is starting MDO next week. I'm due April 22. I abosultely do not want her home all day long while i'm on maternity leave. I'm having a scheduled c section too and just want time to "rest" with the baby and not worry about DD all day long. I'm hoping MDO wears her out. I'm hoping having her start a month or so early will help her get used to germs, but either way shes going to get sick somewhat. She rarely gets sick now, i'm not too worried about it.
I think your pedi was just reaffirming what you were already leaning towards and making statements to support that.
I will also give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that if someone seemed to be leaning toward keeping an older child in an activity, his answer would be "Oh, it's so good for their socialization! They thrive on the extra attention and enjoy getting away from the stress of a baby!"
I think he blows smoke up your ass and that's part of why SG loves him. And that's fine, but surely it's not THAT hard to see how it would be a terrible thing to say to plenty of families.
I think your pedi was just reaffirming what you were already leaning towards and making statements to support that.
This is mine. Mine doesn't answer lifestyle questions (unless it's like, "Should I smoke with a kid in the house?") with his personal belief. He usually just tries to figure out a person is feeling and then validates it from there.
I bet if you had said, "I'm considering send DS to MDO to get a break and socialize him" you'd have received a completely different response.
I think your pedi was just reaffirming what you were already leaning towards and making statements to support that.
I will also give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that if someone seemed to be leaning toward keeping an older child in an activity, his answer would be "Oh, it's so good for their socialization! They thrive on the extra attention and enjoy getting away from the stress of a baby!"
I think he blows smoke up your ass and that's part of why SG loves him. And that's fine, but surely it's not THAT hard to see how it would be a terrible thing to say to plenty of families.
Ding ding ding!
I'm side eyeing a pedi who can make a determination that a kid has sharing down in a well visit. Sharing in a small, quiet room with adults is one thing, but sharing in a room full of peers is another.
Post by barefootcontessa on Feb 27, 2015 9:33:34 GMT -5
When you originally asked about this I said I would not do it because it would be too much work for the benefit. But now that I know you can have him there from 9-2:30 that changes my answer. I would take him, have him eat lunch there and put him down for a nap when I got home. IME experience it is not that hard to keep toddler/preschool germs away from a newborn. And if I found my older child was getting sick all the time you could always discontinue.
I think you have a very interesting pediatrician and he and I would get along well. I wouldn't be up for the amount of work and planning to get to MDO. After the babies were born, I liked just bring at home with all of them.
What? I quite honestly live for my kids a lot and really enjoy being home with them, having them around etc. So I'm not discounting you entirely.
However, it's not a cake walk. Sometimes I like to only take one kid to Target. Sometimes I just like having one kid at home so I can relax. Sometimes I want to cook dinner without 2 kids on my leg trying to help. I don't have an H that's around a lot, so my kids go to daycare because I need 8 minutes alone too.
It's not an all or nothing thing and that's what rubs me the wrong way with SGs pedi. Parenting doesn't have to be one constant extreme. Just the way he phrased it bothers me (and my pedi is pretty crunchy, has 5 kids. He really pushes the family bonding but he'd also be the first to ship my kids to DC..because well..reality).
And I'll be honest. I quite like SG but she has an H backstory that lives on in GBCN history. I think we're all promoting MDO to save her sanity as well.
He also said he prefers, if possible, to have older children stay home with the new baby, so the whole family bonds together.
LMAO. Sorry, I would have gone nuts if DS hadn't gone to daycare a few days a week after DD was born. Even with what your ped is saying, I would start MDO now. You may want a break during the day.
My Kid would have been nuts without DC when DS came along. She loved her friends, she loved that she got to do 3 year old things with other 3 year olds.
Like what was she going to do at home with me in the dead of Feb. with a NB? "Oohh...look sweetie. Mommy is tired. Let's sit here on the couch quitely and bond. It's so fun! Ohh...the baby is hungry. Why don't you sit here and watch the 11th hour of TV while I feed the baby for the 464336 time today again!"
Those first weeks aren't really a pleasurable romantic bonding experience, by any stretch!
I think you have a very interesting pediatrician and he and I would get along well. I wouldn't be up for the amount of work and planning to get to MDO. After the babies were born, I liked just bring at home with all of them.
Hey, you clicked on the wrong board. This is MM Moms. You want Drinking While Parenting.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Feb 27, 2015 10:05:59 GMT -5
I don't think SG's pedi is saying in any way that daycare/school/MDO programs are bad for older children, I also don't think he's criticizing households with two working parents. I think he is just reaffirming that for SG's family it is probably best that DS doesn't start right now. He currently has pneumonia & has been sick numerous times this winter. The comment about family bonding is just the positive for staying home, just like he would say the socialization/learning/etc are great about preschool. (He can't exactly say keeping him home will be awful but you have to grin & bear it.)
IMO that's a pedi's job, to help reassure the parents that they're doing a good job. I often say to my pedi "we're doing XYZ, that's what we should be doing right?" Take potty training for example, M is completely refusing & getting upset about it whenever we mention it so we're not pushing. I asked my pedi if that's the right approach, he said "absolutely, he'll do it in his own time on his terms. Don't push that will make it worse."
@supergreen - I forgot that DS has been frequently sick when I responded urging you to send him. I understand why you & your pedi thinking waiting would be best, at least until after his immune work up. You can always enroll in MDO later right? So if you decide later in the spring/summer that you want to send him you can. I can't remember, are your parents retried? Maybe they can take DS a few hours 1-2 times a week to give you a break similar to what you would have with MDO.
I am pinging on this poster for something other than the Hilary thread, but I can't for the life of me remember what it's about.
Core exercises? Unless I've confused her with someone else. @notquiteblushing, you were part of that convo, too.
Ding. I'm just thinking back to my three month old and what I could have done differently to "really work on his core." Poor kid I just sort of let him relax and be a newborn instead.
So I agree on the sickness thing but my eyes rolled out of my head at the whole "kids should stay home and bond with their siblings" thing. Really? There many families where this is simply not an option and frankly I don't think there that much benefit from having the kids together all the time. An MDO would less than 12 hours I think right? When I had my son my daughter pretty much stayed on the same schedule as usually because we had my nanny over my mat leave. Once I went back they were forced to spend much more time together and they both did worse for it. My daughter was much happier once she started a p/t program and had time on her own with peers.
I totally understand what everyone is saying with regard to keeping their older child in their current routine when new baby comes. That's exactly what I was leaning towards doing, and I'm sure my pedi recognized that and was being supportive, like Ashley&Scott said. He's been at home with me his whole life. No DC, MDO, babysitter (except my parents), nada. So we're gonna KOKO.
Great idea about having a weekly "grandparents day" Ashley&Scott! I hadn't thought of that. My dad is retired, but he's not a very active caregiver for DS, they just watch baseball together I'll see if my mom can swing taking him a day a week, that's a great idea.
This is not a question I would ever think to ask my pediatrician.
I don't really think it's an odd question for her pedi - she's concerned about her son & newborns health, she wants to know how enrolling in MDO/preschool might affect them both. If you don't ask your pedi who are you supposed to ask?
This is not a question I would ever think to ask my pediatrician.
I don't really think it's an odd question for her pedi - she's concerned about her son & newborns health, she wants to know how enrolling in MDO/preschool might affect them both. If you don't ask your pedi who are you supposed to ask?