@ I'm so tired of other parents

[summer]

I'm going to go off on a bitchy rant because I can here. Please forgive me.

I know we are all in this together as parents. I know that all of us are having a hard time connecting with new people.  I know how hard it is to make new friends at an older age and how relationships change once you have kids and sometimes you need a new circle. I have this problem myself. I have next to no friends here and I've been here 9 years.  It's hard being in a different country, especially in this particular one, and having to start your social circle over. I would love to have a new crew. It would make my life right now.  

But, you guys, I am soooooo tired of all of the other parents that keep wandering into my life because of my kids.  The parents at the school, the other moms at Girl Scouts, the people who want to set-up playdates AND stay on and have coffee together during the date,....all of it.  I Every time one of them comes up to me and suggests we have a coffee date, I want to stab them. Or myself. Or whatever will make them not want to have coffee with me. Every day there is a new one and they are all so fucking boring I could faint.  Is this what my life is now? Are these my options? No more cool, funny people like you guys?  Just people who talk about summer camp options, and what is wrong with the school, and girl scout badges? This is it???  

I was trying to put myself out there and went to a mom's night out last weekend with an overseas "mom support group", which I've done before so I know better and it was ....sigh.  It was such a waste of time.  These are women who have lived all over the world and probably done amazing things and every other sentence was about their kids no matter how I tried to steer the conversation differently.  The other ones who didn't talk about their kids all night were alcoholic-ish and weird in that way that expats are weird (you other expats know exactly what I mean).  

I probably suck, or am super picky, or just an asshole, but dammit, I love all of you people, I love all my friends back home so I can't be hopeless.  

**bangs head on desk*** I don't want to be this person old, boring, parent person that they are making me be.  I'm turning 40 this year. Maybe I need to buy a red convertible.

End rant.  I probably am making no sense. 

[Jermys]

I get you. When I have time with friends I'm fine with a little kid chat, but can we please for the love of the baby Jesus talk about current events or music or art or anything that doesn't involve poop, pooping on the potty, sharing, time outs, Caillou, or Barbies?

[iammalcolmx]

What about the military people? They aren't fun? Most all the Delta agents there are Americans and they seem fun at checkin.
Fine we will go to Africa via Frankfurt, let me figure it out.

[2curlydogs]

No, you summarize why every time I think about joining a mom group I immediately think "but... i generally don't like other moms".

This is also the reason why I work (well, and money). For 8 hours a day I get to engage with adults about something other than my kids. I mean, sometimes we talk about kid, but it's not the only thing.

[readyin07]

I'm sorry. I am in a really lonely place right now so I would gladly take coffee with anyone who cared to have coffee with me. I don't even drink coffee, but I would for socialization I probably don't sound that interesting either. SAHM, too broke to travel much, but I do have opinions if I'm asked it's hard when you don't know someone to get onto topics that are more "interesting" and less safe.

[downtoearth]

Oh, I hear you! I moved from my core friends in CO (wish I was going to the GTG and CO) about 3 years ago and it's been tough finding my new people.

When I was invited to a new book club last week, I got excited b/c "Yea, new women who seem cool and so what if we all have K-3rd graders at the same school!" Nope, I go tomorrow night and am now dreading it b/c the other ladies have already started talking about reading parenting books. Who wants to read parenting books as a group?!

[summer]

Feb 25, 2015 17:09:12 GMT -5 iammalcolmx said:

What about the military people? They aren't fun? Most all the Delta agents there are Americans and they seem fun at checkin.
Fine we will go to Africa via Frankfurt, let me figure it out.

You stop it! I already love you. I need people who live here. :-) And you can't move here cuz I need your Netflix.

I am sure there are plenty of cool people. It's partly my fault that I live in hoodies and most of my adult interaction comes from my kids' social calendars.

Don't pay me no mind.

[readyin07]

Feb 25, 2015 17:13:42 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

Oh, I hear you! I moved from my core friends in CO (wish I was going to the GTG and CO) about 3 years ago and it's been tough finding my new people.

When I was invited to a new book club last week, I got excited b/c "Yea, new women who seem cool and so what if we all have K-3rd graders at the same school!" Nope, I go tomorrow night and am now dreading it b/c the other ladies have already started talking about reading parenting books. Who wants to read parenting books as a group?!

Well that is just stupid!

[IIOY]

You know where I stand on all of this.

::hugs::

[KateAggie]

I hear you, I totally do. But you never know who you will click with. I've sat through many a boring coffee or playdate, but it can so pay off when it's finally with the right person. It's like dating. So many duds, and then   (idea).  By no means do you have to yes every time.  Just don't totally isolate yourself.  

[downtoearth]

Feb 25, 2015 17:15:35 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Feb 25, 2015 17:13:42 GMT -5 downtoearth said:

Oh, I hear you! I moved from my core friends in CO (wish I was going to the GTG and CO) about 3 years ago and it's been tough finding my new people.

When I was invited to a new book club last week, I got excited b/c "Yea, new women who seem cool and so what if we all have K-3rd graders at the same school!" Nope, I go tomorrow night and am now dreading it b/c the other ladies have already started talking about reading parenting books. Who wants to read parenting books as a group?!

Well that is just stupid!

Thank you!  I'm so out after the first night of chocolate and wine if that is the case.

[summer]

Feb 25, 2015 17:23:15 GMT -5 KateAggie said:

I hear you, I totally do. But you never know who you will click with. I've sat through many a boring coffee or playdate, but it can so pay off when it's finally with the right person. It's like dating. So many duds, and then   (idea).  By no means do you have to yes every time.  Just don't totally isolate yourself.  

I know you're right which is why I keep doing it. It's easier with dating because even the boring ones are cute to look at and sometimes there is sex!

[meshaliuknits]

Feb 25, 2015 17:09:09 GMT -5 Jermys said:

I get you. When I have time with friends I'm fine with a little kid chat, but can we please for the love of the baby Jesus talk about current events or music or art or anything that doesn't involve poop, pooping on the potty, sharing, time outs, Caillou, or Barbies?

ESPECIALLY!!!

[ttt]

You are definitely making sense. I know that feeling so well, even though our situations are very different.

[darnkatz]

: crying silently in corner :

I feel like all I talk about are my kids. Because I stay at home and have no fucking life. I'm so boring.

[heyjude]

I was where you are. Then my DD switched schools a little over a year ago and I dont know how it happened but I met the neatest people through her new school. But none of it happened through coffee dates. I don't think I can really be myself on a coffee date with a new person. I think relationships have to be more organic than that. So if the coffee dates aren't working, maybe try a new approach?

[summer]

Feb 25, 2015 17:48:17 GMT -5 darnkatz said:

: crying silently in corner :

I feel like all I talk about are my kids. Because I stay at home and have no fucking life. I'm so boring.

I am stay at home, too. But you aren't boring! I hope I'm not either. It's just it can swallow you alive if you let it. At least that's how it feels to me sometimes. I feel like my old self got swallowed up and I got no warning and didn't get to say goodbye to her. And now I just wear hoodies and talk about afterschool programs.

I'm just frustrated. Please you guys, don't feel bad.

[eponinepontmercy]

I talk about DD a lot, but mostly because I'm so anxious in social settings and that's a topic for me to fall back on.

[darnkatz]

Feb 25, 2015 18:02:23 GMT -5 summer said:

Feb 25, 2015 17:48:17 GMT -5 darnkatz said:

: crying silently in corner :

I feel like all I talk about are my kids. Because I stay at home and have no fucking life. I'm so boring.

I am stay at home, too. But you aren't boring! I hope I'm not either. It's just it can swallow you alive if you let it. At least that's how it feels to me sometimes. I feel like my old self got swallowed up and I got no warning and didn't get to say goodbye to her. And now I just wear hoodies and talk about afterschool programs.

I'm just frustrated. Please you guys, don't feel bad.

It kind of feels like it's swallowing me alive, and I need to claw my way out. I had DD1 when I was just shy of nineteen. I barely remember my old self, and that old self has no place in this life regardless because she was a teenager (yikes). So I'm just kind of floating around selfless, minus my mom identity. It's strange and I hate it. I want to talk about politics and traveling and all matter of other things but all I end up talking about is cooking (which feels all-consuming sometimes because I have to be creative with money and I'm bored as shit), which makes me want to punch myself in the face, and my kids. It doesn't help that my only other adult contact during the day usually is my husband, who doesn't get home until 7:30PM.

I need an adult. STAT! And a hobby. And a life.

[Jermys]

Feb 25, 2015 17:48:17 GMT -5 darnkatz said:

: crying silently in corner :

I feel like all I talk about are my kids. Because I stay at home and have no fucking life. I'm so boring.

I feel the same way.  

[Jermys]

Feb 25, 2015 18:02:23 GMT -5 summer said:

Feb 25, 2015 17:48:17 GMT -5 darnkatz said:

: crying silently in corner :

I feel like all I talk about are my kids. Because I stay at home and have no fucking life. I'm so boring.

I am stay at home, too. But you aren't boring! I hope I'm not either. It's just it can swallow you alive if you let it. At least that's how it feels to me sometimes. I feel like my old self got swallowed up and I got no warning and didn't get to say goodbye to her. And now I just wear hoodies and talk about afterschool programs.

I'm just frustrated. Please you guys, don't feel bad.

Yes!  Sometimes I look at myself and I'm like whoa, where did the fun chick go?  (wearingahoodierightthisveryminute)

Realistically, I know I'm still fun and have things to say, but damn.  And finding new friends is the pits.

[earlgreyhot]

It's so hit or miss with moms. I have been really lucky but even I go through phases where I hate all the other moms. There's a sibling-like element to befriending other parents. You're kinda stuck with who you get and so it makes it easier if you get along. But also, it's really hard to not talk about the creatures who are literally begging you for a snack.

[itsme]

I feel you although I'm not in the same situation.

I moved away from my core group of friends (although still not that far away) and between everyone having kids and us leaving the local vicinity we started to be those boring people that didn't have friends. We moved in 2008 and I am just now starting to make friends in my city (thanks to the gym) and am connecting with some coworkers who live locally.

I don't like a lot of people. Well, to hang out with. I am easy going but meeting people and getting to the point where I think it would be cool to hang out is far and few between. I don't talk about my kids often and brag and do all that. They don't consume my conversation. They may consume my life because that's what they do (can't make a decision without thinking of them) but I need a break from them all the time. When I talk about them it's real shiz, not sugar coated crap. I tell it like it is. People have found my way of talking about my kids refreshing because I tell it like it is with them. No I didnt automatically love my kids when they came out. I thought I loved one but then I saw her face and she just wasn't cute and I was disappointed. I break the rules on that.

Anyway, that really sucks and hopefully one of your dates pans out.

[IIOY]

I'm wearing a hoodie. What's the problem?  

It's funny, but it never actually occurs to me that I might be a boring person IRL, mostly because I have a good sense of humor and a decent grasp of current events, so if push comes to shove, I can fake it, at least in the short term.  Frankly, that's a big part of the reason I keep up with current events - it gives me something to talk about that doesn't involve the kids or dust bunnies or loads of laundry or my latest eye shadow purchase.  It also helps that I hate people and limit my interaction.

ETA: I intended to quote Jermys. 

[ECB]

I understand. I really do!

It's interesting, though. This is kind of to what heyjude said about switching schools- you just can't predict how/when youll find the right people. We got really lucky w/ where we moved. Especially as DS is an only. We have a great neighborhood w/ a good # of kids the same age. Then, also through his preschool class and even now in K, I've met some really cool moms. We DON'T only talk about our kids. We have fun and do fun things that aren't always kid related. We'll all get sitters sometimes and go out for an adult night.

But a couple of my friends have younger kids and they've said that they haven't found ANY of this w/ their younger kids. They aren't meeting cool moms through school or what have you.

I don't know what happened, but TRUST ME, I and all my friends know how lucky we are to have found one another.

So- my point - I really do hope, for you, that there are some cool moms out there wiating to meet you. And yes, maybe try a new approach! If the old stuff isn't working, try something new.

Good luck.

[hi725]

I feel exactly the same way. My closest friends are two women with no children, and I hate hanging out with other moms. I actually get anxious when my kids get play date invites because I have to socialize.

[stephm0188]

I get it, I really do. I volunteer at school a lot (yeah, yeah, I know, I'm one of them!) and I'm happy whenever the workroom is empty. I'm tired of "What grade is your child in? Who is his teacher? What are the ages of your other kids? Just one? What activities is he in? Did you request a teacher for next year?" I don't want to chat about that.

I think it's just that kids tend to be common ground. It really is like dating. I have managed to make some good friends because of my volunteer stuff, which is cool. But yeah, I'm tired of feeling like I'm at an interview every time I'm at some kid related function.

[Deleted]

Feb 25, 2015 17:48:17 GMT -5 darnkatz said:

: crying silently in corner :

I feel like all I talk about are my kids. Because I stay at home and have no fucking life. I'm so boring.

You've got to have something else--TV? An occasional news story? The weather? There's always something if you try.

[chw57]

I can't handle mom groups. My friend from college lives nearby and had introduced me to all her new mom friends and I just can't

[origami]

Well, I'm about 9 months into feeling your pain. I have zero people here that I consider close friends. A lot of acquaintance-level friends, some marginally above that. No one I would call up to go do something with. I have a lot of fun hanging out with the women I meet, even though it's at a kind of superficial level. The idea of hanging out with a bunch of moms talking about kids gives me hives.

LOL @ weird expats. They probably aren't the best for you anyway b/c they're probably mostly transient, right? wait, what am I saying? I wish I could transiate my ass over there