Post by Alwaysabridesmaidf on Feb 27, 2015 8:16:04 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. He's such a douche. You can feel however you want to feel and it is totally justified. Whether or not you are better off without him, this is a loss for you. And you are allowed to mourn and not beat yourself up. You're beautiful and smart and most definitely better off without him. Try to remember that when times get rough.
Sometimes, when I feel really shitty, I go in my car, blast a sad song and scream. It helps to release it. I recommend doing it where no one else can see though.
Big hugs. It sucks that you're struggling now and dealing with all of the leftover bullshit from his asshole ways. Every day you're one day closer to really moving on and being able to say that you are 100% free from him and his bullshit!
I am so sorry you are hurting. I had to stop listening to anything other than talk radio after my separation because every song was a trigger, so I definitely think the podcasts are a great idea. It's going to hurt for a while but as you start building your independent life you will start to see all the good that is coming and it will make the sadness fade.
I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said, but I am so sorry you are going through this. It's unfair. Take care of you, and do come here to vent to us. We are here for you. ((everyjuan))
Trust me, everyjuan when you come out the other side of all this, things are going to be great. You are going to be even more awesome (if thats even possible) and life will be better. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will. *hugs*
Post by somersault72 on Feb 27, 2015 9:25:58 GMT -5
I'm so sorry. I ugly cried on my way home for work for quite awhile when I was going through my divorce. One of the things I did was I would literally say "it's going to be ok" over and over when I was overwhelmed. It actually did make me feel a little better. I know you've got this, but being in the thick of it is so fucking hard. (((HUGS)))
The idea of dating terrifies me, omg. This did not help.
Lol. I can relate, I did something along these lines a few months after splitting with my XH, because I wasn't ready to date but I was really curious what it would be like when I did. It was scary.
But when I actually was ready to date, it wasn't as scary. There were of course stupid messages and weirdos, but I also got a lot of messages from seemingly nice guys and then met my BF, who is perfect for me and I've been dating almost a year and a half. So it does work out. I never thought it was going to be ok as far as dating went, and that I'd likely end up alone, but that totally DIDNT happen. WHEN you are ready, you will get out there and probably have your ups and downs like everyone, but it will be fine. And eventually (whether online or not) you'll meet someone else who you love even more than you loved your XH. All of that will come in due time. Try not to add to your stress now by worrying about it.
There is definitely a grief process involved in divorce. For me I really think it was less about losing the person and more about losing my life as I had built it and how I expected it to be. To be completely honest, I still grieve sometimes that I am a 32 year old divorcee renting my tiny outdated house and I don't have my shit together at all, especially when I "had it together" a few years ago. But I don't miss my XH one drop. It does get better, probably much sooner than you expect, and I think it's healthy and normal to grieve.
You are great. He is the suck. Ultimately, you will continue on becoming and feeling greater and greater, and he will sink into the mire that is his revolting existence. I look forward to that day, for you.
I mourned for what could have been. I looked at my XH and mourned for what I knew our marriage could be and what our family could be. That hurt more than anything else. Like why not me? What did I do wrong? Could I have done something different? It took time but I realized it never could have been what I had wished it to be.
As for dating, I was right where you are. I went out on a few dates to get over the fear 2 months after he left and then shut that part down for awhile while I worked on me. I went full force into it again, got into a pattern with a few regulars but now just need to back off and work on me again because it's clear I'm not ready for a full blown relationship. My XH moved out 2 years ago April and we've been divorced since June last year.
Thanks so much, everyone. I have been kind of freaking out this morning, and reading these made me feel better.
I woke up early and spent extra time getting ready and ate a good breakfast. I'm listening to a mix CD that my friend made me. After we meet for taxes, I'm going to treat myself to coffee and go to Target to pick out a dress or something cute to hang on my bedroom wall. I think I might also grab a bottle of wine to have later.
Thanks for the love and support. You guys are wonderful.