Post by mamaalysson on Mar 3, 2015 13:40:59 GMT -5
Anyone have any good tips or resources for dealing with a headstrong, almost 5-year-old who just.won't.listen? Putting her on the curb with a "FREE" sign seems inappropriate...
I can commiserate DD will be 5 in June and it is horrible, every morning it is a huge fiasco getting her to cooperate with me to get out the door, and she is super sassy. Of course when dh takes a turn she is a perfect little princess. Good thing she is cute!
(mom of a three year old turning 4 soon both of whom lost there shot yesterday for very very trivial reasons but the preschooler started it)
3 was awful. Just awful. Not helped by having a newborn. 4 has been so much better. But just in the few weeks, maybe month, she has all this sass and attitude. We tell her to do something (or stop doing something), she says no and/or flat out ignores us. It's bad.
Behavior issues seem to precede mental leaps for us. Right before I sell her to a circus she all of the sudden learns something new and matures a lot. Four over all is fun but the sass, constant chatter, and opinions on everything is exhausting.
They all kind of suck in their own way but they all are awesome in their own way, too. Right now the 3.5 year old is is entering the lying & sneaking phase. The 6.5 year old is bossy and dramatic and prone to tears.
DS turns 5 in May. I am right there with you. I am so sick of the backtalk and just absolute refusal to do what he's told. We've tried positive reinforcement, we've tried taking away things, we've tried extra one on one time with each of us. I hadn't thought about putting him out with a free sign on him, but that's not a bad idea...
DS turns 5 in May. I am right there with you. I am so sick of the backtalk and just absolute refusal to do what he's told. We've tried positive reinforcement, we've tried taking away things, we've tried extra one on one time with each of us. I hadn't thought about putting him out with a free sign on him, but that's not a bad idea...
Right? I mean, DD Is super cute and full of character...I'm sure she would go to a good home...
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Mar 3, 2015 14:54:17 GMT -5
Haha Lala, mine are close to opposite ages exhibiting those behaviors...my 5.5 year old is lying, trying out bad words, sneaking. My 3.5 year old is dramatic, bossy, WHINY, and prone to tears with the occasional nuclear 3 year old tantrum thrown in.
They all kind of suck in their own way but they all are awesome in their own way, too. Right now the 3.5 year old is is entering the lying & sneaking phase. The 6.5 year old is bossy and dramatic and prone to tears.
Totally. DD2 has been in the terrible twos since she turned 1. And it is harder now that she not only knows what she wants, but can articulate that. And then freaks if she doesn't get it. But at the same time, being able to communicate with her helps to head off some of the tantrums. In contrast, DD1 is 7 and doesn't have as many of the draining behavioral issues, but more of the emotional stuff. There is a little girl that she is friends with at school that I wish she wouldn't be, but I can't pick her friends. This little girl is bossy and can be mean and push DD1 around. DD1 is a real go with the flow kid and it kills me to hear about that. We talk to her about appropriate behavior, how friends should treat us and how we treat others, and how it can be fun to play with new kids and be their friends too. But at the end of the day, I am not on the play ground to help her and that is hard.
Cliche but I'm going back to 123 Magic for now. I realized part of the problem wasn't that I didn't know how to discipline them per se, but I was getting too emotional/mad and then was prone to yelling. So, I'm back to counting and not saying much else. I don't love a strict time out, but we do a "break" on the chair or their room.
Um, you guys, you suck at this. ;-) Where are the wise sages with all the answers to solve all the behavior problems?
Busy day drinking because my 4 year old drives me to it.
really the trick is all the fucking choices. "We need to get ready for school,should we do our hair or get dressed first?" Make doing things you want to a game. Chores for$.Drink all of the wine. That's all I got.
Um, you guys, you suck at this. ;-) Where are the wise sages with all the answers to solve all the behavior problems?
Busy day drinking because my 4 year old drives me to it.
really the trick is all the fucking choices. "We need to get ready for school,should we do our hair or get dressed first?" Make doing things you want to a game. Chores for$.Drink all of the wine. That's all I got.
Choices worked great until my kid figured out how to say " I don't want any of those things".
Cliche but I'm going back to 123 Magic for now. I realized part of the problem wasn't that I didn't know how to discipline them per se, but I was getting too emotional/mad and then was prone to yelling. So, I'm back to counting and not saying much else. I don't love a strict time out, but we do a "break" on the chair or their room.
This is where I am. I'm pretty calm the first two times I have to tell her the same thing, but by the third I'm frustrated and I yell. And then she sort of listens. And then as it goes on throughout the day, I don't trust her to be doing what she is supposed to so I snap at her for things that shouldn't illicit a snapping. And then I just feel crappy. I feel like it's been a while since she and I really and truly had a fun day. We've had fun moments, but not a whole fun day.
Busy day drinking because my 4 year old drives me to it.
really the trick is all the fucking choices. "We need to get ready for school,should we do our hair or get dressed first?" Make doing things you want to a game. Chores for$.Drink all of the wine. That's all I got.
Choices worked great until my kid figured out how to say " I don't want any of those things".
Sigh.
Seriously. Choices make things worse around here. Especially when it comes to food!!
"I'm hungry."
"Okay DD. You can have grapes or cheese"
"But I don't WANT those. I want craaaacccckeeerrrsss..."
"Not an option right now. You can have grapes or cheese."
*cue DD stomping off and whining about how it's not fair and she wants crackers. Lots of time in tears.*
So yeah. Choices are bad. Telling her not everything on life is a choice actually works better!
Choices worked great until my kid figured out how to say " I don't want any of those things".
Sigh.
Seriously. Choices make things worse around here. Especially when it comes to food!!
"I'm hungry."
"Okay DD. You can have grapes or cheese"
"But I don't WANT those. I want craaaacccckeeerrrsss..."
"Not an option right now. You can have grapes or crackers."
*cue DD stomping off and whining about how it's not fair and she wants crackers. Lots of time in tears.*
So yeah. Choices are bad. Telling her not everything on life is a choice actually works better!
Yep, choices used to work great, especially combined with counting. "DD, I'm counting to 3 and you can choose to clean your room or I will do it for you, but you will lose the toys I clean up." Count to 3. "I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING!!!" Start to clean up toys. "DON'T EVEN TOUCH MY STUFFFFFF!!!!" Oy.
Or, this literally just happened while I was typing this. "Mom, can I have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" "Sure, on toast or regular bread?" "Regular bread." "You're sure? Regular bread?" "Yes." Made her the sandwich. "I WANTED TOAST!!!!" Meltdown. Still happening.
Choices worked great until my kid figured out how to say " I don't want any of those things".
Sigh.
Seriously. Choices make things worse around here. Especially when it comes to food!!
"I'm hungry."
"Okay DD. You can have grapes or cheese"
"But I don't WANT those. I want craaaacccckeeerrrsss..."
"Not an option right now. You can have grapes or cheese."
*cue DD stomping off and whining about how it's not fair and she wants crackers. Lots of time in tears.*
So yeah. Choices are bad. Telling her not everything on life is a choice actually works better!
That is actually a really good point and is making me pause to consider if many of the discipline strategies (the general) we employ are actually just short-term fixes that make things worse in the long run. Like that whole "redirection" thing everyone does with young toddlers? Not so great when you have to re-program your 3 year old not to expect a snack or shiny object every time something doesn't go his way...
choices really helped my strong willed DD and myself not get in power struggles. terrible 2's started at 18 months for me and each year has gotten progressively worse. The last few months though really haven't been that bad.
4 is just different. At 3 my kid was pretty compliant. At 4 she is realizing she has opinions that are different from mine. She's becoming her own little person. It's a good thing, really. It just makes life more difficult than I want it to sometimes. Most of the time she's happy and pleasant and hilarious. The good outweighs the bad! There are just highs and lows and the lows are extremely low at this age.
Choices worked great until my kid figured out how to say " I don't want any of those things".
Sigh.
Seriously. Choices make things worse around here. Especially when it comes to food!!
"I'm hungry."
"Okay DD. You can have grapes or cheese"
"But I don't WANT those. I want craaaacccckeeerrrsss..."
"Not an option right now. You can have grapes or cheese."
*cue DD stomping off and whining about how it's not fair and she wants crackers. Lots of time in tears.*
So yeah. Choices are bad. Telling her not everything on life is a choice actually works better!
When my kid responds with "I want crackers" I say "that's not a choice you have right now. You can have a banana of apple. If you don't want to choose I will choose for you". If the kid chooses, great. If not I make the choice. They can choose whether they want to eat what I put out or wait until the next meal. They learned pretty quick not to pull the "I want something else" crap.
Seriously. Choices make things worse around here. Especially when it comes to food!!
"I'm hungry."
"Okay DD. You can have grapes or cheese"
"But I don't WANT those. I want craaaacccckeeerrrsss..."
"Not an option right now. You can have grapes or cheese."
*cue DD stomping off and whining about how it's not fair and she wants crackers. Lots of time in tears.*
So yeah. Choices are bad. Telling her not everything on life is a choice actually works better!
When my kid responds with "I want crackers" I say "that's not a choice you have right now. You can have a banana of apple. If you don't want to choose I will choose for you". If the kid chooses, great. If not I make the choice. They can choose whether they want to eat what I put out or wait until the next meal. They learned pretty quick not to pull the "I want something else" crap.
This is all well and good, and is the language we use (and have always used) with her. The problem is that this exchange now ends in tantrumming and tears. Or, more likely lately, her sneaking into the cupboard when I am busy with something else and getting the crackers anyway. Or, when she is feeling particularly ballsy, crossing her arms, sticking out her chin, stomping past me to the cupboard to get it herself, dripping sass and attitude the whole way. What then?
When my kid responds with "I want crackers" I say "that's not a choice you have right now. You can have a banana of apple. If you don't want to choose I will choose for you". If the kid chooses, great. If not I make the choice. They can choose whether they want to eat what I put out or wait until the next meal. They learned pretty quick not to pull the "I want something else" crap.
This is all well and good, and is the language we use (and have always used) with her. The problem is that this exchange now ends in tantrumming and tears. Or, more likely lately, her sneaking into the cupboard when I am busy with something else and getting the crackers anyway. Or, when she is feeling particularly ballsy, crossing her arms, sticking out her chin, stomping past me to the cupboard to get it herself, dripping sass and attitude the whole way. What then?
I guess we are lucky in the fact that my cupboards are about 5.5 feet up so kids can't reach them. I would be inclined to move those desirable food items on top of the fridge or somewhere they can't ever be reached. I give sass a choice too. You can use nice words and stay out spending time with your family or you can go in your room and talk back all you want. Honestly maybe I'm just lucky but as long as I am firm, consistent and never give the kid their way they learned pretty quickly tantrumming over food didn't end well.
When my kid responds with "I want crackers" I say "that's not a choice you have right now. You can have a banana of apple. If you don't want to choose I will choose for you". If the kid chooses, great. If not I make the choice. They can choose whether they want to eat what I put out or wait until the next meal. They learned pretty quick not to pull the "I want something else" crap.
This is all well and good, and is the language we use (and have always used) with her. The problem is that this exchange now ends in tantrumming and tears.
**let it...she's allowed to be disappointed...if it's too disruptive, she can be upset in her room
Or, more likely lately, her sneaking into the cupboard when I am busy with something else and getting the crackers anyway.
**snack goes away, she goes to timeout for disobeying/lying (whatever you consider it)
Or, when she is feeling particularly ballsy, crossing her arms, sticking out her chin, stomping past me to the cupboard to get it herself, dripping sass and attitude the whole way.
**timeout for attitude then a discussion about proper attitudes and why mommy gave the choices she did (healthy options and all that)
Maybe at a different time (if snack is constantly a problem), you could sit down with her and make a list of "anytime snacks" likes fruits and vegetables...so she knows what is always an option. I don't always like to pick between only two things.,,maybe if she has a picture list of all the healthy things, she may put up less of a fight??