Post by ilikedonuts on Mar 13, 2015 17:01:28 GMT -5
All your husband needs to do is call her tonight and be like "hey we heard dinner was pushed to 7. Unforunately we really need to get the baby to bed at her normal time so we won't be able to make it. You know what a mess she was when we didn't last week. Thanks for thinking of Odonata on her birthday. We'll catch up another time."
Lots of babies aren't flexible. There is nothing wrong with that. Your mom's response is dumb. What does she want you to do? let your baby cry to make her more flexible? A birthday dinner is not life and death. There is no reason to make a baby cry and be overtired and unhappy for something like a birthday dinner.
I always want to make sure I'm in the right with ANYTHING concerning MIL, because WARS have been fought over the stupidest shit with her. It makes me second guess everything.
One thing you have to remember- you can't control your MILs feelings. Let her be mad. THat's on her. Not you. Live your lives as you need to live them. She'll get pissed but she'll also learn that having hissy fits won't give her what she wants.
Post by ilikedonuts on Mar 13, 2015 17:04:04 GMT -5
I think there is a good chance your MIL will still try to drag it out until later even if she initially agrees to change the time. I remember crap you've posted about her on here. Maybe I'm just pessimistic though...
I think there is a good chance your MIL will still try to drag it out until later even if she initially agrees to change the time. I remember crap you've posted about her on here. Maybe I'm just pessimistic though...
It is my history with her that makes little issues like this so much bigger. It's like I second guess everything now and its sad. If this was anyone else in the world, I would be like "sorry, that's bedtime but we'll come over for a bit but must leave by 7" end of story.
I think there is a good chance your MIL will still try to drag it out until later even if she initially agrees to change the time. I remember crap you've posted about her on here. Maybe I'm just pessimistic though...
It is my history with her that makes little issues like this so much bigger. It's like I second guess everything now and its sad. If this was anyone else in the world, I would be like "sorry, that's bedtime but we'll come over for a bit but must leave by 7" end of story.
It is my history with her that makes little issues like this so much bigger. It's like I second guess everything now and its sad. If this was anyone else in the world, I would be like "sorry, that's bedtime but we'll come over for a bit but must leave by 7" end of story.
We have to pick our battles to keep the peace.
Not when it comes at the expense of your child.
Right. Totally. I wanted to make sure, though, that I wasn't being too overbearing being that I'm a new mom. I mean, maybe bedtimes were something I should lighten up on? I can always rely on you guys to let me know!
H called on his way home from work and I told him "so dinner is at 7". He immediately said "I'll call and let her know we'll be leaving by 8:00 the latest, so she can either do dinner at 5 or have us leave early." He knows the drill. lol.
I always want to make sure I'm in the right with ANYTHING concerning MIL, because WARS have been fought over the stupidest shit with her. It makes me second guess everything.
You and I have the same MIL! I use to care what the bitch thought, now she can go fuck herself. My kid, my rules.
H called and said "hey, dinner at 7 does not work with bedtime. We need to be home by 8"
MIL: "Well, N doesn't get home from work until 7, so I don't know how much earlier I can start dinner. I don't know what to tell ya."
H: "Sure. Whatever you guys wanna do, but we're going to be leaving by 8, just to let you know, so you're not shocked when we eat and run."
So plan: Go at 5, be merry and appreciative of my b-day dinner, and leave for bedtime. We're skipping bath at 7, but should be OK as long as she's in a quiet place to settle by 8.
Can they bring the birthday dinner and festivities to you at your home instead? Seems like that could solve the problem...
I suppose I could ask- but dinner would still not be until 7 because that's when BIL would get here. So I would be doing bath/bedtime during that. We have a really small house and the "social" area is right under her bedroom and the steps. Not sure how that would work.
And BIL and his GF are really allergic to my cats - so they hardly come over.
AND MIL wouldn't go for it - we've tried to have things at our house but it must always be at her place. Always.
I like how YOUR birthday dinner revolves around someone else entirely.
LOL. I know, right?
Because I'm her bastard DIL and her sons are her L I F E.
She was all like "well, I don't know what to tell you" like her hands were tied with the dinner time because of BIL.
Apparently, I can miss my birthday dinner, but BIL can't. Oh no. lol.
OH, and so tonight sealed the deal that I"m not f-ing with bedtime. H comes home late b/c he coaches LAX after school so he hardly sees A. I was cooking him dinner while he played with A and like a switch, right at 7:15, she became a cranky crying mess. Wailing. Would not calm down.
It was like trying to dress a deranged fish out of water to get her ready for bed in and her sleep suit. A minute or so of rocking to calm her down, her pacifier, and she was out by 7:45. I go to H "THAT is what we would have to deal with in the middle of dinner tomorrow. And like hell I'm going to force her to stay awake."
You do realize you can just say no to the whole thing?
Yes. I do. I've thought about it.
But the drama it would cause. I hate this family.
BIL's GF even texted tonight and was like "Sooo, what did MIL say when you told her about bedtime? " because she KNOWS it's going to be a cluster fuck.
You're giving her license to keep doing this. It's YOUR birthday. Tell her your having a small celebration at home and she's welcome to come over. Done and done!
I don't get this whole thing. Obviously.
Well, my birthday was last week but they were out of town. So she wants to throw me a birthday dinner since they missed it.
Technically...it's not my birthday. But she's doing something nice for me and the last time she did something nice and we had a slight issue it was WWIII. I was praying we would be disowned, but no such luck.
DD had a strict bedtime of 7 since she was 3 months old. Even now at 20 months, she still has that bedtime. Even if we weren't that strict on it, she would be sure to let us know it was 7 and bedtime if we tried to keep her up past that.
Yeah, if it was just a dinner over there, I'd just tell her you have to leave by 7 and hang out for awhile before dinner then go, no sweat. But since she's hosting the dinner for you, I agree it's kind of weird to leave before the actual dinner. Of course you could still do that, but I would assume she'd prefer to host the dinner at a different time or on a different date so you can be there.
Yeah, right? lol. If she's fussing at 7 like she was tonight, I'll be home putting her to bed while BIL eats my b-day dinner. lol.
I feel like you're making this harder than it is. You also seem to waffle a lot on your thoughts and what you're going to do. You have a kid now. Things are different. Your MIL can either accept that and adapt or she can keep doing what she's always been doing. You don't need to follow her lead though. I would leave by 7 and not a minute later.
I feel like you're making this harder than it is. You also seem to waffle a lot on your thoughts and what you're going to do. You have a kid now. Things are different. Your MIL can either accept that and adapt or she can keep doing what she's always doing it. You don't need to follow her lead though. I would leave by 7 and not a minute later.
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Well, I already said a while ago what we were doing - leaving when it's her bedtime. That hasn't changed.
I'm not that strict with bedtime. If we stay out late DDs sleep is mostly crap, but she is usually a crap sleeper, so not much changes As for dinner, we don't eat dinner before 7pm here anyway and if we go to the ILs, we stay the night, so it is a non-issue. Do whatever works best for your sanity.
It seems like leaving at 8 might even be too late given how fussy she got last night at 7:15. I hope this works out however you want it to, from the outside it seems like much more trouble than it's worth. If it was me, I would not be doing this unless it was a super fun event with people I reaaaallly enjoy being around.
Post by londoncalling on Mar 14, 2015 5:42:34 GMT -5
Leaving at 8 is going to get you the same result of a cranky baby. Your BIL could eat a saved plate at 7 and she knows that.
I'd honestly cancel or call back and say not to bother with dinner, you'll visit from 5-7 and then head home. My MIL also doesn't like me because I "stole" her baybeeee.
I'm with mannah and londoncalling. You say she goes to bed about 7:46 or 8. But you arent leaving your mils until 8. I'd be leaving at 7.
You all give her a LOT of power. Which goes to what I said before - part of the reason she gets pissed off and had hissy fits is because it results in everyone kowtowing to her. She gets what she wants. Even though your leaving "early", you're still staying for dinner and not leavingn at a time that is truly best for your child.
I will ditto everyone else mainly ECB. You need to be firm and tell - not ask - your MIL you will be eating at 5 and HOME by 7, BIL be damned. I mean if it was that important he be there, why is he working until 7 anyway? Why is his schedule more important than your baby's for a dinner that is in your honor? Why? I hope your BIL's gf has a clue and gets out, stat, bc this is her life in however many years too.
I will ditto everyone else mainly ECB. You need to be firm and tell - not ask - your MIL you will be eating at 5 and HOME by 7, BIL be damned. I mean if it was that important he be there, why is he working until 7 anyway? Why is his schedule more important than your baby's for a dinner that is in your honor? Why? I hope your BIL's gf has a clue and gets out, stat, bc this is her life in however many years too.
I mean, I support her leaving whenever she wants, but I think this is taking it a little too far. You can't exactly tell people what time to serve dinner in their own home.
I will ditto everyone else mainly ECB. You need to be firm and tell - not ask - your MIL you will be eating at 5 and HOME by 7, BIL be damned. I mean if it was that important he be there, why is he working until 7 anyway? Why is his schedule more important than your baby's for a dinner that is in your honor? Why? I hope your BIL's gf has a clue and gets out, stat, bc this is her life in however many years too.
I mean, I support her leaving whenever she wants, but I think this is taking it a little too far. You can't exactly tell people what time to serve dinner in their own home.
I think you can if the dinner is being served for your birthday. It's like the one day you can make reasonable demands and get away with it.