I mean, I support her leaving whenever she wants, but I think this is taking it a little too far. You can't exactly tell people what time to serve dinner in their own home.
I think you can if the dinner is being served for your birthday. It's like the one day you can make reasonable demands and get away with it.
Well, here is the base of it all:
If she said "how about dinner at 7:00?" I would have replied "I'm sorry, MIL, that does not work with A's sleep schedule so we can either do this another day or do dinner earlier." And if the answer was still "no", then I would decline the invitation and stay home.
Instead, she said "How about dinner at 5?" and then changed it to 7:00 without letting me know. Good thing I found out. I can only imagine getting there expecting to eat at 5 only for 7 to roll around and now I'm starving with a screaming child.
Tonight I'll be making a snack for all of us around 4:30, and then we'll be there at 5 and leave for bedtime. They can do dinner at 7, but we won't be there.
Post by curbsideprophet on Mar 14, 2015 9:01:23 GMT -5
Did she ever actually say dinner would be served at five? Just because you agreed on five as the time to come over I would not assume that is when dinner would be served.
Did she ever actually say dinner would be served at five? Just because you agreed on five as the time to come over I would not assume that is when dinner would be served.
In any case, good luck.
The text was "How does dinner saturday sound around 5"
I guess 7 is "around" 5. I assumed dinner was at 5.
Oh well, lesson learned, ask more specific questions next time.
However, BIL's GF got a text yesterday that said "be her by 5, dinner at 7 because N is working". So...why couldn't I get that detailed of a message?
I mean, I support her leaving whenever she wants, but I think this is taking it a little too far. You can't exactly tell people what time to serve dinner in their own home.
I think you can if the dinner is being served for your birthday. It's like the one day you can make reasonable demands and get away with it.
Exactly. The OP's birthday, she gets to dictate the plans.
Do you not see how ridiculous it is for all of this to center around the OP's BIL and his - an adult so let's assume there is a bit of choice involved - schedule? Really? nessness
I am getting really fired up about this. I will just say this. When the OP's MIL brought this up she had 2 choices: do what is best for her granddaughter's schedule regarding a dinner IHO Her DIL's birthday, or schedule the event solely based upon her man-child other son's schedule, thus excluding the OP and her family in this poor excuse of a celebration. (I am calling it that as she is intentionally making it difficult for OP and her DD to be there.) She chose the latter. How is that acceptable and not worthy of a callout?
I am of the extreme minority here, but I do not think that anyone gets to dictate the plans because they are the birthday girl if they are being invited over. They can refuse to go, they can say it doesn't work for them, but you cannot be invited to someone's house only to tell them how they should do things.
I see that OP hasn't said this at all, and that you are going about it the right way of telling the ILs what you plan on doing, but I'm surprised at the responses saying that because it is your birthday that you have the right to tell someone how they should serve dinner in their own home.
I get the point that the MIL SHOULD consider OPs feelings and plans when inviting them over to dinner (especially since it is her birthday), but in her house she should have the right to invite people for dinner at whichever time she chooses and the guest reserves the right to politely decline. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well here, but it reminds me of the way people expect others to buy gifts off of their registries or expect everyone to do whatever they want because it is their wedding day.... I don't think anyone is entitled to dictate to other people just because it is their 'special day' when someone is inviting them over.
I am of the extreme minority here, but I do not think that anyone gets to dictate the plans because they are the birthday girl if they are being invited over. They can refuse to go, they can say it doesn't work for them, but you cannot be invited to someone's house only to tell them how they should do things.
I see that OP hasn't said this at all, and that you are going about it the right way of telling the ILs what you plan on doing, but I'm surprised at the responses saying that because it is your birthday that you have the right to tell someone how they should serve dinner in their own home.
I get the point that the MIL SHOULD consider OPs feelings and plans when inviting them over to dinner (especially since it is her birthday), but in her house she should have the right to invite people for dinner at whichever time she chooses and the guest reserves the right to politely decline. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well here, but it reminds me of the way people expect others to buy gifts off of their registries or expect everyone to do whatever they want because it is their wedding day.... I don't think anyone is entitled to dictate to other people just because it is their 'special day' when someone is inviting them over.
The difference is that in a relatively normal family, my mom or MIL or whomever will ask what works best for me, if it is my birthday. And if it doesn't work, then it would be rescheduled or scrapped entirely.
The OP's MIL doesn't give a flying fuck about her and will use her own malice (see: scheduling this at a time that doesn't work for the OP) - at best, feigned ignorance - as ammunition about how "good" she is to the OP and OP shoves it right back in her face. And, if she is not there, it won't be rescheduled or scrapped, the party as it were will just go on without her, thus eliminating any modicum of "specialness" associated with celebrating OP's birthday.
I think you can if the dinner is being served for your birthday. It's like the one day you can make reasonable demands and get away with it.
Exactly. The OP's birthday, she gets to dictate the plans.
Do you not see how ridiculous it is for all of this to center around the OP's BIL and his - an adult so let's assume there is a bit of choice involved - schedule? Really? nessness
Of course it's ridiculous, and if I was OP I'd say, sorry, that doesn't work for us, we have to leave at 7. But I would NOT tell them that they have to serve dinner at 5, because it's not my house and I'm not the one cooking.
I am of the extreme minority here, but I do not think that anyone gets to dictate the plans because they are the birthday girl if they are being invited over. They can refuse to go, they can say it doesn't work for them, but you cannot be invited to someone's house only to tell them how they should do things.
I see that OP hasn't said this at all, and that you are going about it the right way of telling the ILs what you plan on doing, but I'm surprised at the responses saying that because it is your birthday that you have the right to tell someone how they should serve dinner in their own home.
I get the point that the MIL SHOULD consider OPs feelings and plans when inviting them over to dinner (especially since it is her birthday), but in her house she should have the right to invite people for dinner at whichever time she chooses and the guest reserves the right to politely decline. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well here, but it reminds me of the way people expect others to buy gifts off of their registries or expect everyone to do whatever they want because it is their wedding day.... I don't think anyone is entitled to dictate to other people just because it is their 'special day' when someone is inviting them over.
The difference is that in a relatively normal family, my mom or MIL or whomever will ask what works best for me, if it is my birthday. And if it doesn't work, then it would be rescheduled or scrapped entirely.
The OP's MIL doesn't give a flying fuck about her and will use her own malice (see: scheduling this at a time that doesn't work for the OP) - at best, feigned ignorance - as ammunition about how "good" she is to the OP and OP shoves it right back in her face. And, if she is not there, it won't be rescheduled or scrapped, the party as it were will just go on without her, thus eliminating any modicum of "specialness" associated with celebrating OP's birthday.
And there is the underlying issue. lol. You know my MIL's history. If I decline to go or leave early there will be "consequences". Not that we can't handle them or will bow to her wishes because of that threat, but it is tiring and annoying.
Anyone watch Everybody Love's Raymond? MIL is Marie, and our relationship is the same as with her DIL Deborah. My H is her Raymond...and get this....BIL is the "less favorite son" who also happens to be a cop that lives with her like Robert. HA!
So, picture Marie cooks this "great" birthday dinner for Deborah, and Deborah has an (understandable) issue and leaves early. How does the rest of the episode play out? That's what I've got going on here. EXCEPT, my H is not a pushover like Ray. lol. Thank god.
Post by irishbride2 on Mar 14, 2015 11:18:44 GMT -5
In your case, your MIL seems obnoxious.
In general, I was very flexible about infant "bedtimes." We didn't have bedtimes until they were toddlers, really, it IMO, it made them more flexible. That was the redeeming quality of having an infant, lol. They could be more flexible than the older ones.